Agree with that....plus, if your kid is going to go off to college, why not put him/her in the newer, more reliable ride? Especially if it's the one they wanted to begin with.
Agree with that....plus, if your kid is going to go off to college, why not put him/her in the newer, more reliable ride? Especially if it's the one they wanted to begin with.
AgaBoogaBoo
Lifer
- Feb 16, 2003
- 26,108
- 5
- 81
shiner... I think I see your point of view - the OP shouldn't expect it and shouldn't be angry about it. I don't agree with what the OP did or the parents in this case.
erikistired
Diamond Member
- Sep 27, 2000
- 9,739
- 0
- 0
lol. i'm not owed or entitled to anything. nor is the OP. however, holding your wealth over your child's head in such a pathetic and childish way is an asshole thing to do. to be upset about it is perfectly normal. not sure how hard that is to understand.
if they'd picked up another truck for sitting around in the driveway, good for them. by picking out the exact one he wanted, then making sure to point it out whenever possible, is stupid and childish.
not sure where you get the idea i think i'm entitled to anything because i don't agree with the way the parents went about things, but hey, that's your deal, not mine.
Well don't post about it then. What would OP expect?
While I agree that it's natural to be upset if something doesn't go your way, but c'mon, have some sense before you post something like that.
alkemyst
No Lifer
- Feb 13, 2001
- 83,769
- 19
- 81
It was disrespectful in the basis they bought the truck he wanted and they would not help him get. It's not as if they 'gave' him the first truck, he is making payments.
If they did absolfuckinglutely need the very same truck he wanted, then they should have let him know rather than him being surprised by it.
That was disrepectful to their son. To most guys, their vehicle is pretty damn important...doing this to him was a pretty hurtful thing.
While he didn't handle it perfectly, the parents being 'older and wiser' set that stage.
- Mar 31, 2003
- 11,679
- 0
- 81
I'm sorry for creating a topic so easy to flame on.
Shinerburke I wish you would leave my religion out of this. Just because I am a Christian doesn't make me any less susceptible to temptation than anyone else in this world! I make the EXACT same mistakes as you guys just the same!
First off before I clarify things-- I would like to say that I did not feel that I was entitled to this vehicle or that they owed me it in any way. They helped me buy this vehicle and I am extremely grateful for that. They help with my college and all that comes with.
I wrote them a note, since they had already gone to bed, explaining that I was sorry but that it was something I was struggling with since I had gotten home. I also said that maybe in 2 years I'll have enough money when I head to grad school to maybe buy it off of them or to upgrade to an equivalent. I also said that I was sorry for ruining their weekend. A spoiled kid is the last thing in this world I am and the last thing in the world I want to be portrayed as.
As for the details:
My Truck:
1995 Toyota Tacoma
2.7L I4
5 Speed Manual
31.5" Tires
Regular Cab
New Truck:
2003 Toyota Tacoma
3.4L V6
5 Speed Manual
31.5" Tires
Extended Cab
TRD Off Road Package including locking rear differential
(Other Features this has over mine):
Armrests and Center Console
Power Locks and Windows
Keyless Entry
Variable Speed Wipers
Cruise Control
Speakers
Of course it has a few intangibles over mine (Better gearing for highway driving, more room etc...)
Now to clarify:
I go to Virginia Tech from Fredericksburg VA. It is roughly a 3.5 hour drive on I-81 and I-64. If you aren't familiar with those Interstates, they are quite mountainous. My truck struggles to maintain speed going up the mountains and is also very uncomfortable and noisy (~2900 RPM 5th Gear, 70MPH). This isn't complaining, it is just the way the older car is.
I also transport roughly 700lbs of Audio Equipment every week for InterVarsity Christian Fellowship. My truck isn't too keen on towing all of that as well. Not to mention the camping trips we go on where we are forced to take two cars because I only have on other seat.
It just would be A LOT more convenient given what I do. Not to mention safer (Driver Side First Gen Airbag for me... Dual Airbags and ABS for them...).
