This is why I would break up with someone who cheated on me: no matter how hard they tried or I tried, I'd never be able to trust them again. Given that your relationship was pretty new when it happened, it would have been even easier than usual to part ways.
I admire the effort, but 9 times out of 10, it's futile.
I admire the effort, but 9 times out of 10, it's futile.
Tough situation man.
Personally, I was once in a relationship with a girl that ended up lasting four years. After a month of being with her my ex gf from right before her put it on me and I let my little head out think my big one. I cheated. And even worse I told the girl I was with for that four year period.
Now, in my case I NEVER cheated again, at least physically. There was a point where thing were REALLY bad with us and this new girl at work would ask me to breakfast with her on Saturdays. I went four times. Each time the girl hinted that she wanted to go back to her place but guilt ate at me so bad that I never did it. I could not do that to the girl I was with again because despite our fighting I'd been with her for a few years and genuinely loved her.
What made it harder is this chick I had breakfast with was a dead on copy of Debra Lafavedebra lafave, I swear on my son and all that's holy that's true. God only knows where I got the strength to turn that down but I did.
My point is, people can change, and they do. Has your girl in this case? that's hard to answer, though if you had to I'd say the evidence presented turns towards no, she hasn't changed.
Also understand her defensiveness is not an automatic indicator that she's lying. It could mean any number of things.
If I were you, and you truly love this girl, I'd sit her down and tell her EXACTLY what you told us here. That you forgave her before but that actions like this open up old wounds. I'd wait a few days to cool down, collect your thoughts, let her think about it, then do it. Maybe after the holiday.
I'd preface this conversation with her by saying "I need you to understand I'm trying to rebuild a fragile trust in you by asking you this. I do this because I love you.".
No matter what just do what you feel is right in your heart. If she lies to you again you cannot control that. Whatever her answer is you have to decide one thing and one thing alone. If you're truly serious and commited to this girl then you MUST believe her whatever her answer. If you don't this problem will only worsen and you'll get hurt more.
Keep us updated man. Good luck.
Personally, I was once in a relationship with a girl that ended up lasting four years. After a month of being with her my ex gf from right before her put it on me and I let my little head out think my big one. I cheated. And even worse I told the girl I was with for that four year period.
Now, in my case I NEVER cheated again, at least physically. There was a point where thing were REALLY bad with us and this new girl at work would ask me to breakfast with her on Saturdays. I went four times. Each time the girl hinted that she wanted to go back to her place but guilt ate at me so bad that I never did it. I could not do that to the girl I was with again because despite our fighting I'd been with her for a few years and genuinely loved her.
What made it harder is this chick I had breakfast with was a dead on copy of Debra Lafavedebra lafave, I swear on my son and all that's holy that's true. God only knows where I got the strength to turn that down but I did.
My point is, people can change, and they do. Has your girl in this case? that's hard to answer, though if you had to I'd say the evidence presented turns towards no, she hasn't changed.
Also understand her defensiveness is not an automatic indicator that she's lying. It could mean any number of things.
If I were you, and you truly love this girl, I'd sit her down and tell her EXACTLY what you told us here. That you forgave her before but that actions like this open up old wounds. I'd wait a few days to cool down, collect your thoughts, let her think about it, then do it. Maybe after the holiday.
I'd preface this conversation with her by saying "I need you to understand I'm trying to rebuild a fragile trust in you by asking you this. I do this because I love you.".
No matter what just do what you feel is right in your heart. If she lies to you again you cannot control that. Whatever her answer is you have to decide one thing and one thing alone. If you're truly serious and commited to this girl then you MUST believe her whatever her answer. If you don't this problem will only worsen and you'll get hurt more.
Keep us updated man. Good luck.
*opens mouth* *pauses*
*closes mouth* *taps right foot on the floor*
*stops tapping foot and walks away*
Krazy4Real
Lifer
- Oct 3, 2003
- 12,221
- 55
- 91
Once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater is technically not true... MisterJackson is living proof. That is if we take his word for truth. The real question is... would you stay with her to risk it again?
- Jan 21, 2005
- 6,023
- 0
- 0
Thanks for all of the replies.
It's funny because, before I was in this relationship, I said the exact same things you guys are saying to me to a lotttt of people (once a cheater, always a cheater, etc).
I think she made a mistake one night, and I don't think she will ever do it again. Keep in mind, just because I don't think she will, doesn't mean I will never worry. Alcohol plays a big role in it too--And who knows, maybe since I was out dancing with girls at the bar, I started thinking about it realizing that she may have done the same thing.
I'm going to have a long talk with her, and tell her that I need her help if she ever wants me to completely trust her again.
It's funny because, before I was in this relationship, I said the exact same things you guys are saying to me to a lotttt of people (once a cheater, always a cheater, etc).
I think she made a mistake one night, and I don't think she will ever do it again. Keep in mind, just because I don't think she will, doesn't mean I will never worry. Alcohol plays a big role in it too--And who knows, maybe since I was out dancing with girls at the bar, I started thinking about it realizing that she may have done the same thing.
I'm going to have a long talk with her, and tell her that I need her help if she ever wants me to completely trust her again.
Your cliffs don't even match your story, niether of which may match the story in your head. Maybe you really don't remember what happened all that well and probably should trust her. That being said, once a cheater, always a cheater. This is repeated becuase many times, it's true.
sixone
Lifer
- May 3, 2004
- 25,030
- 5
- 61
That sounds good, but...
Don't lay it all in her lap. You took her back, and you need to own up to your share of the relationship. If alcohol is a factor, you need to take it out of the equation. Or you'll be back here again and again and again, until one of you can't take it anymore.
wheresmybacon
Diamond Member
- Sep 10, 2004
- 3,899
- 1
- 76
qft
once a cheat always a cheat. cheaters DO NOT CHANGE. trust me, and trust the rest of the people on this board who have been there before. we're not trying to poop in your cheerios, we're trying to save your from heartache.
He's right... you already know the answer.
But you're too f'd up to realize it.
We'd be talking to deaf ears if you wanted to know what we really thought.
What you're really here for is some support to keep going in this crap you call a relationship. You don't trust her... she cheated on you from the start... she isn't honest with you... you ditch her randomly... etc.
What the ****** is wrong with people who can't stand to be alone?
Marinski
Golden Member
Just everyone likes to bring God into their situations for no apparent reason... though I did not speak about God because that is such a touchy subject...
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