I just got dumped..

[apoppin]

Its really hard for me to get over a woman, but i'll definetly try to get over her.

It is not easy for any of us (that "care"). And it is especially hard on the ego to be "dumped".

Just look at it this way, you only 'invested' 4 months in her. It could have been far, far worse. And you have probably learned an important lesson.

You will adapt. Good luck.

 

[gohan]

Originally posted by: DAPUNISHER

Originally posted by: gohan

Originally posted by: IBuyUFO
Sounds like she has been brainwashed. Usually happens with these cult-like extreme christian churches.

She quoted the bible alot..picking out certain passages, saying thats how she felt and what we're doing together is wrong.

Taken in that light she sounds like a good girl. Have you considered she may just want to make an honest man of you (engagement perhaps) ?

I am a pretty honest man, but i'm not getting married to anyone until i truly know i can't live my life without that person.
Don't think i'll be dating for a while...more money for computer parts and dvd.

 

[AreaCode707]

Originally posted by: Astaroth33

Originally posted by: gohan

Originally posted by: IBuyUFO
Sounds like she has been brainwashed. Usually happens with these cult-like extreme christian churches.

She quoted the bible alot..picking out certain passages, saying thats how she felt and what we're doing together is wrong.

The problem is that that's not how she really feels. It's how she's been told to feel. That conflict is what got you into this situation in the first place.

Religion is stupid. (just my opinion, others are welcome to disagree)

So, her feelings are invalidated because part of what she bases them on is religion? Christianity, if you've been born and raised a Christian, is a culture - it's a subculture of the western world. It would be sooo politically incorrect if you were saying these things about someone who came from, say, and Indian background. Put it in that context. She says she feels like what they're doing is wrong because in her culture, they have different standards. You wouldn't be saying that she was brainwashed, only that things are different. Same here. Christianity is a sub-culture with different moral standards, different interactional arrangements, and a lot else, yet it gets bashed. Many other religions take on the form of being a different culture too, if people would learn to see them like that, life might slide along a lot easier, with fewer flamewars and more attempts to understand each other.

 

[kgraeme]

Originally posted by: gohan

Originally posted by: IBuyUFO
Sounds like she has been brainwashed. Usually happens with these cult-like extreme christian churches.

She quoted the bible alot..picking out certain passages, saying thats how she felt and what we're doing together is wrong.

That's just creepy. Really, really creepy.

 

[richardycc]

She is probably getting back together with her ex, and using religion as an excuse....

rich

 

[gohan]

Originally posted by: HotChic

Originally posted by: Astaroth33

Originally posted by: gohan

Originally posted by: IBuyUFO
Sounds like she has been brainwashed. Usually happens with these cult-like extreme christian churches.

She quoted the bible alot..picking out certain passages, saying thats how she felt and what we're doing together is wrong.

The problem is that that's not how she really feels. It's how she's been told to feel. That conflict is what got you into this situation in the first place.

Religion is stupid. (just my opinion, others are welcome to disagree)

So, her feelings are invalidated because part of what she bases them on is religion? Christianity, if you've been born and raised a Christian, is a culture - it's a subculture of the western world. It would be sooo politically incorrect if you were saying these things about someone who came from, say, and Indian background. Put it in that context. She says she feels like what they're doing is wrong because in her culture, they have different standards. You wouldn't be saying that she was brainwashed, only that things are different. Same here. Christianity is a sub-culture with different moral standards, different interactional arrangements, and a lot else, yet it gets bashed. Many other religions take on the form of being a different culture too, if people would learn to see them like that, life might slide along a lot easier, with fewer flamewars and more attempts to understand each other.

I understand what your saying, but she only got into the Christian faith a few weeks before we met. Now all of a sudden, since i'm not a Christain, i'm bringing her down. She cant be in a relationship, or be close with anyone thats non Christian.

 

[AreaCode707]

I understand what your saying, but she only got into the Christian faith a few weeks before we met. Now all of a sudden, since i'm not a Christain, i'm bringing her down. She cant be in a relationship, or be close with anyone thats non Christian.

*deep breath* Okay, back on topic. The fact that she's new to the whole thing may be one reason she's distancing herself. She's just found something new she wants to explore, and it's possible that there isn't time to explore you and this other new thing at the same time, or the direction her life would take in staying with you and the direction it would take in exploring this new culture are different directions. She's chosen one, and it's not one you're interested in, so my suggestion would be to let her go. Evidently you're not enjoying the yo-yo of a relationship, so cut the string and go find someone more compatible with yourself.

