im confused, GIRL SITUATION HELP.

[EngenZerO]

Dont do it... LOL. You will end up loosing her over something stupid. I was in the exact situation. I ended up dating her, but with the fact that her ex-boyfriend and I worked @ the same place, so we always had issues. It ended up, she going back to her ex-boyfriend due to a paintball mishap. DO NOT DATE HER!!!

 

[Lazy8s]

Originally posted by: chin311

Originally posted by: Doboji
You're getting used bro...

Women have the need for alternatives... it gives them the strength to deal with rocky relationships. Thats what this girl is doing... she's setting you up for a leaning post.

I know this sounds rough, and I know you don't want to hear this. But you are going to lose this girl. You're going to lose her as a friend, and you're not going to end up with her as a girlfriend.

IMHO you have a decision to make... you can try to keep her as a friend, in which case you need to walk away, and not hook up with her anymore. OR you can get some azz... knowing that it will end. But if you do make the decision to get some tuchas... do NOT get emotionally involved... just have fun, and move on.

I'm tellin you this is what will happen. Keep me posted on your decision... I say walk away... you pass up the fun, but you retain your emotional well being in the long run.

-Max

yeah sounds very true. . .but i cant NOT do things with her its too hard. . .we've always wanted to be together tho, i dont know, its hard to explain. she wouldnt "use" me, we're too close for that, i think we have a good chance of being together, like not this moment, but hopefully it will work up to that point.

i hope :\, im already emotionally involved, and so is she, so thats not an option, just keep going and see what happens i guess.

The thing is it's not just girls who "use" people to get through tough relationships, everybody does that. I have used girls before but I swore I wasn't. The kicker is I actually didn't think I was! When you're that turned around you do it without knowing it.

I actually thought about this ring thing after I posted and I have to be honest. I STILL wear a watch I got from a g/f almost 4 years ago. I dated her for 3 years and we talked about staying togeather but then she cheated on me. The thing is it really has new meaning to me. IT reminds me of how much it hurt when she cheated and it reminds me to not even consider doing that to someone else. Maybe the ring can stay but you have got to be convinced that it's not staying around because of her last b/f. However, be careful not to make her burn all his pictures and throw away everything she gave her. You have to understand that she DID like this guy and he WAS a big part of her life and it will take time for her to get over him. You have to let her take her time to get over the guy which is what presents your problem. Just be really careful.

 

[MrChad]

Originally posted by: jpeyton
Don't worry, if she managed to cheat on her old BF, she'll manage to cheat on you too.

Not necessarily. As a rule, that's true. But this sounds more like her previous relationship was ending anyway, she was looking for a way out, and a better guy came along. Assuming your relationship is strong and healthy, she may not cheat again.

 

[chin311]

Originally posted by: Lazy8s

The thing is it's not just girls who "use" people to get through tough relationships, everybody does that. I have used girls before but I swore I wasn't. The kicker is I actually didn't think I was! When you're that turned around you do it without knowing it.

I actually thought about this ring thing after I posted and I have to be honest. I STILL wear a watch I got from a g/f almost 4 years ago. I dated her for 3 years and we talked about staying togeather but then she cheated on me. The thing is it really has new meaning to me. IT reminds me of how much it hurt when she cheated and it reminds me to not even consider doing that to someone else. Maybe the ring can stay but you have got to be convinced that it's not staying around because of her last b/f. However, be careful not to make her burn all his pictures and throw away everything she gave her. You have to understand that she DID like this guy and he WAS a big part of her life and it will take time for her to get over him. You have to let her take her time to get over the guy which is what presents your problem. Just be really careful.

yes, i agree. she most def. needs time. but what constitutes cheating to you guys? because ive made out with her on a few occasins and other things when they were still somewhat 'together', so if he knew that, he'd be really mad/hurt im sure. and im sure she hasnt told him or doesnt plan on it. so hmm? this is too touchy of a sitaution, ill just go with it and hope for the best i guess.

i honestly dont think she'd "use" me. maybe some guy she doenst really know, but not me. i dont know, you guys have me doubting it tho.

 

[chin311]

Originally posted by: MrChad

Originally posted by: jpeyton
Don't worry, if she managed to cheat on her old BF, she'll manage to cheat on you too.

Not necessarily. As a rule, that's true. But this sounds more like her previous relationship was ending anyway, she was looking for a way out, and a better guy came along. Assuming your relationship is strong and healthy, she may not cheat again.

thanks, i really wanted to hear that

their realtionship has been on the rocks for a few months, so i guess thats what made us end up where we are. she actually started the thing, ive always told her how i feel about us, but then all of a sudden she started telling me how she was attracted to me, and always thought/thinks about kissing me and so forth. so i didnt push anything.

