Is my friend's child mentally handicapped?

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amdhunter

Lifer
May 19, 2003
23,332
249
106
One of these, properly applied, once a day, would probably help.
Doubling the dosage might help if it's a particularly tough day with him.

Generic-belt-beating-in-man-s-hand-19929577_146095_ver1.0_640_480.jpg
 

ch33zw1z

Lifer
Nov 4, 2004
39,838
20,433
146
Professional assistance required.

1. Start with the primary care physician, see what they recommend. Ours was able to give referral, but they didn't all work out ok. One guy basically just wanted to give lexipro to my son when he was 8, told him no way.

2. If he's struggling in school, hire an educational advocate asap. Ours was a 250 retainer fee, 40 an hour. Totally worth it, the school responds differently.

3. Seek licensed facilities for an independent evaluation, potentiallh covered by your insurance. Both mental health and learning disabilities need assessment. It's best to choose a facility that the school district would also choose, so they have less wiggle room to argue with the results.

My older son struggls in school, always. Struggles with interpersonal relationships. Has extensive knowledge of topics that kids wouldn't normally have. We went through years of working with (at first), and then fighting with the school district.

It wasnt until we got an independent evaluation that uncovered dyslexia, ADHD ( which we knew already, but wasn't diagnosed), and an expressive langiage disorder (basically, can't verbally Express or write what he's thinking on paper). Immediately hired the educational advocate, and the district was forced by law to provide certain accommodations. He's now placed out of district, and doing much better.

He is extremely talented with hands on type of work, as I hear from many parents of dyslexic kids. They're forced to keep up in a world not built for them.


He basically would throw a huge fit when he couldn't do the work, because eventually the teachers would just give up.

One day he didn't want to go to school, says to my wife "see you soon" while getting in the bus. An hour later the school was calling her to come get him....he trashed the time out room. He was 5.

My wife and I read symtpoms of Asperger's, and it describes him to a T. The autism diagnosis is a referral from the doctor, and it's an observation, not like a regular test. We did not choose to go through that, as it won't change much for him in terms of what help he's getting.

My son had gotten to the point where it was becoming violent towards everyone. I pulled him from school and refused to send him back, which kicked off a chain of events leading to where we are now. He's doing much better. I also immediately started going to therapy with him, since it was obvious he felt like we weren't on his side or supportive. That made a huge difference.

Hope this helps, it can be very tough on a marriage, and I wish the family the best. There's no guarantees, and it's best to persevere, and try to get the best help you can, while not always taking a professional word for it.

If we had done what people said, my son wouldn't have received the help he needed, and would be on anxiety medication that's only as old as he is, and his learning disabilities would not have been uncovered, and the resulting behavioral issues would be the symptom that was treated.
 
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Zeze

Lifer
Mar 4, 2011
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I just would like to say thank you for sharing. You are a good dad and a husband.
 

glenn1

Lifer
Sep 6, 2000
25,383
1,013
126
Probably more on the aspergers side of the spectrum than autism. Some spectrum cases are hard for
professionals to call, say if they present atypically. It’s easier to diagnose if the traits cluster around certain behaviorsand it basically smacks them in the face. If the child’s symptoms demonstrate more subtly Irvin a scattershot pattern with one symptom here, another there then you may never get a diagnosis. Atypical childhood development has a near infinite variety of forms.
 

ch33zw1z

Lifer
Nov 4, 2004
39,838
20,433
146
I just would like to say thank you for sharing. You are a good dad and a husband.
You're welcome, hope it helps, I wouldn't be who I am today without the kiddo. He has revealed many of my faults, and forced me to grow up quite a bit. My older kid great person at heart, and reading your post just makes my heart ache for the family.

Our school district spent 7 years labeling him behavioral, and we slapped them with a big old GFY sammich that even their lawyers said couldn't be fought. They dont make the rules, but knew that we didn't know much, and played it like that.

When we told them we we're bringing an educational advocate to the next IEP meeting, they rescheduled and brought entirely different people to the meeting. But yeah...clung to the behavioral crap to the bitter end. Yea, he has behaviors, due to being pushed along educationally ignored for years.

There's Hope though. He's 11 now, has the week off from school, and when I went to work today he was busy setting up pfsense on a spare PC so he could play with vlans
 

Zeze

Lifer
Mar 4, 2011
11,395
1,189
126
You're welcome, hope it helps, I wouldn't be who I am today without the kiddo. He has revealed many of my faults, and forced me to grow up quite a bit. My older kid great person at heart, and reading your post just makes my heart ache for the family.

Our school district spent 7 years labeling him behavioral, and we slapped them with a big old GFY sammich that even their lawyers said couldn't be fought. They dont make the rules, but knew that we didn't know much, and played it like that.

When we told them we we're bringing an educational advocate to the next IEP meeting, they rescheduled and brought entirely different people to the meeting. But yeah...clung to the behavioral crap to the bitter end. Yea, he has behaviors, due to being pushed along educationally ignored for years.

There's Hope though. He's 11 now, has the week off from school, and when I went to work today he was busy setting up pfsense on a spare PC so he could play with vlans
Ohhhhh.. kids make you grow up alright. I never grew up so fast than having kids. You are no longer yourself.
 

Thebobo

Lifer
Jun 19, 2006
18,574
7,672
136
Sounds like a future Unabomber.

Have him sign up we can do an online diagnosis.
 

Mai72

Lifer
Sep 12, 2012
11,562
1,742
126
Tell hm he's speicial and give him tropheys for everything.

You cleaned your room: trophey
You went to the bathroom and didn't get urine on the floor: trophey
You didn't yell at mommy today: trophey
 

whm1974

Diamond Member
Jul 24, 2016
9,436
1,572
126
Tell hm he's speicial and give him tropheys for everything.

You cleaned your room: trophey
You went to the bathroom and didn't get urine on the floor: trophey
You didn't yell at mommy today: trophey
That sounds a bit silly, but if it works...