is it wrong to never tell a child they're adopted?

[her34]

thoughts?

 

[kravmaga]

yes/no. depends on the circumstances I suppose. If the child has two parents that commited serial killings and are on death row to be killed in two days time I probably wouldn't tell them but if the child was a small african boy questioning why he's living with well to do white parents I would probably try to let them know sooner or later.

 

[freakflag]

Never? That's a rough call. All I can say is, what if they somehow find out after you're gone and are left to sort it out alone? Would you really want them to be burdened with all of those questions that can never be answered for the rest of their lives? Personally, I think I'd wait until they're adults, but, that's just my opinion.

 

[OrganizedChaos]

oh this could be fun!

"eat your broccoli or i'll give you away again"

"an attitude like that is why your last parents didn't love you"

"i'm sorry, your teacher lied, your not special. in fact they were giving you and your sister away for free"

 

[fire400]

treat them with respect and let them know that they are loved, otherwise, if you are just like: "you were adopted, dude, so you should be thankful"

otherwise, you will make them hate themselves... and then they will dress very prematurely and wear all black when they go to high school, and become an outcast. then they will be listening to Evananence and Eminem in the basement all day and actually worshipping the lyrics to the songs of these artists

 

[Fullmetal Chocobo]

It would really be wrong if you were just messing with them.

 

[watdahel]

You must.

I've never met my father. My mother said he's a bastard. I don't know where he is or even if he's still alive. A part of me would like to meet the man to hear his side of the story.

 

[The Green Bean]

you tell him when he is about 6.

 

[cirthix]

Originally posted by: OrganizedChaos
oh this could be fun!

"eat your broccoli or i'll give you away again"

"an attitude like that is why your last parents didn't love you"

"i'm sorry, your teacher lied, your not special. in fact they were giving you and your sister away for free"

hahhahahha

 

[Specop 007]

Thats something that would need to be determined on a case by case basis i would think.

 

[0roo0roo]

its not wrong at all. you are their parents, end of story. of course unless theres a medical reason, otherwise its just bullsh*t.

 

[cmv]

No but it is is wrong to not tell adults they are adopted. Children do not need to know and telling them could cause harm so why risk it?

 

[kravmaga]

I had a GF that was adopted, she had issues anyways... not knowing she was adopted. But I do think it brought some closure to her situation. The people who adopted her were highly affluent, gave her an SUV worth more than my dad's car (who also happens to be affluent) and found that her mom was an alcoholic who didn't even know who her father was. I guess for her perhaps knowing this information would ease her into the life she had been living the past 17-18 years. I know if I were in her situation I would be thanking my adopted parents every day. In fact there are some days I wish I could have been adopted.

 

[imported_malcontent]

I am trying to think of some circumstance where NOT telling the child would be in their best interest, and am coming up blank. Perhaps it is too early in the morning.

If I had an adopted child, and had not told them, my biggest fear would be that they would find out from someone else.

 

[Midlander]

Tell them. Tell them. Tell them.

If they know they are loved and safe in their home, this won't have a long-term negative effect. Finding out from strangers or under difficult circumstances later in life would be horrible.

They don't need to know much about their biological parents, unless there are health reasons.

 

[daveymark]

I always used to tell my little brother that he was really a monkey when we found him in the jungle and shaved him. so yes, tell

 

[George P Burdell]

Originally posted by: Midlander
Tell them. Tell them. Tell them.

If they know they are loved and safe in their home, this won't have a long-term negative effect. Finding out from strangers or under difficult circumstances later in life would be horrible.

They don't need to know much about their biological parents, unless there are health reasons.

Agreed. Stick to the truth: it may be difficult at first, but it's nothing compared to finding out from someone else.

"The truth will set you free."

 

[glenn1]

They should be told eventually, if for no other reason than they can get honest family history information for healthcare purposes.

 

[gotsmack]

If I adpoted a child I'd never tell them, but I'd also adopt a kid that was a different race.

 

[magomago]

Originally posted by: gotsmack
If I adpoted a child I'd never tell them, but I'd also adopt a kid that was a different race.

Imagine two asian parents with a adopted black son

"Am I adopted Mommy?"

"No you are not son!"

 

[gotsmack]

Originally posted by: magomago

Originally posted by: gotsmack
If I adpoted a child I'd never tell them, but I'd also adopt a kid that was a different race.

Imagine two asian parents with a adopted black son

"Am I adopted Mommy?"

"No you are not son!"

hey, only 1 in 5 babies are chinese.

where are the rest of the chinese babies? in China of course!

 

[Pakman]

Originally posted by: magomago

Originally posted by: gotsmack
If I adpoted a child I'd never tell them, but I'd also adopt a kid that was a different race.

Imagine two asian parents with a adopted black son

"Am I adopted Mommy?"

"No you are not son!"

pwn3d

 

[Praetor]

Originally posted by: fire400
treat them with respect and let them know that they are loved, otherwise, if you are just like: "you were adopted, dude, so you should be thankful"

otherwise, you will make them hate themselves... and then they will dress very prematurely and wear all black when they go to high school, and become an outcast. then they will be listening to Evananence and Eminem in the basement all day and actually worshipping the lyrics to the songs of these artists

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was adopted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111one

 

[KarenMarie]

tough call.

having a little kid go thru life being 'different' is a hard thing for them. But not telling them until they are older will make them feel lied to for all those years. but how you tell them is more important than if you tell them.

if it were me... i would have to tell them. i mean, i would not ever buy one unless it is POST potty trained, so i am guessing the cat will already be out of the bag.

 

[Deleted member 4644]

I knew/know around 10 kids who were adopted and/or had gay/lesbian parents. All of them told the kid by the age of 5 except one who had a half-black adopted kid and he figured it out soon enough.