Originally posted by: Monkey muppet
Originally posted by: lilFajita
That's probably the best way to go about it....right now, he thinks I really like it because my kneejerk reaction is to just say I love a gift, no matter what it is
I know this is so girly to say...but it saddens me that, in 2 years, he still has no idea what I like....
Before you start putting the blame into the man, take a step back and look at yourself - Have you discussed what types of gifts and prezzies you like??
Exactly. Jewelry is tough to figure out no matter how long you've been dating someone. Besides that, some people are just better at picking out presents than others.
I agree with many of the other posters that you seem to be making a huge deal out of this when it shouldn't be a major issue. If I had gotten a girlfriend something that she didn't like, I'd want her to just tell me. Again, as others have mentioned, just thank him for the gift and for his thoughtfulness, tell him that it means a lot to you, and also tell him that you want to be able to love, cherish, and frequently wear whatever it is that he gets you.
Why tell him? Like others has said, its the thought that counts. He probably went well out of his way to get it, it sounds expensive, and you already told him you loved it. Is it REALLY going to kill you to wear it every now and then? I'm sure he doesnt expect you to wear it religiously every day.
Every time a gf gives me a bad gift, and I've gotten some stinkers, I still enjoy them, and remember that it really is the thought that counts. Don't be selfish and ruin it because its not 100% precisely to your specifications.
Every time a gf gives me a bad gift, and I've gotten some stinkers, I still enjoy them, and remember that it really is the thought that counts. Don't be selfish and ruin it because its not 100% precisely to your specifications.
I can only give you advice coming from a long term relationship... we've been married over 12 years, and together over 15 years.
My husband has gotten me jewelry that I didn't pick out and might not have chosen for myself. And at first, I was a little annoyed. But then when I realized that he had actually gone out and made the purchase with me in mind and that it was something that HE thought was beautiful and I should have, suddenly his taste in jewelry became quite nice to me.
:heart:
My husband has gotten me jewelry that I didn't pick out and might not have chosen for myself. And at first, I was a little annoyed. But then when I realized that he had actually gone out and made the purchase with me in mind and that it was something that HE thought was beautiful and I should have, suddenly his taste in jewelry became quite nice to me.
:heart:
I once tried to buy jewelry for a gf, and i of course picked the wrong gift as well. From then on, i will only buy jewelry after getting advice from the mother or a gf of hers.
But yeah, you'll need to tell him, or he'll have no clue and just continue getting you expensive gifts that are just completely wrong for you.
On a similar note, i don't like gfs buying me technology toys. They have no idea what's good, just what the salesman pitched to them (ie, i may want a PDA, but i want something specific. Not the Palm crap that minimum wage salespeople are pitching).
But yeah, you'll need to tell him, or he'll have no clue and just continue getting you expensive gifts that are just completely wrong for you.
On a similar note, i don't like gfs buying me technology toys. They have no idea what's good, just what the salesman pitched to them (ie, i may want a PDA, but i want something specific. Not the Palm crap that minimum wage salespeople are pitching).
Telling him and finding something you like is way better than telling him you like it and never wearing it. Then it not only becomes a waste of money, but... well.. it's lying to him.
Dunno how that assumption can be automatically made. Style is a very finnicky thing, two very physically similar things could be stylistically very different.
But that is primarily why I never buy my gf stuff like jewelry, clothes etc, until I'm absolutely POSITIVE she'll like it. But the last thing in the world I'd ever do is make her feel bad by telling her to her face that I didnt like the gift, because it absolutely is the thought that counts. Isla said it best:
Don't look at the gift as something material that you could have had. If you want something so bad, buy it yourself. Gifts arent about the gift, its about the giving. Especially if he went out of his way to buy you something expensive because he couldnt afford it before. Don't ruin it.
rh71
No Lifer
- Aug 28, 2001
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if it were me, I'd want her to tell me because I'd be wondering why she is less inclined to wear it all the time. I'd rather get her something she likes - it would only be a blow to my ego if I was all amped up on what I got her... and this is just jewelry where it's hit or miss.
