I'm reading Bash.org at work

[Batti]

#505117 +(1845)- [X]

<7ruth> Oh my god! I'll be right back, parents are making me barbeque.
<Sentral1>Im pretty sure that was a literal version of 'omgbrbbbq'
<Xthirteen>yep

 

[SuperToilet]

#136524 +(3967)- [X]

<Raven> I tried setting my hotmail password to penis.
<Raven> It said my password wasn't long enough.

 

[Horticulture]

Originally posted by: SuperToilet
#136524 +(3967)- [X]

<Raven> I tried setting my hotmail password to penis.
<Raven> It said my password wasn't long enough.

classic!

 

[EyeMWing]

Here are the ones that feature me (Weng)

<Weng> If one were to download every piece of porn on the internet, paysites and all, and remove the duplicates, how many 120 gig hard drives would he have to span?
<Cray0la> hmm
<NaiWiste> a lot
<Weng> including gay, kiddie, fetish and assorted other disgusting variations
<NaiWiste> i'de say. at least 200gb for kiddie pr0n
<Weng> only 200?
<Snickerdo> Wang: Maxtor and WD would get into a bidding war over you, that's how much.
<Weng> Cool. Time to put this 56k pipe to work

<Weng> "6. You are rated higher than 55% of the men on this site"
<Weng> My girlfriend didn't even rate me a 10 :/
<J4k3> she's settling for a 5... inch
<Weng> She's settling for a lot less than 5 inches

<Cowclops> wtf
<Weng> WTF
<NKD> WTF
<Weng> SOMEONE USES OS/2
*** ben6 has joined #athlon
<Cowclops> [Austy VERSION reply]: Internet Adventurer for OS/2 PM (Registered) : Version 1.50 : Get it from http://www.inetadv.net
<NKD> HAHAHA
<Weng> I have OS/2
<NKD> I hope to god thats a fake version reply
<Weng> But I sure as fvck don't USE it
<Cowclops> I kinda hope that too
<NKD> I have OS/2
<NKD> Oh wait nm
<NKD> thats a PS/2 port

There are 2 others on there, but one is doctored, and one is just un-funny.

 

[Pciber]

Originally posted by: jjzelinski
#331940 +(2519)- [X]

<Zenith> So I was at work today, signing for a package from UPS..
<Zenith> When the FedEx guy walks in with a package of his own.
<Zenith> And at that EXACT moment, a customer changes the channel to TBS and the Mortal Kombat movie is on, right when the fight theme music starts.
<Nigma> Did they break out into a delivery duel to the death?
<Zenith> I was prepared for parcel projectiles and fedex fatalities.
<Zenith> They eyed each other, and I knew something was about to happen...
<Zenith> But then the guy changed the channel to "Trading Spaces" and the fight was over.


hahaha, I'll never look at delivery services the same way

mmm thats from #2cpu on irc.freenode.org

oo lets see.. I think I have one on bash.. where is it.. here we go.

#139147 +(386)- [X]

<Pciber> Dude.
<Pciber> I just thought of the awesomest AIDS campain slogan.
<Pciber> AIDS Kills, We ain't fsckin around!

 

[quakefiend420]

Originally posted by: NiKeFiDO

ih yeah, and:
<Jeedo> hey baby, whats up?
<Indidge> umm....nothing?
<Jeedo> So....want me to like come over today so we can fvck? <---edited slightly
<Indidge> Wait....did you want to speak to my daughter?
<Jeedo> Yes Mrs.Miller.. :-/

bwahahahahahahaha

pwned!

