I don't get the mentality of pathological liars, why?

[Zeze]

Do you know one? I do. He's a good friend of mine, but this bothers me incredibly. He's a nice guy, generally harmless, and not malicious like those typical liars. But I really wonder what the mechanic behind it is.

It's to the point you can see through his lies within a sentence coming a mile away. Few examples:

1. GF and I were at Redsox game. He texts me and I say I'm at Fenway. He texts me back saying he's there too. I was genuinely excited so I call him, he suddenly doesn't pick up. I said let's meet after the game, he disappears until evening then says it wasn't a good idea to meet at the game due to the crowd.

2. He says his rich friend has a 100" HDTV and they watch together all the time. Now, this was 7~ years ago when HDTV were just rolling out. I don't think they were even available to consumer let alone how expensive it would be. I looked it up online, no such model & size existed at the time.

3. We went to this promotional event at a lounge where they serve open bar to celebrate new vodka (it was Trump vodka lol). We invite him, then he says he had else where to go with open sushi bar. My BS radar goes right off. I had to call the restaurant just to confirm I'm not going crazy. Yup, no such event was ever held.

4. He and his GF recently got broken up. I was there for him via phone and he was really appreciative. Today, I chat with him online to see how he's doing. Unprompted, he says

Went on a date saturday
me: ooo
Him: Went to barlola and then saw men of valor
Shes a nice girl
Extremely smart
Is a 2nd year associate lawyer at goodwin proctor
me: getting close already?
Him: Nah
1st date
We text everyday
She works from 8 am to midnight
And she worked sat and sunday too (ok? this is a good thing?)

I asked what her name is, he goes afk.


See, I'll provide a context. I know those liars do it out of defense mechanism or insecurity of sort. I'm NOT the one to make someone feel 'less' to trigger this kind of behavior. Actually, I know he does this to everyone. But I end up getting bothered by it personally.

What is wrong with him and other people like this? Being a collective forum, can you shed some light, I'm sure some of you are like this.

 

[ImpulsE69]

You're lying.

 

[sixone]

Some people just aren't able to handle the truth. They create little fantasies for themselves, that then become their reality. He probably told that same guy about YOUR 100" HDTV.

Just be grateful that he doesn't do anything more than annoy you.

 

[Zeze]

Some people just aren't able to handle the truth. They create little fantasies for themselves, that then become their reality. He probably told that same guy about YOUR 100" HDTV.

Just be grateful that he doesn't do anything more than annoy you.

Right, he's a really nice & normal guy otherwise. I've actually met a malicious liar once in college. He got arrested on campus eventually.

But this friend of mine is very normal otherwise. He loves skiing & tennis, had stable relationships (ex was a nice girl), has friends, etc...

 

[HAL9000]

I have the same friend.

Perfect example:

Me: "Hi Dude, what were you up to today?"
Him: "I went to the cinema"
Me: "Oh cool what did you see?"
Him: "I saw xxxx"
Me: "Oh right, didn't you see xxxx at the weekend?"
Him: "Yeah I did"
Me: "I thought you were at work today?"
Him: "Yeah I was, didn't really go to the cinema"
Me: "Why did you say you did?"
Him: "Don't know..."

His default answer is a lie? WTF? WHY?!

 

[SpatiallyAware]

Some people just aren't able to handle the truth. They create little fantasies for themselves, that then become their reality. He probably told that same guy about YOUR 100" HDTV.

Just be grateful that he doesn't do anything more than annoy you.

So much of this. It's becoming more and more prevalent in our society.

 

[sixone]

Right, he's a really nice & normal guy otherwise. I've actually met a malicious liar once in college. He got arrested on campus eventually.

But this friend of mine is very normal otherwise. He loves skiing & tennis, had stable relationships (ex was a nice girl), has friends, etc...

I'm sure he is - on the outside. But his fantasy life is so satisfying, almost like a drug. It's his way of self-medicating. And like a drug, he builds up a resistance, and needs more and more and more.

I'll bet the ex has a completely different story.

 

[Saint Nick]

I use to lie about stupid shit, sometimes I still do... sigh

 

[Zeze]

I'm sure he is - on the outside. But his fantasy life is so satisfying, almost like a drug. It's his way of self-medicating. And like a drug, he builds up a resistance, and needs more and more and more.

I'll bet the ex has a completely different story.

