is it wrong to never tell a child they're adopted?

[daniel1113]

Although it depends, I think there are few cases where a child shouldn't be told. However, they should be told at the right time (perhaps age 4-6 and up) and in a positive manner. My sister was adopted from South Korea, and we've always made if a fun/positive/special aspect of her life, and she's always been proud of her adoption.

 

[illusion88]

Some of you may remember that I work with DD and SED boys (developmentally delayed and severely emotionally disturbed). One of my boys, who is 15 right now IIRC, was adopted when he was very young by his aunt. He doesn't yet know that his "aunt" is his real mother, this is regarded as their family secret. He was adopted by his aunt so they could flee from mexico to the united states.

We are currently working on ways to tell him about the family secret. If I were to tell him right now, just go up and say "hey man, your "aunt" is your feal mother and your "mother" is really her sister", he would have a breakdown, and slip well beyond our ability to help him. I would be willing to bet that he would go AWOL and probably hurt himself or someone else. He has some real issues with abandonment and if he learned that he himself was really abandoned, he would crack.

 

[illusion88]

Originally posted by: Midlander
Tell them. Tell them. Tell them.

If they know they are loved and safe in their home, this won't have a long-term negative effect. Finding out from strangers or under difficult circumstances later in life would be horrible.

They don't need to know much about their biological parents, unless there are health reasons.

That's ridiculas. Even a mentally healthy person can suffer extream adverse physchological effects after learning about this. The first beign PTSD (Post-traumatic stress disorder) and abandonment issues. After several months this could develop into acute stress disorder. If they are going to learn about beign abandonded and then adopted, it should be with a psychiatrist who can control the negative emotions with long term counseling and possibly medication.

 

[Tiamat]

I would tell them when they were mature enough to accept it. Most likely at that time they would have already taken biology and know whats going on.

 

[Midlander]

Originally posted by: illusion88

Originally posted by: Midlander
Tell them. Tell them. Tell them.

If they know they are loved and safe in their home, this won't have a long-term negative effect. Finding out from strangers or under difficult circumstances later in life would be horrible.

They don't need to know much about their biological parents, unless there are health reasons.

That's ridiculas. Even a mentally healthy person can suffer extream adverse physchological effects after learning about this. The first beign PTSD (Post-traumatic stress disorder) and abandonment issues. After several months this could develop into acute stress disorder. If they are going to learn about beign abandonded and then adopted, it should be with a psychiatrist who can control the negative emotions with long term counseling and possibly medication.

What makes you think that every adopted child was "abandoned?"

And where did you get your psychological training? Jethro Bodine's school for psychology and brain surgery? If you could at least spell, your rants might mean something.

 

[ssvegeta1010]

Tell the kid as soon as they are old enough to ask.

 

[bhanson]

"My parents chose me but your parents were stuck with you."

 

[fire400]

"if you ever ask again, I'm going to adopt you"

 

[ntdz]

I think they have the right to know...So I think it's wrong to not tell them. Although, I don't see how it'd hurt the kid to not know.

 

[Excelsior]

Originally posted by: Midlander
Tell them. Tell them. Tell them.

If they know they are loved and safe in their home, this won't have a long-term negative effect. Finding out from strangers or under difficult circumstances later in life would be horrible.

They don't need to know much about their biological parents, unless there are health reasons.

 

[miri]

I was adopted and was told early on that I was adopted. I was a little sad at first but got over it.

I did have a little memory of the orphanage I was at but never but 2 and 2 together. I was like 3 years old at the orphanage.

 

[bigredguy]

Eventually. When that is depends on their maturity and circumstance.

 

[I Saw OJ]

Originally posted by: erwin1978
You must.

I've never met my father. My mother said he's a bastard. I don't know where he is or even if he's still alive. A part of me would like to meet the man to hear his side of the story.

I hear ya man. I've known I was adopted ever since I can remember. I have never met my birth parents, but I would really like to. Maybe this thread has lit a fire under me to get that going and find them!


Seth