- Oct 9, 1999
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The plots of lame TV situation comedies are ALL built around situations like this, where lack of clear, honest communication means temporarily hurt feelings and wacky hilarity ensue.
You don't want to live in a lame TV situation comedy, do you? You won't even be getting any royalties.
So take ATOT's collective advice here. After all, each and every one of us is a fully licensed therapist personally involved in a deeply satisfying, long-term relationship with the SO of our dreams.
Yup. You came to the right place, alright.
You don't want to live in a lame TV situation comedy, do you? You won't even be getting any royalties.
So take ATOT's collective advice here. After all, each and every one of us is a fully licensed therapist personally involved in a deeply satisfying, long-term relationship with the SO of our dreams.
Yup. You came to the right place, alright.
Whatever you do, make sure the first phrase that you utter is "Thank you!" There's nothing as hurtful as when someone important in your life doesn't appreciate your efforts. So make sure you express gratitude; that is all.
Anything else that follows is up to you. There are many ways to approach this. However, I personally would just keep it and make efforts to wear it frequently knowing that this was a big step on his part. His heart at the time he bought the gift is what matters the most to me. It appears your SO took a leap here. It isn't hard at all to grow fond of something you disliked at first. I could next time let him know what I generally preferred for a gift.
why the drama? tell him its not your style, and both go exchange it together. unless hes some kind of pansy that likes to cry watching chick movies, he will appreciate your honesty. way tooo many women are not honest these days, and try to side step issues by dropping hints and trying to nudge in the right direction instead of being honest and direct. say what you mean and mean what you say.
hmmm...and all youve done is complain. no mention of appreciation for him dropping the dough now that hes on his feet. or his thoughtfullness. just how you dont like the bracelet. why are you disapponted that he doesnt know what to get? fashions change, and women love to "have the right to change thier mind at any time" so how the hell is he supposed to bat .1000? i stlill dont buy my wife of 9yrs clothes or jewelry. im not a woman, so i dont know the current trends; but a giftcard does the trick every time. btw, what was your gift for him? are you sure he liked it? he will never tell if not, since women never forgive/forget something so horrible as that.
theres nothing wrong with not liking the gift, but you do both of you a disservice by not being honest and direct with your feelings. no man likes to dance around an issue or drag what a woman wants to say out of them because she is worried about "hurting his feelings"(i personally find it disrespectful, and just about every woman i know does this. thankfully, my wife doesnt treat me that way, and i feel thats the reason why weve had the least problems as opposed to all of our friends). hes a man, not a boy.
not trying to bash on you, but if after 2 yrs you cant speak up about something like this, then wtf?
hmmm...and all youve done is complain. no mention of appreciation for him dropping the dough now that hes on his feet. or his thoughtfullness. just how you dont like the bracelet. why are you disapponted that he doesnt know what to get? fashions change, and women love to "have the right to change thier mind at any time" so how the hell is he supposed to bat .1000? i stlill dont buy my wife of 9yrs clothes or jewelry. im not a woman, so i dont know the current trends; but a giftcard does the trick every time. btw, what was your gift for him? are you sure he liked it? he will never tell if not, since women never forgive/forget something so horrible as that.
theres nothing wrong with not liking the gift, but you do both of you a disservice by not being honest and direct with your feelings. no man likes to dance around an issue or drag what a woman wants to say out of them because she is worried about "hurting his feelings"(i personally find it disrespectful, and just about every woman i know does this. thankfully, my wife doesnt treat me that way, and i feel thats the reason why weve had the least problems as opposed to all of our friends). hes a man, not a boy.
not trying to bash on you, but if after 2 yrs you cant speak up about something like this, then wtf?
