Is this an inappropriate level of contact between instructor & student (university)?

[HamburgerBoy]

At the end of the lab period, a student turns in their lab report, and then proceeds to ask a couple of personal questions along the lines of "Have you always lived in <name of city>?" Since the instructor is the one expected to maintain a proper distance with his or her students, would you consider it inappropriate if the instructor then asked "What about you? Where are you from?", potentially showing an interest in that student? And how would other students overhearing the conversation perceive it? Particularly, if both participants in said conversation were smiling and friendly with each other?

 

[nace186]

I don't think so. It seems like small talks to me. But if the conversation turns to meeting after lab then maybe.

 

[sixone]

That's just small talk.

 

[halik]

wha? You don't talk to people, do you...

 

[bononos]

I voted no, but meeting you described could go either way. It seems like friendly banter but could be something leading to inappropriate contact.

 

[Jumpem]

They are both adults, so nothing is inappropriate.

 

[JulesMaximus]

At the end of the lab period, a student turns in their lab report, and then proceeds to ask a couple of personal questions along the lines of "Have you always lived in <name of city>?" Since the instructor is the one expected to maintain a proper distance with his or her students, would you consider it inappropriate if the instructor then asked "What about you? Where are you from?", potentially showing an interest in that student? And how would other students overhearing the conversation perceive it? Particularly, if both participants in said conversation were smiling and friendly with each other?

Did he ask you if you're a top or a bottom? If not I wouldn't worry too much about it.

 

[Rakehellion]

Instructors are supposed to act like they don't give a shit about their students or it's inappropriate?

 

[HamburgerBoy]

Instructors are supposed to act like they don't give a shit about their students or it's inappropriate?

There's a difference between giving a shit about academic performance and giving shit about their personal life/background.

 

[Rakehellion]

That's what I meant. People like to be treated like human beings, not just numbers in a system. Asking about someone's day isn't inappropriate. Stop being an aspie.

 

[Nintendesert]

They are both adults, so nothing is inappropriate.

Wrong.



In this case Hamburgler shouldn't be worried.

 

[HamburgerBoy]

That's what I meant. People like to be treated like human beings, not just numbers in a system. Asking about someone's day isn't inappropriate. Stop being an aspie.

If someone asked you if you were a local or a relatively new resident of the city in which you currently reside, under what circumstances would you reciprocate?

 

[Rakehellion]

If someone asked you if you were a local or a relatively new resident of the city in which you currently reside, under what circumstances would you reciprocate?

That particular question would not set off any alarms under any circumstance for me.

It's just small talk. It isn't a big deal.

 

[JEDIYoda]

If someone asked you if you were a local or a relatively new resident of the city in which you currently reside, under what circumstances would you reciprocate?

you need to get ahold of Anarchist420 and get a referral to his Psychiatrist!!

 

[sandorski]

No.

 

[HamburgerBoy]

That particular question would not set off any alarms under any circumstance for me.

It's just small talk. It isn't a big deal.

I'm not talking about your reaction to being the first one asked (which is instructor in this case). I'm asking under what circumstances would you then return the question.

 

[Colt45]

wtf

 

[HamburgerBoy]

Look at it this way. Unless you're a poor and desperate conversationalist approaching the art like a man mimicking his vastly superior chess opponent, do you really need to reciprocate such a question? I mean, would you consider it rude if the instructor did not ask likewise to the student, particularly when considering that the person in the higher position of power is obviously going to be the more interesting person to ask? Now, if we accept that the instructor did it not ask out of a compulsive "What about you?" habit, we can consider other motivations. The most obvious one to me is that the instructor was actually interested in the background of the student. So what, you may ask? Well, now I'm getting back to what I was trying to imply before. If you're dealing with a casual friend, you may know and ask of the background of the friend at one point, but ultimately your relationship with that person more than likely comes from shared interests/hobbies than anything, someone you may hang out with but for the moment rather than something grander. Unless he's a really personal friend, why does his life's story matter? I was under the impression that "Where are you from?" is basically the first step towards then asking about family, relationship status, plans for marriage, etc, the way a person may try to (not-always-so) discreetly size them up for a serious relationship. Therefore, to have someone ask as if they care will make the person being asked think they are skirting the edges of an inappropriate relationship with one in a position where such would not be permitted.

Admittedly there are a number of assumptions in the above. I'm not trying to pretend that I have by any means deductively proven that interest in where one is entirely gathered for the building of relationships. I do think that asking a question like that in that kind of scenario could at least give a strong appearance of trying to scout said relationship potential.

To add on, the student in this scenario reacted in a way that seemed slightly uncomfortable/indicative of boundary-crossing.

 

[Meghan54]

Who. Cares?

 

[rockyct]

Look at it this way. Unless you're a poor and desperate conversationalist approaching the art like a man mimicking his vastly superior chess opponent, do you really need to reciprocate such a question? I mean, would you consider it rude if the instructor did not ask likewise to the student, particularly when considering that the person in the higher position of power is obviously going to be the more interesting person to ask? Now, if we accept that the instructor did it not ask out of a compulsive "What about you?" habit, we can consider other motivations. The most obvious one to me is that the instructor was actually interested in the background of the student. So what, you may ask? Well, now I'm getting back to what I was trying to imply before. If you're dealing with a casual friend, you may know and ask of the background of the friend at one point, but ultimately your relationship with that person more than likely comes from shared interests/hobbies than anything, someone you may hang out with but for the moment rather than something grander. Unless he's a really personal friend, why does his life's story matter? I was under the impression that "Where are you from?" is basically the first step towards then asking about family, relationship status, plans for marriage, etc, the way a person may try to (not-always-so) discreetly size them up for a serious relationship. Therefore, to have someone ask as if they care will make the person being asked think they are skirting the edges of an inappropriate relationship with one in a position where such would not be permitted.

Admittedly there are a number of assumptions in the above. I'm not trying to pretend that I have by any means deductively proven that interest in where one is entirely gathered for the building of relationships. I do think that asking a question like that in that kind of scenario could at least give a strong appearance of trying to scout said relationship potential.

To add on, the student in this scenario reacted in a way that seemed slightly uncomfortable/indicative of boundary-crossing.

The student shouldn't have asked questions he/she wasn't comfortable in answering themselves. I wouldn't really say it would have been rude if the professor didn't ask the same question in return, but it would have been rude if he didn't ask some sort of personal question in return. Saying "what about you?" is quite a difference from asking their relationship status or stuff like where they live, etc.

 

[tcsenter]

That instructor will be shagging that student this weekend. Gorunteed.

 

[Ancalagon44]

You are overthinking this way too much. People socialize with smalltalk. Nothing wrong with it. You are both adults.

 

[Rakehellion]

I'm not talking about your reaction to being the first one asked (which is instructor in this case). I'm asking under what circumstances would you then return the question.

Normal people don't consider it odd to ask such questioms in a casual context. Stop being an aspie.

 

[disappoint]

Well that depends. Did they go out for asburgers afterwards?

 

[sandorski]

Sandorski's Guide to Small Talk

Appropriate: How are you today?
Inappropriate: Are you hard/wet?

Appropriate: Have you been living here long?
Inappropriate: Do you like it in the butt?