How to get rid of my GF's stalker?

[BD2003]

At first I thought of him as a minor annoyance, but now the bastard wont go away. She went out with him a couple of years ago, and once she realized how much of a freak he was, she dumped him big time. Problem was, he was in love with her, and wanted to have her children. He moved away to ohio, and we both live in ny, but he still calls her and ims her every chance he gets. He somehow figures out all her email passwords and all her instant messenger passwords, no matter what. He's one of those wannabe hackers, but sadly he's pretty good at it. And since shes such a nice girl, whenever he says he feels bad and needs someone to talk to, she cracks and talks to him. I keep asking her not to talk to him no matter what, but she always cracks and gives him the benefit of the doubt. The kid was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, so I'm sure that doesnt really help either. So he always goes under her screen name and pretends to be her, which I always figure out fairly easy, and he proceeds to tell me things that I wasnt supposed to know in an attempt to break us up, and its almost worked a couple of times. I'm SOOO sick of him, and the normal solution would be to kick the crap out of him, which I'd LOVE to do, but he lives a couple of states away so thats not really an option...I just want the punk to go away, because he's just a pain in the ass. But like any good stalker, hes extremely persistent...anyone got any ideas?

 

[kranky]

First, how old are the people involved?

 

[HannibalX]

Kill em'.

 

[BD2003]

I'm 20, shes 17, and the freak is 16. Killing him is at the top of my list, but I dont have any ICBMs in my basement, and I cant afford a hitman, or even a car to drive there and do it myself.

 

[Viper GTS]

Given the age of the people involved, I'd say your options are pretty limited. At 16, how dangerous do you honestly think he is? Annoying maybe, but if he's not a serious threat I wouldn't worry about him. Change usernames and passwords on EVERYTHING, change your phone number, & forget about him.

Viper GTS

 

[AMDJunkie]

Call the po-nines and let them handle it (police in Miami ghetto slang).

 

[Farbio]

viper has the right idea.....i think she should change her isp as well, as the only other way he could track sn changes would be by ip addresses, so just change all that and your phone and it should be cool. good luck man

 

[BD2003]

Oh its not that I'm worried hes going to hurt anyone, if anyones going to be hurt its him, if I ever get the chance, but this has being going on for months and I'm on my last nerve. I dont want anyone messing with my gf, or me. She might feel bad for him, because he is pretty pathetic, but I dont.

 

[Viper GTS]

Disappear & leave no tracks. Short of him showing up on your doorstep, he's going to have a hell of a time finding you.

Viper GTS

 

[BD2003]

I'm not about to go anywhere because of some freak. And theres no way she could convince her parents to change all 3 of their phone numbers, her beeper, her cell etc...I WANT him to show up on her doorstep.

 

[kranky]

I think your best weapon is to ignore him. Totally.

Changing passwords and ISPs is an excellent suggestion.

You and your GF should agree on a code word which you use as the first word every time you IM each other. It could be as simple as beginning each IM with a certain letter. That way you easily know when it's him posing as her. If changing the phone number is not an option, she must just hang up the phone when he calls. Don't say a word, just hang up. She doesn't have to explain nor give him a chance to say anything. He'll quickly get tired of calling.

And if she can't do that, don't blame him any more. She's contributing to the problem.

 

[Yeeny]

She should stop talking to him, because as long as she answers him, she is giving him something to hold on to. Too many people are hurt or killed every year because they think the person is harmless, and just lonely. I would definitely take the others advice about changing her ISP, and encourage her not to answer him at all if he contacts her.I would also get some stalking information off the internet or from your local library and have her read it, maybe then she will realize how dangerous this could potentially be.

http://www.antistalking.com/ looks like it has some good information.

 

[Mark]

Stalk him for a while and see how he likes it.

 

[Viper GTS]

I'm not suggesting you move...I'm suggesting you disappear as far as he's concerned. At 16 he doesn't have the ability to travel to stalk her, he's relying on telecommunications. Usernames, passwords, ISPs, even phone numbers are easily changed.

Viper GTS

 

[atom]

The last thing you want is for him to be near you. You will no doubt be cast as the bad guy, beating up a relatively harmless guy with a mental disorder. Your girlfriend (out of guilt, pity or something else) is obviously sympathetic to the guy, you probably wouldn't score many points with your girlfriend by beating him up.

