Is there anyone out there married for longer than a year...

[Kaieye]

Originally posted by: Jeraden

Originally posted by: pclstyle
So, my girlfriend was telling me about one of her co-workers (has a wife and kids) that takes off his wedding band every time he goes out to lunch. I guess it makes hitting on girls easier or whatever. Allegedly, all the guys seem to do the same thing. I myself notice more than few instances here at my own workplace, but I'm not one to pry or care.

What are you referring to when you say all the guys seem to do the same thing? Take their wedding rings off and go out to lunch to flirt with people? Or just not wear their wedding rings? Or just flirt with people?

I've been married almost 10 years now and I haven't worn my wedding ring since about 6 months after the wedding. I realized I couldn't stand having a ring on, it just constantly annoyed me. I don't like having any jewelry on at all. Over the years several people have questioned me about it, but I really don't see anything wrong with not wearing it.

At least you guys still have your wedding ring. My wife's diamond engagement ring and my wedding ring was stolen by some burglar ten years ago. But we have been happily married for about 17 years and everything is pretty cool...

 

[Specop 007]

Originally posted by: BoomerD

Originally posted by: iroast
A ring won't stop a cheater, or a really flirty person.

Nope, as my father-in-law used to say, a ring doesn't fill the hole, and a hard-on has no conscience...

A ring doesnt plug a hole, it just puts a golden lining around it.

 

[TallBill]

Married just one year so far and things are great. Whenever there is a fight, we try to immediatly talk it down and move on.

 

[Doctorweir]

Originally posted by: BoberFett
If my wife agrees that a woman is hot, sometimes we bring her home with us.

:shocked:

 

[SearchMaster]

We just hit our 10 year anniversary and we are happier than we've ever been - absolutely no BS. Now, we've had rough stretches along the way where we didn't like each other too much but worked through them and things are fantastic now. I think it takes a while to fully accept your partner and his/her flaws...little things that used to annoy me bring a smile to my face now.

 

[BoomerD]

Originally posted by: bleeb
What do those that have been married for a long time, and are happy married say is their "secret" to success?

Sorry, Top Secret information, if I tell ya, I gotta kill ya......

you gotta work hard to find that answer for yourself, because it's gonna be different for every couple...

 

[broon]

31-39
9-15 years
yes

 

[z42]

It seems that in this day and age, it's almost impossible to find those deliriously happy hollywood couples, the ones still in as much love as they were at day 1.

It's been almost impossible to find that in every age. Hollywood lies to people to get their money. It is completely unrealistic to be deliriously happy all the time. The fact that people expect this is what leads to most divorces and cheaters. They think that if they aren't deliriously happy then something is wrong with their marriage or their wife/husband.

I have been married almost 9 years, and the last 2-3 years have been the best of our marriage (my wife agrees with this). Why? Because we have stood by each other over some tough times and are learning to trust each other more and more. We are also learning to accept each other as imperfect people who are trying to love each other but fail daily. Most people nowadays would have quit and gotten a divorce after 2-3 years when the "honeymoon" ended. I have seen it in many of my friends. They don't want a mutual loving relationship, they want someone to make them happy.

There is something wrong with how people define love nowadays. A great quote I heard was "When people say 'I love you' in this day and age, what they most often mean is actually 'I love the way you make me feel'". Instead of love having a selfless, giving attitude, it has become a selfish, what can you do for me today thing.

 

[Mursilis]

Originally posted by: quasarsky

Originally posted by: DP
i wonder that myself. the odds a definitely against me...

my parents have been married for over 25 years. my moms parents were married for 54 years. maybe it runs in the family, hoepfully.

wish it ran in mine...
🙁

Even if your parent's marriage wasn't successful, it doesn't mean yours can't be; history isn't destiny. My parents were married for ~20 of the most miserable years you can imagine - constant arguing, fighting, etc. To this day I don't know how they came together, as I have no memory of them ever happy. And yet, despite coming from that, I am in a marriage coming up on 9 years in August, and we couldn't be happier.

