How to handle a bad christmas present from the S.O.

[lilFajita]

Just wanted to get your thoughts-

I have been dating this guy for almost 2 years, and he just bought me jewelry for the first time. Its kind of a big deal, because when we first met, he wa going through a tough time financially and so he is finally on his feet. So, he bought me a white gold bracelet with tiny diamonds.

First off, I never wear bracelets, only a watch. Second, its really not my style at all- it has a chain link motif that I think looks kind of cheesy.

The thing is, I feel bad telling him I don't like it, because its the first time he has gotten me something kind of romantic and all on his own (no hints, etc.). But I'd be forcing myself to wear it.

Would I be too harsh to tell him I want to exhange it? I want him to have confidence to pick gifts and things for me in the future, but its really not me... I was wondering if it would be a big blow to his confidence.

 

[Red]

Just don't break up with him over it

 

[CPA]

tell him. he can't get you what you like, if you don't tell him what you like.

 

[Ogg]

tell him you dont like it and take him with you to exchange it, its not too harsh.....Whip his ass into shape, you need to train your man !!!! wait

Tear him down then build him back up

 

[maziwanka]

just tell him it doesn't really suit you. go out with him to pick something you like better.

yea, it'll initially suck for him, but trust me, he shouldn't be that bothered by it for long.

 

[Lola]

praise him for getting you soemthing so nice, but also tell him the truth that you think its beautiful and such a thoughtful gift, but its just not your style. (in a very nice way!)
could you suggest exchanging it together so you can both decide on the item?

 

[lilFajita]

I understand...it just seems like its the first time he has gone out on a limb, and if I exchange it, he will be "gun shy", so to speak....you know what I mean? It sucks, because i love being surprised, and I feel like if I tell him, he will never try to surprise me again....

 

[Lonyo]

He's a bloke, he can't know what the hell you want.
He'll probably be glad of you telling him, because then he'll know what you like and what he can get you for your birthday/anniversary etc.

 

[lightpants]

Just go exchange it without him knowing. Show him the new piece of jewelry and tell him how much you love it, it's perfect, you can't believe he picked it out himself, etc.
Give him a "thanks for a great gift BJ"
He will not even remember exactly what he bought you, or will he care.
Everyone wins!!!

 

[RossMAN]

Wow there's a name I haven't seen in a while.

How the hell are you?

 

[ElFenix]

i can't believe you didn't like it! i spent hours!

 

[Quasmo]

tell him you dont like it and you want to exchange it, but in return you'll give "it" to him any time he wants for a week.

 

[Nitemare]

Originally posted by: lilFajita
I understand...it just seems like its the first time he has gone out on a limb, and if I exchange it, he will be "gun shy", so to speak....you know what I mean? It sucks, because i love being surprised, and I feel like if I tell him, he will never try to surprise me again....

tell him this

Lesson #1 about men
We are not mind readers, tell us if you want something.

 

[MmmSkyscraper]

Tell him in a nice way otherwise you'll be facing the same problem somewhere down the line... The guy just needs some pointers. I'd much rather an SO was honest, especially if money was a big factor. I'd like to think the item I bought was treasured and used a lot.

 

[Lola]

Originally posted by: lilFajita
I understand...it just seems like its the first time he has gone out on a limb, and if I exchange it, he will be "gun shy", so to speak....you know what I mean? It sucks, because i love being surprised, and I feel like if I tell him, he will never try to surprise me again....

the only other thing i can think of, if you are sure he will react in that way is wear it occasionally and tell him its too nice to wear all the time, or you are afraid you are going to lose it. then, when you are together shopping, etc, show him things that you like so he will have an idea next time?!

 

[TallBill]

jesus, whatever happened to just telling the truth in a relationship.. especially something that pricey.. if its a 20 dollar board game from a distant aunt, why bother.. but..

 

[lilFajita]

Originally posted by: Lola
praise him for getting you soemthing so nice, but also tell him the truth that you think its beautiful and such a thoughtful gift, but its just not your style. (in a very nice way!)
could you suggest exchanging it together so you can both decide on the item?

That's probably the best way to go about it....right now, he thinks I really like it because my kneejerk reaction is to just say I love a gift, no matter what it is

I know this is so girly to say...but it saddens me that, in 2 years, he still has no idea what I like....