If this is something that I want, then I am going to have to work hard and get in a position to afford another truck that fits my needs. Until then, it will, hopefully, make me work that much harder in school so I can buy a car I really want later in life. I wish I could have it now, and it all makes sense to me why it is more practical, but practicality of it isn't everything (Not to mention, my truck, despite how displeased I am with some aspects is a very nice and well kept truck)
-Kevin
(And no, they were not going to just swap trucks. It occurred to me, but it wasn't happening-- they had already put their stuff in the truck (Maps, tools, etc...))
Edit: I was given my Uncles '92 Toyota Tacoma that we bought for $5000 4 years ago. I squandered that by going off road, but fixed it up very nicely (enough that I was able to sell it for $4400 today). While that was being repaired, we bought this truck and I owed them money as I could pay it (This was about a year ago). Therefore my parents have been more than generous and they have also apologized for not thinking that buying a truck so similar to the one I had wanted would upset me.
I did get the position of RA at Virginia Tech which pays for room $2100 a year out of the $14,000 total as well as a $125 stipend every two weeks. I had really wanted this job, but also in the back of my mind I was trying to help out with college as well ($2100 knocked off a year is pretty good in my opinion).
Shinerburke I wish you would leave my religion out of this. Just because I am a Christian doesn't make me any less susceptible to temptation than anyone else in this world! I make the EXACT same mistakes as you guys just the same!
First off before I clarify things-- I would like to say that I did not feel that I was entitled to this vehicle or that they owed me it in any way. They helped me buy this vehicle and I am extremely grateful for that. They help with my college and all that comes with.
I wrote them a note, since they had already gone to bed, explaining that I was sorry but that it was something I was struggling with since I had gotten home. I also said that maybe in 2 years I'll have enough money when I head to grad school to maybe buy it off of them or to upgrade to an equivalent. I also said that I was sorry for ruining their weekend. A spoiled kid is the last thing in this world I am and the last thing in the world I want to be portrayed as.
As for the details:
My Truck:
1995 Toyota Tacoma
2.7L I4
5 Speed Manual
31.5" Tires
Regular Cab
New Truck:
2003 Toyota Tacoma
3.4L V6
5 Speed Manual
31.5" Tires
Extended Cab
TRD Off Road Package including locking rear differential
(Other Features this has over mine):
Armrests and Center Console
Power Locks and Windows
Keyless Entry
Variable Speed Wipers
Cruise Control
Speakers
Of course it has a few intangibles over mine (Better gearing for highway driving, more room etc...)
Now to clarify:
I go to Virginia Tech from Fredericksburg VA. It is roughly a 3.5 hour drive on I-81 and I-64. If you aren't familiar with those Interstates, they are quite mountainous. My truck struggles to maintain speed going up the mountains and is also very uncomfortable and noisy (~2900 RPM 5th Gear, 70MPH). This isn't complaining, it is just the way the older car is.
I also transport roughly 700lbs of Audio Equipment every week for InterVarsity Christian Fellowship. My truck isn't too keen on towing all of that as well. Not to mention the camping trips we go on where we are forced to take two cars because I only have on other seat.
It just would be A LOT more convenient given what I do. Not to mention safer (Driver Side First Gen Airbag for me... Dual Airbags and ABS for them...).
If this is something that I want, then I am going to have to work hard and get in a position to afford another truck that fits my needs. Until then, it will, hopefully, make me work that much harder in school so I can buy a car I really want later in life. I wish I could have it now, and it all makes sense to me why it is more practical, but practicality of it isn't everything (Not to mention, my truck, despite how displeased I am with some aspects is a very nice and well kept truck)
-Kevin
(And no, they were not going to just swap trucks. It occurred to me, but it wasn't happening-- they had already put their stuff in the truck (Maps, tools, etc...))
Edit: I was given my Uncles '92 Toyota Tacoma that we bought for $5000 4 years ago. I squandered that by going off road, but fixed it up very nicely (enough that I was able to sell it for $4400 today). While that was being repaired, we bought this truck and I owed them money as I could pay it (This was about a year ago). Therefore my parents have been more than generous and they have also apologized for not thinking that buying a truck so similar to the one I had wanted would upset me.
I did get the position of RA at Virginia Tech which pays for room $2100 a year out of the $14,000 total as well as a $125 stipend every two weeks. I had really wanted this job, but also in the back of my mind I was trying to help out with college as well ($2100 knocked off a year is pretty good in my opinion).
