Is my girlfriend lying to me?

[James Bond]

When my girlfriend and I were first dating (a couple months in), she cheated on me with another guy.

We nearly broke up, but decided to give it another try.

Since then, everything has been completely fine. We really are great together, we care about each other, all of that stuff. The problem is that I still can't completely trust her... I want to SO bad, and there have been a few times since then where I really thought she was lying about something when she wasn't. For months now she has been completely faithful and honest, but I don't think I may have completely recovered.

Last weekend we were at WSU for the Apple Cup, and we ended up getting split up for a while. I was hammered with friends and didn't really care. I ended up getting a call a few hours later from a random number and talked to her (I don't remember), and then when I called back a random dude answered and said he was with her, but she left. Being completely drunk, I interpreted it wrong, and became furious thinking about she was hanging out with some random dudes all night doing who knows what.

We got in a huge, huge fight, and then worked it out by morning when we were more coherent--although, we never *really* discussed what happened. Last night I was lying in bed and began freaking out about it, letting my mind wander, not sure about anything. She knew something was wrong this morning, and I finally told her, "I'm just really worried about what you did on Friday". She immediately blew up at me saying I ditched her and she didn't do anything and I should know that.

I can't read minds, and I still don't feel like I know what she did.. but I can't talk to her much about it without her getting mad. I explain to her that I'm not psychic, and she pretty much just ends the conversation. I honestly believe she didn't do anything wrong, but how can I approach the subject and actually make some ground?

Cliffs:
Went to WSU with girlfriend to party
Got split up
Got call from random guy saying he had been hanging out with her or something
Can't talk to gf about it without her getting mad because "im the one who ditched her"

 

[slsmnaz]

Originally posted by: Tizyler
When my girlfriend and I were first dating (a couple months in), she cheated on me with another guy.

We nearly broke up, but decided to give it another try.

Where I quit reading and where you f'd up.

 

[James Bond]

And on top of that... she told me that she stopped by the bar, but didn't even dance. I would bet money that she did dance for at least a minute. We're both young and we were drunk, and it really wouldn't bother me (since I danced with some random girls), but if she swears she didn't do it and I find out she did, how do I handle it?

In my opinion, any lie is bad... so if I hear from one of her friends that she was dancing, do I dismiss her whole story? Or what do I do?

 

[iversonyin]

Yes, she is. Get over it.

 

[James Bond]

Originally posted by: slsmnaz

Originally posted by: Tizyler
When my girlfriend and I were first dating (a couple months in), she cheated on me with another guy.

We nearly broke up, but decided to give it another try.

Where I quit reading and where you f'd up.

How constructive, thank you.

 

[yowolabi]

I'm going to give you some advice that my nana gave me: If you don't want your girlfriend slipping off and fooling around with random dude's while you're drunk, you should probably drink less.

 

[TravisT]

Well, what does she expect? She cheated on you... I mean, does she expect that trust will just naturally be there after such a thing? Honestly, I'm not sure how you do it. I know I would be in the same situation as yourself. If you really want to work it out with this girl, i would recommend counciling. I suppose it depends on how serious you are, or want to be.

 

[dquan97]

pics??

 

[her209]

Originally posted by: yowolabi
I'm going to give you some advice that my nana gave me: If you don't want your girlfriend slipping off and fooling around with random dude's while you're drunk, you should probably drink less.

:laugh:

 

[Auggie]

Regardless of whether or not anything happened recently, she's cheated on you in the past... that's a deal-breaker, unless the cheating happened in circumstances that will never be repeated (ie, she got doped on mushrooms and absinth and happened to meet James Hetfield after a Metallica concert).

Cheaters cheat, and they don't change. Sorry about it, but you should really probably try to start seeing someone else. Do you guys live together, it sounds like?

 

[slsmnaz]

Originally posted by: Tizyler

Originally posted by: slsmnaz

Originally posted by: Tizyler
When my girlfriend and I were first dating (a couple months in), she cheated on me with another guy.

We nearly broke up, but decided to give it another try.

Where I quit reading and where you f'd up.

How constructive, thank you.

It was constructive but you're too young to realize. The trust you had before will never again reach that same level. If it's something you can live with then you'll be fine. However, I would prefer to not deal with trust issues in a relationship. She cheated and you didn't run away means she will always have the upper hand.

