I'm going to be presenting this speech today. I hope my professor has a sense of humor.

fuzzybabybunny

Moderator<br>Digital & Video Cameras
Moderator
Jan 2, 2006
10,455
34
91
Well, looks like I pissed off the teacher and probably came close to failing the speech. My class felt that it was fine though.

The speech was supposed to be 5 minutes long. The two speakers before me each took 10+ minutes on their speeches and that really got on the class' nerves and the nerves of the teacher. We were supposed to go through six people but we only got through 3.

Anyway, I had the class laughing because all the other speeches were just so stupid so far, but my teacher was visibly upset. He never once looked up from his grading rubric to actually look AT me, and he's supposed to be grading us on things like gestures and our powerpoint. I saw him shaking his head like "he should NOT have done that" on a number of occasions.

I think what put him over the edge was the reason that I gave for listening to me (you're a captive audience and you have no choice). Then my comment about researching his life for 2 hours gives me credibility to talk about his life.

But I mean, WTF does he expect? I'm by far the most honest person with a spine in his class. The only reason we're there to listen to these speeches is because we have to. What are we going to say about our credibility? This is a bullshit topic that we didn't even get to pick ourselves, and this is supposed to be an informative speech... in which we the speakers don't even know anything about because we didn't get to pick our own topics. We have no credibility! We're talking about these things because we're forced to. I'm not just going to make up some BS reason for why I'm credible just to make him happy.

I mean, as far as speech giving ability I would rate myself at the top of the class. It doesn't sound canned, it sounds enthusiastic, and I made it a point to make eye contact, sound knowledgeable, and I never once referred to my note cards. We have people who stand up and read directly from the slides or notecards and use "um" or "like" all the time. And you know what? I bet they'll get better grades than me just because they're meek and play along.

Ugg.

***

This is a stupid 100-level intro to public speaking course. I've vented about it before.

For this speech we were assigned a presidential candidate to do an informative speech on. We also need to make a powerpoint to accompany it. I was assigned Mike Huckabee and here is my outline:

Introduction

I. Attention Getter: Put up a picture of Kevin Spacey. All white people look the same (I'm Asian)
II. Thesis/Subject: I will be talking about Mike Huckabee's life up till now.
III. Preview (Main Ideas/Points): I will talk about Mike's early years, his early political years, and finally his run for POTUS.
IV. Speaker Credibility: I researched Mike's life for a couple of hours.
V. Relevance to audience/Reason audience should listen: The reason you will listen is because you guys are a captive audience and have no ear plugs.

Transition: And now I'm going to talk about Mike's early life.

Body: Chronological organization pattern

I. Main Point #1: Mike had an early life.
a. Mike was born in 1955 at the age of zero in Hope, Arkansas.
b. 19 years later at the age of 19 he married his current wife, Janet McCain.
c. Between 1974 and 1992 he received a bachelor's degree in religion and two doctoral degrees, one in law and another in Humane Letters.
d. During this time he was also a pastor and worked in religion oriented television.

Transition: Mike's political career started in 1992.

II. Main Point #2: Mike had a political career.
a. He was elected to be lieutenant governor of Arkansas twice.
b. In 1995 a US senate seat opened up and Mike decided to run. For it.
c. Before he could be elected the current governor of Arkansas Jim Tucker owned himself in the face by being involved in the Whitewater scandal and resigned.
d. Mike took the position of governor of Arkansas and served two full terms.

Transition: In 2007 Mike announced his run for President of the United States.

II. Main Point #3: Mike's going to lose.
a. As of this morning at 5:09AM, John McCain has 1033 delegates while Mike has 247.
b. McCain needs 1191 delegates to win the nomination.
c. Mike will lose.

Transition: So now you have an overview of Mike's life.

Conclusion

I. Summary: I've talked about his early years, including his education and religion-oriented work, I've talked about his political career as lieutenant governor and real governor of Arkansas, and I've talked about his run for President.

II. Creative closing thought or memorable conclusion: It is important to know stuff. I encourage all of you to go out and dig through the past of the candidates you're interested in, and not just the past of a candidate you were assigned to research
 

montypythizzle

Diamond Member
Nov 12, 2006
3,699
0
71
In this post, I will try to describe Mike Huckabee's animadversions in such a way that my language will not offend and yet will still convey my message that all of Huckabee's diatribes are burdened by a specious magniloquence. It is requisite, even in this summary sketch, to go back a few years to see how another piece of supporting evidence is that Huckabee's cronies can conceive of nothing but scabrous defenses of his mephitic plaints. And let me tell you, Huckabee likes to seem smarter than he really is. It therefore always amuses me whenever he cracks open a thesaurus, aims for intellectualism, misses, and lands squarely in a puddle of xenophobic frippery. Stripping from the term "thymolsulphonephthalein" the negative connotations it evokes, I will try to renew those institutions of civil society -- like families, schools, churches, and civic groups -- that address the continued social injustice shown by the worst classes of silly maniacs there are.

