- Dec 18, 2001
- 24,036
- 21
- 81
September 2006 my wife moved out.
No explanation, no warning. A week prior she was very upset and wouldn't talk. She took her ring off. Then she got an apartment, got some clothes, and was gone.
It took me months to get any information out of her. First it was because she wasn't happy, and thought as long as we were together neither of us would be truly happy. Then it was because she thought I deserved someone better than her; that she was just holding me back from goals and dreams. Then the cat was out of the bag at work - her and another co-worker had been flirting, which finally made its way to the girlfriend of the other guy... and... I will end the story there.
Moving to North Carolina was supposed to be a fresh start. In Pennsylvania we had to downsize to a 2br mobile home. Our first house was falling apart and the real estate in the town we were in was actually going down in value rather than up. So when the interest rates had fallen it was a perfect time to cut our losses. It was a tight living arrangement at first, but it was nice not having so much to mow or so much to clean. We could spend more time doing stuff together. But for some reason, there was always some distance between us. She would give hints, but never fully tell me, never try to work it out. Instead she chose to bury it deep inside and simply pretend everything was okay. We never fought, we rarely argued. But the affection was also dwindling. I knew something was wrong, but I attributed it to her dead-end job where the boss gave empty promises and was always weeks late paying her. I attributed it to our tiny little home and lack of cash flow. I attributed it to putting off having kids because we knew we couldn't afford them yet.
So then I got a new well paying job in NC. We bought a really nice house. I got her a nice car. We got all new hard wood furniture. Even without her working, we could now afford children. It was perfect.
It wasn't 4 months later that she took that ring off.
So now I have this house, all by myself. I spent Halloween and Christmas alone. I'm going to spend Easter alone. It took me a long time to take my ring off, and it was painful not having it on. But it had to be done. I'm now trying to date. I'm making new friends. I'm picking up hobbies. I'm losing weight and getting into shape. I'm traveling to India for my company, which probably would not have happened had we still been together. I'm arranging the house how I like it.
And I'm really enjoying having this level of freedom in my life.
But I'm hurting. I'm happy and sad at the same time. I'm indifferent and angry at the same time. I don't like dealing with these emotions - I have never been an emotional person, and this is getting too much for me. when I finally reach a balance, it comes crashing down again. I mentioned we were about to start a family. Well 1 year into our marriage she got pregnant. We weren't ready. I think even then she had her doubts about staying with me, and I was scared of the financial implications. When we finally accepted it and was optimistic, she miscarried. I was relieved, but felt very guilty about being relieved. She on the other hand was extremely upset. A few months ago my wife calls me that she had her annual pap smear, and the results were bad. The doctor was already bringing up a full hysterectomy as a possibility if her first procedures don't work. She might not have children, ever. She is 27, we were together 8 years, and I never gave her a child.
I can do whatever I want, whenever I want - at the cost of betrayal and postponement. Now I wait these months, until the 1 year separation is fulfilled, and divorce can be filed.
I enjoy being single. And you should too. Please don't rush into marriage.
No explanation, no warning. A week prior she was very upset and wouldn't talk. She took her ring off. Then she got an apartment, got some clothes, and was gone.
It took me months to get any information out of her. First it was because she wasn't happy, and thought as long as we were together neither of us would be truly happy. Then it was because she thought I deserved someone better than her; that she was just holding me back from goals and dreams. Then the cat was out of the bag at work - her and another co-worker had been flirting, which finally made its way to the girlfriend of the other guy... and... I will end the story there.
Moving to North Carolina was supposed to be a fresh start. In Pennsylvania we had to downsize to a 2br mobile home. Our first house was falling apart and the real estate in the town we were in was actually going down in value rather than up. So when the interest rates had fallen it was a perfect time to cut our losses. It was a tight living arrangement at first, but it was nice not having so much to mow or so much to clean. We could spend more time doing stuff together. But for some reason, there was always some distance between us. She would give hints, but never fully tell me, never try to work it out. Instead she chose to bury it deep inside and simply pretend everything was okay. We never fought, we rarely argued. But the affection was also dwindling. I knew something was wrong, but I attributed it to her dead-end job where the boss gave empty promises and was always weeks late paying her. I attributed it to our tiny little home and lack of cash flow. I attributed it to putting off having kids because we knew we couldn't afford them yet.
So then I got a new well paying job in NC. We bought a really nice house. I got her a nice car. We got all new hard wood furniture. Even without her working, we could now afford children. It was perfect.
It wasn't 4 months later that she took that ring off.
So now I have this house, all by myself. I spent Halloween and Christmas alone. I'm going to spend Easter alone. It took me a long time to take my ring off, and it was painful not having it on. But it had to be done. I'm now trying to date. I'm making new friends. I'm picking up hobbies. I'm losing weight and getting into shape. I'm traveling to India for my company, which probably would not have happened had we still been together. I'm arranging the house how I like it.
And I'm really enjoying having this level of freedom in my life.
But I'm hurting. I'm happy and sad at the same time. I'm indifferent and angry at the same time. I don't like dealing with these emotions - I have never been an emotional person, and this is getting too much for me. when I finally reach a balance, it comes crashing down again. I mentioned we were about to start a family. Well 1 year into our marriage she got pregnant. We weren't ready. I think even then she had her doubts about staying with me, and I was scared of the financial implications. When we finally accepted it and was optimistic, she miscarried. I was relieved, but felt very guilty about being relieved. She on the other hand was extremely upset. A few months ago my wife calls me that she had her annual pap smear, and the results were bad. The doctor was already bringing up a full hysterectomy as a possibility if her first procedures don't work. She might not have children, ever. She is 27, we were together 8 years, and I never gave her a child.
I can do whatever I want, whenever I want - at the cost of betrayal and postponement. Now I wait these months, until the 1 year separation is fulfilled, and divorce can be filed.
I enjoy being single. And you should too. Please don't rush into marriage.
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