BoomerD
No Lifer
- Feb 26, 2006
- 66,415
- 14,819
- 146
I'm gonna have to agree with Shinerburke on this. The parents owe the child NOTHING once he turns 18 and is out of high school. they don't OWE it to him to put him through college, they don't OWE it to him to provide him with a car, they don't OWE it to him to buy a car and let him make payments...they don't OWE him a dammed thing once he reaches maturity.
It sounds like they are supporting him with school and maybe even living expenses, (he doesn't say anything about working) they have bought him a perfectly serviceable truck, albeit an older one with some miles on it, and who knows what else they provide for him out of the goodness of their hearts?
I'll be dammed if I'd keep an older, less reliable vehicle and give my kids a newer truck. If they (or he) wants a newer truck...that's what J-O-B-S are for.
Is it tough to go to school full time and hold a job? I imagine it is...school is tough enough for me without having to work...but he has time to haul equipment around for a Jeezus-band...he has time to work a job that pays...
I am amazed at the number of posters here who have a HUGE sense of entitlement...the world (or your parents) OWE you stuff? Get real...no one OWES you a dammed thing...EARN what you get.
No, my parents didn't give me a dammed thing...I earned everything I ever had in life. Life sucks...get used to it.
Edit: I can understand being disappointed, but I DON'T understand throwing a fit over it...IF they were going to give it to you after fucking with you a bit, you REALLY blew that...If it were me and I really didn't need the truck, I'd sell it after you went back to school.
It sounds like they are supporting him with school and maybe even living expenses, (he doesn't say anything about working) they have bought him a perfectly serviceable truck, albeit an older one with some miles on it, and who knows what else they provide for him out of the goodness of their hearts?
I'll be dammed if I'd keep an older, less reliable vehicle and give my kids a newer truck. If they (or he) wants a newer truck...that's what J-O-B-S are for.
Is it tough to go to school full time and hold a job? I imagine it is...school is tough enough for me without having to work...but he has time to haul equipment around for a Jeezus-band...he has time to work a job that pays...
I am amazed at the number of posters here who have a HUGE sense of entitlement...the world (or your parents) OWE you stuff? Get real...no one OWES you a dammed thing...EARN what you get.
No, my parents didn't give me a dammed thing...I earned everything I ever had in life. Life sucks...get used to it.
Edit: I can understand being disappointed, but I DON'T understand throwing a fit over it...IF they were going to give it to you after fucking with you a bit, you REALLY blew that...If it were me and I really didn't need the truck, I'd sell it after you went back to school.
- Jun 10, 2004
- 14,604
- 6,091
- 136
I like how people who were not there are condemning the OP. Don't y'all have something better to do than rub salt in a feller's wounds? Oh wait, it's ATOT.
No one has a right to judge the OP. He posted here to work out his feelings and y'all just snapped at him. Who's immature now?
No one has a right to judge the OP. He posted here to work out his feelings and y'all just snapped at him. Who's immature now?
Safeway
Lifer
- Jun 22, 2004
- 12,075
- 11
- 81
Times have changed to a certain extent with regards to when parents are done raising. It is much more common for parents to say that a child is cut off after college graduation, not high school. Don't get me wrong, I have been working since the age of twelve. I bought my own cars. Bought my first iPod, second iPod ... iPhone. My parents did pay for my undergraduate degree and housing, and I thank them infinitely for allowing me to graduate without debt.
Anyway, I think parents and children have changed attitudes as to when maturity and fiscal responsibility are reached.
Obviously he couldn't afford the new truck if he had to have his parents' help purchase the other vehicle. My dad bought the truck I want (minus some of the features I would want), but I don't care. It's fun driving it every now and then. It's nice to have a car with better gas milage but to have the option to switch if I need to. Besides save money right now. No one cares what you drove in college in the future. Some of the "cool kids" are going to be driving crappy cars when they stop living off their parents, so take advantage of cheap car now to save for the future.
- Mar 31, 2003
- 11,679
- 0
- 81
Please read the original post. I clearly said that I didn't think I was entitled to it. It IS more practical, but this is something they wanted to get- and they have every right to get it.
Again, please don't try and say discredit my religion saying that I can quit that and work instead. There is more to this life than working my life away.
In my post right before this I mention my jobs and elaborate more.
