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i dont like to let sleeping dogs lie, its much better to teach them to always tell the truth. i like to poke them with sticks too, its fun
 
If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.
 
to err is human to forgive divine but what if your a robot? you cant make a mistake because you have a computer for a brain and you cant forgive because you dont have a soul, unless your a mean robot and suck souls at night like a vampire. i lock my windows just in case, maybe you should too
 
i have to go home now, im no longer needed here at work, come to think about it i wasnt needed all day long here at work. i wonder if im still employed here? i'll wait till friday and see if they pay me to be here. than i'll know for sure that i am still employed, boy i really hope so
 
If salt looses its saltiness, then what good is the salt? Well if you stick them all the saltless salt together, you could probally make a big crystal... yeah, that would be awesome
 
Why do there have to be rules for everything? It's gotten to the point that rules dominate just about every aspect of our lives. In fact, it might be said that rules have become the foot-long sticks of mankind.
 
Originally posted by: Amused
How come the dove gets to be the peace symbol? How about the pillow? It has more feathers than the dove, and it doesn't have that dangerous beak.
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People have been smothered by pillows?
 
It makes me mad when people say I turned and ran like a scared rabbit. Maybe it was like an angry rabbit, who was going to fight in another fight, away from the first fight.
 
Originally posted by: Amused
I think there should be something in science called the "reindeer effect." I don't know what it would be, but I think it'd be good to hear someone say, "Gentlemen, what we have here is a terrifying example of the reindeer effect."
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There is the rabbit effect. Put a male and female in a room, come back later. The would the terrible rabbit effect


 
Why do the caterpillar and the ant have to be enemies? One eats leaves, and the other eats caterpillars. Oh, I see now.
 
Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've never known before. But the ride always ends, and you end up feeling lonely and bitter. Wait. It's not love I'm describing. I'm thinking of a monorail.
 
I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out that I'd just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because I was thinking about doing that anyway.
 
What am I afraid of? I'll tell you: a feather. that's right, a feather. How could anyone be afraid of a feather, you say. That's an honest question, and I'll try to give it an honest answer. First of all, did I say it was a poison feather?
 
What is it that makes a complete stranger dive into an icy river to save a solid gold baby? Maybe we'll never know
 
I wouldn't be surprised if someday some fishermen caught a big shark and cut it open, and there inside was a whole person. Then they cut the person open, and in him is a little baby shark. And in the baby shark there isn't a person, because it would be too small. But there's a little doll or something, like a Johnny Combat little toy guy---something like that.
 
Perhaps, if I am very lucky, the feeble efforts of my lifetime will someday be noticed, and maybe, in some small way, they will be acknowledged as the greatest works of genius ever created by Man.
 
If you're a cowboy, and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a magazine.
 
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