Is it ever OK for a 23 year old to date a 17 year old?

[b0mbrman]

Even the difference between 17 and 18 seemed pretty big to me

High school girls and college boys are from two different worlds...It may be the case that neither party objects but there's also the chance that one or both of them are in it for the wrong reasons...

 

[gopunk]

I think it's kinda funny... That is only a 6 year difference... People who get married are often times 4-10 years older than their spouse...

you're forgetting that it's not really the number of years, but the percentage. for the same reason, if you only have 10 dollars and i take 10, you would be pissed. but if you had a million, and i took 10, you would be significantly less pissed.

 

[StattlichPassat]

<< I wouldn't go so far as to say ALWAYS, but you're usually talking about a significant difference in emotional maturity, here.. A 23 year old's priorities and worldview are usually different from those of a 17 year old. >>

 

[TheOmegaCode]

<< you're forgetting that it's not really the number of years, but the percentage. for the same reason, if you only have 10 dollars and i take 10, you would be pissed. but if you had a million, and i took 10, you would be significantly less pissed. >>


No, this isn't a matter of percentages, it's a social issue... A good friend of mine was 18 (now 26) and has been married for over 8 years to a woman who at the time was 32(now 40)... Not only that, but when they were dating, she had a 6 year old boy...


BTW, I'm tight with money, doesn't matter if I had $10 or $1000... You steal $10 of my dollars, I will be pissed...

 

[HappyPuppy]

gopunk, a bit of an odd analogy,but nevertheless apropo.

 

[gopunk]

<<

<< you're forgetting that it's not really the number of years, but the percentage. for the same reason, if you only have 10 dollars and i take 10, you would be pissed. but if you had a million, and i took 10, you would be significantly less pissed. >>


No, this isn't a matter of percentages, it's a social issue... A good friend of mine was 18 (now 26) and has been married for over 8 years to a woman who at the time was 32(now 40)... Not only that, but when they were dating, she had a 6 year old boy... >>




oh i see what you're saying, yea that's weird

it is a social issue, but that doesn't mean it is totally manmade, if that makes any sense. i believe it's a social issue because it is inherently flawed. there are exceptions to the rule of course. social issues don't come out of nowhere.

 

[gopunk]

<< gopunk, a bit of an odd analogy,but nevertheless apropo. >>



a while back i came up with a formula for the min and max ages, but alas i can't find it. my girl had left me for a 19 year old (we were 14-15)

 

[TheOmegaCode]

<< oh i see what you're saying, yea that's weird

it is a social issue, but that doesn't mean it is totally manmade, if that makes any sense. i believe it's a social issue because it is inherently flawed. there are exceptions to the rule of course. social issues don't come out of nowhere. >>


I'd have to say that my biggest argument for it being a social issue, is that a woman and a man sexually mature early... The social issue comes in when you ask, "is having sex at a young age healthy?"

 

[gopunk]

<<

<< oh i see what you're saying, yea that's weird

it is a social issue, but that doesn't mean it is totally manmade, if that makes any sense. i believe it's a social issue because it is inherently flawed. there are exceptions to the rule of course. social issues don't come out of nowhere. >>


I'd have to say that my biggest argument for it being a social issue, is that a woman and a man sexually mature early... The social issue comes in when you ask, "is having sex at a young age healthy?" >>




huh? i think we're talking about different things. i really don't care if two young people have sex (provided they don't get pregnant). it's the age difference that makes something screwed up.

 

[TheOmegaCode]

Sorry, my bad, I was just using an example of a social issue...

 

[Chaotic42]

<< Eli, it is because of overage adolescents like you that you would only step foot on my property or see my daughter just once. There would be no second warnings.

Don't get me wrong. I understand why overage boys like you date teeny boppers. You are insecure and the only females you can dominate are underage girls. If you were a man, you would be dating women of your own age, experience and maturity. >>



We were discussing this at work the other day. I turn 20 tomorrow, and I said the youngest girl I would date would be 19. When they asked why, I told them it was about maturity.

Break it down like this:

The most important thing in my life is getting a degree, followed closely by my (new) job.
The most important thing in the *average* teenage girl's life is going out with her friends.

There is a huge emotional maturity difference in an 18 and 20 year old, much less a 17 and 23 year old. I know personally I've matured a *lot* in the last year alone.

That said, if you really care for each other, just hang out and be friends for a while, until you're both mature enough to make a serious decision. It's not cool to "mess around" with someone that young.

 

[b0mbrman]

That said, here's a fun story.

I was 18 and prepared to start attending college the coming fall semester, I got a summer job at Disneyland...Got it and it was lots of fun.

One day I notice a rather attractive guest to the park is paying extra close attention to me. I ask her if she needs help finding anything, she says "no," giggles, and runs away.

From now on, she will be named Girl

Anyhow, she passes by several more times and eventually, stops and introduces herself. We get to talking and she asks for my number. I give it to her. She asks for my age and I reply "18, you?"

She pauses and says, "Oh...I'm 17."