All I was doing in this post is saying how immature it was of me to do this and that even though I have grown up so much in College, that even an almost 20 year old guy can screw up with greed and other things.
-Kevin
Safeway
Lifer
- Jun 22, 2004
- 12,075
- 11
- 81
What probably happened is that Gamingphreek's interest in a newish Tacoma got his parents interested in a newish Tacoma. Although Gaming ended up with a more reasonable vehicle, his parents were still interested in getting the car for themselves. Not unreasonable.
I can imagine trying to get my parents to buy me a car. I'd come out with all rave reviews on it, this and that. Although it wouldn't be the car for me, I could see how my parents might become interested in it. (By the way, my parents wouldn't buy me a car. Ever.)
I can imagine trying to get my parents to buy me a car. I'd come out with all rave reviews on it, this and that. Although it wouldn't be the car for me, I could see how my parents might become interested in it. (By the way, my parents wouldn't buy me a car. Ever.)
Safeway
Lifer
- Jun 22, 2004
- 12,075
- 11
- 81
Yea, I get what you mean. My girlfriend paid her way through two years of undergraduate and one year of pharmacy. Her parents gave her $2500 total, which she appreciated. Thankfully, she was able to get a full scholarship with stipend for the remaining three years of graduate school. A scholarship that pays back prior debt, too.
- Jun 10, 2004
- 14,604
- 6,091
- 136
If you read the thread, you will realize that that is not the issue here.
Despite being a college student myself, I fully agree with your statement about some of my peers having a sense of entitlement. I'm just amazed at how easily some of my peers throw money around. But at the same time, there are just as many who don't have those feelings of entitlement and work to support themselves and/or are fully appreciative of their parents' help.
I'm grateful for financial aid/scholarships paying almost all of my way through college. Because of the generosity of mostly anonymous benefactors I haven't paid a cent of tuition. I split the rest (food, a little housing cost) about 50/50 with my parents. With two kids in college and other financial obligations they have a hard enough time financially as it is. The past two semesters I've actually told them to contribute more to their retirements and house payments rather than pay for my college expenses. I took out some more student loans instead. I'm young and don't have much in loans yet so I figure having a little more can't hurt. Besides the parents' contribution to food and housing, I don't let them pay for anything else. I buy anything non-essential and even some essentials with my own money that I earn from work.
Do I feel entitled to the help I get from my parents? Nope. They raised me for the 18 years prior to college and they still help me out. That's more than I can ask for, and I'm grateful for it.
Gamingphreek:
I just wanted to chime in with my opinion:
I respect where you are coming from. I have felt misunderstood, angry, upset, and other things with my family as well in the past. Not to say that I was right in feeling those things every time, but whatever the case, from a family perspective, leaving out the entitlement argument and whatnot, it's clear there was some serious miscommunication going on about this in your family. Yeah, the way they did it was pretty unloving (not necessarily "what" they did, buying the car); and so was the way you handled it. I respect that you were willing to confront them about it , and I could imagine that how you went about it, was probably a lot milder than how most people read it. I know when I say I "go off" on my family, compared to some of my friends, it looks like a minor confrontation, just because I have a relatively better relationship with my family that a lot of my friends. But this is just my conjecture.
At any rate, too, I think it's respectable that you apologized to them. Please though, if you don't hear this anywhere else, make sure that you don't back down on the fact that your feelings were hurt. As people have said, you are not entitled to a lot of things, but if your parents love you, I'm sure they don't want to unintentionally hurt you like that (or maybe they do, in which case, it sounds like there needs to be another conversation). So, to summarize, it sounds like you are upset and confused as towards why your parents would do something that seems to you like they are trying to be mean. Make sure you let them know what it was that felt that way. Give them a chance to provide their story and ask for a chance to provide your story.
