My roommates sister. Younger sister(Mary) came this weekend to visit her brother and check out the school. She's a junior in highschool. She's 16 years old. I'm 19. So, us three hung out together saturday night. We watched tv, played some computer games, and a had a general good time. At one point, I gave Mary a back massage. This was my first mistake.
When talking to Mary, I learned that she, like me, is an artist. She sings, and has a very rich lustrous voice. Like me, she is a fan of jazz music. I play jazz saxophone. I think she was impressed by my college student confidence, and my tendency towards thinking things out analytically.
Later on, while I was playing UT she came behind me and started twirling the individual curls of my hair around her finger. Awhile later, she was back watching tv, and I looked back at her. She was lying down, and we made eye contact. She seemed to encompass my whole vision. My thoughts began to turn in directions that would complicate living with my roommate.
Apparently Mary was having similar thoughts. I hadn't realized that she was spending the night, but it turned out she was. Mary needed some pants, or something to sleep in other than her jeans, and my roommate offered some of his polypropelene pants. I offered to let her wear some of my very comfortable fleece pants that I use to lounge around in. She wore my pants. This was my second big mistake. She ended up sleeping on the floor next to my bed, which is bunked. My roommate is on the top, I'm on the bottom. I felt like a jerk. Here was this girl, on this uncomfortable camping pad on the floor next to me, and there I was on this comfortable mattress. As we got into bed, the three of us began talking. At one point Mary asked me if I thought premarital sex was ok. I bluntly said yes. Mistake. Finally, as we are about to fall asleep, Mary warns me that she thrashes around a lot. She tells me not to be surprised if her hand or something ends up on my bed. "Well, I'll know who it is" I replied. She also warned me that she talks in her sleep.
At that point I was innocent, and I was blind.
So, we begin to fall asleep. I lie there for awhile and think to myself that I should've offered to sleep on the floor, letting Mary have my bed. Soon, my eyelids start to droop, but I am kept awake by the sounds on the coming from the floor next to my bed. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we ended up holding hands all night, I thought to myself half consciously. There is a certain appeal to the cooing of a beautiful girls voice. And thats what she was doing. She was cooing, and groaning. And tossing and turning. Eventually, one of her tosses and turns ended up with her hand on my bed. As soon as I saw this, it sent my heart beating and my minding rushing towards certain thoughts. I stared at the hand. She's offering it to me, I thought. I didn't take it, however, because she's only sixteen. Eventually, her hand left my bed. Her tossing and turning didn't stop, however. Nor did her cooing. I lay there for awhile and eventually heard whispers coming from her. I couldn't quite make them out, but I think she was saying, 'sleep with me Bob(Lets say bob is my name)' over and over. Eventually the whispering stopped and her hand ended up on my bed again. Once again, I stayed away from it. However, I had made a decision, devised a strategy.
The warnings she had given me about her thrashing about, and how she talks in her sleep had left everythig that was happening explainable. So, I devised a similar strategy. I began tossing and turning and eventually my hand ended up hanging off the side of the bed and resting on the floor. This was my third big mistake. Eventually, through her tossing and turning her hand ended up right on top of mine. So, it turns out we spent most of the night holding hands. I decided not to take it any farther than that, because of legal as well as moral and ethical issues. But damnit, I wanted to take it all the way. So, we lay there, holding hands. My heart turned to putty. We didn't talk...we just lay there for hours and hours, holding, carressing and wondering in the beauty of holding anothers hand.
So..the next day we wake up. Eat breakfast. Don't talk about it. I wished that I could just forget about what happened, and have somewhat of a normal love life. Unfortunately, I had grown to care for her. She leaves a little bit before eleven.
The next day, she calls. My roommate answers the phone. Apparently mary is going to bake cookies and send them to us. Makes me wonder.
I hope she can just let me go.
I wish I could just let her go.
It feels somewhat sick and wrong that I feel the way I do about a girl that is 16, while I am 19. But, I what can I do?
When talking to Mary, I learned that she, like me, is an artist. She sings, and has a very rich lustrous voice. Like me, she is a fan of jazz music. I play jazz saxophone. I think she was impressed by my college student confidence, and my tendency towards thinking things out analytically.
Later on, while I was playing UT she came behind me and started twirling the individual curls of my hair around her finger. Awhile later, she was back watching tv, and I looked back at her. She was lying down, and we made eye contact. She seemed to encompass my whole vision. My thoughts began to turn in directions that would complicate living with my roommate.
Apparently Mary was having similar thoughts. I hadn't realized that she was spending the night, but it turned out she was. Mary needed some pants, or something to sleep in other than her jeans, and my roommate offered some of his polypropelene pants. I offered to let her wear some of my very comfortable fleece pants that I use to lounge around in. She wore my pants. This was my second big mistake. She ended up sleeping on the floor next to my bed, which is bunked. My roommate is on the top, I'm on the bottom. I felt like a jerk. Here was this girl, on this uncomfortable camping pad on the floor next to me, and there I was on this comfortable mattress. As we got into bed, the three of us began talking. At one point Mary asked me if I thought premarital sex was ok. I bluntly said yes. Mistake. Finally, as we are about to fall asleep, Mary warns me that she thrashes around a lot. She tells me not to be surprised if her hand or something ends up on my bed. "Well, I'll know who it is" I replied. She also warned me that she talks in her sleep.
At that point I was innocent, and I was blind.
So, we begin to fall asleep. I lie there for awhile and think to myself that I should've offered to sleep on the floor, letting Mary have my bed. Soon, my eyelids start to droop, but I am kept awake by the sounds on the coming from the floor next to my bed. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we ended up holding hands all night, I thought to myself half consciously. There is a certain appeal to the cooing of a beautiful girls voice. And thats what she was doing. She was cooing, and groaning. And tossing and turning. Eventually, one of her tosses and turns ended up with her hand on my bed. As soon as I saw this, it sent my heart beating and my minding rushing towards certain thoughts. I stared at the hand. She's offering it to me, I thought. I didn't take it, however, because she's only sixteen. Eventually, her hand left my bed. Her tossing and turning didn't stop, however. Nor did her cooing. I lay there for awhile and eventually heard whispers coming from her. I couldn't quite make them out, but I think she was saying, 'sleep with me Bob(Lets say bob is my name)' over and over. Eventually the whispering stopped and her hand ended up on my bed again. Once again, I stayed away from it. However, I had made a decision, devised a strategy.
The warnings she had given me about her thrashing about, and how she talks in her sleep had left everythig that was happening explainable. So, I devised a similar strategy. I began tossing and turning and eventually my hand ended up hanging off the side of the bed and resting on the floor. This was my third big mistake. Eventually, through her tossing and turning her hand ended up right on top of mine. So, it turns out we spent most of the night holding hands. I decided not to take it any farther than that, because of legal as well as moral and ethical issues. But damnit, I wanted to take it all the way. So, we lay there, holding hands. My heart turned to putty. We didn't talk...we just lay there for hours and hours, holding, carressing and wondering in the beauty of holding anothers hand.
So..the next day we wake up. Eat breakfast. Don't talk about it. I wished that I could just forget about what happened, and have somewhat of a normal love life. Unfortunately, I had grown to care for her. She leaves a little bit before eleven.
The next day, she calls. My roommate answers the phone. Apparently mary is going to bake cookies and send them to us. Makes me wonder.
I hope she can just let me go.
I wish I could just let her go.
It feels somewhat sick and wrong that I feel the way I do about a girl that is 16, while I am 19. But, I what can I do?
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