I Am VERY Opinionated, Is That Bad?

[Red Dawn]

<< It's okay Ornery, you can be as opinionated as you'd like, since you're an Elite member... >>

I knew him before there were such things as Elites (and Nefs) and he was just as opinionated back then as he is now. The only difference is that he didn't ask the opinions of Noobs about

Ornery, don't worry about it here, just don't let it carry over into real life.

 

[ThisIsMatt]

<<

<< It's okay Ornery, you can be as opinionated as you'd like, since you're an Elite member... >>

I knew him before there were such things as Elites (and Nefs) and he was just as opinionated back then as he is now. The only difference is that he didn't ask the opinions of Noobs about

Ornery, don't worry about it here, just don't let it carry over into real life. >>

I was being sarcastic...

 

[Zenmervolt]

Ornery, best of luck with the situation. I hope everything works out well for you. You are handling things a lot better than a lot of people (myself included) would have.

ZV

 

[darthmango]

Having an opinion is fine, as long as it's the same as mine.

 

[Ornery]

I'm afraid "real life" was carried over into the Non-Hardware Forum, Red. I guess that's the reason I took to it so quickly. The New York Times Forum I had participated in, changed it's format and disbanded. I was so happy to have another Forum to spout off in. The guys I work with get the same ear full as everybody on the forum. I learned back in 1996 that you'll never change anyone's mind, but it's always fun to say, "I told ya so", point fingers and place blame. Guess it was kind of cathartic for me.

I don't think this current dilemma I'm in, is mirrored by my posts on ATOT. I felt that one family member was taking advantage of another, and I had to bite my tongue about the whole thing. My being opinionated came out later while trying to work that out. It will be interesting to see if my evolved "real life" carries over here. Hah! It will be interesting to see if it can evolve in the first place!

 

[Russ]

<< I like to burp and fart. Is that bad? >>



No, it's not bad. It just means you're a guy.

Russ, NCNE

 

[Azraele]

Good luck to you Ornery. Sometimes changing habits can be very hard.

 

[Migroo]

Ornery no problem

Its always incredibly difficult to recommend anything when you are a bystander, so I'll give you some info on how I deal with it.

Whatever the discussion is, and however strongly I feel about a subject (lets take cars, were both familiar about my enthusiasm for economical cars aren't we ) I just force myself to acknowledge that there is a reason that the other person (whom I may be disagreeing with) holds their particular opinion. Now thats always well and good, but it doesnt normally help.

What helps is to understand why they hold that particular opinions, to try and see things from their eyes if you will.

Hope that helps

Goodluck.

 

[Azraele]

<< to try and see things from their eyes if you will >>



Good advice. Just as there are 2 sides to every coin, there are at least 2 sides to every story. Understanding where the other person is coming from is a step in the right diection.

 

[CraigRT]

I am very opinionated too, but if i think the person i am talking with will dislike my opinion then i don't speak... sometimes you can tell if the person will agree or if you know them well you know what you can say.. y'know how it is. LoL..

 

[hzl eyed grl]

<< I Am VERY Opinionated, Is That Bad?
>>


I'm pretty opinionated too. Sometimes it can be good. Other times....well, I guess it isn't the best.

(BTW: I think you're a pretty cool guy myself.)

 

[Ornery]

I think you've hit on the key that will do it for me. It was mentioned to me that the person I am/was so ticked off at, actually has a very good heart. Loves everybody and hates nobody. Now, I have to ask myself, would someone like that knowingly try and take advantage of another? If I keep asking myself that, it does change my perspective. I am genuinely feeling better about it all.

Have you ever wished you could read people's minds? I have. I always thought that would be such a huge advantage. Well, as it turns out, I am the worst at reading other people's minds, but from what I've gathered, I can be read like an open book! What a bitch that is! My only hope is to not be thinking poorly of others in the first place! God, do all these women know I'm undressing them with my eyes?! :Q

Edit: I KNOW Heather, you would never get herself into the pickle I got myself into... you are the polar opposite of me!

 

[AMDJunkie]

Notice, you realized your opinion won't change anyone else's, yet someone else's has just changed your opinion about yourself.

 

[Migroo]

AMD Junkie has a powerful statement. Its quite a sobering thought, but its a good thing!

How you doing Ornery?

 

[Double Trouble]

Ornery, I've always been extremely oppinionated and would argue about just about any topic (actually, the common joke is that I'd argue with a dead rat and expect an answer). It's taken me a long time to learn not to jump in and argue with the people you appreciate in your life about everything. It's better to pick and choose your 'battles'. Even though you're probably right most of the time (judging from your posts anyway), sometimes your strong oppinions tend to hurt those around you and drive them off (speaking from experience here).

My advice to you, keep those oppinions, keep informed, but simply tone it down and let more things slide without arguing about them. Sometimes it's aggravating to see people spouting off ill-informed nonsense, or simply sit on the fense without having a spine, but you're better off just leaving it be.

