I have problems relaxing

[Exterous]

I have a problem relaxing and I can't seem to get around it.

I am very schedule oriented. I know exactly how long my shower should take. I am always done with breakfast by 7:10am. Unfortunately this can lead to problems when trying to relax. I tend to view relaxing as a task that needs to be completed as efficiently and as effectivly as possible. I need to relax the shit out of my relaxing time. If I don't, when the designated relaxation period is over, I feel remorse that I was not better at my relaxing.

I have the same issue with getting to a destination. I always walk at a pace that my wife says is 'in a hurry'. For example when I went to Vegas for a work conference I had a ticket to a show at the other end of the strip. I had no idea how long it would take to walk there so I left early. Along the way it became clear that I would be very very early so I tried to slow down my walking and relax. Take my time. What happened was I kept getting behind people who were walking slower than I wanted to. Why did I even care at what pace I walked? I had plenty of time. Even so eventually I would get annoyed/anxious and speed up to walk around them. Within a couple of minutes I was back at my fast pace, passing everyone. All this despite the fact that I knew I had nothing to do but sit and wait once I got there.

There was no good reason for me to need to walk that quickly - and I very clearly was aware of this at the time - but I got annoyed and anxious if I didn't

Same goes for driving. Why do I need to weave in and out of traffic to get the the restaraunt 13 minutes early instead of 10 so we can sit around and wait for other people to arrive? Its a bit worse on the way home. I know how long it should take me to get home and I get pissed off if it takes longer because I am missing out on my scheduled relaxation time. It might only be a couple of minutes but that apparently really bothers me.

Often I can't even relax and enjoy the trip home if there is little or no traffic because I know what the fastest time that I have ever gotten home and it becomes a competition to beat that time. Not by speeding but by making all the lights/encountering minimal traffic. Or, in other words, competing with items that are usually beyond my control :\

Alcohol seems to help but I'd rather not become an alcoholic because I can't relax

Any ideas/suggestions?

Cliffs:
I am overly competative/schedule oriented
I can't relax even when I have nothing to do
I don't want to be an alcoholic
I need ATOT to figure out my problems for me

 

[manimal]

I have a hard time relaxing and falling asleep from time to time. Do you have trouble falling asleep?

I am somewhat OCD as well and it appears to me your not dealing with yours very well. I am not a doctor and I stopped taking medication for it years ago.

Do you have a hobby? Life sucks if you don't have a hobby.

You could always try exercise before relaxing to get your willies out.


Lastly how do you deal with stress these days?

 

[Dallascisco]

Your issue is mental and one I have dealt with myself. The thing to realize is that getting somewhere isn't a contest, you don't win anything. if you find yourself early distract yourself by exploring or window shopping.

 

[LookBehindYou]

Weed.

 

[NuclearNed]

Serenity Now.

 

[Exterous]

I have a hard time relaxing and falling asleep from time to time. Do you have trouble falling asleep?

Sometimes but I have a routine for that as well

I am somewhat OCD as well and it appears to me your not dealing with yours very well. I am not a doctor and I stopped taking medication for it years ago.

Do you have a hobby? Life sucks if you don't have a hobby.

You could always try exercise before relaxing to get your willies out.

Lastly how do you deal with stress these days?

I run at least a couple of times a week but I could try to do more. Its worth a shot

I do have several smaller hobbies (reading, computer games, home improvements) and for stress I will usually listen to music and read.Certain types of music do seem to work really well but only under certain circumstances

Its oddly something that has been happening more and more lately. I didn't use to be this way. Last place I worked there was a fountain in front of the entrance. I always walked to the right side of it. I could walk on the left side but I didn't like it one bit. I am pretty sure I wouldn't have cared in the past

Your issue is mental and one I have dealt with myself. The thing to realize is that getting somewhere isn't a contest, you don't win anything. if you find yourself early distract yourself by exploring or window shopping.

Is there some trick to convincing yourself that not everything is a contest? I can say it over and over but it still doesn't mean I end up believing it

I was fine arriving early - that wasn't a big deal. The thing that bothered me was that I was bothered I wasn't getting to the place fast enough when I knew I really had no good reason to get there quickly

Weed.

No can do. I think they screen for that whenever we get a big government contract

 

[xj0hnx]

Weed, muscle relaxers, heroin?

 

[slugg]

Get laid.

 

[LookBehindYou]

How bout some of these!

Brownies with melatonin added to them!

 

[NuclearNed]

More along the exercise lines... you know what physical activity makes me relax? Swimming. After swimming for a while I can barely keep my eyes open. Plus there's just something serene about floating in comfortably warm water.