 

[lllJRlll]

Originally posted by: gohan
(Please forgive me if none of this is understandable. This just happened a few minutes ago and i'm pissed and hurt.) :|

I met this woman 4 months ago...i got her number, we talked on few weeks on the phone and decided to go out. I expected nothing to happen at all, but she was all over me. Thats never a bad thing, or so i thought.

No phone call the next day.

Two days later we spoke on the phone and decided to go out again. Well..same thing happened. I never initiated contact but there we were. Next day..no phone call. I said "WTF"

I never knew why until she asked for my AIM screen name. She told me what we're doing wasnt right because shes a christian and its wrong for her to do that. I said fine, we'll work this out. By the way, she never, ever told me how she felt on the phone or when we're hanging out. I always found out how she really felt over AIM. What was i suppose to believe? Some words over the computer or someone's actions on the phone and in person.


So we ended physical contact and became pretty cool friends up until now. Hours after some big christian conference she logs on and tells me we cant even friends now. She refuses to call and tell me its over. My only response was "It doesnt matter how i tell you"

The sad thing is that i use to be a christian, but lost faith a few years back. (its a long story)

I've only had one drink in three years but i think i need to call up a buddy and get wasted tonight.

She'll probably talk to me again in a few days and take everything back. Should i just let her go?

Before I start I just want to say that this chick sounds a little out there ,and in the end your probably better off having this happen now before you guys got serious


Were you guys actually "dating" or had you guys just gone on a couple dates?
Had you guys gotten so close that you spoke to her on the phone everyday? If not why would expect a phone call the next day?


Not getting on you or anything Gohan just from your post these questions came up

 

[Kadarin]

Originally posted by: HotChic

Originally posted by: Astaroth33

Originally posted by: gohan

Originally posted by: IBuyUFO
Sounds like she has been brainwashed. Usually happens with these cult-like extreme christian churches.

She quoted the bible alot..picking out certain passages, saying thats how she felt and what we're doing together is wrong.

The problem is that that's not how she really feels. It's how she's been told to feel. That conflict is what got you into this situation in the first place.

Religion is stupid. (just my opinion, others are welcome to disagree)

So, her feelings are invalidated because part of what she bases them on is religion? Christianity, if you've been born and raised a Christian, is a culture - it's a subculture of the western world. It would be sooo politically incorrect if you were saying these things about someone who came from, say, and Indian background. Put it in that context. She says she feels like what they're doing is wrong because in her culture, they have different standards. You wouldn't be saying that she was brainwashed, only that things are different. Same here. Christianity is a sub-culture with different moral standards, different interactional arrangements, and a lot else, yet it gets bashed. Many other religions take on the form of being a different culture too, if people would learn to see them like that, life might slide along a lot easier, with fewer flamewars and more attempts to understand each other.

From gohan's original post:

Originally posted by: gohan
I met this woman 4 months ago...i got her number, we talked on few weeks on the phone and decided to go out. I expected nothing to happen at all, but she was all over me. Thats never a bad thing, or so i thought.

No phone call the next day.

Two days later we spoke on the phone and decided to go out again. Well..same thing happened. I never initiated contact but there we were. Next day..no phone call. I said "WTF"

I never knew why until she asked for my AIM screen name. She told me what we're doing wasnt right because shes a christian and its wrong for her to do that. I said fine, we'll work this out. By the way, she never, ever told me how she felt on the phone or when we're hanging out. I always found out how she really felt over AIM. What was i suppose to believe? Some words over the computer or someone's actions on the phone and in person.


So we ended physical contact and became pretty cool friends up until now. Hours after some big christian conference she logs on and tells me we cant even friends now. She refuses to call and tell me its over. My only response was "It doesnt matter how i tell you"

The first couple of paragraphs indicate that she likes him, and is attracted to him. Yet she doesn't call him back. Then she tells him that what they're doing isn't right "because she's Christian". So they decide to become friends, but in the last paragraph, it's "hours after some big christian conference" that she decides that she can't even be friends with him anymore.

Her feelings are not invalidated because they're based on religion, but that's not really the problem here. She's not doing her own thinking and not making her own decisions as to what's right. She's allowing someone else to do it for her, to dictate what is right and what is not right for her to feel.

Sorry, but I think that's a crock.

 

[AreaCode707]

The first couple of paragraphs indicate that she likes him, and is attracted to him. Yet she doesn't call him back. Then she tells him that what they're doing isn't right "because she's Christian". So they decide to become friends, but in the last paragraph, it's "hours after some big christian conference" that she decides that she can't even be friends with him anymore.