 

[cain]

Originally posted by: SuperToilet

#287414 +(10318)- [X]

<DeadMansHand> haha, last night, me and pete went out to celebrate his engagement and got hugely drunk
<DeadMansHand> we got this great idea to bury eachother in the sand close to the water and see who would chicken out first
<DeadMansHand> took about a half hour, but the water got up to my face so i freaked and got out
<DeadMansHand> i looked around for pete and he must've chickened out before me and stumbled home or something heh
<DeadMansHand> What'd he say when he woke up this morning?
<Thirteen-> uhh.. he hasn't come home yet.. i thought he was staying with you?
<DeadMansHand> holy fvck.
<DeadMansHand> i fvcking hope im wrong about what im thinking right now
<DeadMansHand> im fvcking going back to the beach to make sure
<DeadMansHand> if he gets home, call me, i don't want to be worrying about this
<Thirteen-> will do. you better hope he's not still buried, you'll be in deep sh!t.
quit: (DeadMansHand)
<Tyran> wtf? pete came home last night you fvck. Ken's going to be worrying about this sh!t all day
<Thirteen-> haha yea, but it will be fun while it lasts
join: (PeteRepeat) (bob@3F8C4655.11D1C8C.18637D35.IP)
<PeteRepeat> fvcking ken
<PeteRepeat> ken... that fvcker buried me in the sand last night, i ran off about 5 minutes to it, left him there to be an idiot
<quiqsilver> pete, ken didn't come back last night, i thought he was with you.
<PeteRepeat> oh fvck.
<PeteRepeat> if ken shows up, make sure he doesn't know that im at the beach digging for his body. i don't want him to think i care or anything.
quit: (PeteRepeat)
<Thirteen-> rofl. Those 2 are going to get a huge surprise when they meet at the beach.
<Tyran> i can't beleive how perfect their timing was

LMAO
#125283 +(6085)- [X]

<Jeedo> hey baby, whats up?
<Indidge> umm....nothing?
<Jeedo> So....want me to like come over today so we can fuck?
<Indidge> Wait....did you want to speak to my daughter?
<Jeedo> Yes Mrs.Miller.. :-/

#178890 +(6042)- [X]

*** Now talking in #christian
-Word_of_God- Welcome Abstruse to #christian I am a Bible Bot. For more info type: /msg Word_of_God !info
<Abstruse> !kjv numbers 22:21
<Word_of_God> Numbers 22:21 -- And Balaam rose up in the morning, and saddled his ass, and went with the princes of Moab. - (KJV)
*** SageRider sets mode: +b *!*@c211-30-208-111.rivrw3.nsw.optusnet.com.au
*** Word_of_God was kicked from #christian by SageRider (Please dont Swear)
<Abstruse> I know I'm never going to be able to come back in this channel again after this, but damn was it worth it to see that...

how the hell did you get the word fvck through the filters?

my contribution today:

#177548 +(2154)- [X]

<MercyBeat> For those of you planning on seeing the third LOTR movie at the theater her are some survival tips.
<MercyBeat> 1. Stand up halfway through the movie and yell loudly, "Wait... where the hell is Harry Potter?"
<MercyBeat> 2. Block the entrance to the theater while screaming: "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" - After the movie, say "Lucas could have done it better."
<MercyBeat> 3. At some point during the movie, stand up and shout: "I must go! Middle Earth needs me!" and run and try to jump into the screen. After bouncing off, return quietly to your seat.
<MercyBeat> 4. Play a drinking game where you have to take a sip every time someone says: "The Ring."
<MercyBeat> 5. Point and laugh whenever someone dies.
<MercyBeat> 6. Ask the nearest ring-nut if he thinks Gandalf went to Hogwarts
<MercyBeat> 7. Finish off every one of Elrond's lines with "Mr. Anderson."
<MercyBeat> 8. When Aragorn is crowned king, stand up and at the top of your lungs sing, "And I did it.... MY way...!"
<MercyBeat> 9. At the end, complain that Gollum was offensive to Ethiopians
<MercyBeat> 10. Talk like Gollum all through the movie. At the end, bite off someone's finger and fall down the stairs.
<MercyBeat> 11. When Shelob appears, pinch the guy in front of you on the back of the neck.
<MercyBeat> 12. Dress up as old ladies and reenact "The Battle of Helms Deep" Monty Python style.
<MercyBeat> 13. When Denethor lights the fire, shout "Barbecue!"
<MercyBeat> 14. Ask people around you who they think is the next "Terminator" sent from the Middle Earth of the future to assassinate Frodo Baggins
<MercyBeat> 15. In TTT when the Ents decide to march to war, stand up and shout "RUN FOREST, RUN!"
<MercyBeat> 16. Every time someone kills an Orc, yell: "That's what I'm Tolkien about!" See how long it takes before you get kicked out of the theatre.
<MercyBeat> 17. During a wide shot of a battle, inquire, "Where's Waldo?"
<MercyBeat> 18. Talk loudly about how you heard that there is a single frame of a nude Elf hidden somewhere in the movie.
<MercyBeat> 19. Start an Orc sing-a-long.
<MercyBeat> 20. Come to the premiere dressed as Frankenfurter and wander around looking terribly confused.