No, he's not insane where he's living in his own world. I'm close to him, we hung out a lot in groups and one on one. It's just harmless yet annoying stories here and there.

And I wonder fvcking WHY? We all got used to the point where we nod and change the topic.

 

[Zeze]

I use to lie about stupid shit, sometimes I still do... sigh

Omg, you are one. Can you tell me what's going on inside your head? It's out of insecurity yes? Do you realize people who listen to it actually see right through the lies, turning you and them into an awkward facade of fake conversation?

 

[sixone]

No, he's not insane where he's living in his own world. It's just harmless yet annoying stories here and there.

And I wonder fvcking WHY? We all got used to the point where we nod and change the topic.

Because, for whatever reason, the truth is too painful for him. It would take a professional to figure out why that is.

 

[HAL9000]

Because, for whatever reason, the truth is too painful for him. It would take a professional to figure out why that is.

That can't be the case on every basis.

E.g. his friend has a 100" HDTV <--- Lie.
the truth that his friend has a 42" HDTV can't be a painful one.

 

[Saint Nick]

Omg, you are one. Can you tell me what's going on inside your head? It's out of insecurity yes? Do you realize people who listen to it actually see right through the lies, turning you and them into an awkward facade of fake conversation?

I'll have to mull this over. I don't lie like your friend where I'll make up things I'm doing and seeing, but usually lie to get out of having to attend an event or spend time with someone, which might actually be worse anyways. It's been a hard habit to break. Sometimes I'll lie and make up extravagant stories just to make someone be quiet or annoy/troll them.

 

[HAL9000]

I'll have to mull this over. I don't lie like your friend where I'll make up things I'm doing and seeing, but usually lie to get out of having to attend an event or spend time with someone, which might actually be worse anyways. It's been a hard habit to break. Sometimes I'll lie and make up extravagant stories just to make someone be quiet or annoy/troll them.

Why?

 

[Zeze]

I'll have to mull this over. I don't lie like your friend where I'll make up things I'm doing and seeing, but usually lie to get out of having to attend an event or spend time with someone, which might actually be worse anyways. It's been a hard habit to break. Sometimes I'll lie and make up extravagant stories just to make someone be quiet or annoy/troll them.

Lying to get out of events/whatever is no big deal. We all do it.

 

[CPA]

wait until you have kids. You have to become a friggin private eye just to get to the truth practically every day.

 

[NikolaeVarius]

Lying to get out of events/whatever is no big deal. We all do it.

No we don't.

I have never lied to get out of something. I always tell the truth. Why the hell would I ever lie to do so?

 

[sixone]

That can't be the case on every basis.

E.g. his friend has a 100" HDTV <--- Lie.
the truth that his friend has a 42" HDTV can't be a painful one.

Maybe the painful part is that the liar resents the success or materialism of the OP, and feels compelled to let him know that someone else is doing better.

We could speculate all day.

 

[gorcorps]

I find it much more odd that you called a restaurant just to see if his story added up. Mind your own business you creepy bastard. No wonder the guy makes shit up to avoid you...

 

[HAL9000]

No we don't.

I have never lied to get out of something. I always tell the truth. Why the hell would I ever lie to do so?

This. I do not lie, unless it is for someone else's benefit, I.e. if someone else asks me to life for them.

 

[HAL9000]

I find it much more odd that you called a restaurant just to see if his story added up. Mind your own business you creepy bastard. No wonder the guy makes shit up to avoid you...

You obviously don't have a friend like this.

 

[Zeze]

I find it much more odd that you called a restaurant just to see if his story added up. Mind your own business you creepy bastard. No wonder the guy makes shit up to avoid you...

Because I thought I was going insane with my radar going off through so many of his fishy lies! Yet I had no real confirmation. I did it to confirm my sanity and validity of bullshit radar.

 

[Saint Nick]

Why?

I'm not sure. Especially with people who get under my skin, I will sometimes make up grandiose claims, stories, or experience to throw them off or deter them from their original goal. Maybe I should be a lawyer

But I should reiterate that I don't lie for pointless reasons (I have a BMW M3, I am a 1%er, etc)

 

[biostud]

I have a pupil with that problem. It's not a problem to me since she does her homework, but her social life is pretty much fvcked up.

But I think the keyword here is pathological

 

[sygyzy]

Maybe I read them too fast but your examples are not that damning and in a few cases, I was not sure what lie he told.