 

[Mursilis]

Originally posted by: shadow9d9
24, married 2 years... everything is great.. I don't wear rings though : ). People who rush to have children or spend every waking hour and cent on planning the wedding day often aren't in it for the right reasons.

Nothing's wrong with 'rushing to have children' - my daughter was born 9 months and 8 days after we got married (and was followed by 1 more boy and 2 more girls), and we're still very happy. The kids have added so much to our lives. My in-laws all had children within a year of getting married, and all 4 couples have been together 10-20 years (and counting).

 

[momsmad]

Originally posted by: bleeb
What do those that have been married for a long time, and are happy married say is their "secret" to success?

Not preaching, but having God in your marriage.
Also, have to communicate VERY well.Its hard to do because men and women are so different and have different styles of communicating BUT if you work on it and realize those differences you'll be set.

 

[Mursilis]

Originally posted by: z42

It seems that in this day and age, it's almost impossible to find those deliriously happy hollywood couples, the ones still in as much love as they were at day 1.

It's been almost impossible to find that in every age. Hollywood lies to people to get their money. It is completely unrealistic to be deliriously happy all the time. The fact that people expect this is what leads to most divorces and cheaters. They think that if they aren't deliriously happy then something is wrong with their marriage or their wife/husband.

I have been married almost 9 years, and the last 2-3 years have been the best of our marriage (my wife agrees with this). Why? Because we have stood by each other over some tough times and are learning to trust each other more and more. We are also learning to accept each other as imperfect people who are trying to love each other but fail daily. Most people nowadays would have quit and gotten a divorce after 2-3 years when the "honeymoon" ended. I have seen it in many of my friends. They don't want a mutual loving relationship, they want someone to make them happy.

There is something wrong with how people define love nowadays. A great quote I heard was "When people say 'I love you' in this day and age, what they most often mean is actually 'I love the way you make me feel'". Instead of love having a selfless, giving attitude, it has become a selfish, what can you do for me today thing.

:thumbsup:
Well said.

 

[pnad]

Originally posted by: broon
31-39
9-15 years
yes

Ditto

My secret? Knowing how to fight. Knowing how to compromise. Mutual respect, trust and freedom. I am pretty much free to do whatever I want (hoobies, friends, etc) and she has the same freedom. I have a few too many friends get married to a warden - on constant lockdown. The more women/couples I meet, the more I appreciate my wife.

We also have a bit of yin-yang thing going on.
She is a penny pincher, I am an impulse buyer.
She is a slob, I am a nitpicking neat freak.
She is shy/antisocial, I am outgoing.
She is pessimist, I am optimist.

This causes some friction, but also makes a nice balance for our faults.

 

[Lola]

Originally posted by: pnad

Originally posted by: broon
31-39
9-15 years
yes

Ditto

My secret? Knowing how to fight. Knowing how to compromise. Mutual respect, trust and freedom. I am pretty much free to do whatever I want (hoobies, friends, etc) and she has the same freedom. I have a few too many friends get married to a warden - on constant lockdown. The more women/couples I meet, the more I appreciate my wife.

We also have a bit of yin-yang thing going on.
She is a penny pincher, I am an impulse buyer.
She is a slob, I am a nitpicking neat freak.
She is shy/antisocial, I am outgoing.
She is pessimist, I am optimist.

This causes some friction, but also makes a nice balance for our faults.

I have a question, how do you compromise with the neat-freak thing and her being a bit messy?!

 

[broon]

Originally posted by: pnad

Originally posted by: broon
31-39
9-15 years
yes

Ditto

My secret? Knowing how to fight. Knowing how to compromise. Mutual respect, trust and freedom. I am pretty much free to do whatever I want (hoobies, friends, etc) and she has the same freedom. I have a few too many friends get married to a warden - on constant lockdown. The more women/couples I meet, the more I appreciate my wife.