It's probably more annoying than I can imagine, but he probably revels in the fact he is aggravating you so much. Don't let him get you all worked up.

 

[KarsinTheHutt]

Change ISPs, and get new passwords for ALL your email accounts. If his persistance becomes a daily hassle, get a lawyer to write him a letter. That would shut most people up for good.

On the other hand, I kind of feel sorry for that poor bastard. He's bipolar, probably depressed, and probably lonely. Of course this doesn't excuse his actions in any way.

Um, his stalking seems to be limited to cyberspace. Does he have the means to physically stalk as well?

 

[gtbuzz]

get a new girlfriend. then your girlfriend won't have a stalker

 

[UberNeuman]

Dump the chick. If she isn't willing to break off contact with her ex, then she's not for real about her relationship with you...

 

[BD2003]

Ah but thats the weird thing. After he does something stupid, shes right there with me wanting to kill him. But a couple of days later, he says he needs someone to talk to, and she just gives him one more chance. After last nights bout, I think I've got her to finally agree to stop, but I nearly had to play the ultimatum card, stop talking to him, or I stop talking to you. I've been stalked by a girl before, and by a psycho guy who tried to kill me on several occasions, and believe me, its harder than it sounds to totally ignore someone. But after months of total ignoring, they both eventually did go away. The problem with him and changing passwords is he always somehow figures them out, and if she doesnt get hers, she gets her friends. Unfortunately, he's still friends with some of her friends. When he cant get hers, he gets theirs. Everyone in the world feels sorry for him, and I dont know why. He's got his own gf already, and the girl wont believe a word anyone tells her about him. I've got pages and pages of saved im conversations of some of the things hes said that would get anyone to hate their man, but it just doesnt work on her. Even though common sense and past experience tells me to just ignore, I really really want to hurt him.

 

[Napalm381]

Change passwords, and make them unguessable. Don't use anything that even resembles the english language. Random combinations of letters and numbers, with varying capitalizations, should work. Something like C65xrL2. That should be pretty much uncrackable

Also, since this kid is 16, I'm assuming he lives with his parents. If you have a word with his parents and the police, I think they should be able to get him back in line.

 

[kranky]

Let go of the urge to get even somehow. That will make it harder to ignore him. There's no need to settle the score with him, as long as he goes away you win.

 

[KarsinTheHutt]

Anger, Fear, Aggresion... the dark side are they. Er, I don't think beating this kid up will help matters.BD2003, have you talked to this kid about it? Just be honest with him and tell him you find his email hacking and his lies offensive. If you haven't said anything to him you are giving him permission to terrorize by default.

 

[Yeeny]

If you beat him up BigDee, the cops are not going to care about his stalking at all then. They are going to see a 20 yr old beating up a 16 yr old kid, and you might end up behind bars. Then he would be free to do whatever he wants. I don't think that is what you want. I can understand you feeling angry and frustrated, but don't do something that will only cause your girlfriend and yourself more damage in the future.

 

[BD2003]

I have talked to him about it, and I try to be calm about it, but sometimes it gets to me. Just so everyone can see for themselves how crazy he is, a small example of a conversation we had last night. The stars are him talking to my under my gf's screen name, something which is understandably not being shown to anyone else:

BigDee2003 (4:43:31 AM): what are you trying to accomplish?
***** (4:44:48 AM): she doesn't deserve to be happy
BigDee2003 (4:44:54 AM): whys that?
***** (4:45:52 AM): because she's broke my f*cking heart.
***** (4:46:10 AM): she'll break you too
BigDee2003 (4:46:40 AM): so then why dont you just go away?
***** (4:47:00 AM): not until she feels what she did to me
BigDee2003 (4:47:16 AM): oh so its a revenge thing/
BigDee2003 (4:47:17 AM): ?
***** (4:48:04 AM): no. she'll realise that she's wasting her time with you and that i'm
the only one who ever really made her feel safe.
BigDee2003 (4:48:37 AM): if you say so

Scary, huh?

 

[montanafan]

If she's agreeing to talk with him, then it's not stalking, it's a relationship.