 

[Demon-Xanth]

Originally posted by: cain
[
how the hell did you get the word fvck through the filters?

my contribution today:

#177548 +(2154)- [X]

<MercyBeat> For those of you planning on seeing the third LOTR movie at the theater her are some survival tips.
<MercyBeat> 1. Stand up halfway through the movie and yell loudly, "Wait... where the hell is Harry Potter?"
<MercyBeat> 2. Block the entrance to the theater while screaming: "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" - After the movie, say "Lucas could have done it better."
<MercyBeat> 3. At some point during the movie, stand up and shout: "I must go! Middle Earth needs me!" and run and try to jump into the screen. After bouncing off, return quietly to your seat.
<MercyBeat> 4. Play a drinking game where you have to take a sip every time someone says: "The Ring."
<MercyBeat> 5. Point and laugh whenever someone dies.
<MercyBeat> 6. Ask the nearest ring-nut if he thinks Gandalf went to Hogwarts
<MercyBeat> 7. Finish off every one of Elrond's lines with "Mr. Anderson."
<MercyBeat> 8. When Aragorn is crowned king, stand up and at the top of your lungs sing, "And I did it.... MY way...!"
<MercyBeat> 9. At the end, complain that Gollum was offensive to Ethiopians
<MercyBeat> 10. Talk like Gollum all through the movie. At the end, bite off someone's finger and fall down the stairs.
<MercyBeat> 11. When Shelob appears, pinch the guy in front of you on the back of the neck.
<MercyBeat> 12. Dress up as old ladies and reenact "The Battle of Helms Deep" Monty Python style.
<MercyBeat> 13. When Denethor lights the fire, shout "Barbecue!"
<MercyBeat> 14. Ask people around you who they think is the next "Terminator" sent from the Middle Earth of the future to assassinate Frodo Baggins
<MercyBeat> 15. In TTT when the Ents decide to march to war, stand up and shout "RUN FOREST, RUN!"
<MercyBeat> 16. Every time someone kills an Orc, yell: "That's what I'm Tolkien about!" See how long it takes before you get kicked out of the theatre.
<MercyBeat> 17. During a wide shot of a battle, inquire, "Where's Waldo?"
<MercyBeat> 18. Talk loudly about how you heard that there is a single frame of a nude Elf hidden somewhere in the movie.
<MercyBeat> 19. Start an Orc sing-a-long.
<MercyBeat> 20. Come to the premiere dressed as Frankenfurter and wander around looking terribly confused.

#1: I have a theory, but don't feel like trying it out. (quoteunquote)
#2: That's good

 

[cain]

#400813 +(2523)- [X]

<Shadowless> How can I tell if I'm circumsized or not? From everyone's descriptions, I'm assuming I am not. I think I even recall my father telling me they decided not to have it done to me because of problems that can develop. I'd ask but I'm a little too embarrassed. I'm very private with my body.
<Shadowless> I do have quite a bit of loose skin below the glans, but it's still clearly separated when erect. When I was young though, before I was getting erections, the skin was always bunched up around the glans and I could easily slide it over. I am also extremely sensitive on the under-side of my shaft toward the top -- exactly where the skin is. I get ejaculate by just massaging this.
<Shadowless> My sincere apologies if this was too graphic for anyone.
<Shadowless> I'm tempted to just suck it up and use Google image search to find out.
<Baloogan> dude, WHAT THE FUCK