 

[slugg]

Sex is a physical activity that makes you relax. Unless you're getting raped.

 

[Exterous]

How bout some of these!

Brownies with melatonin added to them!

Heh

More along the exercise lines... you know what physical activity makes me relax? Swimming. After swimming for a while I can barely keep my eyes open. Plus there's just something serene about floating in comfortably warm water.

Ok - I'll try more exercising

Sex is a physical activity that makes you relax. Unless you're getting raped.

I'll let my wife know she has more work to do

 

[RearAdmiral]

As someone else who is hyper competitive, just try to enjoy whatever you are doing. I want to turn everything into a competition. After years of doing this I now find it much more enjoyable to just chill and enjoy what is happening around me. Like gaming with friends. Just go out there one game trying not to win and listen to the fun that your friends are having. Then just enjoy that.

 

[Rudee]

Google it. Tons of info in how to relax

 

[Raghu]

Yoga. Cut down on coffee.

Watch Tare Panda or Afroken.

 

[BudAshes]

A nice strong indica will do you good.

 

[yllus]

Ah, I used to be the same way - still am to a certain degree. For me the reasons came down to two things:

1) A feeling that I'm always a little bit behind where I should be at this point in my life

2) An obsessive fixation on efficiency to the point that I would strategize the route to walk to work to make sure not a single extra second was required

I still go way above and beyond in making sure I do things efficiently, but I've also learned to temper it by doing a couple of key things.

Once every week or two, I take a meandering walk for a couple of hours in the city with no specific destination in mind. It really tempers a goal-oriented mindset and lets you relax and soak in the details. Second, I work out in the mornings three times a week. It's hard to rush places all of the time when your body is sort of worn out from a hard run or weight lifting session - you're by default more relaxed. Works wonders.

 

[Kev]

I am pretty much the same way you described, and I never thought of it as a problem. I am really OCD about efficiency.

Even when I need to go out to several different stores, I have to make sure I go to them in the optimal order. It's kinda crazy, and I get annoyed with myself if I do things inefficiently. However, I don't think this is a problem at all. I value my time.

 

[surfsatwerk]

Are you a wigwam or a teepee?

 

[rcpratt]

It's probably because you live in Detroit and are afraid that you're going to get shot every day as you pick up your newspaper (does Detroit even have a newspaper anymore?).

 

[Exterous]

Just go out there one game trying not to win

Is that even possible? I've tried but I must be missing some sort of piece. I can go into it saying 'I don't need to win' or 'I am just here to have fun' but apparently in my mind winning = fun and not winning = anger

Cut down on coffee.

I don't drink coffee :\

2) An obsessive fixation on efficiency to the point that I would strategize the route to walk to work to make sure not a single extra second was required

Yes! When I start a new job I look at a map and check out all the possible routes and give them all a try several times so I can get a rough average and figure out what is the most efficient

Once every week or two, I take a meandering walk for a couple of hours in the city with no specific destination in mind. It really tempers a goal-oriented mindset and lets you relax and soak in the details. Second, I work out in the mornings three times a week. It's hard to rush places all of the time when your body is sort of worn out from a hard run or weight lifting session - you're by default more relaxed. Works wonders.

Ok. So it looks like I definately need to make more time for working out and perhaps some meandering walks

 

[Exterous]

I am pretty much the same way you described, and I never thought of it as a problem. I am really OCD about efficiency.

Even when I need to go out to several different stores, I have to make sure I go to them in the optimal order. It's kinda crazy, and I get annoyed with myself if I do things inefficiently. However, I don't think this is a problem at all. I value my time.

But do you get worked up about it? I get annoyed and angry when driving or walking in crowds. It can't be good for me. I also look at my wife who often seems more relaxed and doesn't get as worked up about inefficiencies. It seems like it might be a nicer way to live - to some extent

Are you a wigwam or a teepee?

wat?

It's probably because you live in Detroit and are afraid that you're going to get shot every day as you pick up your newspaper (does Detroit even have a newspaper anymore?).

I live in the Detroit Metro Area thank you very much

And yes we still have newpapers. Need something to clean the blood up with or start fires...

 

[surfsatwerk]

wat?

Pick one, because it appears you're two tents.

 

[Rumpltzer]

Go outside and play. That's along the same lines as excercise. Maybe find something you like: jogging, biking, hiking, motorcycles (snow mobiles?),....


Discover the joys of gunfire. Seriously, find a local gun range that rents handguns and try it out. It's pretty fun, and oddly satisfying.


Find a sugar baby rather than putting all the pressure on your wife to put out more sex. Explain it to her in this way if she get upset.

 

[Rakewell]

What's you caffeine intake per day?