I have a potential issue in my family

[Sonikku]

He might have feelings towards guys himself and is too disgusted to admit it.

One minute you're slamming gays. The next you're taking it up the ass in some airport.

 

[Skillet49]

Respect goes both ways.

If the uncle objects to his sons sexual preference, so be it.

If the nephew objects to the uncles opinion, then so be it.

It is not the place of one or the other to try and force their viewpoints on the other party.

Because it's not like it's an issue of minor differences. It's not like his uncle was saying he liked to eat peaches and OP was like "WTF peaches suck."

I could be misunderstanding you, but it sounds like you're saying that even if something is completely absurd, we should just respect other people having different opinions and should do nothing to help prevent harm? Imagine we replaced "gay" in the OP with a specific race and OP's uncle is saying he is going to beat that race out of him. OP should just do nothing?

Whether you think being gay is a choice/not a choice or you have no problem/a problem with it isn't the issue. OP is concerned about his cousin due to some comments his uncle made and is wondering what to do.

 

[Dr. Zaus]

Last I heard, murder was a crime.




Why is it ok to confront the uncle, but its not ok for the uncle to have an opinion that is different from the nephew?

Respect goes both ways.

If the uncle objects to his sons black-woman preference, so be it.

If the nephew objects to the racist-ignorance, then so be it.

It is not the place of one or the other to try and force their viewpoints on the other party.

Is if there's violence, bigotry and ignorance involved then it's the responsibility of every right thinking, caring, person to educate and emancipate.

 

[Jetster...]

Is if there's violence, bigotry and ignorance involved then it's the responsibility of every right thinking, caring, person to educate and emancipate.

Absolutely, well stated


"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." (Edmund Burke)

 

[nageov3t]

I've seen lots of larger gay couples. But they were older.

that's why you've got to land a guy by your mid 30's before your body starts falling apart

 

[soccerballtux]

Also: "All that is necessary for the gay to triumph is that good men do nothing."

ftfy

 

[Texashiker]

Is if there's violence, bigotry and ignorance involved then it's the responsibility of every right thinking, caring, person to educate and emancipate.

By not respecting the uncles opinion, you are promoting bigotry.

Who in society gets to define what is right, what is wrong, and what is socially acceptable?

 

[crashtestdummy]

By not respecting the uncles opinion, you are promoting bigotry.

Who in society gets to define what is right, what is wrong, and what is socially acceptable?

There's one big difference: The father is threatening to beat his son over the disagreement. He does not have to be happy with his son's sexual orientation, but he cannot abuse him for it. It is unfathomable to me that you would suggest that the OP must respect domestic violence as an appropriate response to his cousin's sexuality.

 

[Texashiker]

It is unfathomable to me that you would suggest that the OP must respect domestic violence as an appropriate response to his cousin's sexuality.

There is a difference between talking and doing.

Also, we are talking about a 15 or 16 year old young man, not a 2 month old infant.

When it comes to family problems, its best to keep your nose out. And that includes extended family members.

 

[TheVrolok]

There is a difference between talking and doing.

Also, we are talking about a 15 or 16 year old young man, not a 2 month old infant.

When it comes to family problems, its best to keep your nose out. And that includes extended family members.

Oh, so potential abuse of a 15-16 year old is ok then?

 

[ShawnD1]

How is that even relevant? Whether it is a choice or not doesn't matter.

-KeithP

It's easier to accept some things when they are not choices.

man accidentally falls off roof and breaks leg: poor guy
teen intentionally jumps off roof and breaks leg: god damn retard, I hope it hurt

 

[Texashiker]

Oh, so potential abuse of a 15-16 year old is ok then?

No, it is not ok.

But as far as we know, no violence has occurred yet.

It appears to me that the venting of a disappointed father has been turned into nothing but speculation.

EDIT

Keep in mind parents have the right to discipline their children. The parents sees the son making poor choices, the parent therefor has the right to discipline the child.

The level and degree of discipline depends on a lot of factors, age being one of them. A parent would not discipline a 3 year old like they would a 13 year old.

 

[waggy]

OP you missed the golden chance to talk about because of your fear. great now you want to? hope you don't chicken out the next time.

i would talk to him about threatening to beat his son over it. ask if he really loves his son. if he is willing to abuse him over something the kid has no control over. he should love his kids even if his life choices are not something he agrees with.

other t hen that? shit not much you can do.

