Originally posted by: Isla
Hiya, tuffgirl.Thank you... it's been a while, but it still kinda surprises me!
And back to topic again... there are very effective ways to train children without resorting to violence. I don't think a parent has failed if he or she gives a mild spanking to a child, but there are much, much better ways to motivate a child to behave well. Unfortunately, this knowlege doesn't just come with being a parent or a babysitter. These are techniques that have to be learned... and most people don't bother.
i like your approach. you don't take an extreme position like our unfortunate friend EngineNr9.
I have 3 kids and this is a discussion my wife and i have ALL the time. she thinks i'm too hard on the children. i think she lets them get away with too much.
we are at an impasse and our kids have 2 very different types of parents BUT they know that both of us loves them.
have i spanked my kids, YES. do i do it habitually or often? NO. there have been 6 month stretches where i haven't spanked them at all. Do i spank them to a point of real physical pain or danger? NO, more along the lines of slight redness of skin, no bruising no bleeding. and that's how it should be. the occasional open handed wack on the butt is not going to ruin any child.
HOWEVER, i'm not convinced that the TOTAL lack of spanking is a good idea either.
Isla, I'll grant you that GIVEN a proper amount of education a parent can raise their children with ALMOST NO spanking, my problem however is with parents with NO education except the thought that spanking is bad (our liberal media at work) but without the tools to establish real boundries for their children INSISTING that spanking is worse than not.
I've seen the results of this type of upbringing and there is NO way ANYONE will convince me that raising children in that manner is better than well meaning children occasionaly spanking their children.
the problem with this discussion is it's really out of context. COMPLETELY leaving out the total extreme of abusing children physically and discussing the matter assuming well meaning parents.
Even among well meaning parents there is a real range of HOW the parents choose to raise their children.
overall parenting is more important than specific aspects of child rearing. Spanking being one of the means, lazy? possibly, but so is NOT spanking without having the tools to deal with the situations legitimately.
We went to an acquaintances house. they have a 6 yr old (same age as my oldest) and a 2 yr old (4 months younger than my youngest), their 2 yrl old decided he wanted the toy in my 2 yr olds hand. and without warning he grabbed my sons hand and BIT it, REALLY hard too.
IF my son had done that, i would have taken him to a back room, explained that what he had done was WRONG and he would have gotten a whack on the butt.
They however choose instead to just put him in the bathroom, mb 2 minutes.
during our 2 hour stay their, this kid went to the bathroom NO less than 10 times without a single change in his behavior.
SO, how effective was the parenting??
Originally posted by: LeeTJ
Originally posted by: Isla
Hiya, tuffgirl.
And back to topic again... there are very effective ways to train children without resorting to violence. I don't think a parent has failed if he or she gives a mild spanking to a child, but there are much, much better ways to motivate a child to behave well. Unfortunately, this knowlege doesn't just come with being a parent or a babysitter. These are techniques that have to be learned... and most people don't bother.
i like your approach. you don't take an extreme position like our unfortunate friend EngineNr9.
I have 3 kids and this is a discussion my wife and i have ALL the time. she thinks i'm too hard on the children. i think she lets them get away with too much.
we are at an impasse and our kids have 2 very different types of parents BUT they know that both of us loves them.
have i spanked my kids, YES. do i do it habitually or often? NO. there have been 6 month stretches where i haven't spanked them at all. Do i spank them to a point of real physical pain or danger? NO, more along the lines of slight redness of skin, no bruising no bleeding. and that's how it should be. the occasional open handed wack on the butt is not going to ruin any child.
HOWEVER, i'm not convinced that the TOTAL lack of spanking is a good idea either.
Isla, I'll grant you that GIVEN a proper amount of education a parent can raise their children with ALMOST NO spanking, my problem however is with parents with NO education except the thought that spanking is bad (our liberal media at work) but without the tools to establish real boundries for their children INSISTING that spanking is worse than not.
I've seen the results of this type of upbringing and there is NO way ANYONE will convince me that raising children in that manner is better than well meaning children occasionaly spanking their children.
the problem with this discussion is it's really out of context. COMPLETELY leaving out the total extreme of abusing children physically and discussing the matter assuming well meaning parents.
