I'm getting there.
- Go on business trip to Nevada. 70°F weather.
- Come home. 35°. Furnace blower is broken. Call landlord.
- Repairman loans me 4 space heaters, and replaces the blower the next day.
- After
I turned on the furnace, which it seems was not done after the blower was replaced, I find that one of the burners is not working properly, making a repetitive sputtering noise that resonates through the building's ventilation ducts, sounding like a purring tiger, except it has a severe bronchial infection.
- Today, now a few days later, I smell a bit of gas after getting home. Furnace gets turned
off. Landlord says the heat exchanger is cracked, and it should be replaced tomorrow.
- Local stores are sold out of space heaters because it's goddamn springtime outside, so they've flushed out their winter inventory. I'm now treated to the beautiful sounds of frozen birds dangling from trees like wind chimes, and the lovely seasonal aroma of mummified plants buried deep beneath the snow.
- It is 2°F outside, and is expected to drop to -5 tonight.
- I have 3000W of space heater at my disposal, some electric lights, and Prime95.
To any gods of winter out there, I wish you a fiery death, not out of pure malice, but mainly in the hopes that your burning corpses may heat my house.