I am hungover and still depressed, but in better shape than last night...

[Tib]

"I never have a fvcking ounce of luck with women"

It's not you man...I am the same way, people hate me. I really do not care, and you need to make the same attitude. This won't stop your depression problems but it will certainly lower it.

You need to know that most "women in public" aren't really jerks, but just act that way to get attention. This doesn't mean that they are actually jerks. Maybe you are just meeting the wrong girls / the wrong place / the wrong time.

"watching all of my friends find the girl/guy of their dreams"

This might be good from your point of view...but don't you think nearly all, or at least like 95% of people who get married in america are doing it for love? Still, the divorce rate in america is 50% regardles....go figure....not saying that your friends are in for bad luck or anything, just saying that things are not always as they seem.

If you ask me....you are just being negative towards yourself....I'm the same way sometimes....usually people like you tend to be nicer to people in public / general people than most people are. You just need to look at the positive things and help yourself to block off the negative things....this seems to work for me, it kept me from commiting suicide when I was 17 (2 years ago) .

Also...if you feel depressed....just look at all of the things you have that other people don't. This is what my parents told me, and that I have no reason to be depressed, and that I should even be ashamed of it. So I'm not depressed anymore...woohoo! Plus, you're prolly young like me, and have a bright future ahead of you.

Good luck...and oh ya, don't drink, it's bad for your health. In fact...drinking may be the reason why you are hanging out w/ the wrong people (hint hint).

Tibor

 

[pen^2]

first off, i must reassure you that you are not an ugly guy. as long as you arent 'ass ugly', there will be THAT someone that would find you attractive looking, or realize other virtues you hold in yourself. ...or so i was told anyway, and they always used to tell me to wait, time is cure to all pains... by now i am getting real sick of waiting tho. not that i havnt tried to become more extroverted and whatnot, changing your personality aint easy as it sounds... just gotta learn to live with it.
i wonder what you seek for in girls? personally i just wanted someone that really cares about me, someone in whom i could find some acceptance and appreciation for my existence. then i saw it all to futile, really gave up on girls... get over it dude, girls are overrated
mind if i ask how old you are? i am 20 btw. i am just bitter i never had anyone in my life i could call a girlfriend cheer up, you are not alone.

 

[CollegeGuy]

Nevermind.

 

[ToBeMe]

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and figure out a way to change it! Sitting around drinking your problems away, while fun for a while, is nothing but a waste! if you truely want to change it, spend your time figuring out why it is, then figure out what needs to be done to correct it!

 

[Elledan]

"Joy and happiness are born out of sadness and grief."

If you can't feel sad or miserable or never feel grief, you can't feel joy and happiness either. Don't try to get rid of those feelings of sadness, let them flow past you, like water. Let it clean your thoughts.
Just sit down and let all grief and sadness in you come out. Submerge yourself in it. Don't start crying, but a few tears are normal.

After a while you'll feel how joy and happiness enter your thoughts. It's like you're coming at the end of a beautiful, dark and cold cave and step into the bright sunlight, feel it burn on your skin, feel a faint but pleasant wind caress your skin and hair.
There you'll sit down on the top of a hill and you'll look out over a landscape you've never seen before, totally unsurpassed in beauty.

This plane is covered with grass, long grass that moves with the wind, a river, nearly transparant and glistering in the bright sunlight, runs through it. Above it, white clouds in a deep-blue sky.

I can literally spend hours in this place and I'll always feel refreshed and ready for any challenge after ending meditation.

You don't have to do this, I can only advise.

 

[Cattlegod]

It all boils down to this phrase that everyone has heard time and again.

"The grass is greener on the other side."

To apply it in this case is to say that if you are single, you see companionship, someone to snuggle with and share your problems.

However, on the other side someone is thinking the opposite when looking at you. They may have had the same GF for the past year and are wondering if they are wasting their life away on this one person instead of enjoying the single life.


A man who is PW'ed hates it, a man who isn't wishes he was.

 

[kami]

<< You won't get girls if you are depressed, hate your life, etc. >>


He's right there. I've seen some ugly guys get some nice girls just because of their confidence levels and god knows what else.
If you're not a studmuffin, you gotta work for a nice girl. The good looking studs don't have to do jack sh*t. Don't worry bud, there's one out there for ya.
Oh yeah, and smile more. Female friends of mine tell me I look 100 times more attractive when I give a little smile every so often. Which helps since I'm one ugly fscker

 

[Azraele]

Try and take your problems in baby steps, deal with them ome at a time, that way they're not one huge weight, but a series of small ones.

Get yourself some help, and talk to friends and family about how you feel. They care for you, and can help you through this.


Feel better! You're an important person, and you can pull throyugh this.

 

[bigd480]

&quot;The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company ... a church ... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude ... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me, and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you ... we are in charge of our Attitudes.&quot;

 

[Wedesdo]

get some hints from the &quot;Do you take prozac&quot; thread

go see a doctor if this realy bothers you...

