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I have an odd situation with a girl....

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hpkeeper,

To keep things short, follow hammer's advice. People usually use the "I don't have time" excuse to escape, but sometimes it's true if they are already single. What you really need to do is just give her time and space, but chances are slim she will return since it was a 3 month friendship thing. Sometimes girls wont flat out tell you the truth, they hide it. With your situation, you seem to want to know the answer but sometimes the answers won't come to you right away.

It's prolly best for you to treat her like a regular friend and not try to get so close (even if it means not being best friends), cuz in the end, you might just end up hurting yourself even more.
 


<< Does anyone have any advice as to how I should go about this situation? I'm definately way still interested in her, after only knowing her only 3 months, it's hard to believe that this is the end of all relations with her.

hpkeeper,
There's no doubt that she's very fond of you. However, nobody dumps a bf/gf because they don't have time for one. We make time for the things that matter. If she really wanted you as a bf she would make the time.

You need to gain some perspective by dating other girls. Also, work on making yourself more attractive to women in general. Work out regularly, and try to learn to be more self-assertive. Nice guys that look better than average and exude self-confidence can largely have their choice of dates.

She is either seeing someone else or there is someone who she is attracted to. Since you say she is honest I would assume the latter. Either way, you have to come to grips with the fact that you are not the person she wants as a bf right now. >>



I do have to agree with that. I went through that with an ex-gf of mine about a month before we broke up... same deal. She couldn't make time for me (but she made time for someone else, yadda yadda). I've pretty much followed the quoted advice verbatim in the last four months, and it has been helping out, both emotionally and physically.

I would take everything people are saying with a grain of salt, as there is often no single correct solution for those in situations like yours.

Just give it time and keep your wits about you, you'll be fine.
 
You were too nice before, take the other guys advice, blow her off and see some other women, Show her your not whipped...she might respect you more.
 


<< I'll take succinctness for $100, Alex... >>


LOL! I got through the first screenful, but stopped reading when I noticed two more screenfuls waiting for me.

Talk to your friends or your family... people who really KNOW you. Or, if you insist on putting your personal life for the anonymous masses to read, at least make it short.

Best of luck! 😀
 
Wow, this situation sounds so similar to the one i am in - Best friends with a girl for about 4 months, led up to a relationship. Then I thought she was acting strangely, becoming more distant. She probably thought I was being too sensitive. Two weeks after we get together, we break up, even though she says "she really wanted the relationship to work, but she wasn't good at it b/c she kept hurting me." The next week or two becomes very sketchy, with me calling her, but not talking to her for long periods of time like before. My friend who is best friends with her tells me I try too hard, and I should give her space.

The past few days have been killing me, but I have only casually talked to her in school, not called her at all at night. She's always told me she treasures my friendship so much, we promised if a relationship didn't work out, we wouldn't be weird or different with each other. but now its like i mean nothing to her. My friend says that if i give her space for a while, she will miss me and come back to me. but from what I know of her, I have a feeling it won't work.

Right now I'm giving her all the space she needs, but in a few days I will call her and have a quick conversation, to let her know I still care for her, as my best friend at least. I'm hoping this isn't the end, but I have to face the fact that it may very well be.
 
Okay... I'm finally back from school... I think another reason that she may have hesitation with staying with me, is that about a week after she broke up with her ex-boyfriend, who she had been with for roughly two years... I asked her out. I Think that she may not want to get into such a serious relationship so quickly. Like I said, we clicked, she mentioned it to me that this relationship wasn't like any relationship she's had before... that could be a load of crap.. but it could also be true...

As for asking her straight out to her face what we where, I did that yesterday face to face and she said "Friends"... which is something I can handle. I think I mentioned it before but going out with her was just a bonus for me, now that the bonus isn't there I kind of feel like I'm getting ripped off a little, but it's nothing that I can't handle.

As far as persuing her... that's not something that I'm really interested in doing, I do want her... but she's the one that wanted the space... I'm giving it to her and she's got my phone number and I've got hers... and right now the ball is in her court and it's my turn to play hard to get... in recent days I've packed my schedule full of stuff to do... mostly to keep my mind off of her. I've gotten into a volleyball league, a basketball league, the band I work for rehearses every week, and I'm in a coaching class so I can coach the local high school track team when spring rolls around... so I'm pretty busy on top of my already busy schedule. So I've kind of made myself un-accessable. So far it seems to be working, I was supposed to meet her for lunch this afternoon, but it didn't work out, if any of you live in central new york you know why.... it's been pouring sleet and freezing rain all afternoon. She told me that she was sorry that she couldn't make it, but she wanted to try again for tommorrow... so obviously I'm not the one in persuit... maybe she's not in persuit, girls are weird... after a relationship is over, girls want to be friends...

I don't think I've entered the "Back-up realm", I also don't think that I've quite left the front burner either. I really don't know how things are going to turn out. I'd like to know, but nothing is a certainty. With the way she behaves around me now, we might as well be where we were when we were going out. I don't think that she's really interested in other guys, honestly I think that she's too busy. If it is someone else... that's going to sting like a sun of a beeotch...
 
Hey Don, sorry I cant help ya here, but I thought it was pretty odd seeing someone I know from Real Life here in AT. I dont know if you really know me; I'm "george" AKA Matt Roberts... I was on the track team with you for a while...

Good Luck man....
 
wonderful... someone I know... one of the reasons I come to the forums... like no one I know comes to the forums... the problem begins to multiply now...
 
no offense matt... didn't mean to bash you there... in the spring you'll have to refer to me as Coach Don... so be good.
 


