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Originally posted by: Dari
What you just did right there isn't even fair. You defined what it was to be a man and you used your own definition against me. So long as I love my wife, work hard and pay the bills, WTF does a ring have to do with it. Besides, what if, instead of wearing a ring, you had to have one of your toes cut off, would decapitating yourself be considered manly?
Click to expand...
I see I need to make myself more clear.

Husbands and especially fathers (if you have children) need to be able to confront their fears in order to have a functional family. You need to have a strong presence with the ability to make good decisions AND to act as necessary for the fitness of your family. If you are too afraid to confront even minor fears, you'll be a horrible husband and a dismal father.

Yes, you have an aversion to jewelry. Many men do (although this is becomming less common with the recent use of male jewelry in pop culture). We confront it, wear it, and move on. We solve the minor problem like that in preparation for confronting the much bigger problems down the road.

Quick: your wife is giving birth, you are too far from a hospital, and you have an aversion to blood. Do you leave them to suffer and maybe die? Or do you be a man and confront your aversion?

I am harsh, because you need it. A ring is just another piece of clothing. Put it on, suffer for 2 weeks, and then you'll be prepared to confront bigger problems down the road.
 
Originally posted by: dullard
Originally posted by: Dari
What you just did right there isn't even fair. You defined what it was to be a man and you used your own definition against me. So long as I love my wife, work hard and pay the bills, WTF does a ring have to do with it. Besides, what if, instead of wearing a ring, you had to have one of your toes cut off, would decapitating yourself be considered manly?
Click to expand...
I see I need to make myself more clear.

Husbands and especially fathers (if you have children) need to be able to confront their fears in order to have a functional family. You need to have a strong presence with the ability to make good decisions AND to act as necessary for the fitness of your family. If you are too afraid to confront even minor fears, you'll be a horrible husband and a dismal father.

Yes, you have an aversion to jewelry. Many men do (although this is becomming less common with the recent use of male jewelry in pop culture). We confront it, wear it, and move on. We solve the minor problem like that in preparation for confronting the much bigger problems down the road.

Quick: your wife is giving birth, you are too far from a hospital, and you have an aversion to blood. Do you leave them to suffer and maybe die? Or do you be a man and confront your aversion?

I am harsh, because you need it. A ring is just another piece of clothing.
Click to expand...

:thumbsup:
 
Originally posted by: dullard
Originally posted by: Dari
What you just did right there isn't even fair. You defined what it was to be a man and you used your own definition against me. So long as I love my wife, work hard and pay the bills, WTF does a ring have to do with it. Besides, what if, instead of wearing a ring, you had to have one of your toes cut off, would decapitating yourself be considered manly?
Click to expand...
I see I need to make myself more clear.

Husbands and especially fathers (if you have children) need to be able to confront their fears in order to have a functional family. You need to have a strong presence with the ability to make good decisions AND to act as necessary for the fitness of your family. If you are too afraid to confront even minor fears, you'll be a horrible husband and a dismal father.

Yes, you have an aversion to jewelry. Many men do (although this is becomming less common with the recent use of male jewelry in pop culture). We confront it, wear it, and move on. We solve the minor problem like that in preparation for confronting the much bigger problems down the road.

Quick: your wife is giving birth, you are too far from a hospital, and you have an aversion to blood. Do you leave them to suffer and maybe die? Or do you be a man and confront your aversion?

I am harsh, because you need it. A ring is just another piece of clothing. Put it on, suffer for 2 weeks, and then you'll be prepared to confront bigger problems down the road.
Click to expand...

Damn, you're judging me yet you don't know anything about me. I'm not "afraid" of wearing a ring. I just don't like it, period. Other than that, I'm a regular guy. Facing your fears and facing your dislikes are two different things. Some people don't like broccoli, but their manliness isn't determined by whether or not they eat the thing. Their manliness or character is judged by how they live their life. I don't smoke or drink. I'm not overweight. I graduated from a top university and I have a great job. I try to spend as much time with my fiancee as I can, leaving no time for my friends. My primary concern is always other people, not me. She feels that my biggest problem is that I don't like to talk about how I feel. That is something I'm trying to work on. However, jewelry is a red-line for me and it is something that I see as completely unnecessary for anyone. It's a display of materialism that I want nothing to do with. Worse, the thought of such a physical object on me sends chills up my spine.
 
In July, I will have been married for 5 years. I still get annoyed by my ring and I take it off during the day at work sometimes.
 
Originally posted by: Dari
Originally posted by: dullard
Originally posted by: Dari
What you just did right there isn't even fair. You defined what it was to be a man and you used your own definition against me. So long as I love my wife, work hard and pay the bills, WTF does a ring have to do with it. Besides, what if, instead of wearing a ring, you had to have one of your toes cut off, would decapitating yourself be considered manly?
Click to expand...
I see I need to make myself more clear.

Husbands and especially fathers (if you have children) need to be able to confront their fears in order to have a functional family. You need to have a strong presence with the ability to make good decisions AND to act as necessary for the fitness of your family. If you are too afraid to confront even minor fears, you'll be a horrible husband and a dismal father.

