I've been thinking of trying stand-up comdey

[Fritzo]

Originally posted by: BrunoPuntzJones

Originally posted by: moshquerade

Originally posted by: BrunoPuntzJones
I wish I could get my dog to quit drinking out of the toilet.

It really tickles when I'm reading the paper.

:laugh:

did you make that up?

Hehe wish I did. Was Emo Phillips.

I used to be afraid of pretty girls, until one told me they are just as scared of me.

That guy is one of my favorite comedians. He's "weird", but it helps with his delivery:

...and always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said "A truck!"

I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well

The toughest time...in anyone's life...is when you have to kill a loved one just because they're the devil

I'm a great lover, I'll bet.

People come up to me and say, "Emo, do people really come up to you?"

I was walking down the street, something caught my eye...and dragged it fifteen feet.

I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming...They don't know I'm only using blanks.

At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.

 

[SSSnail]

Dude, just look around on the forums, it's a comedic goldmine.