Is this an inappropriate level of contact between instructor & student (university)?

[Sulaco]

Dear God, some of the questions on this forum...I can't help but think some of the posters are essentially like this in any social situation:

"Theys call them.....girlses"

 

[hans030390]

You're over thinking this way too much. I have found some of the best, most helpful teachers/professors have been the ones that actually show some level of friendly interest in your personal life. This is especially true later on in education with networking, job searching, and other future planning, as instructors play a larger and larger role in helping students in these regards.

Also, they're both adults, and it's normal for people to socialize in a friendly way.

 

[Doppel]

Sounds fine.

 

[Eug]

Sandorski's Guide to Small Talk

Appropriate: How are you today?
Inappropriate: Are you hard/wet?

Appropriate: Have you been living here long?
Inappropriate: Do you like it in the butt?

I lol'd.

 

[jhu]

Is she hot? Did someone get a phone number?

 

[jaedaliu]

Is she hot? Did someone get a phone number?

OP should probably ask her out before the instructor monopolizes her time.

 

[Markbnj]

Silly thread is silly.

 

[KidNiki1]

To add on, the student in this scenario reacted in a way that seemed slightly uncomfortable/indicative of boundary-crossing.

as someone else here mentioned already, if s/he wouldnt feel comfortable answering her own question, then s/he shouldnt be asking it to others. thats on the asker.

and i still feel like the instructor was making mostly small talk. they reciprocated on a similar level to the asker, no big deal.


also, fucking L O L at this:

I was under the impression that "Where are you from?" is basically the first step towards then asking about family, relationship status, plans for marriage, etc, the way a person may try to (not-always-so) discreetly size them up for a serious relationship.

 

[sixone]

We need more context. What kind of "lab" are we talking about, and what was the subject of the report?

 

[madoka]

In the course of my duties, as a teacher I've had to ask students about the most intimate details of their lives. I mean stuff like asking them to describe in detail their financial situation, what happened when they were raped, their sexual orientation, domestic violence, suicide attempts, mental illnesses, etc. The worst was when I had keep asking a grown man about being a victim of incest by his father. He started crying and I would have too, but I had to stay professional about it.

 

[mikeford]

In the course of my duties, as a teacher I've had to ask students about the most intimate details of their lives. I mean stuff like asking them to describe in detail their financial situation, what happened when they were raped, their sexual orientation, domestic violence, suicide attempts, mental illnesses, etc. The worst was when I had keep asking a grown man about being a victim of incest by his father. He started crying and I would have too, but I had to stay professional about it.

Doesn't seem like a good way to get dates.

 

[KlokWyze]

No that is not inappropriate.

 

[KevinCU]

Lol.

 

[clamum]

LOL. 1 vote "inappropriate", 72 votes "no. fuck no. are you fucking stupid?"

 

[videogames101]

university level? i'm not sure there really is such a thing as inappropriate, everyone is an adult - get over it i'd say

 

[Thump553]

I'm worried that there are people like the OP that could possibly consider that "inappropriate contact." We are human beings, such questions are part of normal social contact. I make the same sort of "inappropriate contact" dozens of times a week, been doing it for years/decades and never ever had anyone freak out about it. The usual response is along the lines of "oh you grew up in XXX, do you know YYY?"

 

[Meghan54]

LOL. 1 vote "inappropriate", 72 votes "no. fuck no. are you fucking stupid?"

I think the third poll option should have been:

"Why didn't the instructor ask me any questions? Whine, whine, whine."

Honestly? Upset because an instructor acted like a human being and interacted with another human? Showed an interest? Isn't that what instructors are supposed to do?

And I wonder why the OP is obsessing about this?

 

[madoka]

I'm worried that there are people like the OP that could possibly consider that "inappropriate contact."

The OP has got to be trolling, given his history.

Getting raped by another man = no biggie

Getting asked where you lived = inappropriate contact

 

[bas1c]

The OP has got to be trolling, given his history.

Getting raped by another man = no biggie

Getting asked where you lived = inappropriate contact

He was drunk and he was "unsure" of what transpired. He has no reason to be alarmed.

 

[Jodell88]

LOL @ thread

 

[blackdogdeek]

Sandorski wins this thread.

 

[johnjohn320]

We need more context. What kind of "lab" are we talking about, and what was the subject of the report?

No, we don't. There's no circumstance in which this friendly small-talk returning of a question would be "inappropriate."

 

[gorcorps]

don't be jealous

 

[destrekor]

university level? i'm not sure there really is such a thing as inappropriate, everyone is an adult - get over it i'd say

At the college level, there's abuse of authority/position, and either party making moves for every reason beyond true intimacy (grades, reference letters, grants, etc etc etc)...
and then there's two adults who just happen to meet while in the student/instructor roles.

There is nothing wrong with two consenting adults, such as a student and instructor, from getting together.

Hell, would someone like the OP feel it's unwarranted for an instructor to have any kind of personal relationship with a student? I mean, to the point that, if they met in a bar and didn't realize who each other was or it slipped the student's mind (harder for a student to not recognize an instructor, true, but still possible), and they started dating... should they call it off once they realize the situation?

Insanity.
This isn't high school or younger where that's just beyond inappropriate, no matter what (even when of age, like most high school seniors, that's a big no-no at that level of education - you just cannot argue otherwise. Great for the students to score, on occasion... but it truly is inappropriate).
This is college, where everyone expects you to be a real-world adult, and except for the instructors who actually care, for the most part it's do what's expected, I don't give a damn if you don't, you simply get the justly-earned grade if that's the case.


As long as such a relationship is not, in any one way, specifically due to their roles (which means one party has a motive to everything), it should be treated like two adults who have found something of interest in each other.


And for this exact situation in the OP - even if it was casual flirting, it's more likely than not simply small talk. If the student is a young adult, I wouldn't doubt if there is at least a tiny bit of interest in the instructor (I sure as hell did for a few of my instructors), and they want to at least be on the casual small-talk level.
It also is very beneficial to students to at least participate in some small talk with professors, sexual interest or not. You really should want the professor to be able to *fondly* match your face to your name. In so many small ways, this can truly help.
Is it "wrong", on the level that everyone should simply be a name or number on the gradebooks, with zero bias for anything done? True. But it's reality, humans are humans, and since others know this is true, you should at least try to be on the same page.

 

[destrekor]

Sandorski's Guide to Small Talk

Appropriate: How are you today?
Inappropriate: Are you hard/wet?

Appropriate: Have you been living here long?
Inappropriate: Do you like it in the butt?

Sandorski wins this thread.

Also all of this. :awe:

I had a hearty LOL moment with that one.