Yes, you have an aversion to jewelry. Many men do (although this is becomming less common with the recent use of male jewelry in pop culture). We confront it, wear it, and move on. We solve the minor problem like that in preparation for confronting the much bigger problems down the road.

Quick: your wife is giving birth, you are too far from a hospital, and you have an aversion to blood. Do you leave them to suffer and maybe die? Or do you be a man and confront your aversion?

I am harsh, because you need it. A ring is just another piece of clothing. Put it on, suffer for 2 weeks, and then you'll be prepared to confront bigger problems down the road.
Click to expand...

Damn, you're judging me yet you don't know anything about me. I'm not "afraid" of wearing a ring. I just don't like it, period. Other than that, I'm a regular guy. Facing your fears and facing your dislikes are two different things. Some people don't like broccoli, but their manliness isn't determined by whether or not they eat the thing. Their manliness or character is judged by how they live their life. I don't smoke or drink. I'm not overweight. I graduated from a top university and I have a great job. I try to spend as much time with my fiancee as I can, leaving no time for my friends. My primary concern is always other people, not me. She feels that my biggest problem is that I don't like to talk about how I feel. That is something I'm trying to work on. However, jewelry is a red-line for me and it is something that I see as completely unnecessary for anyone. It's a display of materialism that I want nothing to do with. Worse, the thought of such a physical object on me sends chills up my spine.
Click to expand...

How do you explain the aversion to holding money and touching other people?
 
Originally posted by: Wapp
Originally posted by: Dari
Originally posted by: dullard
Originally posted by: Dari
What you just did right there isn't even fair. You defined what it was to be a man and you used your own definition against me. So long as I love my wife, work hard and pay the bills, WTF does a ring have to do with it. Besides, what if, instead of wearing a ring, you had to have one of your toes cut off, would decapitating yourself be considered manly?
Click to expand...
I see I need to make myself more clear.

Husbands and especially fathers (if you have children) need to be able to confront their fears in order to have a functional family. You need to have a strong presence with the ability to make good decisions AND to act as necessary for the fitness of your family. If you are too afraid to confront even minor fears, you'll be a horrible husband and a dismal father.

Yes, you have an aversion to jewelry. Many men do (although this is becomming less common with the recent use of male jewelry in pop culture). We confront it, wear it, and move on. We solve the minor problem like that in preparation for confronting the much bigger problems down the road.

Quick: your wife is giving birth, you are too far from a hospital, and you have an aversion to blood. Do you leave them to suffer and maybe die? Or do you be a man and confront your aversion?

I am harsh, because you need it. A ring is just another piece of clothing. Put it on, suffer for 2 weeks, and then you'll be prepared to confront bigger problems down the road.
Click to expand...

Damn, you're judging me yet you don't know anything about me. I'm not "afraid" of wearing a ring. I just don't like it, period. Other than that, I'm a regular guy. Facing your fears and facing your dislikes are two different things. Some people don't like broccoli, but their manliness isn't determined by whether or not they eat the thing. Their manliness or character is judged by how they live their life. I don't smoke or drink. I'm not overweight. I graduated from a top university and I have a great job. I try to spend as much time with my fiancee as I can, leaving no time for my friends. My primary concern is always other people, not me. She feels that my biggest problem is that I don't like to talk about how I feel. That is something I'm trying to work on. However, jewelry is a red-line for me and it is something that I see as completely unnecessary for anyone. It's a display of materialism that I want nothing to do with. Worse, the thought of such a physical object on me sends chills up my spine.
Click to expand...

How do you explain the aversion to holding money and touching other people?
Click to expand...

Maybe he doesn't like dirty people touching him.

EDIT: I like crisp, new cash from the bank.
 
Originally posted by: Dari
Originally posted by: dullard
Originally posted by: Dari
The problem is not committment in any way, it is jewelry in general. I have a strong aversion to them.
Click to expand...
Like I said, be a man and after 2 weeks you won't have an aversion to it. That has nothing to do with committment. But if you can't be a man you shouldn't get married. Again, not a committment thing, but just a society thing.
Click to expand...
What you just did right there isn't even fair. You defined what it was to be a man and you used your own definition against me. So long as I love my wife, work hard and pay the bills, WTF does a ring have to do with it. Besides, what if, instead of wearing a ring, you had to have one of your toes cut off, would decapitating yourself be considered manly?
Click to expand...
If you don't want to wear a ring and it's okay with your fiancee, go right ahead. If it's a big issue with her, you might have to find a way to compromise. Not all men wear rings. My husband doesn't. It's in the lockbox. I don't consider him any less of a man or any less committed or any less of a father or husband because he doesn't wear it, and we've been married more years than most of you have been alive.

If you have an issue with even wearing it for the ceremony because of your touching quirks, then that is another matter.