I agree with the early post, give him a thank you BJ and then he wont give a sh*t what happens with the present, then you ask him if you can exchange it with him 
i know not to get my g/f jewerly unless its very simple...something everyone would like
i know not to get my g/f jewerly unless its very simple...something everyone would like
My suggestion is to ask him if you can exchange it for another bracelet thats more your style and that you wear it occasionally (doesn't have to be constantly on). Trust me, as a guy, buying jewlery can be a bit daunting (just dealt with that again this year). If I picked the wrong style I won't be upset at all if the gf wants to exchange it, now if she returns it for cash and buys a pair of jeans instead, I might not take that right (does that make sense?).
Bill
Leave him, he's a dumbass. You deserve better. If he had any more than a couple of tangled up, tattered and torn dendrites strung together like christmas lights put up by a drunk hobo he would have had the sense to take you to the store before buying the gift and pointed it out and said, hey that bracelet looks cool what do you think? Which would have given you the opportunity to say, eww that's fugly I like this one over here better....Or, i don't wear bracelets but this giant 5,000,000 karat monstrosity sure would look nice out in the yard you think it would fit on a flatbed truck for delivery or would they have to use an 18 wheeler?
And then gotten you the 1st one anyway you miserable, rotten, spoiled, disrespectful, ungrateful, little wenc.....
hehe just kiddin Merry Holidays!
And then gotten you the 1st one anyway you miserable, rotten, spoiled, disrespectful, ungrateful, little wenc.....
hehe just kiddin Merry Holidays!
Geekbabe
Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
Originally posted by: AlienCraft
Originally posted by: Lola
Originally posted by: lilFajita
I understand...it just seems like its the first time he has gone out on a limb, and if I exchange it, he will be "gun shy", so to speak....you know what I mean? It sucks, because i love being surprised, and I feel like if I tell him, he will never try to surprise me again....
the only other thing i can think of, if you are sure he will react in that way is wear it occasionally and tell him its too nice to wear all the time, or you are afraid you are going to lose it. then, when you are together shopping, etc, show him things that you like so he will have an idea next time?!
This is the best answer.
Would it kill you to wear it from time to time, say at dinners with him and his folks or something like that ?
I swear women are so damn selfish in this manner. Given that you will buy him shirts, after shave, etc. that he doesn't like, yet sucks it up and wears ANYWAY, to please YOU aren't we talking about a balanced aspect here? You will hurt his feelings if you return it , no matter what. Then we'll be reading about you crying because he only gets you gift certifcates.
You should give better hints as to what you like and not expect mind reading. Mind reading is something that only comes with a double X chromosome pair. :roll:
This was the guy's first gift of jewelery to her, she couldn't very well "tell him what you want" when she probably wasn't even asked what it was that she wanted.
If youre going to tell him, at least wait a while. Dont make him sit through christmas thinking he got you a crappy gift. Tell him in march or something, or next time a gift comes around. But for the love of god, dont return it. Thats just ungrateful.
Youre absolutely right. If you tell him you dont like it and want to return it, youll never get a surprise gift ever again, in your life. In fact, youll probably take any joy out of xmas shopping for him because he'll be to afraid to get you anything but the most safe thing he could possibly get.
Telling him later = I appreciate the thought, but its not my style.
Telling him tomorrow and taking him with you to return it so he knows damn well what to get you = Screw the thought. I demand perfection. I wouldnt even wear it every now and then.
Either way its not the end of the world, but tact and his feelings should come before your personal satisfaction with the gift.
Xmas is the season of giving, not getting!
Youre absolutely right. If you tell him you dont like it and want to return it, youll never get a surprise gift ever again, in your life. In fact, youll probably take any joy out of xmas shopping for him because he'll be to afraid to get you anything but the most safe thing he could possibly get.
Telling him later = I appreciate the thought, but its not my style.
Telling him tomorrow and taking him with you to return it so he knows damn well what to get you = Screw the thought. I demand perfection. I wouldnt even wear it every now and then.
Either way its not the end of the world, but tact and his feelings should come before your personal satisfaction with the gift.
Xmas is the season of giving, not getting!
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