I'm reading Bash.org at work

[ThePresence]

Originally posted by: jmgonzalez
#349567 +(6136)- [X]
Rabidplaybunny87: Okay, so my neighbors officially hate me
GarbageStan23: why?
Rabidplaybunny87: Well, me, david and andrew were having a bonfire in the backyard, and we were making s'mores and all... and suddenly we here sirens, and see a firetruck turn into the street in front of us.
Rabidplaybunny87: So we all went running to see what was up, and our neigbor's house was on fire!
GarbageStan23: oh shit!
Rabidplaybunny87: Yeah, and when we got there, the wife was crying into her husbands arms, and we were just kinda standing there, and then she saw us, and then like for 10 seconds, gave us the dirtiest look ever
Rabidplaybunny87: Turns out, we were still holding our sticks with marshmallows on it, watching the fire....
Rabidplaybunny87: talk about bad timing...

That is by far the funniest bash quote ever. :laugh:

 

[SilverTorch]

Mine

#5273 +(19197)- [X]

<erno> hm. I've lost a machine.. literally _lost_. it responds to ping, it works completely, I just can't figure out where in my apartment it is.

 

[dolph]

i'd forgotten about it for a while, then this morning i was trying to remember to visit it at work, but again, i forgot. until, that is, i saw this thread!

 

[SouthPaW1227]

I still don't understand how you people think the doctor one is funny. The punch line needs to come when the doctor walks in, yet life continues on as normal. He doesn't flip out, he doesn't call security, nothing. There's no punch line.

The bloodninja stuff had me rolling in my office almost.

 

[PowerMacG5]

Originally posted by: SouthPaW1227
I still don't understand how you people think the doctor one is funny. The punch line needs to come when the doctor walks in, yet life continues on as normal. He doesn't flip out, he doesn't call security, nothing. There's no punch line.

The bloodninja stuff had me rolling in my office almost.

All of you who don't get it are way too dense.

 

[CStan]

I'm actually addicted to bash. In the past year, I've been reading quotes in order, and am now on page 191. It's a real time waster. Here's a quote:

<snif> i jsut asked if any one knew how to change ports and stuff
<taras> yes, you visit your local harbourmaster and tell him you want your ship to be in a different port from now on
<grifferz> you go to your liquor retailer
<grifferz> and you say, "sorry, I do not like this port, please supply me with another"
<snif> no need to be total dicks about it you guys can go fvck your self

 

[ElMonoDelMar]

Most of them are funny but I can't help to think that a lot of them are fake.

 

[Aves]

Originally posted by: Joemonkey

Originally posted by: xospec1alk

Originally posted by: blackdogdeek

<Ben174> : If they only realized 90% of the overtime they pay me is only cause i like staying here playing with Kazaa when the bandwidth picks up after hours.
<ChrisLMB> : If any of my employees did that they'd be fired instantly.
<Ben174> : Where u work?
<ChrisLMB> : I'm the CTO at LowerMyBills.com
*** Ben174 (BenWright@TeraPro33-41.LowerMyBills.com) Quit (Leaving)

priceless

I've always wondered if this guy got fired.....

hehe yeah that one is great

I'm fairly certain that the guy was BSing him. He just did a whois and said that because of all the crap the guy was saying.

 

[BrokenVisage]

Originally posted by: PowerMacG5

Originally posted by: SouthPaW1227
I still don't understand how you people think the doctor one is funny. The punch line needs to come when the doctor walks in, yet life continues on as normal. He doesn't flip out, he doesn't call security, nothing. There's no punch line.

The bloodninja stuff had me rolling in my office almost.

All of you who don't get it are way too dense.

He's right, I didn't think the Doctor one was funny either, and I literally LOL'd at pretty much everything else. I just didn't think what he did was funny, more like inapproperiate for a doctors office. It just seemed like something a stupid little child would do, and I could see that shit on Americas Funniest Videos if I wanted. I can see how a select few doctors might find their patient playing with sterile equipment and stealing a bunch of gloves funny, but not many would thats for sure. *shrug* I just didn't find it as funny as most did, and I'm with you I guess SouthPaw, funny fu site though, thanks!

 

[amol]

<Batty> Euch, rap is just missing one letter. c.
<zeep> rapc?
<Batty> ...
<Batty> Crap you idiot. you put the c on the other end
<zeep> oic
<Batty> Though you could also say it's missing an e
<zeep> wtf is erap?
* Batty bangs his head repeatedly against a wall

 

[keeleysam]

#805 +(54)- [X]

<DUJSHEBAE> HI, ANYONE knows which is the best programm for emulate PSX in a pentium 133?

