How to deal with fat friend

[sourceninja]

...

 

[angminas]

You need to talk to him and find out what he wants. Most likely, he'd like to ride with everyone else but just doesn't have the stamina. If that's the case, a plan could be set up to slow down the rides a bit and help him get fitter. If you come from a place of respectful concern and genuine desire to help and improve the situation, odds are very good that you can find some kind of solution.

 

[Sho'Nuff]

The solution is easy - just replace the carrot in this pic with a cupcake and he will ride like the wind.

More seriously though - its not cool that your buddy is becoming the butt of jokes. Its one thing to tease a guy relentlessly about something that he is probably not self conscious about. But most overweight people are really sensitive about being overweight. So if you are really this guys friend - you should probably tell your other buddies to lay off the jokes.

As for keeping your buddy involved - maybe switch off weekends - do an easier ride with him one weekend, and a longer ride with the other guys on another weekend?

Tough issue. Good luck

 

[Humpy]

Group rides cause too much drama except in the rare circumstances where riders have an equal ability and outlook.

OP knows the right thing to do is to stick with his friend and let the rest of the group move on. He's struggling with finding the integrity to do it.

 

[SlitheryDee]

I find it hard to believe that he's able to maintain his weight if your group does such regular long rides. Even if he is eating enough to overcome the calorie burn of your biking, his cardiovascular health should be good enough to allow him to at least finish everything you guys finish due to continually pushing himself to ride. Does he miss a lot of rides and then try to tackle the hard stuff with the rest of you? That sounds more likely to me.

In any case, I'm always in the camp of not lowering the difficulty level to coddle the slackers. Rising to meet challenges is part of the joy of something like this. Don't take away the opportunity for him to do that if he's motivated to.

 

[Sho'Nuff]

I find it hard to believe that he's able to maintain his weight if your group does such regular long rides. Even if he is eating enough to overcome the calorie burn of your biking, his cardiovascular health should be good enough to allow him to at least finish everything you guys finish due to continually pushing himself to ride. Does he miss a lot of rides and then try to tackle the hard stuff with the rest of you? That sounds more likely to me.

In any case, I'm always in the camp of not lowering the difficulty level to coddle the slackers. Rising to meet challenges is part of the joy of something like this. Don't take away the opportunity for him to do that if he's motivated to.

Speaking from experience - it is very hard to out exercise your mouth. If you eat too much - no amount of exercise will cause you to lose weight. Period.

 

[JulesMaximus]

Losing the weight will make him a much better climber. That said, he needs to decide if being healthy is the lifestyle he wants to live. This isn't something you can decide for him.

 

[NikolaeVarius]

I find it hard to believe that he's able to maintain his weight if your group does such regular long rides. Even if he is eating enough to overcome the calorie burn of your biking, his cardiovascular health should be good enough to allow him to at least finish everything you guys finish due to continually pushing himself to ride. Does he miss a lot of rides and then try to tackle the hard stuff with the rest of you? That sounds more likely to me.

In any case, I'm always in the camp of not lowering the difficulty level to coddle the slackers. Rising to meet challenges is part of the joy of something like this. Don't take away the opportunity for him to do that if he's motivated to.

Your legs can't keep up with your mouth.

 

[brainhulk]

I find it hard to believe that he's able to maintain his weight if your group does such regular long rides. Even if he is eating enough to overcome the calorie burn of your biking, his cardiovascular health should be good enough to allow him to at least finish everything you guys finish due to continually pushing himself to ride. Does he miss a lot of rides and then try to tackle the hard stuff with the rest of you? That sounds more likely to me.

In any case, I'm always in the camp of not lowering the difficulty level to coddle the slackers. Rising to meet challenges is part of the joy of something like this. Don't take away the opportunity for him to do that if he's motivated to.

Everyone in the group rides during the week. He does not, his only cardio is our sunday rides. In addition he has a preposterous eating schedule where he eats a huge dinner after work(he says work makes him hungry), then goes right to sleep.