 

[Red Dawn]

Why post here looking for answer? If we had the answers do yo0u think that we'd be here ourselves? Hell the only advice you'll get is from some other wanker who can't get any telling you to wait until you are Married to have sex and to embrace Jeebus Christ into your life, none of which are going to get you laid or make you happy. The next time you feel like crying in your beer here at the Anantech Insane Asylum do yourself a favor and turn off the computer.

 

[StormRider]

I think you are clinically depressed or something. One minute you're happy (telling us your ex-girlfriend is coming over for wild sex or that you just had a nice time on a successful blind date) and the next you are drunk and depressed and telling us how girls ignore you.

Your social life is 1,000,000 times better than mine. You still get sex from your ex-girlfriend and you go out on dates. Me? I'm a 37 year old virgin who has never been out on a date and I have no friends. My weekends consist of going alone to a matinee movie and eating dinner alone. I spend my free time either watching TV, surfing the web, or playing computer games. I also go to computer stores and shows a lot.

 

[Red Dawn]

StormRider, are you serious?

 

[Urinal Mint]

<< I think you are clinically depressed or something. One minute you're happy (telling us your ex-girlfriend is coming over for wild sex or that you just had a nice time on a successful blind date) and the next you are drunk and depressed and telling us how girls ignore you.

Your social life is 1,000,000 times better than mine. You still get sex from your ex-girlfriend and you go out on dates. Me? I'm a 37 year old virgin who has never been out on a date and I have no friends. My weekends consist of going alone to a matinee movie and eating dinner alone. I spend my free time either watching TV, surfing the web, or playing computer games. I also go to computer stores and shows a lot. >>



Dude, you should go to Vegas and hook up at the Chicken Ranch.

 

[bigd480]

<< Dude, you should go to Vegas and hook up at the Chicken Ranch. >>

i thought that was in La Grange?

 

[StormRider]

StormRider, are you serious?

Unfortunately, yes.

What's weird is that as soon as I read your reply I felt really sad because I realized how pathetic I must look. But don't feel sorry for me (I hate it when I think people feel sorry for me) -- I've accepted my life and have not felt really sad or depressed for the past year or so (mainly because I recently got my current job so there is a light at the end of the tunnel -- in other words, there is some hope and possibility that I can turn my life around).

 

[Red Dawn]

StormRider, you don't own any guns do you? Are you just extremely picky or just extremely shy?

 

[Urinal Mint]

I have this quote up on my whiteboard in my office, and I try to read it every day. It says:

&quot;You create the results in your life not some of the time, but all of the time.&quot;

It's really true. Anything I've put my mind to I've done (most recently losing 30lbs in 3 months). I think it could be true for you, too. You just said you got a good job, and you hope to turn things around. You're the only guy that can turn things around... relying on other people to do it for you won't make it happen. Ever.

Yeah, I'm depressed, but I fight my own battles. I make my life happen, whether it be for happiness or sadness. I dunno, it just makes sense to me.

 

[StormRider]

StormRider, you don't own any guns do you? Are you just extremely picky or just extremely shy?

Hehe, no I'm not really suicidal and I have a big fear of guns. As I said, I haven't felt really depressed or sad for the past year or so. I stopped taking St. Johns Wort soon after getting my job.

I think its mostly because I'm extremely shy. I think I've always been this way because I saw my old kindergarden report card and the teacher wrote down something like, &quot;all the other children seem to like StormRider but he seems scared to play with them&quot;.

If I was just extremely picky then I would have guy friends and no girl friends. Although I must admit, all the girls that I've had crushes with were way out of my league. None of the girls I had crushes on were cheerleaders or stuff like that. They tended to be the brainy bookish pretty girls who seemed to be overlooked by a lot of the other guys.

 

[StormRider]

It's really true. Anything I've put my mind to I've done (most recently losing 30lbs in 3 months). I think it could be true for you, too. You just said you got a good job, and you hope to turn things around. You're the only guy that can turn things around... relying on other people to do it for you won't make it happen. Ever.

Yeah, I'm depressed, but I fight my own battles. I make my life happen, whether it be for happiness or sadness. I dunno, it just makes sense to me.



Yeah, I realize it's all on my shoulders as to whether I can turn my life around. Right now I want to lose weight. I've done it in the past (my weight has fluctuated a lot) but for some reason I'm having a real hard time losing it this time. It must be true what they say -- when you're over 30, it's hard to lose weight. Plus, my job is very senditary. I just sit in front of the computer all day. I've gained over 25 pounds since starting my job! :Q

After I lose weight, then I'll work on my social life. But first I need to improve myself. I want to be happy with being alone and hopefully that inner happiness will make me seem more appealing to others and then the social life will hopefully improve by itself.

I hope you find happiness too. From the pictures I've seen of you you should have no trouble with girls. I think it's all in your mind. You're a lot better looking than me.