Finally, regarding the truck, I empathize. It probably feels like they are a)flaunting this at you; b)not making a logical choice; and c)not including you in their decisions all at the same time. I would theorize that to a certain point, the best you can do is be upset about point a. Of course, with b you can try to have a logical conversation with them removed from points a and c; or with c you can ask to be included in a greater capacity in their decisions (doesn't hurt to ask? maybe they would want to give you more responsibilities with this option) removed from points a or b. I'm sure there is a mature next step you can take to help you and your family grow. I recommend finding it =)
Peace
john
For everyone else, preemptively, I don't see how you can argue with that logic which I just presented. In my opinion my friends and families are more than business relationships. I wholeheartedly believe the US have become an "entitlement society" and that it is one of our biggest flaws as a culture. I am an advocate for change in this issue. And there doesn't seem to be much of an entitlement issue at all in the OP's post. What there does seem to be is miscommunication and hurt feelings within a family. It's one thing to say "I feel hurt because my mom and dad won't buy me a car" It's another to say "I feel logically and emotionally betrayed by my mom and dad" (Not that I think the OP was betrayed, but these are the extremes) But anyway, that doesn't change the fact that we shouldn't seek to have mature relationships that are honest and able to be hurt. I base my opinion upon a wonderful book called "Crucial Conversations" by Kerry Patterson. Briefly, it argues that we need to have open communication for maximum satisfaction for all members involved in any task; that is to say, as soon as someone feels threatened, marginalized, or unimportant, everyone loses. And it is possible to keep people from feeling that way without comprising what you believe. It takes the "suckers choice" (which boils down to "Either I have to be cruel and tell the truth, or be kind and sugarcoat things") and provides ways to turn it into a logical "and" (I can tell the truth AND be kind). Really, its tough to believe this is possible without all the statistics, anecdotes, and research they've done. But, I've found it to be true in my life. As a side note, my local chapter of Intervarsity Christian Fellowship had us that were on leadership read it; it's changed my life in terms of relationships.
I just wanted to chime in with my opinion:
I respect where you are coming from. I have felt misunderstood, angry, upset, and other things with my family as well in the past. Not to say that I was right in feeling those things every time, but whatever the case, from a family perspective, leaving out the entitlement argument and whatnot, it's clear there was some serious miscommunication going on about this in your family. Yeah, the way they did it was pretty unloving (not necessarily "what" they did, buying the car); and so was the way you handled it. I respect that you were willing to confront them about it , and I could imagine that how you went about it, was probably a lot milder than how most people read it. I know when I say I "go off" on my family, compared to some of my friends, it looks like a minor confrontation, just because I have a relatively better relationship with my family that a lot of my friends. But this is just my conjecture.
At any rate, too, I think it's respectable that you apologized to them. Please though, if you don't hear this anywhere else, make sure that you don't back down on the fact that your feelings were hurt. As people have said, you are not entitled to a lot of things, but if your parents love you, I'm sure they don't want to unintentionally hurt you like that (or maybe they do, in which case, it sounds like there needs to be another conversation). So, to summarize, it sounds like you are upset and confused as towards why your parents would do something that seems to you like they are trying to be mean. Make sure you let them know what it was that felt that way. Give them a chance to provide their story and ask for a chance to provide your story.
Finally, regarding the truck, I empathize. It probably feels like they are a)flaunting this at you; b)not making a logical choice; and c)not including you in their decisions all at the same time. I would theorize that to a certain point, the best you can do is be upset about point a. Of course, with b you can try to have a logical conversation with them removed from points a and c; or with c you can ask to be included in a greater capacity in their decisions (doesn't hurt to ask? maybe they would want to give you more responsibilities with this option) removed from points a or b. I'm sure there is a mature next step you can take to help you and your family grow. I recommend finding it =)
Peace
john
For everyone else, preemptively, I don't see how you can argue with that logic which I just presented. In my opinion my friends and families are more than business relationships. I wholeheartedly believe the US have become an "entitlement society" and that it is one of our biggest flaws as a culture. I am an advocate for change in this issue. And there doesn't seem to be much of an entitlement issue at all in the OP's post. What there does seem to be is miscommunication and hurt feelings within a family. It's one thing to say "I feel hurt because my mom and dad won't buy me a car" It's another to say "I feel logically and emotionally betrayed by my mom and dad" (Not that I think the OP was betrayed, but these are the extremes) But anyway, that doesn't change the fact that we shouldn't seek to have mature relationships that are honest and able to be hurt. I base my opinion upon a wonderful book called "Crucial Conversations" by Kerry Patterson. Briefly, it argues that we need to have open communication for maximum satisfaction for all members involved in any task; that is to say, as soon as someone feels threatened, marginalized, or unimportant, everyone loses. And it is possible to keep people from feeling that way without comprising what you believe. It takes the "suckers choice" (which boils down to "Either I have to be cruel and tell the truth, or be kind and sugarcoat things") and provides ways to turn it into a logical "and" (I can tell the truth AND be kind). Really, its tough to believe this is possible without all the statistics, anecdotes, and research they've done. But, I've found it to be true in my life. As a side note, my local chapter of Intervarsity Christian Fellowship had us that were on leadership read it; it's changed my life in terms of relationships.