 

[MrChad]

Originally posted by: chin311

Originally posted by: MrChad

Originally posted by: jpeyton
Don't worry, if she managed to cheat on her old BF, she'll manage to cheat on you too.

Not necessarily. As a rule, that's true. But this sounds more like her previous relationship was ending anyway, she was looking for a way out, and a better guy came along. Assuming your relationship is strong and healthy, she may not cheat again.

thanks, i really wanted to hear that

their realtionship has been on the rocks for a few months, so i guess thats what made us end up where we are. she actually started the thing, ive always told her how i feel about us, but then all of a sudden she started telling me how she was attracted to me, and always thought/thinks about kissing me and so forth. so i didnt push anything.

When I met my current g/f, she was still in a relationship. We hooked up before she broke it off officially with him, but their relationship was not in good shape before she met me. We have been happily (and faithfully) together for over three years now.

 

[Lazy8s]

well I have "ended" a few relationships that were already down the drain by making out with someone else and it was more an act of desperation than it was cheating. I wanted to get out of my relatonship but I couldn't stand telling the girl face-to-face. She could be like me and just suck at breaking up. I never did it cause I wanted to cheat, I would never cheat because of lust or self centeredness. (well...) It was because I was just a gutless wonder and couldn't break it off...

 

[Doboji]

yeah sounds very true. . .but i cant NOT do things with her its too hard. . .we've always wanted to be together tho, i dont know, its hard to explain. she wouldnt "use" me, we're too close for that, i think we have a good chance of being together, like not this moment, but hopefully it will work up to that point.

i hope :\, im already emotionally involved, and so is she, so thats not an option, just keep going and see what happens i guess.

I hear ya.. I do. But the reality is she is using you. She doesnt know she is.. I refer you to the post by lazy8s.

The thing is it's not just girls who "use" people to get through tough relationships, everybody does that. I have used girls before but I swore I wasn't. The kicker is I actually didn't think I was! When you're that turned around you do it without knowing it.

I actually thought about this ring thing after I posted and I have to be honest. I STILL wear a watch I got from a g/f almost 4 years ago. I dated her for 3 years and we talked about staying togeather but then she cheated on me. The thing is it really has new meaning to me. IT reminds me of how much it hurt when she cheated and it reminds me to not even consider doing that to someone else. Maybe the ring can stay but you have got to be convinced that it's not staying around because of her last b/f. However, be careful not to make her burn all his pictures and throw away everything she gave her. You have to understand that she DID like this guy and he WAS a big part of her life and it will take time for her to get over him. You have to let her take her time to get over the guy which is what presents your problem. Just be really careful.

I'm warning you now.... be careful, and be ready to be hurt badly... when she sleeps with you, and then goes back to her ex. If I were you, I'd fight my carnal urges and return to a true plutonic relationship. If the emotional connection is really as deep as you're hoping... you will survive while the smoke settles, and she can reach the point where she can engage in a sincere real relationship with you. The way you're going now is hellbent for disaster. I've seen it a thousand times.... beware!

-Max

 

[SP33Demon]

"Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all." That's all you need to know.

 

[spidey07]

oh jeez, the drama.

and as said - she cheated on him, she'll cheat on you. its like the law of gravity...its actually a law.

 

[spidey07]

Originally posted by: chin311

Originally posted by: HardcoreRobot
dont get involved with a girl who is already involved. also, if she would cheat on her ex with you, she will probably cheat on you with someone else. at least this isnt another, im in love with my best friend who is a girl but doesnt think of me like that thread.

that has run thru my head many times in the past few days, BUT, i know its not that simple. because we were best friends and she even says she had feelings for me before they started dating and we've just become closer over the time. so shes not the type to "cheat', this is just a rather complex situation.

no, its not a complex situation. She was having a rough time in her relationship and you were her out. This is not a complex situation - it happens all the time.

 

[Lazy8s]

meh, I'd be careful of stating that a girl who was an "out" can't last. Maybe they were a really good alternative. My last g/f was an "out" and if she hadn't gone to school so far away we'd still be dating. I still miss her sometimes. She was the best, treated me well, was honest, understood I knew I made a crappy decision ending it by cheating (even though the relationship sucked) and understood that I would try to be honest with her. Granted I only dated her for about 6mo. but I'm telling you I have never felt that way before. If you want it to work you gotta be like her. She was cautious though, never let it move too fast, never blind trust. I think she was the best thing that ever happened to me relationship wise. She really helped me out (and the girl I'm dating now in a way) because she taught me how a real relationship should be. We're still great friends. I think how this works out has a lot to do with how you handle it.