 

[NiKeFiDO]

Originally posted by: cain
#400813 +(2523)- [X]

<Shadowless> How can I tell if I'm circumsized or not? From everyone's descriptions, I'm assuming I am not. I think I even recall my father telling me they decided not to have it done to me because of problems that can develop. I'd ask but I'm a little too embarrassed. I'm very private with my body.
<Shadowless> I do have quite a bit of loose skin below the glans, but it's still clearly separated when erect. When I was young though, before I was getting erections, the skin was always bunched up around the glans and I could easily slide it over. I am also extremely sensitive on the under-side of my shaft toward the top -- exactly where the skin is. I get ejaculate by just massaging this.
<Shadowless> My sincere apologies if this was too graphic for anyone.
<Shadowless> I'm tempted to just suck it up and use Google image search to find out.
<Baloogan> dude, WHAT THE FUCK

rofl, almost literally

 

[iwantanewcomputer]

rofled at work...now i'm probly in trouble

*** Topic in #doghouse is 'Our hearts are extended to the 17 victims of the recent internet fraud'
* Anubis has joined #doghouse
<Anubis> what fraud?
<Kadmium> You haven't heard about it?
<Anubis> no?
<Kadmium> You can read the full story at http://www.[website that involves a tub].com
<Anubis> omg wtf!
*** Kadmium changes topic to 'Our hearts are extended to the 18 victims of the recent internet fraud'

 

[cain]

lets revive this thread people

 

[cain]

#6461 +(79)- [X]

<Flik> my friend gave up masturbation for lent, and lost in an hour

 

[franksta]

This one made laugh, partly because there's a duck pond outside my office.

<UKDJ|Planet> I swear to god
<UKDJ|Planet> I've just heard a duck tell a joke
<Jock> o...k
<UKDJ|Planet> there was as group of ducks on a pond near where i live
<UKDJ|Planet> one of the ducks was quacking away looking straight at a group of like 10 ducks
<UKDJ|Planet> then he stopped and all the other ducks went mental
<UKDJ|Planet> it looked just like duck stand-up comedy

 

[suklee]

Originally posted by: CRXican
#129 +(1479)- [X]
<cndz> what would jesus do>
<Josh> probably get crucified and die

#132 +(989)- [X]
<Leaf-> Gran Turismo is hard
<Mootar> quit callin me gran turismo

#136 +(729)- [X]
<LkTruth1> I am the most intelligence person in this channel.

#141 +(915)- [X]
<ILLogik> i was having cybersex with this chick but she wouldn't go all the way so i had to rape her

#176 +(415)- [X]
(Theseus-) guilty says my computer realizes that it's running a celeron and tries to commit suicide

:laugh:

 

[cain]

here we go, a bunch of them:

#20274 +(132)- [X]

<Speedlock> i like to think of sara as my sister
<Graeme> i like to think of sara riding my cock like a sex starved nymphette
<Speedlock> actually, i like to think of sara as a kissing cousin
<Speedlock> or perhaps a sexy auntie
<martin> you'll end up thinking of her as someone you cant go within 200 yards of at this rate

#44204 +(48)- [X]

<TBNE> does it cost ?
<Adonai> TBNE, it's free as the black man in 1819

#52780 +(116)- [X]

<hoolar> i haf to go in to the doctor to get my colon examed tommorow
<tReMeR> At least its not a anal exam!
<tReMeR> o wait..

#89853 +(245)- [X]

<Callick> You know..
<Callick> You tend to realize the kind of sad existence you live in when you wake up Friday morning in a sweat stained Namco t-shirt and a pair of yellow old navy swimtrunks.. with last night's pizza grease still on your face and a glass of rotten milk next to you.. and the first thing on your mind is, "Man, I'm gonna have some fun playing my cleric in Dungeons and Dragons today!"