My .01763 cents (.02 Euro )

 

[Ornery]

Yes indeed AMD Junkie, this person hit the nail on the head. If I had been told this a few months ago, that I am very opinionated, intolerant etc., I'd have said, "Yeah, so what?" I'd never have tied that together with being the "cause" of this predicament. Either way, I wouldn't disagree with the statement.

So far, I've caught myself being very "judgmental" several times since I posted this. Ordinarily, I'd consider that normal and carry on. But the step that usually follows being judgmental is being pissed off about it to some degree. So, when I caught myself with those thoughts, I just let it go. Consequently, I haven't been pissed off lately at all! Now, that's a revelation!

Thanks for your help, input, and good wishes. I have a feeling, by the time I get to the therapist, he won't have too much work to do after all.

 

[ChrichtonsGirl]

Well Ornery, here's my opinion :

Someone who won't say what they want or refuses to offer an opinion is just as much of a problem as someone who offers their opinion on everything. Don't be kicking yourself in the butt too hard about what whoever-it-was said about you being intolerant, easy to read, etc. That's just their opinion too, and they might just be wrong as well. But if you think that there's some truth to it, then that matters.

You certainly want to listen to your loved ones and friends, but if they're sitting around ticking off a list of your faults, then they've got some issues too. Maybe you're just the kind of guy who likes to be challenged and who likes to debate issues.

I'm VERY opinionated about some things too, and I can get judgmental and arrogant about it. You're doing a good thing by taking a look at your behavior and how it affects those around you, then deciding what kinds of changes you'll make to improve things for everyone, yourself included. Just don't be too hard on yourself about it - as long as you're not going out of your way to hurt people, you're not doing anything deliberately bad.

Being tactful is just a matter of knowing when not to express your naked opinion. You have to dress it up a little sometimes to make it sound better. Just don't castrate yourself in the process.

Edit for idiotic grammar.

 

Well if it's any consolation to you, I have also felt you were an opinonated dick.

Seriously, it's ok to have opinions as long as you a) dont shove them down people's throats and b) don't angrily defend them constantly.

I have a lot of strong opinions, but I am learning everyday to control them.

 

[Migroo]

Sounds like you are doing some thinking Ornery

Let us knows how it goes

 

[db]

Ornery, you have realized that you are that way--that is the biggest step.
Next comes appropriateness--realizing what EFFECT your statement will have.

How do I know? B/C I have gone through the same thing.
How do people react when you say what's on your mind w/o filtering through appropriateness?:

People think you are an @sshole.
They don't want to be around you.
They take what you say as criticism, not just your opinion.
You're seen as inflexible, judgmental, & sometimes as mean.

People experience things and see things differently b/c they have had different experiences than you or I. We can not apply a scientific standard to everyday life and still be happy. When it comes to social interactions it is more of a flux rather than a right/wrong thing.

We don't have to change our opinions. But [/i]what[/i] we say (if anything) and how we say it is the thing.

 

[Corn]

Why does it feel like I woke up in the twilight zone this morning?

As sincere as Ornery sounds, I just can't help but believe this is nothing more than a brilliant piece of satire.....

 

[db]

It's definately a good read--at times I felt like I was watching a SNL psych skit, bad players included.

 

Everyone is strongly opinionated.

Some just voice them and act upon them more.

 

[Ornery]

I'm snickering at what seems to be going through your minds, so here's the facts:

• One very special family member offered to not come to a birthday party we threw, so I wouldn't be upset.
• They could tell that the presence of one of their family members upset me, though I never stated that verbally.
• It was a no win situation, because if they didn't come, they would be missed by some in our family, but if they attended I would have become agitated.
• I confirmed that to the person I respect, that their intuition was correct and appreciated their not attending and I apologized.
• They said they appreciated my honesty and we would work it out... somehow.
• My wife has been beside herself ever since.
• I told her that I'm not going to lie about what I think, though I will keep my mouth shut.
• I had a heart to heart talk with this special person. Being VERY opinionated was brought up during the course of a 2 hour conversation.
• I had already scheduled the appointment with a hypnotherapist before this conversation.
• During the conversation I was told that the person I'm at odds with has a big heart and means no harm.
• I want to be able to interact with them honestly, not holding my tongue.
• I believe changing my point of view could be the way to accomplish this. If not, the therapist may have other suggestions.

So that may clarify my predicament and my goals. I'm just pleasantly surprised at the results of my current efforts to not be so judgmental. I'm not pissed off at every little thing.

I guess you have to measure how much other people's actions really affect yourself. Sure, people cheating on welfare are using money I paid into, but how much? The guy that cuts in front of you on the road or checkout line hasn't singled me out personally. I'm not less of a man because I don't flip 'em off or yell at them. I'm beginning to think this is less of a mood oriented behavior and more of a whole way of thinking. I'll bounce all this off the therapist and see how close I am.

I'll probably print out this topic and take it with me, so keep that in mind. I'm impressed with many of these responses and very grateful for the heartfelt replies.

 

[UnixFreak]

<< I Am VERY Opinionated, Is That Bad? >>



Take it from me, it might be bad, but who cares? Be happy with yourself.