And regarding the OP, here's my 2 cents:
1) I keep getting told that I shouldn't leave the clutch halfway. Fine, but how am I supposed to take off smoothly in 1st gear? I've been revving it up ~1200RPMs or so, and slowly releasing the clutch till I feel it, then going in and usually take off smoothly. It takes me ~1½ - 2 seconds to get the car moving completely. I've only been driving a few days, so I hope to improve on this. Is revving it at 1200RPMs with clutch halfway gonna kill the clutch? If so, how else would I take off?
1-2 seconds at 1200 RPM is fine. My clutch is like a light switch, mated to a torqueless 4 banger, so I usually launch at 2000ish RPM - any less and it lugs. You really have to WANT to ruin a clutch in order to do it. Generally, unless you're lugging (too little - the car is rumbling, bad for your engine) or your tires are screeching (too much - your tires and clutch are in pain), you're doing just fine. My car pretty much has two options - start off slowly or screech tires. Maybe your jetta has a more progressive clutch than mine...who knows. When I first got my manual, I was worried about doing the right thing and the wrong thing etc, and in general, if you're doing the "wrong thing", your car will tell you. If youre going along smoothly, no matter how slowly, dont worry about it!
2) How long should it take from clutch pedal down, to fully up when upshifting... I've been timing the shifts very fast and usually change the clutch within 1/2 second to the next gear up. For example, I depress clutch, then change gear, then quickly raise gear before the rpms drop off too much to avoid dropping speed. Many times, I can catch the gear perfectly and you don't even feel the shift! A friend told me that it was bad to release the clutch pedal so fast, and it should take about a second to shift.
First gear is the only gear you really need to be careful with, because not doing it properly is going to cause a stall. The rest of the gears, you can do it as fast as you like. Faster *might* be rougher - it depends how well the revs match, but since you're already moving, you're not going to stall. It all has to do with how fast the revs fall - just like downshifting, the more of a discrepancy there is with where the revs are vs. where theyre supposed to be, the more you're going to get jerked around. If you timed it perfectly, you could let go of the clutch as fast as possible and not feel the slightest jerk. And believe it or not, thats *better* for your clutch - you only wear your clutch when its not fully engaged - the quicker you can get it fully engaged, the less itll wear.
Unless of course, you're WAY off - for instance, shifting from 6th to 2nd at 50mph without revmatching at all - using the clutch fast in that case is quite bad, nevermind how bad itll be for your face when it gets slammed into the windshield.
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I personally get out of 1st slowly, and maybe I just have this zen attunement with my car, but every other gear is as fast as possible, and its perfectly smooth.
3) At a stop sign, or a lot of stop and go traffic, how much damage am I causing by keeping the clutch all the way depressed with brake on, rather than shifting into nuetral each time? I can't find a straight answer to this. I know I can kill the throwout bearing, but no one I know has ever run into that problem.
Youre not wearing the clutch either way. Its up to you. Unless its a super short stop light, or stop and go traffic thats more stop than go, I'll drop it into neutral.
4) This is what kills me the fvcking most. EVERYONE is telling me that I should EXPECT to kill my 1st clutch...this gets me angry and makes me regret getting a manual. Is it so hard to expect to NOT kill a clutch, even if you are a n00b driver? Seriously, am I really going to be doomed to killing my new car? I feel like I am driving fine, I haven't grinded once yet, and have never smelled clutch. This pisses me off when people say I am going to HAVE to change the clutch no matter what.
You won't kill your clutch unless you're doing a burnout at every launch, or popping the clutch so hard that you stall at every launch. - I didnt kill mine (and I bought it with 70k). Like I said before - if you're doing something wrong, your car will let you know. If you're driving smoothly, you're driving properly.