Her feelings are not invalidated because they're based on religion. She's not doing her own thinking and not making her own decisions as to what's right. She's allowing someone else to do it for her, to dictate what is right and what is not right for her to feel.

Sorry, but I think that's a crock.

See my above statement. She's faced with a choice right now, of deciding to take her life one way or another. SHE is more interested in exploring religion further - that doesn't mean they're controlling her, it means she's interested. Take religion out, put in something else. For the sake of ridiculousness, call it a rock band. She auditioned, she now has a chance to join up. However, it puts her in a position where a relationship isn't viable. So is the rock band controlling her if she chooses to join up?

 

[Kadarin]

Originally posted by: HotChic

The first couple of paragraphs indicate that she likes him, and is attracted to him. Yet she doesn't call him back. Then she tells him that what they're doing isn't right "because she's Christian". So they decide to become friends, but in the last paragraph, it's "hours after some big christian conference" that she decides that she can't even be friends with him anymore.

Her feelings are not invalidated because they're based on religion. She's not doing her own thinking and not making her own decisions as to what's right. She's allowing someone else to do it for her, to dictate what is right and what is not right for her to feel.

Sorry, but I think that's a crock.

See my above statement. She's faced with a choice right now, of deciding to take her life one way or another. SHE is more interested in exploring religion further - that doesn't mean they're controlling her, it means she's interested. Take religion out, put in something else. For the sake of ridiculousness, call it a rock band. She auditioned, she now has a chance to join up. However, it puts her in a position where a relationship isn't viable. So is the rock band controlling her if she chooses to join up?

Christianity does not forbid relationships, nor does it forbid friendship, even with those who are not Christian. Sexual attraction and the desire for friendship (both of which were evident in this relationship), are a basic part of human nature, and this woman is acting as if something is telling her to deny that part of her human nature.

Don't get me wrong; if someone wants to explore Christianity and what it means to be a Christian, then by all means go for it. What I am trying to say is that this is not what appears to be the case here. What I do see is an impressionable woman being told (by a powerful outside influence) that her attraction to and friendship with this guy is wrong, and therefore must be terminated. I also get the impression that it's not what she really wants, but she's willing to go along with it for whatever reason.

 

[gohan]

Originally posted by: lllJRlll

Originally posted by: gohan
(Please forgive me if none of this is understandable. This just happened a few minutes ago and i'm pissed and hurt.) :|

I met this woman 4 months ago...i got her number, we talked on few weeks on the phone and decided to go out. I expected nothing to happen at all, but she was all over me. Thats never a bad thing, or so i thought.

No phone call the next day.

Two days later we spoke on the phone and decided to go out again. Well..same thing happened. I never initiated contact but there we were. Next day..no phone call. I said "WTF"

I never knew why until she asked for my AIM screen name. She told me what we're doing wasnt right because shes a christian and its wrong for her to do that. I said fine, we'll work this out. By the way, she never, ever told me how she felt on the phone or when we're hanging out. I always found out how she really felt over AIM. What was i suppose to believe? Some words over the computer or someone's actions on the phone and in person.


So we ended physical contact and became pretty cool friends up until now. Hours after some big christian conference she logs on and tells me we cant even friends now. She refuses to call and tell me its over. My only response was "It doesnt matter how i tell you"

The sad thing is that i use to be a christian, but lost faith a few years back. (its a long story)

I've only had one drink in three years but i think i need to call up a buddy and get wasted tonight.

She'll probably talk to me again in a few days and take everything back. Should i just let her go?

Before I start I just want to say that this chick sounds a little out there ,and in the end your probably better off having this happen now before you guys got serious


Were you guys actually "dating" or had you guys just gone on a couple dates?
Had you guys gotten so close that you spoke to her on the phone everyday? If not why would expect a phone call the next day?


Not getting on you or anything Gohan just from your post these questions came up

We went out a couple times week, plus we spoke every single day. So i expected a call. I even called, but she ignored me. Like Hot Chic said..it was a Yo Yo. One moment we were something, next nothing, then friends. repeat. I should have gotten out of it long ago but i didnt. Oh well...
:frown:

 

[AreaCode707]

Christianity does not forbid relationships, nor does it forbid friendship, even with those who are not Christian. Sexual attraction and the desire for friendship (both of which were evident in this relationship), are a basic part of human nature, and this woman is acting as if something is telling her to deny that part of her human nature.