 

[chin311]

well half of you think the whole thing will end up with me a wreck.

and half think it could turn out to be good and id be with her.

i want to believe the second half you know

 

[Lazy8s]

no I think it's more like this:
50% think it'll be a train wreck
30% think it'll be a train wreck but say it COULD turn out of IF...
20% say go for it and who cares (even if it'll probably turn out to be a train wreck...)

 

[tallest1]

I think you're in a fairly good position. All you gotta do is spend the next month or two making your relationship look 10x better than the relationship she and her ex had. Oh, and make sure she never EVER sees or talks to her ex. You know damn well hes going to smother her with flowers, baby-talk, and every trick in the book to get her back @ the first chance he gets. There is the chance that she's using you as a rebound BF until she and her ex get together again, so be careful

 

[Doboji]

no I think it's more like this:
50% think it'll be a train wreck
30% think it'll be a train wreck but say it COULD turn out of IF...
20% say go for it and who cares (even if it'll probably turn out to be a train wreck...)

Conclusion = RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!!!!!!!!

:thumbsdown::thumbsdown:

 

[chin311]

Originally posted by: tallest1
I think you're in a fairly good position. All you gotta do is spend the next month or two making your relationship look 10x better than the relationship she and her ex had. Oh, and make sure she never EVER sees or talks to her ex. You know damn well hes going to smother her with flowers, baby-talk, and every trick in the book to get her back @ the first chance he gets. There is the chance that she's using you as a rebound BF until she and her ex get together again, so be careful

good advice. thats what im working on as we speak, never to argue, or hurt her in any way. i knwo she wont see him, like as in a way where theyd do anything, she MAY talk to him, but, rarely if at all. but i know he'd want her back in time im sure, if he doenst move on. thats the thing im scared of more than anything, us being together, and then him trying to come back into the picture.

 

[PanzerIV]

Originally posted by: EngenZerO
Dont do it... LOL. You will end up loosing her over something stupid. I was in the exact situation. I ended up dating her, but with the fact that her ex-boyfriend and I worked @ the same place, so we always had issues. It ended up, she going back to her ex-boyfriend due to a paintball mishap. DO NOT DATE HER!!!

More details about the paintball incident! This I gotta hear.

 

[gigapet]

your in....seal the deal man....

hint: candle light dinner, soft music and red wine.

 

[Lazy8s]

Originally posted by: chin311

Originally posted by: tallest1
I think you're in a fairly good position. All you gotta do is spend the next month or two making your relationship look 10x better than the relationship she and her ex had. Oh, and make sure she never EVER sees or talks to her ex. You know damn well hes going to smother her with flowers, baby-talk, and every trick in the book to get her back @ the first chance he gets. There is the chance that she's using you as a rebound BF until she and her ex get together again, so be careful

good advice. thats what im working on as we speak, never to argue, or hurt her in any way. i knwo she wont see him, like as in a way where theyd do anything, she MAY talk to him, but, rarely if at all. but i know he'd want her back in time im sure, if he doenst move on. thats the thing im scared of more than anything, us being together, and then him trying to come back into the picture.

Maybe you know an unsuspecting young lady you don't like you could hook him up with?? j/k

Unless you're old enough you're seriously looking for a girl to marry I say go for it. Just be careful and go in knowing full well it may blow up in your face. As long as you remind yourself every so often until you're sure the guy won't be a problem you'll survive.

BTW, how do we know this guy will be a problem? Maybe he was cheating on her too. Maybe he's really fed-up and done.

 

[chin311]

Originally posted by: Lazy8s

Originally posted by: chin311

Originally posted by: tallest1
I think you're in a fairly good position. All you gotta do is spend the next month or two making your relationship look 10x better than the relationship she and her ex had. Oh, and make sure she never EVER sees or talks to her ex. You know damn well hes going to smother her with flowers, baby-talk, and every trick in the book to get her back @ the first chance he gets. There is the chance that she's using you as a rebound BF until she and her ex get together again, so be careful

good advice. thats what im working on as we speak, never to argue, or hurt her in any way. i knwo she wont see him, like as in a way where theyd do anything, she MAY talk to him, but, rarely if at all. but i know he'd want her back in time im sure, if he doenst move on. thats the thing im scared of more than anything, us being together, and then him trying to come back into the picture.

Maybe you know an unsuspecting young lady you don't like you could hook him up with?? j/k

Unless you're old enough you're seriously looking for a girl to marry I say go for it. Just be careful and go in knowing full well it may blow up in your face. As long as you remind yourself every so often until you're sure the guy won't be a problem you'll survive.