#219069 +(335)- [X]

<jesus_X> Back in high school, I was fueding with this football phag, because I boinked his sister, then broke up with her. In the middle of english class, he starts making noises calling me gay, i love you, etc.
<jesus_X> So, after 15 minutes of it, and him not listening to the teacher to shut up, I got him good.
<jesus_X> I turned around, looked him dead in the eye, and said:
<jesus_X> You didn't have any complaints last night!
<jesus_X> He NEVER spoke to me again.

mediocre, nothing great.

 

[Saint Nick]

Originally posted by: cain

<Skizot> my boss is a moron
<Skizot> he walked in an i had left mirc open
<Skizot> he asked what it was...
<Berry2K> bussiness relations?
<Skizot> i told him a new support program by microsoft
<Berry2K>
<Berry2K> haha
<Skizot> he says" do i need it"
<RightField> lol
<Skizot> i told him no... it's for really techincal people and n00bs
<Berry2K> WTFLOL
<Skizot> he asks what's a n00b
<RightField> omg
<Skizot> i told him that's what they call microsoft programmers

LMFAO

 

[Horus]

<Kevyn> So if black guys like white girls, and white guys like asian girls... what do the asian guys like?
<etoilet> hentai

Locl-Yocl> I helped the EMTs at a car wreck and got blood all over my arms and shirt. It looked like I murdered 20 people with a fork... anyway, I walked into a convieniance store down the street and said my girlfriend needs a tampon. The guy at the counter was mortified.

OMFGROFL!

 

[CVSiN]

Originally posted by: Horus

<Kevyn> So if black guys like white girls, and white guys like asian girls... what do the asian guys like?
<etoilet> hentai

Locl-Yocl> I helped the EMTs at a car wreck and got blood all over my arms and shirt. It looked like I murdered 20 people with a fork... anyway, I walked into a convieniance store down the street and said my girlfriend needs a tampon. The guy at the counter was mortified.

OMFGROFL!

haha

 

[middlehead]

#491664 +(1541)- [X]

<Zach> Is your Dad home?
<videogameaholic> yep
<Zach> You get any hot chicks on the internet yet?
<videogameaholic> wtf? There aren't any chicks on the internet.
<Zach> You gotta do what I do. I get onto one of them lesbian chatrooms and pretend to be a 19 year old girl.
<videogameaholic> I bet the other 60 "horny lesbians" in that room think they are just as clever as you.
<Zach> no no no, they're really women, they send me naked pictures
<videogameaholic> What do you do when they ask for yours?
<Zach> I send them a pic of a 19 year old girl.
<videogameaholic> ...
<Zach> No seriously, they're all lesbians.
<videogameaholic> If you say so...
<Zach> damn straight.
<videogameaholic> I'm sure you are.

 

[Maleix]

Originally posted by: SouthPaW1227
I still don't understand how you people think the doctor one is funny. The punch line needs to come when the doctor walks in, yet life continues on as normal. He doesn't flip out, he doesn't call security, nothing. There's no punch line.

The bloodninja stuff had me rolling in my office almost.

This is why I think society is failing our children. (If you don't find that funny then you should die of cancer.)

 

[andylawcc]

Originally posted by: hevnsnt

EvilEye:i just found out that i have competition for student government president
EvilEye:hes blind
EvilEye:so heres my campaign slogan: "I have a vision"

HAHAHAHHAHAAH.... that is GREAT!!!


sig material!

 

[Night201]

Originally posted by: blackdogdeek

<Ben174> : If they only realized 90% of the overtime they pay me is only cause i like staying here playing with Kazaa when the bandwidth picks up after hours.
<ChrisLMB> : If any of my employees did that they'd be fired instantly.
<Ben174> : Where u work?
<ChrisLMB> : I'm the CTO at LowerMyBills.com
*** Ben174 (BenWright@TeraPro33-41.LowerMyBills.com) Quit (Leaving)

priceless

That is awesome!

 

[venk]

Bash.org > Hot, Steamy Man Sex

 

[cliftonite]

haha