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I was nearly killed in a freak office accident today

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Originally posted by: James Bond
Originally posted by: AstroManLuca
LOL, sort of like when you take a sip from a glass expecting it to be one thing and it's entirely another... grape juice vs. wine, water vs. vodka, fruit punch vs. tomato juice.
Click to expand...

Jack Daniels vs Apple juice at 8am. One of the most regrettable mistakes EVER.
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Cognac instead of sweet white dessert wine. That was a fun one.

ZV
 
Originally posted by: AstroManLuca
LOL, sort of like when you take a sip from a glass expecting it to be one thing and it's entirely another... grape juice vs. wine, water vs. vodka, fruit punch vs. tomato juice.
Click to expand...
Like when you french a girl only to find out later she's related to you.
 
Originally posted by: Fritzo
We were given a huge bagel buffet today at work for people that participated in "Bike to Work" day. There was a fantastic looking cream cheese flavor called "Hazelnut and Honey". You could smell it from down the buffet...it smelled like chocolate cinnamon rolls.

I chose my target carefully to receive the honor of being bestowed a layer of this delightful ambrosia of cream cheese---a large swirled bagel with chunks of candied brown sugar and ribbons of cinnamon, baked to perfection.

I assembled my masterpeice: placed the bagel in the slicer to make a smooth center cut, then a nice thick layer of cream cheese to cement the flavors together.

My salivary glands went into overdrive as this grand prize of food approached my mouth. Finally, I was able to break off a piece of heaven to make it become part of me. However, as my teeth gave their love to my creation, something was amiss. I paused my thoughts of bagel bliss for a moment to analyze the situation. A second specimen was exposed to my mouth to determine the problem. At that point- the flavor hit.

The taste of rancid meat, fish, the Tuesday dumpster behind the Chinese place in front of my building, sweatsocks, eggs, and a hint of nutmeg flooded my taste buds, which then sent electrical signals through my nervous system to my prefrontal lobes signaling "YOU HAVE JUST AQUIRED MOUTH CANCER!!!" At that point, my frontal lobe responsed "Wait a minute...calm down...you can't get mouth cancer by eating a bagel." The prefrontal lobes shot back "Oh yeah? Have you TASTED THIS????"

It turns out that what I thought was a brown sugar cinnamon bagel was in reality an asiago cheese and onion bagel. This, mixed with the sweetness of hazelnut and honey, produced a taste that was almost, but not quite, completely unlike anything known to be edible. It's been two hours now and I still have that taste in my mouth---much like that time I screwed up an kissed that hooker.

PSA- PLEASE LABEL YOUR BAGELS
Click to expand...

verbose/10

It's like you ate a can of "Trying Too Hard" and shat it onto your keyboard.
 
Originally posted by: RapidSnail
Originally posted by: Fritzo
We were given a huge bagel buffet today at work for people that participated in "Bike to Work" day. There was a fantastic looking cream cheese flavor called "Hazelnut and Honey". You could smell it from down the buffet...it smelled like chocolate cinnamon rolls.

I chose my target carefully to receive the honor of being bestowed a layer of this delightful ambrosia of cream cheese---a large swirled bagel with chunks of candied brown sugar and ribbons of cinnamon, baked to perfection.

I assembled my masterpeice: placed the bagel in the slicer to make a smooth center cut, then a nice thick layer of cream cheese to cement the flavors together.

My salivary glands went into overdrive as this grand prize of food approached my mouth. Finally, I was able to break off a piece of heaven to make it become part of me. However, as my teeth gave their love to my creation, something was amiss. I paused my thoughts of bagel bliss for a moment to analyze the situation. A second specimen was exposed to my mouth to determine the problem. At that point- the flavor hit.

The taste of rancid meat, fish, the Tuesday dumpster behind the Chinese place in front of my building, sweatsocks, eggs, and a hint of nutmeg flooded my taste buds, which then sent electrical signals through my nervous system to my prefrontal lobes signaling "YOU HAVE JUST AQUIRED MOUTH CANCER!!!" At that point, my frontal lobe responsed "Wait a minute...calm down...you can't get mouth cancer by eating a bagel." The prefrontal lobes shot back "Oh yeah? Have you TASTED THIS????"