 

[crashtestdummy]

There is a difference between talking and doing.

Also, we are talking about a 15 or 16 year old young man, not a 2 month old infant.

When it comes to family problems, its best to keep your nose out. And that includes extended family members.

He's a man except for his legal ability to smoke, drink, join the army, drop out of school, work full time, drive a car, and develop adult musculature?

Also, I'm not suggesting that the OP beat up the uncle because of what he said, but it does need to be made clear to him that violence is not an acceptable solution here. If it were my uncle, I would be getting involved in this. If, because of that, the uncle decided that he didn't want to talk to me anymore, that's his decision, but I'm not going to sit idly by while the man talks about beating his son because he's gay.

 

[Texashiker]

If it were my uncle, I would be getting involved in this.

Do you have any teenage children?

 

[crashtestdummy]

Do you have any teenage children?

No, but I have a cousin and two great aunts who are gay, a fiance who's bi, and several of my best friends who are either gay or bi. I plan on having children in the next few years, and if they grow up gay, I will make sure that they understand that my love for them is unrelated to their sexuality.

Edit: and by the way, the uncle simply being hostile does do an enormous amount of damage.

LGBT youth whose families are hostile are eight times likelier to commit suicide than their straight peers. Hostile parents can't make their gay kids straight, but they can make them dead.

The stat is a little misleading, as it compares gay kids with hostile family to straight kids. I'll try to replace this with a better stat.


Edit 2: A more rigorous source, with citations if you're interested in fact-checking:

Aspects of family dynamics—such as lack of support, conflict, and rejection as well as connectedness —play an important role in suicide risk for LGB youth. Abuse within the family (whether psychological, verbal, physical, or sexual) elevates the risk of suicidal behavior by LGB young people (Gibson & Saunders, 1994; McBee-Strayer & Rogers, 2002). Forty percent of the callers to the Trevor Helpline for LGBTQ youth reported that they had difficulty with their families because of their sexual orientation (Charles Robbins, personal communication, April 9, 2008). Family conflict is also a contributing factor to homelessness of LGBT youth, discussed below.

Family support plays an important role for LGB youth during the period in which they identify and “come out,” or disclose their sexual orientation to their families. LGB youth experience a rise in suicide attempts and ideation around the time of disclosure (D’Augelli & Hershberger, 1993; Igartua et al., 2003; Remafedi et al., 1991). D’Augelli, Hershberger, & Pilkington (1998) found that LGB youth who had disclosed to their families were more than four times as likely to have attempted suicide as LGB youth who had not disclosed. Researchers speculate that this is related to the stress caused by coming out and fear of—or actual—rejection by members of their families. A substantial proportion of youth who disclose an LGB sexual orientation to their families are assaulted by members of their family, while many others are threatened or verbally and emotionally abused (D'Augelli et al., 1998).

Research findings generally agree that family and parental support are important protective factors against adolescent suicide for LGB youth (Kidd et al., 2006; Proctor & Groze, 1994). Eisenberg and Resnick (2006) measured protective factors—specifically, family connectedness, other adult caring, and school safety—based on youth self-reports. They found that lower levels of these protective factors in LGB youth account for much of the increased risk of suicidal ideation and attempts. In particular, family connectedness plays a vital role for LGB youth: those with strong family connectedness are half as likely to experience suicidal ideation as those with low family connectedness. They concluded:

Family connectedness, support from other adults, and school safety are all characteristics that are amenable to change, and would be appropriate targets for interventions aimed at protecting young people from self-harm. Improving the ability of parents and other influential adults to connect with and support adolescents grappling with issues of sexual identity may be a critical component of mental health promotion and protection for these young people (p. 667).

 

[NetGuySC]

"Poppy's rolling in his grave right now. Why did he choose to be gay?" --he says

Ask your uncle, "Since it's a choice that everyone must make, how old were you when you chose to be heterosexual??, What was it like before you decided, did you get a boner looking at males and females?? Did you test the waters of each and then made a more informed decision?? Did you weigh the pros and cons of heterosexuality and homosexuality and decided that homosexuality just wasn't acceptable enough in society yet, so you decided to be heterosexual would be easier??"