Even among well meaning parents there is a real range of HOW the parents choose to raise their children.
overall parenting is more important than specific aspects of child rearing. Spanking being one of the means, lazy? possibly, but so is NOT spanking without having the tools to deal with the situations legitimately.
We went to an acquaintances house. they have a 6 yr old (same age as my oldest) and a 2 yr old (4 months younger than my youngest), their 2 yrl old decided he wanted the toy in my 2 yr olds hand. and without warning he grabbed my sons hand and BIT it, REALLY hard too.
IF my son had done that, i would have taken him to a back room, explained that what he had done was WRONG and he would have gotten a whack on the butt.
They however choose instead to just put him in the bathroom, mb 2 minutes.
during our 2 hour stay their, this kid went to the bathroom NO less than 10 times without a single change in his behavior.
SO, how effective was the parenting??
This is what I am talking about and what I believe to raise a child properly. my role model of a dad.
I agree with you, LeeTJ. I've swatted all three of my kids at one time or another, but only when the situation really warranted it. I wish I didn't have to, but sometimes it is the fastest, most effective way to teach. Especially
for very young children who are biting or otherwise harming others or themselves, a quick response/consequence is merited.
If that had been my child doing the biting, he would have had a quick swat on the bottom and been told "No biting!". Then I would have to watch him very carefully, repeating the technique if he did it again.
I actually used that technique when providing care for my neice because she learned to bite in the church nursery and then came and bit my daughter! But I actually had to sit there and WATCH her to make sure she understood not to do it again.
I'll never forget during the week I was training her not to bite... I was watching her closely and she wanted to bite my daughter really bad. But she saw me watching her and she bit the wooden coffee table instead. It was WORK to teach her not to bite, but she never bit anyone again after that. And she loves me 'cause she knows how much I love her (she's almost all grown up now!).
With discipline, it needs to make sense.
for very young children who are biting or otherwise harming others or themselves, a quick response/consequence is merited.
If that had been my child doing the biting, he would have had a quick swat on the bottom and been told "No biting!". Then I would have to watch him very carefully, repeating the technique if he did it again.
I actually used that technique when providing care for my neice because she learned to bite in the church nursery and then came and bit my daughter! But I actually had to sit there and WATCH her to make sure she understood not to do it again.
I'll never forget during the week I was training her not to bite... I was watching her closely and she wanted to bite my daughter really bad. But she saw me watching her and she bit the wooden coffee table instead.
It was WORK to teach her not to bite, but she never bit anyone again after that. And she loves me 'cause she knows how much I love her (she's almost all grown up now!).With discipline, it needs to make sense.
Originally posted by: Isla
I agree with you, LeeTJ. I've swatted all three of my kids at one time or another, but only when the situation really warranted it. I wish I didn't have to, but sometimes it is the fastest, most effective way to teach. Especially
for very young children who are biting or otherwise harming others or themselves, a quick response/consequence is merited.
If that had been my child doing the biting, he would have had a quick swat on the bottom and been told "No biting!". Then I would have to watch him very carefully, repeating the technique if he did it again.
I actually used that technique when providing care for my neice because she learned to bite in the church nursery and then came and bit my daughter! But I actually had to sit there and WATCH her to make sure she understood not to do it again.
I'll never forget during the week I was training her not to bite... I was watching her closely and she wanted to bite my daughter really bad. But she saw me watching her and she bit the wooden coffee table instead.
With discipline, it needs to make sense.
agreed. i'm not for the randoming beating of children. that's just stupid.
this kid, i've also seen him bite his mother REPEATEDLY and she won't raise a hand. one time he bit her like 8 different times and i was watching this and he looked at me with a smirk of his face and continued to bite his mother because she had said NO to something he wanted.
in my opinion that type of behavior is NOT acceptable and shouldn't be tolerated.
what do you think about my nephew beating my niece and my niece revenged with biting him back? nephew = 3years old, niece = 2years old
Hayabusa Rider
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I think you are the adult and need to separate them. They are 2 and 3 and do not understand adult concepts of fairness, or even how it makes the other feel. Their behavior is normal, although undesirable. They will outgrow it, but you need to intercede by distancing them
I think you're a moron and need to be kept away from children. You sure as hell shouldn't be the only "adult" supervising them.
you should go to jail and i hope someone who cares enough about those kids makes sure of it.
have a great day
have a great day
I disagree. Sure, everyone would need a 'good spanking' if they are a little bad ass but what about the kids who don't cause any trouble?
