I have an odd situation with a girl....

[eakers]

<<

<< I have an odd situation with a girl.... >>



Quit whining. Having any kind of "situation" with a girl means that you're doing better then 90% of the hairy-palmed little dorks around here.

Russ, NCNE >>


bwuahahahahaha

seriously though, go on dates with her but still see other people, you may find someone that you click with and actually knows what they want.

*kat. <--

 

[ravanux]

jesus that was sooo long...i dont even know how to respond

 

[Adul]

<<

<< I have an odd situation with a girl.... >>



Quit whining. Having any kind of "situation" with a girl means that you're doing better then 90% of the hairy-palmed little dorks around here.

Russ, NCNE >>



that must inlcude you to russ

 

[Adul]

Just tell her at lunch since we are friends then it shouldn't bother her that you date other women.

 

[jcuadrado]

ok...my .02 on this...

Best friends = NO - why...because it is extremely difficult to go from an intimate coupel to just "friends...best friends talk about anything...do you want to hear about a date she might have gone on....or a guy that kissed good...or whatever it may be....from the looks of your story...I doubt you'd like it...are you going to tell her about some new chick you banged or hooked up with...I doubt it...I'm not saying to completely kill off the friendship..but just treat it like it is...an X..be civil and nice...

There's always a chance that when she sees or here's of you with another woman..she might flip and want you back...that's happened to me a couple of times and it's freakin hilarious...

You MUST go on with your life...there are millions of women out there that will appreciate you...trust me..there will be more..

Good luck and the above advice can and may be void depending on that pic you promised

 

[crosimoto]

I'm 33 and married, my wife is a beautiful half black half German girl (yep pretty proud)
But if I had the chance to do it all over again....I don't know.
It's hard to deal with women who are 'iffy' and most women know
that most of them are iffy. The women who aren't iffy are either
naive or outright mean.(generally, there are exceptions).
Becareful on this one. My bet is on 'there's another guy somewhere
in this mix'. But don't change who you are. Definetly
be true to yourself. And don't put up with utter crap. I grew up as the
nicest guy you ever wanted to meet. I'm still fairly nice but the
amount of time it takes 'iffy' women to become 'secure' women can
be draining. And beauty doth fade.

 

[Anghang]

i'm suspecting there's another guy in the picture, and she's evading your questions because she feels she's doing you a favor by not hurting you by telling you, either that or that she doesn't wanna face the music or deal with any kind of guilt she may feel by letting you down...

it seems like your being lead on...or maybe even being kept on the back burner in case whatever she's working on doesn't work out...

when you ask her again if there's someone else, ask for a yes or no...not an explanation...
if she gives you an explanation, follow up with a, "so is that a yes?".....or "so is that a no?"

and like previous posts have said...be straight up...stop torturing yourself...not worth it...

 

[yllus]

weezer, that's TERRIBLE advice. Ah, Russ, another high-quality thread crap. Thanks for sharing.

hpkeeper, I can definitely relate. She can be thinking a number of things, but my suspicion is it goes along the lines of, "He's amazing. He's perfect for me. However, I'm young and he'll be there for me later. I want to see what else is out there right now, but I'll hold on to him a little too so I can come back to this."

Whoever says "stop talking to her completely" has no idea how strongly you can feel for someone and how much it would kill to do such a thing. You will have to do something of the sort, though...

Over the course of about 3-4 times you see her next, you need to be nice to her but distant. If she finally asks, it's because "you care for her but halfways doesn't work for you, so maybe you two should just be friends? " Yes, the smiley face included. The idea is to phase her down and out to a distance but keep a line of communication open - tell her explicitly she can phone, ICQ/e-mail sometime to talk or go do something. Not she's WELCOME to, or that she can phone ANYTIME - words are pretty key and she's bound to pick them apart looking for meaning.

Oddly enough this works out best for everyone. You can't really change her feelings about wanting other experiences, but you get a lease to do the same thing, and leave with dignity. You inspire anxiety in her to wonder if she runs the risk of being replaced by someone better for you while you're distanced but leave a door open for her to call and ask what's up in order to set things right.

