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I have a potential issue in my family

D

Dari

Lifer
I was having a beer with my uncle. He has a son that's 15 or 16. He's complaining that his son is gay.
"He's too big to be gay" --he says

"I'm going to beat the gayness out of him" --he says

"Poppy's rolling in his grave right now. Why did he choose to be gay?" --he says

I don't know what it was (maybe the beer?) but I was laughing so hard that I didn't take it seriously. But I think he's serious. My wife is appalled that I found it funny but I don't want to educate my uncle on something like this. It's not my place, I think.

EDIT: Even if I could say something I wouldn't know what to say. I don't have any gay friends but my female cousin does and she says that those who grew up with hostile parents usually end up addicted to drugs. My wife is pushing me to intervene but this is very uncomfortable for me.
 
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if you can fix the world, don't forget about world hunger and that other bad stuff while you are at it
if you treat the son right , that is a good start
 
FoBoT said:
if you can fix the world, don't forget about world hunger and that other bad stuff while you are at it
if you treat the son right , that is a good start
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Agreed. If he's a good kid and the dad really does follow through on this then try to be there for the kid and your wife.

His dad sounds like a huge douche but getting involved over something said over a few beers that he hasn't even done is going over the line IMO.
 
Tell him to try getting the entire family together to pray the gay away first. Or if he's humiliated, do it alone. Jesus will understand.
 
Dari said:
EDIT: Even if I could say something I wouldn't know what to say. I don't have any gay friends but my female cousin does and she says that those who grew up with hostile parents usually end up addicted to drugs. My wife is pushing me to intervene but this is very uncomfortable for me.
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Find a really buff gay dude. Get your uncle to repeat crazy shit infront of super buff gay dude. Problem resolves itself.

if you treat the son right , that is a good start
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That's a good start. Maybe a pat on the back and "coming out takes courage that a lot of us don't have" (implying you are gay, he is not alone)
 
Bigotry thrives on silence. You won't change your uncle's mind but by speaking up you help create an atmosphere around him that doesn't tolerate his abusive approach to his son's sexuality. You also affirm for your cousin that you are there for him, and support like that, especially from family, is worth the world.

It costs you little and it's the right thing to do. You don't go out of your way to confront him head on but when it comes up like it did then you make it clear that you have no problem with your cousin as he is and you are not ok with your uncle trash talking and threatening him.
 
AreaCode707 said:
Bigotry thrives on silence. You won't change your uncle's mind but by speaking up you help create an atmosphere around him that doesn't tolerate his abusive approach to his son's sexuality. You also affirm for your cousin that you are there for him, and support like that, especially from family, is worth the world.

It costs you little and it's the right thing to do. You don't go out of your way to confront him head on but when it comes up like it did then you make it clear that you have no problem with your cousin as he is and you are not ok with your uncle trash talking and threatening him.
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This
 
"He's too big to be gay" --he says

"I'm going to beat the gayness out of him" --he says
Click to expand...

that seems pretty fair.

being fat and gay is just terrible. your uncle should encourage his son to lose weight and start hitting the gym.

straight guys tend to have an easier time being fat, because they can still land a girl with the promise of being a good provider.

gay guys have no such line of appeal with other gay guys unless they're fiendishly wealthy and willing to be a sugar daddy.
 
I agree with your wife! Your uncle is throwing around ideas about physically assaulting his teenage son and you're laughing about it. That's just great... 😡


The least you should have done was give him another point of view to consider. You could have observed that sexual orientation is not a choice for most people. You might have suggested that beatings (and faith-based "cures") are as unlikely to change his son's homosexuality as they are to change his hetrosexuality.

I think you should look for another opportunity (soon!) to confront your uncle on this topic and reverse the sense of tacit approval of his thoughts and ideas that you gave him by treating it as some sort of joke. If you don't, then you deserve to feel like manure if your uncle decides to put his thoughts into action.

:thumbsdown:
 
Here is my idea of society: Let other people do whatever the fuck they want and live your life to the fullest extent.

Again, that's just me...but if you feel like his life/well-being is in danger, by all means.
 
