Is this an inappropriate level of contact between instructor & student (university)?

[DigDog]

i didn't vote.

I have issues with the definition of "inappropriate";
Is it inappropriate as the law/political correctness would define it ? yeah, it is. P.C. doesn't make sense, its completely irrational and a bunch of hysteria, but thats how they would see it - tbh, anything which isn't strict businesspeek is condemnable.

Do i agree with it?

I wouldn't be bothered if the teacher gave "her" one up the deep end in the broom closet, so, no. I still cannot understand why people see sex as something destructive. I see it the other way 'round.

 

[HamburgerBoy]

We need more context. What kind of "lab" are we talking about, and what was the subject of the report?

General chemistry lab. I don't know what report you're referring to.

I think the third poll option should have been:

"Why didn't the instructor ask me any questions? Whine, whine, whine."

Honestly? Upset because an instructor acted like a human being and interacted with another human? Showed an interest? Isn't that what instructors are supposed to do?

And I wonder why the OP is obsessing about this?

FWIW I am the instructor in this instance. I intentionally tried to keep it ambiguous, and am glad to see that most people agree that I was worrying too much. Even if I imagined the student being uncomfortable (I guess the reaction could be perceived as otherwise), I was afraid that other students might think of me as trying to groom a teacher's pet or something. Now I can be fairly confident that all parties witness to the event aside from myself have forgotten of the incident. As long as nothing escalates with my students, I should be in the clear.

A new question: before I had asked where the student was from, I had noticed that the student had a vague Southern accent. Would you guys consider it flirtatious had I made a guess alone those lines?

At the college level, there's abuse of authority/position, and either party making moves for every reason beyond true intimacy (grades, reference letters, grants, etc etc etc)...
and then there's two adults who just happen to meet while in the student/instructor roles.

There is nothing wrong with two consenting adults, such as a student and instructor, from getting together.

Hell, would someone like the OP feel it's unwarranted for an instructor to have any kind of personal relationship with a student? I mean, to the point that, if they met in a bar and didn't realize who each other was or it slipped the student's mind (harder for a student to not recognize an instructor, true, but still possible), and they started dating... should they call it off once they realize the situation?

Insanity.
This isn't high school or younger where that's just beyond inappropriate, no matter what (even when of age, like most high school seniors, that's a big no-no at that level of education - you just cannot argue otherwise. Great for the students to score, on occasion... but it truly is inappropriate).
This is college, where everyone expects you to be a real-world adult, and except for the instructors who actually care, for the most part it's do what's expected, I don't give a damn if you don't, you simply get the justly-earned grade if that's the case.


As long as such a relationship is not, in any one way, specifically due to their roles (which means one party has a motive to everything), it should be treated like two adults who have found something of interest in each other.


And for this exact situation in the OP - even if it was casual flirting, it's more likely than not simply small talk. If the student is a young adult, I wouldn't doubt if there is at least a tiny bit of interest in the instructor (I sure as hell did for a few of my instructors), and they want to at least be on the casual small-talk level.
It also is very beneficial to students to at least participate in some small talk with professors, sexual interest or not. You really should want the professor to be able to *fondly* match your face to your name. In so many small ways, this can truly help.
Is it "wrong", on the level that everyone should simply be a name or number on the gradebooks, with zero bias for anything done? True. But it's reality, humans are humans, and since others know this is true, you should at least try to be on the same page.

I don't exactly disagree with you, but there contradiction (or at least high potential for double-standards) is pretty obvious in bold there. A person in a position of authority can be impartial even with a person they are in a sexual relationship with, but it rarely works out so cleanly. "Humans are humans" can be used to justify any number of uncivilized actions, which is why society has invented rules and customs to prevent things like relationships between instructor and student. Moreover, even if both parties can keep it professional in the classroom, that doesn't mean that third parties won't bring in repercussions.

 

[dbk]

You were so attracted to her for that split second.. you forgot about the student - teacher relationship and almost hit on her and now you're feeling guilty. Don't worry about it.

 

[uclaLabrat]

Look at it this way. Unless you're a poor and desperate conversationalist approaching the art like a man mimicking his vastly superior chess opponent, do you really need to reciprocate such a question? I mean, would you consider it rude if the instructor did not ask likewise to the student, particularly when considering that the person in the higher position of power is obviously going to be the more interesting person to ask? Now, if we accept that the instructor did it not ask out of a compulsive "What about you?" habit, we can consider other motivations. The most obvious one to me is that the instructor was actually interested in the background of the student. So what, you may ask? Well, now I'm getting back to what I was trying to imply before. If you're dealing with a casual friend, you may know and ask of the background of the friend at one point, but ultimately your relationship with that person more than likely comes from shared interests/hobbies than anything, someone you may hang out with but for the moment rather than something grander. Unless he's a really personal friend, why does his life's story matter? I was under the impression that "Where are you from?" is basically the first step towards then asking about family, relationship status, plans for marriage, etc, the way a person may try to (not-always-so) discreetly size them up for a serious relationship. Therefore, to have someone ask as if they care will make the person being asked think they are skirting the edges of an inappropriate relationship with one in a position where such would not be permitted.

Admittedly there are a number of assumptions in the above. I'm not trying to pretend that I have by any means deductively proven that interest in where one is entirely gathered for the building of relationships. I do think that asking a question like that in that kind of scenario could at least give a strong appearance of trying to scout said relationship potential.

To add on, the student in this scenario reacted in a way that seemed slightly uncomfortable/indicative of boundary-crossing.

I've had plenty of conversations with students that were that personal, hell maybe even more, I never felt I was crossing boundaries like that.

Moral of the story: You can't sleep with them until the term is over.

 

[AznAnarchy99]

Seriously?

 

[HamburgerBoy]

You were so attracted to her for that split second.. you forgot about the student - teacher relationship and almost hit on her and now you're feeling guilty. Don't worry about it.

Nah, I go through these temporary crush periods all the time and although I can admit that it's pathetic and too embarrassing to discuss anywhere other than the internet, it wouldn't cause me to worry as described in the op.

Moral of the story: You can't sleep with them until the term is over.

Have you ever slept with any of your students after the term was over?

 

[Turbonium]

No, but...

You're not giving us any other information like body language, tone, etc.

Like say if the student is female, leaning slightly, showing any cleave, and playing with her hair while asking the questions. Or even without any of that, simply asking things in a playful tone or the pattern her eyes move in.

 

[uclaLabrat]

Nah, I go through these temporary crush periods all the time and although I can admit that it's pathetic and too embarrassing to discuss anywhere other than the internet, it wouldn't cause me to worry as described in the op.



Have you ever slept with any of your students after the term was over?

nope, by the time I was TAing, I was dating my wife or already married. Had some friends who used them as an exclusive dating pool, however.

 

[Lean L]

wha? You don't talk to people, do you...

My thoughts.