I'll skip asking "why do women do this?!" and just say I hope it works out for you. Thanks for sharing, it was an interesting read.


*sully <-- the docta is in.

 

[Anghang]

<< i'm suspecting there's another guy in the picture, and she's evading your questions because she feels she's doing you a favor by not hurting you by not telling you, or she doesn't wanna face the music or deal with any kind of guilt she may feel by letting you down...

it seems like your being lead on...or maybe even being kept on the back burner in case whatever she's working on doesn't work out...

when you ask her again if there's someone else, ask for a yes or no...not an explanation...
if she gives you an explanation, follow up with a, "so is that a yes?".....or "so is that a no?"

and like previous posts have said...be straight up...stop torturing yourself...not worth it... >>

 

[eakers]

<< weezer, that's TERRIBLE advice. Ah, Russ, another high-quality thread crap. Thanks for sharing.

hpkeeper, I can definitely relate. She can be thinking a number of things, but my suspicion is it goes along the lines of, "He's amazing. He's perfect for me. However, I'm young and he'll be there for me later. I want to see what else is out there right now, but I'll hold on to him a little too so I can come back to this."

Whoever says "stop talking to her completely" has no idea how strongly you can feel for someone and how much it would kill to do such a thing. You will have to do something of the sort, though...

Over the course of about 3-4 times you see her next, you need to be nice to her but distant. If she finally asks, it's because "you care for her but halfways doesn't work for you, so maybe you two should just be friends? " Yes, the smiley face included. The idea is to phase her down and out to a distance but keep a line of communication open - tell her explicitly she can phone, ICQ/e-mail sometime to talk or go do something. Not she's WELCOME to, or that she can phone ANYTIME - words are pretty key and she's bound to pick them apart looking for meaning.

Oddly enough this works out best for everyone. You can't really change her feelings about wanting other experiences, but you get a lease to do the same thing, and leave with dignity. You inspire anxiety in her to wonder if she runs the risk of being replaced by someone better for you while you're distanced but leave a door open for her to call and ask what's up in order to set things right.

I'll skip asking "why do women do this?!" and just say I hope it works out for you. Thanks for sharing, it was an interesting read.


*sully <-- the docta is in. >>



WARNING: SULLY LIKES TO GIVE YOU THE ADVICE YOU WANNA HEAR.

*kat. <-- the real docta.

 

[jjones]

she's a girl; there's billions of them last time i checked. be friends, quit comparing other girls to her, and go out and find a new gf. whatever happens, happens; but don't put your life on hold at the whim of a girl.

 

[BoberFett]

LMFAO

You can always count on Russ to bring reality back into the conversation.

 

[Zorro]

Damn i now have a headache from reading that long ass letter.

 

[ajskydiver]

<<Whoever says "stop talking to her completely" has no idea how strongly you can feel for someone and how much it would kill to do such a thing... -----0sully>>

Actually, I do know how strongly you can feel for someone AND how much it would kill to do so...

But hanging around someone who has actually said, "I don't feel anything for you anymore" and may be playing head games with you is wrong in so many ways.

What about self-respect?

About NOT allowing yourself to be manipulated and kept on a string in the slim hope she'll realize what she's missing?

About letting go and moving on without being jerked around for who knows how long?

Carrying a torch for someone in an appropriate situation is one thing...doing it while she's out having new "experiences" and not being straightforward about it is something totally different.

No one deserves to be kept "on the back burner" by anyone...and the women that think it's okay are usually the ones who like having the guys in reserve---makes them feel wanted, boosts their ego, etc.

Many contributors around here forget about RESPECT.

You don't keep people hanging, you don't screw with their minds, you don't play games, you don't misrepresent anything regarding the relationship...because those that do, they surely do NOT respect the person they're doing it to...and no one stays with someone they don't respect, ever.

If the girl can't make up her mind...is a little flightly...wants to experience new things...by all means, let her...just don't yearn for them and hope they'll come to their senses while waiting patiently---move on without looking back. When they grow up/mature, they'll definitely let you know.