He does seem to be very motivated to try to finish this coming weekend, so there is signs of hope he will try to do cardio during the week and eat better. he seems to be rolling well with punches regarding the pot shot jokes. I think the guys are just doing it too much

so for now I'm going to stay with the group. IRl, i'm not the type of guy to give pep talks. (doing otherwise will look like I recognize he is a failure?)

 

[Mr.IncrediblyBored]

Speaking from experience - it is very hard to out exercise your mouth. If you eat too much - no amount of exercise will cause you to lose weight. Period.

So true. People consistently overestimate how many calories they burn during cardio.

 

[FleshLight]

Chip in and buy him a Trek Powerfly

 

[Joepublic2]

Group rides cause too much drama except in the rare circumstances where riders have an equal ability and outlook.

OP knows the right thing to do is to stick with his friend and let the rest of the group move on. He's struggling with finding the integrity to do it.

How is that the right thing? His friend is being the unreasonable one here by dragging the entire group down, yet he doesn't seem to feel bad about it. He should ride solo and get into better shape and then rejoin his friends when he's not a burden to them. Cracking jokes and such about his weight is just ridiculous, though. Your other friends sound very immature.

 

[11thHour]

Depends what his goals are.

 

[Theb]

Everyone in the group rides during the week. He does not, his only cardio is our sunday rides. In addition he has a preposterous eating schedule where he eats a huge dinner after work(he says work makes him hungry), then goes right to sleep.

He does seem to be very motivated to try to finish this coming weekend, so there is signs of hope he will try to do cardio during the week and eat better. he seems to be rolling well with punches regarding the pot shot jokes. I think the guys are just doing it too much

so for now I'm going to stay with the group. IRl, i'm not the type of guy to give pep talks. (doing otherwise will look like I recognize he is a failure?)

If you're up for doing cardio with him during the week that would be nice to offer. It's a lot harder to put exercise off when you have a set time and buddy.

 

[Humpy]

How is that the right thing? His friend is being the unreasonable one here by dragging the entire group down, yet he doesn't seem to feel bad about it. He should ride solo and get into better shape and then rejoin his friends when he's not a burden to them. Cracking jokes and such about his weight is just ridiculous, though. Your other friends sound very immature.

I was thinking that the OP made the thread so he feels bad about leaving his friend behind and making fun of his weight. He should support his friend.

IRL, the group rides I occasionally participate in will always drop you on a road ride if you fall behind. You are expected to be prepared to get yourself home. Mountain bike rides are a little different because they are often pretty far from civilization and you can die if left behind. If we're close to town you are expected to be prepared to get yourself home.

We discuss this ahead of time in case the are unusual circumstances.

 

[Micrornd]

How to deal with fat friend ?

The key word here is "friend".
Is he your "friend", or "just some guy you know".
I treat my friends the same way I expect them to treat me.

 

[edro]

Get him one of those electric motors that he can kick on when he falls behind.

 

[IHateMyJob2004]

My friend who got me into mtn biking is fat. Everybody in our mtn biking group usually does at least 1 or 2 midweek rides to keep our stamina up for our big rides every sunday. He has always brought up the rear, but we always take breaks and wait for him. We don't mind, as it's just for fun.

This past week, we did 23 miles up a hard trail. We were waiting for him at a camp site, but he never showed up. We eventually got a text that said he was turning around and headed back to the car.

Do we keep our rides shorter, or do we keep pushing and hope it gives him motivation to lose weight and train?

He needs to decide to loose weight. And 23 miles is a fricking haul unless you are doing fireroads.

 

[brainhulk]

He needs to decide to loose weight. And 23 miles is a fricking haul unless you are doing fireroads.

yeah it was kinda tough ride 23 miles up single track and 3700 ft of elevation.

sometimes the adrenaline gets to me, making me want to push harder without thinking of others, and to just feed the rush

but he is also a macho guy that i feel doesn't want anybody's pity

bah, i don't know

 

[Kaido]

Do we keep our rides shorter, or do we keep pushing and hope it gives him motivation to lose weight and train?