Don't get me wrong; if someone wants to explore Christianity and what it means to be a Christian, then by all means go for it. What I am trying to say is that this is not what appears to be the case here. What I do see is an impressionable woman being told (by a powerful outside influence) that her attraction to and friendship with this guy is wrong, and therefore must be terminated. I also get the impression that it's not what she really wants, but she's willing to go along with it for whatever reason.

Okay then, we've found common ground. That's a long way from what you initially said, that they were telling her how to feel. Here you acknowledge that Christianity isn't telling her how to feel ("Christianity does not forbid relationships) but that she's interpreting their lifestyle to dictate that. The bottom line is, we don't know why she's doing this, whether because she's misinterpreting the Christian lifestyle, feels like she'll be able to better learn and apply more without a nonChristian dating relationship, or simply feels that she's walking a different path than he is. But it's late and I'm going to sleep now. G'night, thanks for the discussion.

 

[gohan]

Thanks!! Actually discussing and hearing other people's input helps me alot.

 

[Kadarin]

Originally posted by: HotChic

Christianity does not forbid relationships, nor does it forbid friendship, even with those who are not Christian. Sexual attraction and the desire for friendship (both of which were evident in this relationship), are a basic part of human nature, and this woman is acting as if something is telling her to deny that part of her human nature.

Don't get me wrong; if someone wants to explore Christianity and what it means to be a Christian, then by all means go for it. What I am trying to say is that this is not what appears to be the case here. What I do see is an impressionable woman being told (by a powerful outside influence) that her attraction to and friendship with this guy is wrong, and therefore must be terminated. I also get the impression that it's not what she really wants, but she's willing to go along with it for whatever reason.

Okay then, we've found common ground. That's a long way from what you initially said, that they were telling her how to feel. Here you acknowledge that Christianity isn't telling her how to feel ("Christianity does not forbid relationships) but that she's interpreting their lifestyle to dictate that. The bottom line is, we don't know why she's doing this, whether because she's misinterpreting the Christian lifestyle, feels like she'll be able to better learn and apply more without a nonChristian dating relationship, or simply feels that she's walking a different path than he is. But it's late and I'm going to sleep now. G'night, thanks for the discussion.

I don't think she's doing the "interpreting" here; I think she's letting someone in this group that she's recently joined do it for her. While I don't know why, I have this feeling it's not because she genuinely wants to "explore Christianity". I believe (again, just belief) that it's a classic cult/follower situation (even if the "Christian group" isn't a full-blown cult).

Good night, and have a great weekend!

 

[KennyTheGreat]

everybody's horny

 

[oLLie]

Originally posted by: gohan
Thanks!! Actually discussing and hearing other people's input helps me alot.

So are you chibi, mirai, or great saiyaman?

 

[spanky]

sounds like someone needs to take a trip to the go-go bar

 

[phatcow]

shes one of those religious psycho babble chicks...




liek a year ago, i was banging this christian chick, and all of a sudden after a religious conference thing, she said its not a good idea....


i think it has something to do wtih them thinking they will be cleansed if they dont do anything sexual

 

[xirtam]

She probably feels like she went too far. And she's probably still attracted to you.

My guess is that right now it's like she's got the radio on, two televisions tuned to different channels, trying to read the paper, and about five kids screaming for her attention.

The only thing she can do is listen to them one at a time, so she has to start turning stuff off. Don't take it personally. Give her some space and let her figure out what all this means. My bet is that she'll eventually be friends with you again, but since your past is complicated, I don't anticipate anything further. She'll be hesitant, because she doesn't want it to get out of hand again.

Relationships suck worse than religion. Find God or something.

Just kidding. Both go hand in hand, it's just difficult sometimes to decide what voice to listen to.

 

[dude]

Dude, go out with a hooker, neighborhood slut, whatever, and make sure she sees you when you're together. This way, you'll know you're being dumped or was dumped.

 

[her209]

Dude, she's Christian

 

[etalns]

Hmm, that girl sounds crazy...

 

[Siddhartha]

She sounds very conflicted about her sexuality. Some religions make sex and anything sexual to be bad. If you are not emotionally committed let her go.

What is AIM?

 

[djheater]

I've related before that one of my first girlfriends broke up with me due to religious conflict.

Her words: "You're a heretic and you jeopardize my relationship with god."

At the time I was a little hurt and confused, but I quickly realized that from my point of view that's one of the coolest things that's ever been said to me. Sorry zealots

Look... this girl has no idea how she feels and can't bear to express even that confusion... she'll sort hersefl out or not... whatever the case you're better off not being involved....

Cry a river, build a bridge and get over it....