Completely normal for 2 and 3 year olds. They don't have the capacity to understand what their actions are doing to other people. They can't yet relate to the idea that what they are doing is affecting someone else. No matter how many times I try to explain to my daughter(3) that she is hurting my son(1) by pushing him down, scratching, smacking etc. She still does it. I have tried spanking but it does no good either. It may get her to stop for a little while but she soon forgets. I am convinced that I just have to keep seperating them when it happens and scold her until shes old enough to understand. Or when he gets to the age where he fights back she might quit.
Being a parent is the single most difficult thing I have ever had to do in my life. I wouldn't trade it for anything.
Isla: if you have any suggestions I would gladly listen to them.
Edit: there is no reason to get a stick or any other object to "beat" a 3 year old. A swat on the behind with your hand should be more than enough.
Being a parent is the single most difficult thing I have ever had to do in my life. I wouldn't trade it for anything.
Isla: if you have any suggestions I would gladly listen to them.
Edit: there is no reason to get a stick or any other object to "beat" a 3 year old. A swat on the behind with your hand should be more than enough.
And allot of parents would be in jail for child abuse. In today society hitting your children with an object seem to be conceder to be child abuse. Only acceptable way to spank is to use open hand.
i am near the point where i am thining of calling cps and inform them of this and let them persue this matter
By..not doing anything wrong? Jesus, i never had to be spanked to be obedient. Ever thought that some kids learn before they need to be spanked that Mommy and Daddy are in charge?
No, he has a pair already. Yours, on the other hand, has yet to sprout.
leung324, be prepared, that if he does it again, to increase the punishment. Make it clear to him that you are not someone he can push over.
Originally posted by: csaddict
Completely normal for 2 and 3 year olds. They don't have the capacity to understand what their actions are doing to other people. They can't yet relate to the idea that what they are doing is affecting someone else. No matter how many times I try to explain to my daughter(3) that she is hurting my son(1) by pushing him down, scratching, smacking etc. She still does it. I have tried spanking but it does no good either. It may get her to stop for a little while but she soon forgets. I am convinced that I just have to keep seperating them when it happens and scold her until shes old enough to understand. Or when he gets to the age where he fights back she might quit.
Being a parent is the single most difficult thing I have ever had to do in my life. I wouldn't trade it for anything.
Isla: if you have any suggestions I would gladly listen to them.
Edit: there is no reason to get a stick or any other object to "beat" a 3 year old. A swat on the behind with your hand should be more than enough.
Just keep doing what you are doing, csaddict. Keep it up and it will pay off. Right now your 3 year old probably has a little jealousy for the baby and you just have to watch her with him. By the time she is 5 or so, she will probably feel protective of him. What will eventually happen is that they will still scuffle with each other from time to time, but when anyone else tries to mess with them, they will defend each other loyally!
The thing you work on teaching them slowly is that they are on the same team. (Right now your three year old sees no use for a baby on her team, but she'll appreciate him when he is a little older) Just beware, this will backfire when they team up to gang up on YOU, but at least you'll know they've bonded as siblings.
Bill Cosby said that after he had children, he and his wife were closer than ever before. The reason was because they were both scared of the kids! I didn't understand that until my kids got older and started 'working' my husband and me. Now he and I are doing everything we can to try to be a good parenting team because the kids WILL smell weakness and work whatever angle they can to get what they want. It's 'divide and conquer' or 'united we stand!". (A classroom full of kids will do this is a class that has a teacher and an aide... it's the funniest thing to watch them try to play the teaching team like parents!).
And you're right. Parenting is the hardest work you will ever do but it is also worth every single minute of it. (Of course I can say that right now because my little angels are still asleep!
)Best Wishes~!
Did you tell the father that you beat him with a stick? I would bet not.
Thanks for the insight Isla
Thanks for the insight Isla
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