You got it. Most marriages will fail because people are too prideful and won't respect their spouse.

And I always wear my ring unless I'm doing an activity where it might pose a physical threat to my finger. I almost had my finger ripped off because my ring got caught on something.

 

[jupiter57]

32 years here and miserably unhappy!

Women tend to change over the years, some for the good, some for the bad. Apparently, some other woman gave my wife her "bad", since she wasn't using it.

 

[Mr.IncrediblyBored]

Originally posted by: jupiter57
32 years here and miserably unhappy!

Women tend to change over the years, some for the good, some for the bad. Apparently, some other woman gave my wife her "bad", since she wasn't using it.

After dozens of happy posters, somebody from the other side of the fence finally speaks up.

I've seen plenty of unhappy marriages, but they just aren't as vocal about their misery. My parents have been miserable together for probably 15 of their 28 years of marriage. I haven't married yet, and I'm not in a big hurry to do so.

 

[pnad]

Originally posted by: LolaWiz

Originally posted by: pnad

My secret? Knowing how to fight. Knowing how to compromise. Mutual respect, trust and freedom. I am pretty much free to do whatever I want (hoobies, friends, etc) and she has the same freedom. I have a few too many friends get married to a warden - on constant lockdown. The more women/couples I meet, the more I appreciate my wife.

We also have a bit of yin-yang thing going on.
She is a penny pincher, I am an impulse buyer.
She is a slob, I am a nitpicking neat freak.
She is shy/antisocial, I am outgoing.
She is pessimist, I am optimist.

This causes some friction, but also makes a nice balance for our faults.

I have a question, how do you compromise with the neat-freak thing and her being a bit messy?!

Cleaning is pretty much the only thing that causes the heated arguments. She makes the mess, and I boycott cleaning chores. I complain that she is a slob, she complains that I don't help with the cleaning. If it gets too bad I break down and clean, but she has learned that a large portion of my 'cleaning' includes trashbags and Goodwill. 🙂

 

[djheater]

Originally posted by: pnad

Originally posted by: LolaWiz

Originally posted by: pnad

My secret? Knowing how to fight. Knowing how to compromise. Mutual respect, trust and freedom. I am pretty much free to do whatever I want (hoobies, friends, etc) and she has the same freedom. I have a few too many friends get married to a warden - on constant lockdown. The more women/couples I meet, the more I appreciate my wife.

We also have a bit of yin-yang thing going on.
She is a penny pincher, I am an impulse buyer.
She is a slob, I am a nitpicking neat freak.
She is shy/antisocial, I am outgoing.
She is pessimist, I am optimist.

This causes some friction, but also makes a nice balance for our faults.

I have a question, how do you compromise with the neat-freak thing and her being a bit messy?!

Cleaning is pretty much the only thing that causes the heated arguments. She makes the mess, and I boycott cleaning chores. I complain that she is a slob, she complains that I don't help with the cleaning. If it gets too bad I break down and clean, but she has learned that a large portion of my 'cleaning' includes trashbags and Goodwill. 🙂

Same here. My children start freaking out when I get the broom. Any thing left on the floor gets thrown away or donated. Toys, clothes, whatever.

 

[pclstyle]

Originally posted by: pnad

Originally posted by: broon
31-39
9-15 years
yes

Ditto

My secret? Knowing how to fight. Knowing how to compromise. Mutual respect, trust and freedom. I am pretty much free to do whatever I want (hoobies, friends, etc) and she has the same freedom. I have a few too many friends get married to a warden - on constant lockdown. The more women/couples I meet, the more I appreciate my wife.

We also have a bit of yin-yang thing going on.
She is a penny pincher, I am an impulse buyer.
She is a slob, I am a nitpicking neat freak.
She is shy/antisocial, I am outgoing.
She is pessimist, I am optimist.

This causes some friction, but also makes a nice balance for our faults.

what's a hoobie? that sounds sexual... is she cool with these 'hoobies'?

😉