The only way you can change him is if he wants to change himself. Being overweight is really all about diet. Training on a bike more isn't going to help much if he doesn't start eating better. So unless he personally wants to change his weight by making a major lifestyle change in terms of food consumption, you're going to be stuck in this situation. I'd say go on longer rides with your other friends, but schedule shorter ones that he can be involved in sometimes so he doesn't feel left out. You shouldn't limit yourself because someone else doesn't want to get onboard, but that also doesn't mean you should completely exclude him either, so just mix it up a bit. My buddies do that with me...I have zero desire to go on the 100-mile rides they go on, but I don't mind a 30-mile ride now & then, so we split up ride days based on who wants to do what.

 

[Sonikku]

He's dead already.
Don't grieve Brainhulk.
The needs of the many
Outweigh the needs of the few
Or the fat one.

:thumbsup:

 

[brainhulk]

The only way you can change him is if he wants to change himself. Being overweight is really all about diet. Training on a bike more isn't going to help much if he doesn't start eating better. So unless he personally wants to change his weight by making a major lifestyle change in terms of food consumption, you're going to be stuck in this situation. I'd say go on longer rides with your other friends, but schedule shorter ones that he can be involved in sometimes so he doesn't feel left out. You shouldn't limit yourself because someone else doesn't want to get onboard, but that also doesn't mean you should completely exclude him either, so just mix it up a bit. My buddies do that with me...I have zero desire to go on the 100-mile rides they go on, but I don't mind a 30-mile ride now & then, so we split up ride days based on who wants to do what.

He simply says every time we bring the subject up that he can't stop eating. He has been biking with the guys for far longer than I have, but this past year everyone has started to train much harder and thus the rides have been getting longer as well. I don't see us cutting the rides, not really sure he is able to drop weight

 

[SlitheryDee]

Speaking from experience - it is very hard to out exercise your mouth. If you eat too much - no amount of exercise will cause you to lose weight. Period.

Oh this is something I know well, but I was assuming that if he went on bi-weekly trail rides with the OP then he was kind of an enthusiast for it with all the fitness and performance concerns that entailed. Someone like that would continue to bike on their own time and change their diet to prepare for the group rides I would think. That's why I asked if he maybe wasn't going for every ride with the rest of the group, which the OP confirmed. That paints a different picture for me. As I see it, he's just the guy who isn't quite as interested in the activity as the rest, but wants to join in with his friends every now and again anyway. Might be hard to get that guy to do anything he doesn't want to do.

 

[Blanky]

Leave him behind. He's a grown up. If it's not important enough to shut his face for it's not important enough for you to baby him.

He's fat because of food, not exercise.

 

[Kaido]

He simply says every time we bring the subject up that he can't stop eating. He has been biking with the guys for far longer than I have, but this past year everyone has started to train much harder and thus the rides have been getting longer as well. I don't see us cutting the rides, not really sure he is able to drop weight

First step is believing that you can. He can't take the steps after that if he can't take the first step...if he says he can't & believes he can't, then he's not going to work on a menu, or do cooking, or count calories, or any other method for altering his diet. It ultimately boils down to personal responsibility; the difficulty is that people feel trapped & lose hope and think that they really, truly can't do something, which prevents the remaining sequence of events from happening. It's just like dominoes...if you never push down the first one, the rest won't fall over either.

It's hard because you want your friends to succeed & be happy and you know it's entirely doable. I had a friend in high school who was a couple hundred pounds overweight & it wasn't until he accepted personal responsibility for his situation that he decided he could change. No one was forcing a fork down his throat with food, you know? Anyway, for whatever reason, the idea clicked in his mind that he could get healthy. So he lost weight, started working out, got in great shape, and ended up having girls fall all over him and now does stuff like hiking all the time. But for a long time, he just refused to even think about it, so no progress was made. It's tough because you want your friends to participate with you at your level, and you don't want to see them lead unhealthy lives and not be able to join in the fun, but you can't make that decision for them.