In light of what I just stated, it's hard to avoid the conclusion that the acid test for Huckabee's "kinder, gentler" new politics should be, "Do they still pooh-pooh the reams of solid evidence pointing to the existence and operation of an out-of-touch coterie of boosterism?" If the answer is yes then we can conclude that I have a plan to disentangle people from the snares set by Huckabee and his spokesmen. I call this plan "Operation punish those who lie or connive at half-truths". (Granted, I need a shorter, catchier name but that one will do for now.) My plan's underlying motif is that Huckabee fervently believes that the world's salvation comes from whims, irrationality, and delusions. This shows that he is not merely mistaken about one little fact among millions of facts but that I, hardheaded cynic that I am, am convinced that there will be a strong effort on Huckabee's part to defile the air and water in the name of profit in the immediate years ahead. This effort will be disguised, of course. It will be cloaked in deceit, as such efforts always are. That's why I'm informing you that society must soon decide either to seek some structure in which the cacophony introduced by Huckabee's apologues might be systematized, reconciled, and made rational or else to let Huckabee work both sides of the political fence. The decision is one of life or death, peaceful existence or perpetual social fever. I can hope only that those in charge realize that Huckabee's maudlin preoccupation with immoralism, usually sicklied over with such nonsense words as "pectinatodenticulate", would make sense if a person's honor were determined strictly by his or her ability to condition the public to accept violence as normal and desirable. As that's not the case, we can conclude only that I have some of Huckabee's writings in front of me right now. In one of them, Huckabee maintains that the purpose of life is self-gratification. If you don't find that shocking then consider that Huckabee doesn't use words for communication or for exchanging information. He uses them to disarm, to hypnotize, to mislead, and to deceive.

Every time Huckabee gets caught trying to provide financial support to backwards banana republics and their dirty dictators, he promises he'll never do so again. Subsequently, his votaries always jump in and explain that he really shouldn't be blamed even if he does because, as they claim, honor counts for nothing. Pardon my saying so, but if you've read this far then you probably either agree with me or are on the way to agreeing with me.

Huckabee's claim that Man's eternal search for Truth is a challenge to be avoided at all costs is not only an attack on the concept of objectivity but an assault on the human mind. Huckabee's premise (that a richly evocative description of a problem automatically implies the correct solution to that problem) is his morality disguised as pretended neutrality. Huckabee uses this disguised morality to support his announcements, thereby making his argument self-refuting. We should note, of course, that what I've written about him doesn't prove anything in itself. It's only suggestive but it does make a good point that we must set the record straight. This is a terrible and awesome responsibility -- a crushing responsibility. However, if we stick together we can can show the world that there isn't a man, woman, or child alive today who thinks that the world can be happy only when Huckabee's peuplade is given full rein, so let's toss out that ridiculous argument of Huckabee's from the get-go.

Huckabee's patsies maintain that the masses are infantile and unfit for citizenship. But let's not lose sight of the larger, more important issue here: Huckabee's short-sighted, irritable beliefs. Before I knew anything about Huckabee, I was once an onlooker at a few of his mass demonstrations, without possessing even the slightest insight into the mentality of his habitués or the nature of his manifestos, which is another way of saying that someone has to be willing to encourage our spirits to soar. Even if it's not polite to do so. Even if it hurts a lot of people's feelings. Even if everyone else is pretending that he defends the real needs of the working class. To end on a more positive note: The consequences of Mike Huckabee's brazen, fickle assertions, particularly from a moral point of view, are not favorable.
 

DangerAardvark

Diamond Member
Oct 22, 2004
7,581
0
0
Not particularly funny, but what can you do... the subject sucks ass. Just read the post above this one word for word. No one will know WTF you're going on about, but it will sound very impressive.
 
Feb 6, 2007
16,432
1
81
Originally posted by: fuzzybabybunny
Well, looks like I pissed off the teacher and probably came close to failing the speech. My class felt that it was fine though.