 

[KK]

Originally posted by: Quasmo
tell him you dont like it and you want to exchange it, but in return you'll give "it" to him any time he wants for a week.

And in any way he desires. He'll forget all about the bracelet by then. Hell, next christmas, maybe he'll just give you the credit card to buy whatever you want.

 

[davew0670]

wear it for a couple of days and then tell him it doesnt fit very good and it gets in the way. I bought a bracelt for my wife and it banged around on her keyboard at work to much. She told me this I was perfectly ok with her exchanging for something she could wear and not be bothered by it. He probably spent a good deal of change on it and would rather you wear something you liked than something thats sits in a jewelry box.

 

[lilFajita]

Originally posted by: RossMAN
Wow there's a name I haven't seen in a while.

How the hell are you?

hi ross life is hectic....but i've been around...just quiet (probably good for a change)

 

[lilFajita]

Originally posted by: davew0670
wear it for a couple of days and then tell him it doesnt fit very good and it gets in the way. I bought a bracelt for my wife and it banged around on her keyboard at work to much. She told me this I was perfectly ok with her exchanging for something she could wear and not be bothered by it. He probably spent a good deal of change on it and would rather you wear something you liked than something thats sits in a jewelry box.

It acutally is too big, so that's my excuse for not wearing it right away...maybe I will say the same thing to him, because I don't wear bracelets because I get annoyed with them quickly...

 

[Lola]

Originally posted by: lilFajita

Originally posted by: Lola
praise him for getting you soemthing so nice, but also tell him the truth that you think its beautiful and such a thoughtful gift, but its just not your style. (in a very nice way!)
could you suggest exchanging it together so you can both decide on the item?

That's probably the best way to go about it....right now, he thinks I really like it because my kneejerk reaction is to just say I love a gift, no matter what it is

I know this is so girly to say...but it saddens me that, in 2 years, he still has no idea what I like....

it may be girly, but i understand! you can show and give examples and sometimes taht still doesnt work. the truth is best, but you know how he will react better than any of us.

 

[SupaDupaPan]

Originally posted by: lilFajita

Originally posted by: Lola
praise him for getting you soemthing so nice, but also tell him the truth that you think its beautiful and such a thoughtful gift, but its just not your style. (in a very nice way!)
could you suggest exchanging it together so you can both decide on the item?

That's probably the best way to go about it....right now, he thinks I really like it because my kneejerk reaction is to just say I love a gift, no matter what it is

I know this is so girly to say...but it saddens me that, in 2 years, he still has no idea what I like....

Majority of guys, not ALL guys, have no taste in jewelery. My best friend, also an ex of 2 1/2 years ... still does not know what I like and what I don't like. He just recently got me jewelery as well and ... it doesn't fit me at all... But because he's a good friend of mine, and because he got the jewelery in another country ... I'll wear it when I'm hanging out with him ... but I did tell him, never to ever buy me jewelery again (so he knows how I feel)

Edit. Spelling.

 

[jjones]

Just tell him it's not your style and you never have enjoyed wearing bracelets. Then thank him for the gift and ask him if he'd like to go together to exchange it for something more appropriate. It really shouldn't be that big of a deal.

 

[AlienCraft]

Originally posted by: Lola

Originally posted by: lilFajita
I understand...it just seems like its the first time he has gone out on a limb, and if I exchange it, he will be "gun shy", so to speak....you know what I mean? It sucks, because i love being surprised, and I feel like if I tell him, he will never try to surprise me again....

the only other thing i can think of, if you are sure he will react in that way is wear it occasionally and tell him its too nice to wear all the time, or you are afraid you are going to lose it. then, when you are together shopping, etc, show him things that you like so he will have an idea next time?!

This is the best answer.
Would it kill you to wear it from time to time, say at dinners with him and his folks or something like that ?
I swear women are so damn selfish in this manner. Given that you will buy him shirts, after shave, etc. that he doesn't like, yet sucks it up and wears ANYWAY, to please YOU aren't we talking about a balanced aspect here? You will hurt his feelings if you return it , no matter what. Then we'll be reading about you crying because he only gets you gift certifcates.
You should give better hints as to what you like and not expect mind reading. Mind reading is something that only comes with a double X chromosome pair. :roll: