Is anyone a prisoner to a fear?

Page 2 - Seeking answers? Join the AnandTech community: where nearly half-a-million members share solutions and discuss the latest tech.
Toggle sidebar Toggle sidebar
Triumph

Triumph

Lifer
Oct 9, 1999
15,031
13
81
Originally posted by: Meractik
perfection, i fear not being perfect and being seen as a negativity in other peoples eye's and thus i have a big problem with trust and how other people see me specially in the real world which is why i do alot of strange things (such as go all day without eating b/c someone would see me eating and id feel weird, so i save my meals if i bring a lunch or whatever for when im alone) and i seclude myself to only opening up and talking to people online, im also rather paranoid all the time about stuff, although im rather good at ignoring the lame mean people that say silly things on these forums sometimes :)
Click to expand...

that's not healthy.
 
A

aidanjm

Lifer
Aug 9, 2004
12,411
2
0
Originally posted by: Meractik
Originally posted by: aidanjm

What you have is a hypersensitivity to rejection. (Or perceived rejection). There is a name for that, it is called "social phobia". Look it up, read some books about it, the behaviors you describe (e.g., not eating in public, out of concern that people will judge you or look down on you) are classic social phobia behaviors.
Click to expand...

ya i figured there was something wrong i don't like to know that im not in control of something so i refused to believe that it is anything i can't fix on my own so im stubborn to the fact that i want it fixed but its damn annoying ot the point to where it interfere's with most day to day activities for me like i get lonely and i feel like im a loner and the only one that matters and have nothing to believe in, want to be my shrink? lol, im gonna bide my time now looking into this social phobia thing
Click to expand...

If you see a professional for assistance, you'd be better off going to a psychologist than a 'shrink' (psychiatrist). Most psychiatrists are not trained in cognitive behavioral therapy, which is the treatment of choice for social phobia. There are also lots of self-help books. Social phobia is very common, by the way.


WHAT IS SOCIAL ANXIETY?

Social anxiety is the third largest psychological problem
in the world today...

but few people understand this...

A woman hates to stand in line in the grocery store because she's afraid that everyone is watching her. She knows that it's not really true, but she can't shake the feeling. While she is shopping, she is conscious of the fact that people might be staring at her from the big mirrors on the inside front of the ceiling. Now, she has to talk to the person who's checking out her groceries. She tries to smile, but her voice comes out weakly. She's sure she's making a fool of herself. Her self-consciousness and anxiety rise to the roof...

Another person sits in front of the telephone and agonizes because she's afraid to pick up the receiver and make a call. She's even afraid to call an unknown person in a business office about the electric bill because she's afraid she'll be "putting someone out" and they will be upset with her. It's very hard for her to take rejection, even over the phone, even from someone she doesn't know. She's especially afraid to call people she does know because she feels that she'll be calling at the wrong time -- the other person will be busy -- and they won't want to talk with her. She feels rejected even before she makes the call. Once the call is made and over, she sits, analyzes, and ruminates about what was said, what tone it was said in, and how she was perceived by the other person....her anxiety and racing thoughts concerning the call prove to her that she "goofed" this conversation up, too, just like she always does. Sometimes she gets embarrassed just thinking about the call.

A man finds it difficult to walk down the street because he's self-conscious and feels that people are watching him from their windows. Worse, he may run into a person on the sidewalk and be forced to say hello to them. He's not sure he can do that. His voice will catch, his "hello" will sound weak, and the other person will know he's frightened. More than anything else, he doesn't want anyone to know that he's afraid. He keeps his eyes safely away from anyone else's gaze and prays he can make it home without having to talk to anyone.

A man hates to go to work because a meeting is scheduled the next day. He knows that these meetings always involve co-workers talking with each other about their current projects. Just the thought of speaking in front of co-workers raises his anxiety. Sometimes he can't sleep the night before because of the anticipatory anxiety that builds up. Finally, the meeting is over. A big wave of relief spills over him as he begins to relax. But the memory of the meeting is still uppermost in his mind. He is convinced he made a fool of himself and that everyone in the room saw how afraid he was when he spoke, and how stupid he acted in their presence. At next week's meeting, the boss is going to be there. Even though this meeting is seven days away, his stomach turns raw with anxiety and fear floods over him again. He knows that in front of the boss he'll stammer, hesitate, his face will turn red, he won't remember what to say, and everyone will witness his embarrassment and humiliation. He has seven miserable days of anxiety ahead of him -- to think about it, ruminate over it, worry about it, over-exaggerate it in his mind.......again and again and again.....

A student won't attend her university classes on the first day because she knows that in some classes the professor will instruct them to go around the room and introduce themselves. Just thinking about sitting there, waiting to introduce herself to a roomful of strangers who will be staring at her makes her feel nauseous. She knows she won't be able to think clearly because her anxiety will be so high, and she is sure she will leave out important details. Her voice might even quiver and she will sound scared and tentative. The anxiety is just too much to bear---so she skips the first day of class to avoid the possibility of having to introduce herself in class.

Another young man wants to go to parties and other social events---indeed, he is very, very lonely---but he never goes anywhere because he's very nervous about meeting new people. Too many people will be there and crowds only make things worse for him. The thought of meeting new people scares him---will he know what to say? Will they stare at him and make him feel even more insignificant? Will they reject him outright? Even if they seem nice, they're sure to notice his frozen look and his inability to fully smile. They'll sense his discomfort and tenseness and they won't like him --- there's just no way to win --- "I'm always going to be an outcast," he predicts. And he spends the night alone, at home, watching television again. He feels comfortable at home. In fact, home is the only place he does feel completely comfortable. He hasn't gone anywhere else in twelve years.

In public places, such as work, meetings, or shopping, people with social anxiety feel that everyone is watching, staring, and judging them (even though rationally they know this isn't true). The socially anxious person can't relax, "take it easy", and enjoy themselves in public. In fact, they can never fully relax when other people are around. It always feels like others are evaluating them, being critical of them, or "judging" them in some way. The person with social anxiety knows that people don't do this openly, of course, but they still feel the self-consciousness and judgment while they are in the other person's presence. It's sometimes impossible to let go, relax, and focus on anything else except the anxiety and fear. Because the anxiety is so very painful, it's much easier just to stay away from social situations and avoid other people altogether.

Many times people with social anxiety simply must be alone---closeted---with the door closed behind them. Even when they're around familiar people, a person with social anxiety may feel overwhelmed and have the feeling that others are noticing their every movement and critiquing their every thought. They feel like they are being observed critically and that other people are making negative judgments about them.

One of the worst circumstances, though, is meeting people who are "authority figures". Especially people such as bosses and supervisors at work, but including almost anyone who is seen as being "better" than they are in some respect. People with social anxiety may get a lump in their throat and their facial muscles may freeze up when they meet this person. The anxiety level is very high and they're so focused on "not failing" and "giving themselves away" that they don't even remember what was said in the conversation. But later on, they're sure they must have said the wrong thing.....because they always do.

How is it ever possible to feel "comfortable" or "natural" under these circumstances?

Rest of article:
http://www.socialphobia.org/whatis.html
 
P

PowerMacG5

Diamond Member
Apr 14, 2002
7,701
0
0
Very few things scare me. One thing I just get freaked out by is bugs.

I have no problem with heights, airplanes, commitment, etc...
 
UncleWai

UncleWai

Diamond Member
Oct 23, 2001
5,701
68
91
hair loss.
I am only 20 and my barber yesterday told me I am starting to losing hair.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

TRENDING THREADS

COMPANY
RESOURCES
FOLLOW
Top Bottom