I'm not homosexual (Not that there's anything wrong with it (seinfeld quote )), I just don't get the whole "It's a choice".

I don't recall ever making a choice about my sexual orientation, it just was. I can't help but feel that homosexuals feel the same way.


That being said, I have three kids and I hope none of them are gay, but if any of them are, I hope I'm not such an ass about it.

 

[Texashiker]

No, but,,,,

But, but, but,,,.

Dealing with teenagers was, and still is, some of the worst times of my life.

This situation between parent and child is just that, its a special relationship. Society seems to treat family relationships as if the people just met on the street.

Regardless of what we think, the parent and child have to live with their decisions.

We (society) needs to keep its nose out of family relationships. If a mom wants to whip her kids ass for acting up in walmart, everyone else needs to mind their own business.

On the other hand, we should know the difference between abuse and discipline. A 15 year old young man gets in his dads face, the dad beats the kid down, it that disciple or abuse? I guess it depends on how you look at it.

If a dad whips his sons ass because the son is gay, that is between them. It is none of my business.

 

[TheVrolok]

Keep in mind parents have the right to discipline their children. The parents sees the son making poor choices, the parent therefor has the right to discipline the child.

The level and degree of discipline depends on a lot of factors, age being one of them. A parent would not discipline a 3 year old like they would a 13 year old.

Sad, just sad.

 

[MotF Bane]

No, it is not ok.

But as far as we know, no violence has occurred yet.

It appears to me that the venting of a disappointed father has been turned into nothing but speculation.

EDIT

Keep in mind parents have the right to discipline their children. The parents sees the son making poor choices, the parent therefor has the right to discipline the child.

The level and degree of discipline depends on a lot of factors, age being one of them. A parent would not discipline a 3 year old like they would a 13 year old.

That is utterly absurd. You are a disgusting pathetic bigot. :thumbsdown:

 

[waggy]

Keep in mind parents have the right to discipline their children. The parents sees the son making poor choices, the parent therefor has the right to discipline the child.
A parent would not discipline a 3 year old like they would a 13 year old.

you are right. discipline is part of parenting but you need to be logical.

You don't discipline the child because they have blonde hair and you wanted brown. You don't discipline the child because they are male and you wanted a girl. You do Not discipline the child because they are short and you wanted tall.

and you do not beat the shit out of the child. that is not discipline.

 

[Texashiker]

That is utterly absurd. You are a disgusting pathetic bigot. :thumbsdown:

Who are you to decide how a parent should discipline their child?

and you do not beat the shit out of the child. that is not discipline.

There is a difference between a child and a young adult.

We are not talking about a 3, 4 or 5 year old child here. We are talking about a 15 or 16 young adult.

 

[waggy]

Who are you to decide how a parent should discipline their child?




There is a difference between a child and a young adult.

We are not talking about a 3, 4 or 5 year old child here. We are talking about a 15 or 16 young adult.

what diffrence does that make? you do not beat teh shit out of a child. hell you don't do that to anyone just because they have a lifestyle you disagree with.

 

[Muse]

Last I heard, murder was a crime.




Why is it ok to confront the uncle, but its not ok for the uncle to have an opinion that is different from the nephew?

Respect goes both ways.

If the uncle objects to his sons sexual preference, so be it.

If the nephew objects to the uncles opinion, then so be it.

It is not the place of one or the other to try and force their viewpoints on the other party.

You use the word "force," interesting. Here it's a question of the uncle using violence, which is certainly a form of force. However, just expressing a feeling without force, what the OP is morally obligated to do, is not forceful at all, it's simply a matter of not loaning complicity by virtue of silence. Can't you see that?

Also, you must see that the Uncle put this out there, he made the OP a party to the thrashing the Uncle envisions by explaining his intentions, albeit over beer. The OP was brought into the situation, the uncle should have no complaint if the OP expresses his opinion, even at a later time. The uncle voluntarily widened the compass of his inner family circle which you view as sacrosanct, however it is not.

 

[MotF Bane]

Who are you to decide how a parent should discipline their child?

It's not a choice, you ignorant inbred bigoted hick. It is people like you who lead to young gay children living in fear of their parents/friends/family, unable to tell anyone their true orientation, pretending to like the opposite sex for their own safety, or else ending up tied to a fence to die.