 

[pen^2]

stormrider, i been following your posts for a while and you really sound like a cool guy. in all honesty, i find it surprising you didnt get to meet any of those girls who dig men with wisdom!
there is a question i feel i oughta ask you... do you find women of your age attractive? that is one of my main fears of getting older without a having a girlfriend, i have always been after cute high schooler look; quite frankly havnt i am not the biggest fan of mature looking women

 

[Fausto]

As someone who has struggled with depression and self-confidence issues his whole life, I feel compelled to add my 2 cents into all this. First of all, I would say that you may indeed have a clinical depression issue. I got a lot better after I moved south from MI (I have seasonal affective disorder among other things), but still have good and bad days. One thing I have found to help above all others is exercise. The trick is finding something you like and will stick with. If you're just doing it for the sake of itself, then you won't stay with it...trust me. For me this is mountain biking: it's like playing around on your bmx bike as a kid on a grander scale. I don't even think about it being a &quot;workout&quot;. It has the added benefit of keeping the buddah in check if you get my drift. It is a bit of a money-pit as the upgrade fever is always there (just like PC's), but I figure if it keeps me happy, it's worth the cash.

Now as far as the the women thing goes, I must say that most of what I hear from women I know with regard to men is &quot;I just want to meet a nice guy.&quot; Seriously. That is the number one thing I hear (female ATers feel free to chime in). As for the women chasing MD's with 500sel's...do you really want to be involved with someone so shallow? I want someone to like me for me, not my f*cking car (which is a good thing since I drive an Altima....though it is a &quot;TYPE-R&quot;) I have a good friend who happens to be an EE. Total geek. Kinda skinny and quirky. But you know what? Women love him.....it's all about the personality and how you treat them. Pay attention, open doors, push in chairs, offer your arm, etc. And mean it when you do. He's a funny, friendly guy and has no problem meeting folks because of this despite not being the best-looking guy by a long shot. Let some friendships evolve first and see what happens, don't go for the relationship slam-dunk with everyone you meet. It's like the old saying about a watched pot. I met my wife by complete accident. I was suddenly really glad I hadn't jumped off the top of the chemistry building at school I used to eyeball when I was feeling bad.

Hope this helped and feel free to PM me.

Fausto

 

[StormRider]

there is a question i feel i oughta ask you... do you find women of your age attractive? that is one of my main fears of getting older without a having a girlfriend, i have always been after cute high schooler look; quite frankly havnt i am not the biggest fan of mature looking women

Yes, this is something I worry about. I still find myself attracted to young girls in the 18 year and up range but I think it's inappropriate. I sometimes wonder if it is because I am inexperience (and hence still think of myself as a young guy). A lot of times I have to remind myself how old I am.

I also have found lots of women close to my age that I find attractive. At least I think they are close to my age. Who knows, maybe they are only in their 20's -- lol. So maybe I'm only attracted to young girls.

There is a girl where I work who I think is very attractive. I thought she was a lot younger until I overheard that she has two teenaged children. So, I'm guessing she is in her early 30's. Hard to tell. I've seen older women who look really young and young women who look much older than their age.

The girl I had the biggest crush on was about 2 years younger than me and I thought she was the most beautiful looking girl. I haven't seen her in about 7 years but I came upon a photo of her on the internet (I think taken around last year) and she still looks the same to me. I still think she's beautiful.

I think on a physical level, I notice the young girls more but I think (and hope) that I would only fall for someone closer to my age.

 

[pen^2]

duuuude, you sound so much like me right there... i too had the biggest crush on this gurl back in junior high. to put it short, i never even asked her out and tried my best to not make her feel uneadsy about it, but for some reason she really loathed me for the fact i liked her a lot sadly, i never tried to put the blame on her and constantly belittled myself after what i had been thru my 9th grade, i spent another year trying to forget about her and move on. but the problem is i cant deny i keep reminiscing about her... few months ago i somehow found out her email addy and sent her a casual hello email only to leave myself hanging waiting for a reply d'oh!
well, you said you still find her good looking right, but do you still got feelings for her? i am a type of guy that tends to dwell on the past, sux to be me

yeah, after all i guess some people dont really change much as they age as far as looks goes, at least in the eye of the beholder... its prolly just that i am just not in the flow with everyone around me wanting just hot girls with great body and all

 

[Red Dawn]

<< when you're over 30, it's hard to lose weight. >>

It's no harder than when you are in your 20's. You just have to be patient, eat healthy and keep at it. Since you are single and all you do is surf the net and watch TV, change your routine and join a Gym. They have trainers there that will work with you plus it's also a great place to meet women. Set a goal for yourself, something reasonable and when you hit it set another goal. You didn't get in the shape you are over night so just don't expect to get back into shape overnight



<< I also have found lots of women close to my age that I find attractive. >>

Dude at your age there are plenty of single divorced Mommies out their looking for a stable single guy(A lot of them frequent the gyms).

You got a lot of life left in you Pal, you best get on living it. Maybe go out and buy yourself a Harley, grow beard and cut loose. You'll attract attention just because you'll blow minds doing something that is so &quot;Unlike you&quot;