BTW, how do we know this guy will be a problem? Maybe he was cheating on her too. Maybe he's really fed-up and done.

i dont think he was. well i dont really know, but im pretty sure he hasnt had the chance. . .sounded like he was doing it against his will. . . but i dont know the full story. last nite i was talkin to her and he called, i havent heard from her yet today. . . i wonder what happend :\

 

[jjones]

I'd tap it. I've been in a relationship with my best (girl) friend. Didn't work out and we went back to being best friends, no problem. Whether it works out long term for you guys, only time will tell, but I wouldn't pass up on the opportunity.

Edit: BTW, just don't push the whole "relationship" thing with her or pressure her. Let it follow its natural course and see what happens.

 

[johnjbruin]

Originally posted by: Doboji
You're getting used bro...

Women have the need for alternatives... it gives them the strength to deal with rocky relationships. Thats what this girl is doing... she's setting you up for a leaning post.

I know this sounds rough, and I know you don't want to hear this. But you are going to lose this girl. You're going to lose her as a friend, and you're not going to end up with her as a girlfriend.

IMHO you have a decision to make... you can try to keep her as a friend, in which case you need to walk away, and not hook up with her anymore. OR you can get some azz... knowing that it will end. But if you do make the decision to get some tuchas... do NOT get emotionally involved... just have fun, and move on.

I'm tellin you this is what will happen. Keep me posted on your decision... I say walk away... you pass up the fun, but you retain your emotional well being in the long run.

-Max

absolute truth - my mistake was that i got emotionally attached too - still pretty messed up i think.

 

[johnjbruin]

Originally posted by: chin311

Originally posted by: Lazy8s

The thing is it's not just girls who "use" people to get through tough relationships, everybody does that. I have used girls before but I swore I wasn't. The kicker is I actually didn't think I was! When you're that turned around you do it without knowing it.

I actually thought about this ring thing after I posted and I have to be honest. I STILL wear a watch I got from a g/f almost 4 years ago. I dated her for 3 years and we talked about staying togeather but then she cheated on me. The thing is it really has new meaning to me. IT reminds me of how much it hurt when she cheated and it reminds me to not even consider doing that to someone else. Maybe the ring can stay but you have got to be convinced that it's not staying around because of her last b/f. However, be careful not to make her burn all his pictures and throw away everything she gave her. You have to understand that she DID like this guy and he WAS a big part of her life and it will take time for her to get over him. You have to let her take her time to get over the guy which is what presents your problem. Just be really careful.

yes, i agree. she most def. needs time. but what constitutes cheating to you guys? because ive made out with her on a few occasins and other things when they were still somewhat 'together', so if he knew that, he'd be really mad/hurt im sure. and im sure she hasnt told him or doesnt plan on it. so hmm? this is too touchy of a sitaution, ill just go with it and hope for the best i guess.

i honestly dont think she'd "use" me. maybe some guy she doenst really know, but not me. i dont know, you guys have me doubting it tho.

you know how i said your story was similar to 95% of mine - the more you describe it - it is getting closer to 100%

still telling you - get out of it.

 

[KarenMarie]

Originally posted by: chin311

Originally posted by: HardcoreRobot
dont get involved with a girl who is already involved. also, if she would cheat on her ex with you, she will probably cheat on you with someone else. at least this isnt another, im in love with my best friend who is a girl but doesnt think of me like that thread.

that has run thru my head many times in the past few days, BUT, i know its not that simple. because we were best friends and she even says she had feelings for me before they started dating and we've just become closer over the time. so shes not the type to "cheat', this is just a rather complex situation.

Hmmm.... she had feelings for you, started dating him, and then kissed and held hands with you behind his back?

dunno, doesnt seem like there is gonna be a rock steady relationship with this girl for anyone. And as far as the 'promise' ring... girls like to keep things like that, I know for a fact. But why does she feel the need to wear it? Could it be that she is, on some level, letting you know there are still ties to the b/f? And that, perhaps, she is just testing the waters with you, to see if it might be better than with him?

I think there is a lot of creedence to be put in what Doboji said:

You're getting used bro...

Women have the need for alternatives... it gives them the strength to deal with rocky relationships. Thats what this girl is doing... she's setting you up for a leaning post.

I know this sounds rough, and I know you don't want to hear this. But you are going to lose this girl. You're going to lose her as a friend, and you're not going to end up with her as a girlfriend.

It is a blanket statement, but I think he might be correct in this situation. I certainly agree with his last sentence, that you will most likely not end up with her as a friend or g/f.

At best this girl is confused and needs to get her sh!t together where relationships are conerned. At worst, she is using you and you will lose all out. I would suggest that she spends times with no one, until she decides what she really wants. As for you... well, dunno, but don't you kinda think that you derserve better than to rush into a relationship, probably losing a friend to boot, with someone who has no idea what she wants? (Again, digs you but dates him, ruining your friendship with him. makes out with you while being his girlfriend, says she wants to be with you, but still wears his ring)

Good luck!