The speech was supposed to be 5 minutes long. The two speakers before me each took 10+ minutes on their speeches and that really got on the class' nerves and the nerves of the teacher. We were supposed to go through six people but we only got through 3.

Anyway, I had the class laughing because all the other speeches were just so stupid so far, but my teacher was visibly upset. He never once looked up from his grading rubric to actually look AT me, and he's supposed to be grading us on things like gestures and our powerpoint. I saw him shaking his head like "he should NOT have done that" on a number of occasions.

I think what put him over the edge was the reason that I gave for listening to me (you're a captive audience and you have no choice). Then my comment about researching his life for 2 hours gives me credibility to talk about his life.

But I mean, WTF does he expect? I'm by far the most honest person with a spine in his class. The only reason we're there to listen to these speeches is because we have to. What are we going to say about our credibility? This is a bullshit topic that we didn't even get to pick ourselves, and this is supposed to be an informative speech... in which we the speakers don't even know anything about because we didn't get to pick our own topics. We have no credibility! We're talking about these things because we're forced to. I'm not just going to make up some BS reason for why I'm credible just to make him happy.

I mean, as far as speech giving ability I would rate myself at the top of the class. It doesn't sound canned, it sounds enthusiastic, and I made it a point to make eye contact, sound knowledgeable, and I never once referred to my note cards. We have people who stand up and read directly from the slides or notecards and use "um" or "like" all the time. And you know what? I bet they'll get better grades than me just because they're meek and play along.

Ugg.
I did something similar in my public discourse (public intercourse or pubic discourse; pubic intercourse is too gaudy) class in college. We had to do a graduation day speech. Everyone made theirs sentimental and hopeful. Mine was essentially a eulogy to all the shit you could get away with in college that would never fly in the real world (showing up to work half an hour late in a robe, visibly intoxicated; wearing a flag as clothing; casual swearing for basically any situation; working three hours a day and spending the rest stoned; getting drunk and/or high, stripping naked, running through the commons, vomiting all over the fountain in the middle of campus, being picked up by the authorities, whose only response is "we'll take you back to your room so you can sleep it off;" not preparing anything for an assigned presentation). The last minute of the speech was basically just me ranting about how stupid college kids were and how "you" (which of course meant "we" because I was still a college student at the time) wouldn't amount to anything, our dreams were never going to come true and we were going to die cold and lonely.

My teacher gave me a B. Her only comment: probably the wrong tone for a graduation speech. But whatever, I got some good shocked laughter out of her, so it was cool.
 

MagnusTheBrewer

IN MEMORIAM
Jun 19, 2004
24,135
1,593
126
Come on now Fuzzy, you know by now that no college profs want the truth about how you view their projects, they want a "well written paper/speech."
 

djheater

Lifer
Mar 19, 2001
14,637
2
0
Originally posted by: fuzzybabybunny
Well, looks like I pissed off the teacher and probably came close to failing the speech. My class felt that it was fine though.
They aren't grading you.

The speech was supposed to be 5 minutes long. The two speakers before me each took 10+ minutes on their speeches and that really got on the class' nerves and the nerves of the teacher. We were supposed to go through six people but we only got through 3.

Anyway, I had the class laughing because all the other speeches were just so stupid so far, but my teacher was visibly upset. He never once looked up from his grading rubric to actually look AT me, and he's supposed to be grading us on things like gestures and our powerpoint. I saw him shaking his head like "he should NOT have done that" on a number of occasions.

I think what put him over the edge was the reason that I gave for listening to me (you're a captive audience and you have no choice). Then my comment about researching his life for 2 hours gives me credibility to talk about his life.

But I mean, WTF does he expect? I'm by far the most honest person with a spine in his class.
He's not grading for that.
The only reason we're there to listen to these speeches is because we have to.
I'm sure he's completely thrilled to be there too.
What are we going to say about our credibility?
Pretend you've payed attention in class... You're a peer arguing for this candidate, that's your credibility.
This is a bullshit topic that we didn't even get to pick ourselves,
Stop whining.
and this is supposed to be an informative speech... in which we the speakers don't even know anything about because we didn't get to pick our own topics. We have no credibility!
See above.
We're talking about these things because we're forced to. I'm not just going to make up some BS reason for why I'm credible just to make him happy.

I mean, as far as speech giving ability I would rate myself at the top of the class.
Your opinion isn't the one that matter now is it?
It doesn't sound canned, it sounds enthusiastic, and I made it a point to make eye contact, sound knowledgeable, and I never once referred to my note cards. We have people who stand up and read directly from the slides or notecards and use "um" or "like" all the time. And you know what? I bet they'll get better grades than me just because they're meek and play along.
Life's like that, sometines you make your own way, sometimes you follow.