 

[Dacalo]

Originally posted by: Tizyler
When my girlfriend and I were first dating (a couple months in), she cheated on me with another guy.

I am sorry, but you should have ended there. Now you are suffering from the consequence of continuing the relationship. Because she has cheated on you already, you will always doubt her, whether she really cheats again or not. What is the point of the relationship if you cannot trust your SO?

If I was in your shoes, I would have terminated the relationship when I found out she was cheating. The incident would always linger in back of my mind, eating me up.

 

[James Bond]

I think that she probably did dance some at the bar... but I'm worried I'm going to ask around, and find out she did, then get pissed... It just seems stupid because I lied to her about the same thing, which to me isn't a big deal. I guess it's hard to be fair some times... but to me dancing with another girl doesn't seem like a big deal because I never have or would cheat on her.

 

[Mikey]

If you love someone, let them go for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don't, they never were.

 

[Tremulant]

With her blowing up after you asked her about Friday, my guess is that she's not being honest with you

 

[zoiks]

Originally posted by: Tizyler
I think that she probably did dance some at the bar... but I'm worried I'm going to ask around, and find out she did, then get pissed... It just seems stupid because I lied to her about the same thing, which to me isn't a big deal. I guess it's hard to be fair some times... but to me dancing with another girl doesn't seem like a big deal because I never have or would cheat on her.

I think that to save yourself more pain and suffering, you should ditch her right now without knowing what she did.
Think about it, she did afterall cheat on you before.

 

[hypn0tik]

That was your gf? She told me she was single. Sorry dude.

 

[theknight571]

Originally posted by: yowolabi
I'm going to give you some advice that my nana gave me: If you don't want your girlfriend slipping off and fooling around with random dude's while you're drunk, you should probably drink less.

Exactly what I was gonna say.

IF you trust her like you say you do, then let it go... otherwise it's time to re-evaulate the relationship.

Next time though...stay sober enough to know what's going on.

 

[Al Neri]

Pics or Ban.

Dumppppppppppppp her!

 

[IgorFL]

There is a lot of experience talking in this thread. I will add to it.

Once a girl shows the capacity for narcissism and/or deception, she won't change without years of therapy and self-criticism. Sadly, most people aren't able to handle that kind of honesty about themselves.

I have been cheated on before. I forgave. Watched it happen again. I have never known someone who cheated and never did it again.

There is a tremendous difference between telling a white lie and thoroughly manipulating someone you profess to love and care about. Don't lose sight of that, and don't forget it. There are too many people in the world who will show you the consideration you deserve.

I wish you the best in your decision, and I hope you decide to move on as quickly as possible for your own sake.

 

[JS80]

welcome to life.

 

[James Bond]

Originally posted by: IgorFL
There is a lot of experience talking in this thread. I will add to it.

Once a girl shows the capacity for narcissism and/or deception, she won't change without years of therapy and self-criticism. Sadly, most people aren't able to handle that kind of honesty about themselves.

I have been cheated on before. I forgave. Watched it happen again. I have never known someone who cheated and never did it again.

There is a tremendous difference between telling a white lie and thoroughly manipulating someone you profess to love and care about. Don't lose sight of that, and don't forget it. There are too many people in the world who will show you the consideration you deserve.

I wish you the best in your decision, and I hope you decide to move on as quickly as possible for your own sake.

She had never done it before, and I honestly believe she will not do it again.
For a while, things were very unbalanced because of it--all of her past relationships involved her completely having the upper hand. After a while of working on it, I got things how they should be. At this point there is a fair amount of balance, but when something like this comes along, I feel like it's a relapse. If she would handle it more civil, it would be over with, done... but she doesn't like being accused of something she didn't do wrong--I guess she will just needs to grow up some.

 

[Chunkee]

make her at least gargle to remove the remnants of the other guys load before you start kissing on her...that will help with the trust thing...

how old are you?

 

[MrDudeMan]

Originally posted by: Chunkee
make her at least gargle to remove the remnants of the other guys load before you start kissing on her...that will help with the trust thing...

how old are you?

lmao...

tizyler, you are blind and it is painfully obvious. everyone goes through this at some point, and one day you will understand, so good luck until then because you are setting yourself up to get hurt.

 

[MaxDepth]

WSU? What does that stand for, Wussyboy State University?