It turns out that what I thought was a brown sugar cinnamon bagel was in reality an asiago cheese and onion bagel. This, mixed with the sweetness of hazelnut and honey, produced a taste that was almost, but not quite, completely unlike anything known to be edible. It's been two hours now and I still have that taste in my mouth---much like that time I screwed up an kissed that hooker.

PSA- PLEASE LABEL YOUR BAGELS
Click to expand...

verbose/10

It's like you ate a can of "Trying Too Hard" and shat it onto your keyboard.
Click to expand...

lol :laugh:

 
I was expecting something much more dangerous than a rancid tasting bagel. :frown:
Also, I had a bagel today and it was delicious.
 
Sorry guys. I do tech writing as part of my job and I had some writers block. Needed to get things flowing again.

That's what writers do though- make a 5 second event take 30 minutes to read.
 
Originally posted by: Fritzo
Sorry guys. I do tech writing as part of my job and I had some writers block. Needed to get things flowing again.

That's what writers do though- make a 5 second event take 30 minutes to read.
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No kidding, our sportswriter turns in game recaps of 2000 pages.
 
NuclearNed should have written that. Then it would have been worth the trouble of reading it. 😛

I was hoping for "Copier repairman caused a component to shoot out at high speed which nearly impaled my head," or "My CRT imploded, showering me with tiny leaded glass particles," or "I tripped on a bagel and fell down 3 flights of stairs." You know, something like that, not..."This bagel really sucked."

 
Along the lines of what Jeff7 said: What the hell are you trying to say? That the bagel/spread was bad? You could've just mini-blogged it and said it. You tried to erupt, verbally. Dude; Old Faithful erupts...you just leaked. 😛
 
The first fail was eating Jewish Boiled Bread...

I've tried bagels in a variety of flavors, and while some tasted ok, I never liked the texture.

(come on...who the fuck boils bread?)
 
Originally posted by: Fritzo
Sorry guys. I do tech writing as part of my job and I had some writers block. Needed to get things flowing again.

That's what writers do though- make a 5 second event take 30 minutes to read.
Click to expand...
Updike, among others.

Ya gotta start somewhere...
 
It's funny how your brain can play tricks on you.

A funny prank, although I've never done it, is to take cheap, yellow mustard and squirt it into a Twinkie. That's supposed to freak people out when they're expecting something sweet and get hit by a pungant, vinegary taste.
 
Originally posted by: BoomerD
The first fail was eating Jewish Boiled Bread...

I've tried bagels in a variety of flavors, and while some tasted ok, I never liked the texture.

(come on...who the fuck boils bread?)
Click to expand...
Jeebus. I've been eating bagels forever and didn't realize they started out boiled. I don't care for the fruity ones. Onion, garlic or best, everything for me. A plain bagel is as good as half-cooked pasta.

I always toast the bagel and spread some cream cheese or melt some swiss on ham. One of my staples is an everything bagel with some hard salami and cream cheese.
 
Originally posted by: biggestmuff
It's funny how your brain can play tricks on you.

A funny prank, although I've never done it, is to take cheap, yellow mustard and squirt it into a Twinkie. That's supposed to freak people out when they're expecting something sweet and get hit by a pungant, vinegary taste.
Click to expand...

... I may need to stop by the market on my way home and pickup some yellow mustard and trinkies..
 
Originally posted by: James Bond
Originally posted by: AstroManLuca
LOL, sort of like when you take a sip from a glass expecting it to be one thing and it's entirely another... grape juice vs. wine, water vs. vodka, fruit punch vs. tomato juice.
Click to expand...

Jack Daniels vs Apple juice at 8am. One of the most regrettable mistakes EVER.
Click to expand...

Corona vs. urine. Not a good mistake.
 
Originally posted by: Fritzo
I chose my target carefully to receive the honor of being bestowed a layer of this delightful ambrosia of cream cheese---a large swirled bagel with chunks of candied brown sugar and ribbons of cinnamon, baked to perfection.
Click to expand...

404: bagel not found. You've built your meal around a baked good which does not actually exist. If this problem persists, contact your local bakery and familiarize yourself with the more commonly available products.
 
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