<<

<< I have an odd situation with a girl.... >>



Quit whining. Having any kind of "situation" with a girl means that you're doing better then 90% of the hairy-palmed little dorks around here.

Russ, NCNE >>




he he he he .....I agree
 


<< How can it be terrible? Because that relativism stuff is 100% crap. 🙂 Okay, in 1 out of 10000 cases pathetically taking what little giblets of attention the girl will give him in the hopes that she doesn't find someone interesting works out. Sure sounds appealing though, doesn't it?
rolleye.gif


I understand the appreciation for divergent advice, but that's totally not the way to go. >>



I think I came across wrong when i phrased it "take whatever you can get". that just sounds bad. i just meant that for some reason she isn't ready for a relationship and if he doesn't give a little push, he wont' get one out of her either. I'm not saying that she is one of those types that leave this guy on a backburner so that she can turn to him when all else fails, and i don't see how you can generalize that yourself. there are a million reasons why she is acting the way she does. i dont' think my case is 1 out of 10000 either 😛
but yeah, i just wanted to give him another perspective, if it is truly the girl of his dreams, i wouldn't give up on her so easily.
 
Thanks WeezerGirl, that makes me feel a bit better... this whole topic has actualy made me feel worse about the situation but your post just now made me feel a bit better.
 
This has probably been said already, but date other people and treat her like crap. This will either draw her closer to you, or push her away & you get to continue treating her like crap and seeing other people. If she does like you the former is more likely to happen, but either way really you win. Personally, I'd drop her altogether and be done with it because I refuse to play these games or tolerate fvcked up women. But then, that's probably why I'm 25 and still very single.
 


<< wonderful... someone I know... one of the reasons I come to the forums... like no one I know comes to the forums... the problem begins to multiply now... >>



Dont worry... I've spilled my guts about this stuff in forums before, only to find out later that my boss read the forum! :Q Like you, I was in a tough situation with a girl and was looking for advice, and my boss read all about it....

BTW, just so you know, two of my friends also read this forum. If you wanna know who PM me, coach Don. 🙂
 

Forget about her! Move on!

You've had your time, she's gotten to know you, and she's still looking for something that you don't have. Who knows what it is? Doesn't really matter; she likely doesn't know herself. What does matter is that you don't have it now, you're not likely to acquire it in the near future, and she's not going to stop looking for it. She's already made her decision.

This doesn't mean that she's completely happy right now. She's suffering from something akin to "buyer's remorse". She's made her decision to break off your relationship but that means she will no longer have the pleasure of your company, and some times in some situations would still find some comfort in a quasi-relationship with you -- but only until she finds her real "Mr. Right". She knows you expect (and deserve) more. I think she's being relatively honest with you (at least by the standards for teenage relationships) by telling you all this face-to-face (in a somewhat round-about way). But by pressing her to continue your relationship, you are wearing down her good intentions -- begging her to take advantage of you for the temporary comfort you can provide. Don't tempt her further. Bottom line: she's Tarzan; you're the vine she's holding onto at this moment; only a matter of time before she leaps to the next vine.

Been there, done that. Very sorry.

🙁
 
This news all sucks... I was hoping that there would be at least a good side to some arguements... something that would possibly work to my advantage. It's not like the girl and I are arguing or anything... so we're on good terms.

PowerEngineer, I have to agree with you that she's probably looking for something that I don't have. But doesn't every woman look for something to some extent? I don't think they find it... I don't think that any woman at any point in time finds "THE PERFECT MAN", I think they just happen to be extremely anal. If there is some problem, a small problem that they may not like, I'd like to think that they dwell on it and multiply it into something large... the manipulation of this thing, I think causes this problem in the relationship to be blown out of proportion. At least that's how it's always been with me, I've always been pretty layed back in my relationships, let it go how it goes... it's always the girl that ends up getting in a twist... not because I don't care but they seem to be the one that always has a problem, I've never dumped a girlfriend, at least not alone... it's either been mutual or I'm the dumpee... maybe that's my relationship characteristic... "the dumpee".

Besides... what defines something that they're looking for? what are some characteristics that a girls looks for? I thought I was fairly experienced in this whole relationship thing, but now that I've got going into this relationship, I realize that I'm quite the Green horn. I still don't know what to do, I guess this is all good advice, but I'm not asking wether I should give up on her or not, I want her back... no one on the forum is going to be able to convince me otherwise... I've known her 3 months, there has to be more to this relationship wether it's friends or more than that... I know there is more... I'm asking what I can do to keep things in check, what can I do to get back to where I was? you have the details... help me out.
 
Whoa that's a long story, god you should of put *novel* n the title name. 😀

Tell her how you really feel, that you miss her and that you love her. don't just say "like you" say "love you" because if things are that good you'll make t through the really rough spots Classes only last for so many weeks.

I knew a couple that was in about the exact same perdicament, He sent her love notes every day. and an e-card. anywhere from sexually titled to very (and I mean dripping on the floor) sappy. go out and find some love poetry on the net. or better yet write your own. but don't put anything down on paper that isn't in your heart let it speak the words


and damn I wanna see this chick



 
If you want to pursue her, you'll need to be PATIENT.

Be her friend, hang out, don't stress the "status" of your relationship. It could be a good learning experience. It sounds like she just got out of a serious relationship and doesn't want another one right now. So just chill and wait. She'll come around.

Of course, if someone better comes along, move on and go for that.
 
Dude, you obviously were to nice to her in the past, girls always want what they can't have. You gotta be a prick to her time to time.

listen to the old guy, dude
 
gimme a minute... I'll try to work up a picture that is worth looking at... none of them really do her justice compared to real life, searching through them all are killing me.
 
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