 

[DannyBoy]

Originally posted by: Zeeky Boogy Doog
<tag> Ouroboros: lets play Pong
<Ouroboros> Ok.
<tag> | .
<Ouroboros> . |
<tag> | .
<Ouroboros> . |
<tag> | .
<Ouroboros> | .
<Ouroboros> Whoops

lmfao

 

[arcenite]

<kaGirl01> the nest time we have sex.... can it be to the tune of star trek??
<kaGirl01> ohh ummmm wrong window, please excuse that
<evilroot> . . . . . . . .

 

[jjzelinski]

#331940 +(2519)- [X]

<Zenith> So I was at work today, signing for a package from UPS..
<Zenith> When the FedEx guy walks in with a package of his own.
<Zenith> And at that EXACT moment, a customer changes the channel to TBS and the Mortal Kombat movie is on, right when the fight theme music starts.
<Nigma> Did they break out into a delivery duel to the death?
<Zenith> I was prepared for parcel projectiles and fedex fatalities.
<Zenith> They eyed each other, and I knew something was about to happen...
<Zenith> But then the guy changed the channel to "Trading Spaces" and the fight was over.


hahaha, I'll never look at delivery services the same way

 

[arcenite]

<holgie> One day a husband and wife were in the bathroom,The wife was getting out of the shower and the husband grabs her boobs and says "If these were firmer you wouldn`t need a bra." The wife was repulsed by his behavior and ignores him. The next week the two are again in the bathroom and while the wife was getting out of the shower he grabs her ass and says "If your ass was firmer you wouldn`t need a girdle." The wife is now pissed and is ploting her revenge. One day a week later the husband is getting out of the shower and the wife grabs his dick and says "If this was a little bit bigger I wouldn`t need your brother."

 

[sonz70]

<T-Wolf> man, my girlfriend left me for some ****** named robert
<RdAwG20> you don't live in Hope mills do you?
<T-Wolf> ya, why man?
<RdAwG20> lol, just wondering, was her namne alisson?
<T-Wolf> you mother ******

mwahahaha

 

[jjzelinski]

#315042 +(2448)- [X]

<sexor> I went shopping last night at like 1am. the place was empty, and this old woman, just making polite convertation, said to me: "where is everyone??".
<sexor> I replied: "In bed, same place you and I should be!"
<sexor> Took me ten minutes to figure out why she gave me a dirty look

LOL

 

[sonz70]

Rabidplaybunny87: Okay, so my neighbors officially hate me
GarbageStan23: why?
Rabidplaybunny87: Well, me, david and andrew were having a bonfire in the backyard, and we were making s'mores and all... and suddenly we here sirens, and see a firetruck turn into the street in front of us.
Rabidplaybunny87: So we all went running to see what was up, and our neigbor's house was on fire!
GarbageStan23: oh shit!
Rabidplaybunny87: Yeah, and when we got there, the wife was crying into her husbands arms, and we were just kinda standing there, and then she saw us, and then like for 10 seconds, gave us the dirtiest look ever
Rabidplaybunny87: Turns out, we were still holding our sticks with marshmallows on it, watching the fire....
Rabidplaybunny87: talk about bad timing...

 

[SouthPaW1227]

. *shrug* I just didn't find it as funny as most did, and I'm with you I guess SouthPaw, funny site though, thanks!

lol at least I'm not the only one. I just don't get how him acting like a kid was funny. The doc needed to have a reaction for it to be mildly funny. Ah well, everything else has been top notch funnies!

 

[dighn]

Originally posted by: SouthPaW1227

. *shrug* I just didn't find it as funny as most did, and I'm with you I guess SouthPaw, funny site though, thanks!

lol at least I'm not the only one. I just don't get how him acting like a kid was funny. The doc needed to have a reaction for it to be mildly funny. Ah well, everything else has been top notch funnies!

i thought the ending was slightly amusing with the doctor giving him a box of the stuff (funny in a patronizing kind of way) but the rest... bleh. dunno why ppl find it so funny. but then my sense of humor has always been a little "off"..

 

[AcidicFury]

<superwoman> I had a boyfriend once that made me suck him off while I had a mouthful of beer.
<GrandCow> HAHAHAHA that was me bitch!
<superwoman> DANNY?!?!?!
<GrandCow> MOM?!?!?!?!

omfg perfect.