Relationships with the opp. sex are NOT the end all be all of human existence---there are other aspects of life that are just as or more important.

~AJ

 

[LuNoTiCK]

Wow this thread took a long time to read. Lots of good advice, I like Aj_UF's, you must keep your pride and dignity.

 

[fatalbert]

wow that took way to long to read,

I liked a lot of the advice I've seen I can't really think of anything to add

AJ obviously spent a long time on his stuff and it seems good so I think I would go with what has been said here and ignore RUSS

 

[ajskydiver]

Thanks for the positive remarks by some of you

hpkeeper, many of us here empathize with you...hence all the responses...do what you think is best---you're the one who's going to have to live with whatever happens--make sure you can look yourself in the mirror without regret.

~AJ

 

[yllus]

Also, listen to Vertical Horizon's "Everything You Want".

 

[Mustanggt]

If I was you I would just let it go, perhaps stay friends but you are young finish college and just date. I know its easier said than done.

 

[TuffGirl]

<< Thanks for the positive remarks by some of you

~AJ >>

Here's another one for you AJ. You are a very wise man.


weezergirl, I LOVE YOUR SIG!! I like your advice too, since it offers another view. How can her advice be terrible if she's speaking from experience? Persistence sometimes does pay off, depending on how you go about it.

 

[yllus]

How can it be terrible? Because that relativism stuff is 100% crap. Okay, in 1 out of 10000 cases pathetically taking what little giblets of attention the girl will give him in the hopes that she doesn't find someone interesting works out. Sure sounds appealing though, doesn't it?

I understand the appreciation for divergent advice, but that's totally not the way to go.

 

[jcuadrado]

ok..where's the pic now

 

[dfi]

Here's what you do:

Turn your uncertainty into frustration, frustration into anger, and use the anger as a catalyst to go to the gym. Pretty soon, you'll be going to the gym all the time instead of spending time w/ her. After a while, you'll be really buff. And when she sees you all buffed out, she'll realize "I better quit my jibber jabbering, else he might beat me up!" Once she fears you, then it's all good. As Yoda said in episode one, "fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate, leads to sufferrrrrring!"

Wait, wth am I talking about?

Ok, here are some coherent comments:

I think you've entered the "back-up" realm. Not much you can do here cept let her be. Forget the relationship. Unless she explicitly says she wants to get back w/ you, it's over. I believe that ppl can control their emotions to a certain extent, although some more than others. It's not going to be easy for you, since you seem to like her a lot.

I also think that many relationships are just power struggles. I'm not saying she's doing this just to gain power over you. But if you stick around, then that's effectively what has happened. And that's not good. (/me makes whipping sound.)

Here's what you do: next time you think about her and start getting mushy inside, STOP. Know, not think, know that there is no more relationship. It's over, and there's no point in going on. End of story. Sounds harsh, but I think your worst enemy right now is self denial.

Your rifle is only a tool. It is the hard heart that kills! Oh wait, you're not going to war... or are you!?

dfi

Btw, ever get too much to eat, and end up finishing it all anyways? Then, while feeling stuffed, forget that you're stuffed and get even more to eat? I just did.

 

[JupiterJones]

Does anyone have any advice as to how I should go about this situation? I'm definately way still interested in her, after only knowing her only 3 months, it's hard to believe that this is the end of all relations with her.

hpkeeper,
There's no doubt that she's very fond of you. However, nobody dumps a bf/gf because they don't have time for one. We make time for the things that matter. If she really wanted you as a bf she would make the time.

You need to gain some perspective by dating other girls. Also, work on making yourself more attractive to women in general. Work out regularly, and try to learn to be more self-assertive. Nice guys that look better than average and exude self-confidence can largely have their choice of dates.

She is either seeing someone else or there is someone who she is attracted to. Since you say she is honest I would assume the latter. Either way, you have to come to grips with the fact that you are not the person she wants as a bf right now.

 

[Howard]

<< Also, listen to Vertical Horizon's "Everything You Want". >>


he's everything you want
he's everything you need
he's everything inside of you that you wish you could be
he says all the right things
at exactly the right times
but he means nothing to you and you don't know why