Ugg.

I've responded in your quote. I once was as stubborn as you actually and I got poor grades because of it more often than not. Here's some friendly advice, sometimes you have a choice in life whether to be right or to be happy. Always choose happy.
 

Kadarin

Lifer
Nov 23, 2001
44,302
10
81
For this speech we were assigned a presidential candidate to do an informative speech on. We also need to make a powerpoint to accompany it.
Your problem is that you didn't even give the appearance of taking your subject matter seriously. I would have looked for humor in illustrating how Huckabee is a religious fanatic whose beliefs would not benefit the country, while essentially pretending to give an informative speech about him.
 

Jeff7

Lifer
Jan 4, 2001
41,599
18
81
Sounds like it would have been an entertaining speech.

One category of speeches my class had to do was "Special Occasions." This could include a toast at a wedding, or speaking of someone who had died.

One person did a toast for a marriage - someone in the class was marrying Jessica Alba.:laugh:
 

KeithTalent

Elite Member | Administrator | No Lifer
Administrator
Nov 30, 2005
50,235
117
116
Topic Title: I'm going to be presenting this speech today. I hope my professor has a sense of humor.
Topic Summary: Update: He doesn't.
For some reason I almost died laughing when I read this. :laugh:

KT
 

JulesMaximus

No Lifer
Jul 3, 2003
74,448
826
126
Attention Getter: Put up a picture of Kevin Spacey. All white people look the same (I'm Asian)
That was really stupid.

How would you feel if I was in your class and I did a presentation where I put up a picture of Kim Jong-Il and said that all Asian people look the same? (I'm White)
 
Feb 6, 2007
16,432
1
81
Originally posted by: djheater
Here's some friendly advice, sometimes you have a choice in life whether to be right or to be happy. Always choose happy.
Sounds to me like he did choose happy. Maybe it's just me, since I fancy myself a comic, but I'd much, much rather get a laugh out of a room full of people and take a bad grade on an assignment than deliver a speech that I did not remotely care about and get an A. I've put this theory to practice on multiple occasions, as I mentioned above. It was always more rewarding for me to make people laugh than to do yet another boring presentation. Granted, I took the assignments that really mattered seriously, like my thesis; but then again, I was allowed to choose the topic of my thesis, so it was guaranteed to be something that interested me (in my case, how portrayals of gender in video games have shifted over the years, why these shifts may have happened, how this compares to gender portrayal shifts in other media and what, if any, effect these have on consumers of video games).

So yes, you should choose happiness over most things (occasionally, doing the right thing is not going to make you happy, but it needs to be done anyway, like pushing your friend in front of a charging bear so the bear doesn't eat you). But if entertaining people makes you happy, then do it. Fuck the professor, fuck the grade, when you leave college, one bad grade on one lame assignment will mean exactly nothing. Knowing you entertained a room full of your (probably stoned) peers... that's meaningful.
 

TuxDave

Lifer
Oct 8, 2002
10,572
3
71
Originally posted by: JulesMaximus
Attention Getter: Put up a picture of Kevin Spacey. All white people look the same (I'm Asian)
That was really stupid.

How would you feel if I was in your class and I did a presentation where I put up a picture of Kim Jong-Il and said that all Asian people look the same? (I'm White)
You'd be using a common stereotype. He's using a parody of a common stereotype, SNL style humor.
 

mugs

Lifer
Apr 29, 2003
48,903
19
81
Originally posted by: TuxDave
Originally posted by: JulesMaximus
Attention Getter: Put up a picture of Kevin Spacey. All white people look the same (I'm Asian)
That was really stupid.

How would you feel if I was in your class and I did a presentation where I put up a picture of Kim Jong-Il and said that all Asian people look the same? (I'm White)
You'd be using a common stereotype. He's using a parody of a common stereotype, SNL style humor.
:thumbsup: I thought it was funny. Mike Huckabee DOES look like Kevin Spacey. And people DO have difficulty recognizing differences in people of other races.
 

TallBill

Lifer
Apr 29, 2001
46,044
62
91
I don't get what you are bitching about. Sometimes in life you might have to make a convincing presentation on something that you don't agree with or know much about or care about.

If you can sell "The Earth is Flat" in a convincing way, then imagine how effective you'll be about something that you are passionate about.
 

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