 

[cain]

Originally posted by: icejunkie

#330261 +(5712)- [X]

<i8b4uUnderground> d-_-b
<BonyNoMore> how u make that inverted b?
<BonyNoMore> wait
<BonyNoMore> never mind

HAHA!

hahahahahaha i love this one. i am trying so hard not to laugh in my cubicle right now

 

[cain]

#75154 +(3599)- [X]
<Galactic> you know what's ALWAYS bothered me? cold cereal mascots
<Galactic> I mean that is just some FVCKED UP SH1T
<Galactic> the Trix rabbit, for example
<Galactic> I dunno man... if I were him I'd be fvcking KILLING some kids
<Galactic> I remember a commercial where the fvckin rabbit WENT INTO A FVCKIN STORE AND BOUGHT A BOX OF TRIX WITH HIS OWN FVCKIN MONEY.
<Galactic> fvckin kids came outta NOWHERE and basically fvckin mug the poor stupid bitch rabbit
<Galactic> "silly rabbit Trix are for kids"
<Galactic> Fvckin rabbit just sits there and looks depressed.
<Galactic> FVCK NO that wouldn't fly with me
<Galactic> I'd have pimp-slapped EVERY ONE OF those fvckin bitches
<Galactic> and made them go get me the REST of a "complete breakfast" and eat Trix right in front of them bitches and THEN beat the sh1t out of them some more.
<Galactic> and wtf is with the disguises? All the dumb rabbit does is hide his ears and all of a sudden he's a fvckin kid?
<Galactic> I dunno about you, but if I SAW a 6 foot fvckin RABBIT with his ears tucked under a baseball cap, I wouldn't immediately think
<Galactic> "Hey, there's a cool lookin human kid, let me go over and share some of my cereal with him"
<Galactic> NO.
<Galactic> I'd be thinking
<Galactic> "that's a 6 foot fvckin RABBIT with his ears tucked under a baseball cap... what the FVCK was I just smoking?"
<Galactic> another thing... wtf is up with cereal being "A part of this complete breakfast"
<Galactic> last time -I- checked, cereal WAS breakfast
<Galactic> they show a big ass bowl of frosted flakes next to a waffle, a pancake, toast, a banana, a fvckin grapefruit... who the FVCK eats a breakfast that big
<Flaming_Duck> not me
<Flaming Duck> I don't even EAT breakfast nomore
<Flaming_Duck> I mean, I eat when I get up
<Flaming_Duck> but the whole thought "BREAKFAST IS ONLY SERVED UNTIL SUCH AND SUCH TIME"
<FLaming_Suck> bitch, you make my fvcking sausage and egg sandwich when I pay you the fvcking money
<Flaming_Duck> don't give me that sh1t.
<Galactic> Back to stupid cereal mascots...
<Galactic> Lucky Charms.
<Galactic> FVCKING LUCKY CHARMS
<Galactic> Lucky can turn the fvcking MOON into a marshmallow, and he can't escape a bunch of fvcking 6 year olds?!?!?
<Galactic> C'mon now, Lucky.
<Galactic> I KNOW your bitch ass has got to have a "Blow the fvcking kids up" spell SOMEWHERE
<Galactic> or make "kid marshamllows" and EAT those bitches.
<Galactic> "They're after me Lucky Charms!"
<Galactic> ....
<Galactic> KILL THEM, BITCH!
<Galactic> I dunno why I went off on this rant here
<Galactic> it's just always bothered me."

had to edit the curse words in words, but funny

 

[PingSpike]

<O.J.> Radio interview quote from Marine Corps General Reinwald and a female radio host. He wants to host some boy scouts at the training center for some practise excercises. As follows
<FEMALE INTERVIEWER>: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?
<GENERAL REINWALD>: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.
<FEMALE INTERVIEWER>: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?
<GENERAL REINWALD>: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.
<FEMALE INTERVIEWER>: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?
<GENERAL REINWALD>: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.
<FEMALE INTERVIEWER>: But you're equipping them to become violent killers.
<GENERAL REINWALD>: Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?
The radio went silent and the interview ended. You gotta love the Marines!

<FreeFrag> The most secure computer in the world is one not connected to the internet.
<FreeFrag> Thats why I recommend Telstra ADSL.

 

[SleepWalkerX]

ROFLMAO!!! wow that bloodninja is the funniest shit!