PS: I wouldn't worry too much about Dullard's Rules of Manhood - he's divorced. 🙂

 
Originally posted by: Dari
I'm supposed to get married next year. But I don't like jewelry; don't like to hold money; and don't like other people to touch me, unless it's my fiancee during sex.. I cannot imagine wearing a ring and I've let my fiancee know. She doesn't know what to say to this. I doubt that she has much of a choice on the matter but it won't look good when family comes around. They might think I'm cheating on her or something.

Is there a name for this problem I have?
Click to expand...

Don't worry about this. Not wanting to wear a ring is a day at playland compared to some of the problems you will deal with after you are married
 
So don't wear a ring. I seriously doubt this is something that can/should turn into an issue. Sounds like a reasonable request - "I don't like rings. It just feels weird..."

There... problem solved.
 
Originally posted by: kranky
There is no problem if your fiancee is OK with you not wearing a ring. Am I missing something?
Click to expand...

Nope. I was also wondering the name, if any, of this problem.
 
Originally posted by: Aikouka
Originally posted by: IcebergSlim
just wear the ring and stop bitching.
Click to expand...

I agree. This isn't just "some" piece of jewelry. It's considered to be quite symbolic.
Click to expand...


Symbolism sucks. Its all hallmark.

Seriously, love your wife and show her how much you love her. That's what matters.
 
Originally posted by: theprodigalrebel
So don't wear a ring. I seriously doubt this is something that can/should turn into an issue. Sounds like a reasonable request - "I don't like rings. It just feels weird..."

There... problem solved.
Click to expand...


QFT!
 
Originally posted by: Dari
Damn, you're judging me yet you don't know anything about me. I'm not "afraid" of wearing a ring. I just don't like it, period. Other than that, I'm a regular guy. Facing your fears and facing your dislikes are two different things. Some people don't like broccoli, but their manliness isn't determined by whether or not they eat the thing. Their manliness or character is judged by how they live their life. I don't smoke or drink. I'm not overweight. I graduated from a top university and I have a great job. I try to spend as much time with my fiancee as I can, leaving no time for my friends. My primary concern is always other people, not me. She feels that my biggest problem is that I don't like to talk about how I feel. That is something I'm trying to work on. However, jewelry is a red-line for me and it is something that I see as completely unnecessary for anyone. It's a display of materialism that I want nothing to do with. Worse, the thought of such a physical object on me sends chills up my spine.
Click to expand...

I don't care one way or another about whether you wear a ring or not, but the above bolded statements contradict one another.
 
Wear the ring. It may not seem like a big deal to you since you just "don't like wearing rings", but I promise you it is a big deal to your wife.

If it was a big deal, such as an OCD or something, i'd let it slide, but you admitted you "just don't like wearing rings..", that tells me you aren't ready to commit to other sacrifices that you will need to make after you get married.

If anything, just wear it to make your wife feel good.
 
I don't like doing dishes, either... or other household chores, for that matter. But I do them because it's expected of me by my wife (not to mention the fact that I *should* help as a husband and a father). Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do simply because our partner wants us to do them... even if we really, *really* don't want to do them.

Example: when my son was born, I told my wife that I'd NEVER be able to change a dirty diaper, telling her that things like that absolutely turned my stomach. I had a HUGE aversion to it. Know what? I got over it - pretty easily in fact - and to be honest, it really wasn't that bad.

For the record, the converse is true as well - sometimes we have to NOT do things we want to do because our partner doesn't want us to do them. I used to play computer games all the time - at the expense of spending time with my wife. Doing so hurt our relationship greatly. I don't play computer games as much anymore, doing so only on rare occasions, and only after the rest of the family has gone to bed.

Bottom line, it all depends on what your future wife expects of you. If she is OK with you not wearing it, who cares what the rest of the family thinks, ya know? But if she expects you to wear it, you may just have to "man up" and do what is expected of you... or find someone else who is willing to accept your little "quirk". It'd be a shame to trash a relationship over an aversion or dislike or whatever you want to call it, wouldn't it?
 
I don't like to wear jewlery either. and 90% of the time i don't have my ring on.

but when going out, family parties, etc i wear to make my wife happy.
 
I dont like jewlery, and stopped wearing my ring after a few months. My wife has no problem with it. I guess I'm lucky I'm fugly enough she doesnt have to worry about me cheating.
 
yours is not a common guy "problem". many men do not like jewelry at all. as long as there is trust between you and the missus then why worry about. if anyone asks, just be honest and tell them you do not like jewelry. why does it matter what your family thinks?
 
Originally posted by: sixone
Originally posted by: Dari
I'm supposed to get married next year. But I don't like jewelry; don't like to hold money; and don't like other people to touch me, unless it's my fiancee during sex.. I cannot imagine wearing a ring and I've let my fiancee know. She doesn't know what to say to this. I doubt that she has much of a choice on the matter but it won't look good when family comes around. They might think I'm cheating on her or something.

Is there a name for this problem I have?
Click to expand...

Supposed to? Most people would say "I am getting married next year."

You got bigger problems than jewelry and money, my friend. Please get some counseling before you take your vows.
Click to expand...

nice catch
 
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