- Mar 31, 2003
- 11,679
- 0
- 81
That is a great perspective and something I am growing into. I grew up watching all the movies where the cool character was the tough guy. One who was selfless but never shared his feelings. I am just now getting over that to an extent in college (ie: Me and my best friends talk about deeper stuff now and again-- I just don't like putting myself out there where I could potentially get hurt).
As for the car, yes mis-communication on both sides was apparent. I went about presenting mine in the wrong way. When I say "go off" I mean, I apologized for being secluded all day, but that I was upset about the truck. And eventually it turned into an argument- not really yelling too much, but enough so that my parents went to bed a little earlier than normal. I should have handled my end better in that respect.
I did learn, that avoiding something isn't the way to get over it also. Me not looking at or driving that truck didn't make it any easier to get over it-- in fact it made it worse.
Thats awesome that you are in IVCF by the way-- may I ask where? I am a Small Group Leader down at Virginia Tech with our chapter and I love every bit of it. I was really blessed that such an awesome group of people found me!
-Kevin
(Oh and in no way does that not negate me apologizing in person. I just didn't see the point in waking them up to speak with then )
As for the car, yes mis-communication on both sides was apparent. I went about presenting mine in the wrong way. When I say "go off" I mean, I apologized for being secluded all day, but that I was upset about the truck. And eventually it turned into an argument- not really yelling too much, but enough so that my parents went to bed a little earlier than normal. I should have handled my end better in that respect.
I did learn, that avoiding something isn't the way to get over it also. Me not looking at or driving that truck didn't make it any easier to get over it-- in fact it made it worse.
Thats awesome that you are in IVCF by the way-- may I ask where? I am a Small Group Leader down at Virginia Tech with our chapter and I love every bit of it. I was really blessed that such an awesome group of people found me!
-Kevin
(Oh and in no way does that not negate me apologizing in person. I just didn't see the point in waking them up to speak with then
)Like father like son...
I agree OP is a brat but something is wrong with the parents for rubbing it in his face like that.
moshquerade
No Lifer
- Nov 1, 2001
- 61,504
- 12
- 56
Geekbabe
Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
Sounds like your parents wanted to teach you responsibility... but didn't want you to bite off more than you can chew car payment wise..so you're paying for the older car
but they also wanted to reward you for being a good son and buying the car you really wanted and possibly letting you drive it.
I would go to your parents in a quiet moment and aplogise just as you did here..let them know that you regretted what you said the very second it you said it.
Chances are good your parents might dimmly remember what it was like to be young and to REALLY,REALLY want something. Growing up happens in spurts and bits and pieces,you grew up some more with this experience,so let them know that.
but they also wanted to reward you for being a good son and buying the car you really wanted and possibly letting you drive it.
I would go to your parents in a quiet moment and aplogise just as you did here..let them know that you regretted what you said the very second it you said it.
Chances are good your parents might dimmly remember what it was like to be young and to REALLY,REALLY want something. Growing up happens in spurts and bits and pieces,you grew up some more with this experience,so let them know that.
waggy
No Lifer
- Dec 14, 2000
- 68,143
- 10
- 81
while i give you credit for understanding you were acting like a immature jerk and appolgizing. That is a huge step in growing up and being a adult. I know people far older then you who have not got there yet.
you say "is more to this life than working my life away." i fully agree. But shouldnt that apply to your parents also? why should they work harder to support you (if going to college good for them) and buy a more expensive truck for you? sure you are paying but what if you can't afford it later?
there comes a time when parents have to stop payinf for everything and enjoy there life. As my parents are fond of saying when they get something new and expensive "We are spending your inherintance!" heh They have worked very hard and are enjoying life.
but again i it does make me happy to see that you understand the situation and are takeing responbility for it.
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