Fritzo
Lifer
We were given a huge bagel buffet today at work for people that participated in "Bike to Work" day. There was a fantastic looking cream cheese flavor called "Hazelnut and Honey". You could smell it from down the buffet...it smelled like chocolate cinnamon rolls.
I chose my target carefully to receive the honor of being bestowed a layer of this delightful ambrosia of cream cheese---a large swirled bagel with chunks of candied brown sugar and ribbons of cinnamon, baked to perfection.
I assembled my masterpeice: placed the bagel in the slicer to make a smooth center cut, then a nice thick layer of cream cheese to cement the flavors together.
My salivary glands went into overdrive as this grand prize of food approached my mouth. Finally, I was able to break off a piece of heaven to make it become part of me. However, as my teeth gave their love to my creation, something was amiss. I paused my thoughts of bagel bliss for a moment to analyze the situation. A second specimen was exposed to my mouth to determine the problem. At that point- the flavor hit.
The taste of rancid meat, fish, the Tuesday dumpster behind the Chinese place in front of my building, sweatsocks, eggs, and a hint of nutmeg flooded my taste buds, which then sent electrical signals through my nervous system to my prefrontal lobes signaling "YOU HAVE JUST AQUIRED MOUTH CANCER!!!" At that point, my frontal lobe responsed "Wait a minute...calm down...you can't get mouth cancer by eating a bagel." The prefrontal lobes shot back "Oh yeah? Have you TASTED THIS????"
It turns out that what I thought was a brown sugar cinnamon bagel was in reality an asiago cheese and onion bagel. This, mixed with the sweetness of hazelnut and honey, produced a taste that was almost, but not quite, completely unlike anything known to be edible. It's been two hours now and I still have that taste in my mouth---much like that time I screwed up an kissed that hooker.
PSA- PLEASE LABEL YOUR BAGELS
I chose my target carefully to receive the honor of being bestowed a layer of this delightful ambrosia of cream cheese---a large swirled bagel with chunks of candied brown sugar and ribbons of cinnamon, baked to perfection.
I assembled my masterpeice: placed the bagel in the slicer to make a smooth center cut, then a nice thick layer of cream cheese to cement the flavors together.
My salivary glands went into overdrive as this grand prize of food approached my mouth. Finally, I was able to break off a piece of heaven to make it become part of me. However, as my teeth gave their love to my creation, something was amiss. I paused my thoughts of bagel bliss for a moment to analyze the situation. A second specimen was exposed to my mouth to determine the problem. At that point- the flavor hit.
The taste of rancid meat, fish, the Tuesday dumpster behind the Chinese place in front of my building, sweatsocks, eggs, and a hint of nutmeg flooded my taste buds, which then sent electrical signals through my nervous system to my prefrontal lobes signaling "YOU HAVE JUST AQUIRED MOUTH CANCER!!!" At that point, my frontal lobe responsed "Wait a minute...calm down...you can't get mouth cancer by eating a bagel." The prefrontal lobes shot back "Oh yeah? Have you TASTED THIS????"
It turns out that what I thought was a brown sugar cinnamon bagel was in reality an asiago cheese and onion bagel. This, mixed with the sweetness of hazelnut and honey, produced a taste that was almost, but not quite, completely unlike anything known to be edible. It's been two hours now and I still have that taste in my mouth---much like that time I screwed up an kissed that hooker.
PSA- PLEASE LABEL YOUR BAGELS