My neighbor's grandson is going through the same thing. He recently came out to them, and not only have they given him misery, he's been kicked out of their church, etc. It's horrible watching him go through this. 🙁
 
AreaCode707 said:
Bigotry thrives on silence. You won't change your uncle's mind but by speaking up you help create an atmosphere around him that doesn't tolerate his abusive approach to his son's sexuality. You also affirm for your cousin that you are there for him, and support like that, especially from family, is worth the world.

It costs you little and it's the right thing to do. You don't go out of your way to confront him head on but when it comes up like it did then you make it clear that you have no problem with your cousin as he is and you are not ok with your uncle trash talking and threatening him.
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Yes this, and you might consider contacting organization(s) that are there for LGBT ("lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender") support. You can talk to sensitive, intelligent, knowledgeable imaginative people who have dealt with situations like this repeatedly and I'm sure they will have some very smart ideas for you. You have to use your discretion and intelligence in making any decisions here. Your opinion of yourself is more important than avoiding getting on the wrong side of your uncle. He will know you are in the right in the long run and you will maintain your self respect. Plus you will gain a friend in your cousin.
 
AreaCode707 said:
Bigotry thrives on silence. You won't change your uncle's mind but by speaking up you help create an atmosphere around him that doesn't tolerate his abusive approach to his son's sexuality.
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In that situation, both are bigots.

Respect has to go both ways. You expect the uncle to respect his sons sexual preference, but you would not respect the uncles opinion?

That is like the pot calling the kettle black.
 
Texashiker said:
In that situation, both are bigots.

Respect has to go both ways. You expect the uncle to respect his sons sexual preference, but you would not respect the uncles opinion?

That is like the pot calling the kettle black.
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You have an odd notion of respect. Things may be done that way in Texas, but elsewhere not so much. He doesn't have to show disrespect for his uncle. He can make known his feeling that he is unhappy with the notion that his cousin may endure a violent reaction from his uncle. Do you condone domestic violence?
 
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Tell your uncle to hire a hot, sexy hooker. Obviously, the kid just needs to have a woman to fuck away the gay. (prayers won't do it...but this might)
 
Texashiker said:
In that situation, both are bigots.

Respect has to go both ways. You expect the uncle to respect his sons sexual preference, but you would not respect the uncles opinion?

That is like the pot calling the kettle black.
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LOLWAT? What if the Dad wanted him to be gay and the son wanted to be straight?
 
Texashiker said:
In that situation, both are bigots.

Respect has to go both ways. You expect the uncle to respect his sons sexual preference, but you would not respect the uncles opinion?

That is like the pot calling the kettle black.
Click to expand...

No, that's like saying, because respect goes both ways, you have to respect Jeffrey Dahmers approach on how to treat casual apartment visitors.

OP, your Uncle needs to hear your views in an as non-confrontational way as you can possibly muster. Your aim is not to "defeat" him in confrontational debate, that will quickly make him angry and defensive and he will tune you out and dismiss you.

Your aim is to gently introduce him, as far as possible, to a different, kinder, more tolerant and enlightened view, not to trump him in an argument.

My personal view is that it would be cowardly not to try, at your first available organic opportunity, by which I mean when you next find yourself in your uncle's company and he brings it up.

Baby steps, nothing strident or forced. Just simply mentioning your different view will likely set your uncle off oratorically. Don't engage, let him get it all out, let him feel his hurt and outrage is heard, this is important.

Then CALMLY and matter of factly put forth your more accepting and "common sense" view in as low key a way as possible. Your uncle may attack you and your view verbally. Don't take the bait, don't respond in kind.

Your are the hate doctor here, attempting to lance the long festering boil of bigotry on your uncle's heart. This may sound funny to you, but it is vitally important that you have compassion for your uncle, who is a product of his upbringing.

Only if you truly have personal compassion for him will you best stand a chance of reaching him.

And that is your sole task, to simply, patiently begin the process of trying to plant the seed of enlightened acceptance in your uncle's blighted and wounded heart.

Baby steps.

Your cousin needs your help. He is hurting. And he is family. You are an adult. It won't be easy and you may not be successful, but you can help. How can you not try?
 
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