Before I have a chance to say anything, she kisses me on the cheek, smiles, and walks away. And all is forgotten...

We talk a few times on the phone...on one occasion, I find myself on the phone, 3-wayed with her and a female friend of her's. Girl needs to attend to something so I'm left alone with the friend...

Friend: So where did you meet Girl?
Me: She met me actually...it was at D-rock (slang for Disneyland...damn, I was so cool back then)
Friend: Oh yeah? So where do you go to school?
Me: I'll be starting at Berkeley in the fall
Friend: [Pause] ... how old are you?
Me: 18 [Pause] ... how old is Girl?
Friend: [Long Pause] ... 16

A bit of time goes by and me and girl hang out once or twice...there comes a time when she gets a page (this was back when the beeper was king) from her dad to come home right away...I rush to her place, drop her off, and before I can drive off, I see a man I'd later find out to be Girl's father knocking on my car window.

"Give me your license," he says. I look at girl who's on the verge of tears and she nods at me to do it. He goes inside (as I realize to myself that "Holy sh*t, this guy's a cop!") and comes back out.

"Is this your car?" he asks.
"My car, under my parents' names," I reply
"Come inside with me. Do you want anything to eat?" he says, more ordering than asking.

I get in there and notice the whole extended family staring at me. The first question they ask is "Where do you go to school?"

"I'll be starting at Berkeley in a couple months."
And next, "How old are you?"
"I'm 18."

To which the room let out a collective gasp...Girl's father stood up and said, "You know this is illegal right. My daughter is only 14."

Me: [Long Pause] ... No, I didn't know that until you told me. Now, if you'll give me my license back, I *promise* you that you'll never see me again.

We shook on it and that was that.

p.s. That was the hottest girl I've ever had a chance with in my life...The lesson is there's *always* something out of place when a hot girl wants to get with me

 

[VFAA]

Women prefer older, mature and established men for security.

 

[ed21x]

it violates the rule of 7 by one year (.5 * age +7). so no

 

[Gulzakar]

ehh, I don't really see the big deal. I suppose it's weird, but to be honest, most men don't ever really grow up. I guess the vast majority of the time it's for sh!ts n' giggles, but sometimes there are very mature highschool girls who can see beyond prom night and keggers

I know my family would sh!t a brick, but as long as the girls family is ok, I guess it's fine. I wouldn't call myself immature, Ive dated the spectrum between 19 and 27 (Im 24), and to be honest, the 27 year old was the most childish and immature (divorcee) and the 19 year old was the most responsible. Out of highschool, yes, but not by far She lived on her own, worked 40 hrs, and atended school. If I met someone that turned out to be really great, then later found out was 17, I'd go for it, but if I knew she was 17 i nthe begining, I'd back away.

 

[chickendinner]

depends on the person.

 

[apoppin]

Most of the replies to your thread have been from adolescents. I am speaking to you from a fathers viewpoint.

Sure, most father want to protect their daughters.

Some, however, are OVERprotective and these seem to have the most problems with rebellious daughters.

 

[TallBill]

Is it ever OK for a 23 year old to date a 17 year old?

yeah.. if you live in kentucky and shes yer cousin

 

[eleutheria]

I do not think it is OK for a 23 year old to date a 17 year old. There may be rare exceptions, but I cannot imagine that there would not be an element of exploitation in such a relationship.

A six year age gap doesn't matter much if the partners are 36 and 30. But the younger you get, the more significant such a gap becomes.

Is it ever OK for a 17 year old to date an 11 year old?

I rest my case.

 

[TallBill]

Is it ever OK for a 17 year old to date an 11 year old?

yeah... if you live in alabama and its your sister

 

[nihil]

b0mbrman that's a screwed up story. stuff like that happens to me all the time. i'll meet a really cute chick and hang out with her for a while only to find she lied to me about her age. it's not cool at all.

 

[virtuamike]

Is it ever OK for a 23 year old to date a 17 year old?

Yup. When she's 18.

 

[kami]

I have a buddy who is 20 and has a 17 year old girlfriend. She's so peppy and "girly"...won't shut up basically. She talks like a school girl ("like...whatEVER") and whines a lot. He says she is mature for her age in private but I dunno...they've been together something like 8 months now and while he doesn't flat out admit it, I think he may be in it for the booty (she is very very hot).

Personally I could never date someone less than my age. Not for "Ewww that's gross" reasons but for intellect and experience. I also don't want to hang around high schoolers and watch my brain cells deplete rapidly in the process. I'm through that stage of life and don't want to go back. I like where I am now so I'm not going to let some high school kid bring me back down, no matter how hot she is.

 

[Ferocious]

Why the hell would a 23 year old EVER want to date a 17 year old...except for sex?

17 year olds are KIDS regardless of how mature they might act.

 

[TallBill]

only reason i'd date a 17 year old would be sex.. and im only 19... i actually wouldnt mind someone in the 21-23 range.. of course my gf is a whopping two days younger then me