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How to communicate with mid-westerners as a blue state Yankee?

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BurnItDwn said:
I have heard that NYC is filled with rude assholes who would rather ignore a stranger than help one!
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People asking for $$$, or pretending to be in trouble and asking for a few $$$ - yeah, totally ignore them.

People asking for which direction Broadway is, how do Metro Cards work (do I buy an unlimited?), what train to take where, how do the Citibikes work - I help them out all the time.
 
Atomic Playboy said:
This. When they bring up sports, "oh, I don't really follow that." When they bring up a stupid movie, "haven't seen that one, I'll have to check it out." When they bring up stupid political opinions, "mmm-hmmm." Just go with the flow. You aren't going to change anyone's opinion about anything, so don't waste your time trying.
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I went through the same thing when my former company merged with one in the midwest and I got moved there. Couple basic adjustments you'll need to make.

1. Like southerners, they won't work on "East Coast speed." Unlike say New Yorkers who will get annoyed if you don't get to the point within 10 seconds or so, prepare to spend 5-10 minutes in small talk.

2. Learn enough about sports to let them talk themselves out about the subject. For example I don't give much of a shit about the St Louis Cardinals but everyone I worked with did. So I learned the names of couple key players and checked the game score before talking to people so I could congratulate the team if they won or console the other person if they lost.

3. Accept that your tastes and preferences won't match theirs and adjust your attitude accordingly. Sure you might think the "horrible christian movie" is crap but they likewise probably feel the same about the cultural "attractions" of NYC and they likewise may think your preferences suck. Not everyone will think "Avenue Q" or "The Book of Mormon" is the height of culture, nor does every midwest town have the audience to sustain a drag queen brunch club.

4. Enjoy the local attractions and hotspots for what they are and don't compare them against those from your locale. You might find that the local's longtime businesses are worthy of your patronage, and that you enjoy going there yourself and will miss them when you leave. Heck, I would kill for some Pappy's Smokehouse or Ted Drewe's right now.
 
skyking said:
Nod and smile, a lot. Say vague things and agree. Think of a happy place all the while.
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Seriously. The OP makes its sound like he's from another planet or something. EVERYONE finds themselves in situations like you described on occasion. Smile and make benign chit-chat. Keep an ear out for something being mentioned that you actually care about and then jump in. Keep it respectful and non-confrontational though. If you love your wife as you say you need to learn to deal with in-laws. That comes with the deal.
 
You know why people have troubles like this? They put a label on themselves and a label on others (see thread title). Try looking at them as just people, and don't wear your own self-imposed label on your sleeve.

I get along with CEOs, bikers, people who live in the ghetto, Christians, atheists, wealthy people, checkout clerks, doctors, mechanics, nerds, goths, you name it (the one exception is drug addicts, because they mostly are pathological liars and thieves). All you have to do is treat them as equals, and show an interest. I feel no compulsion to criticize their interests or push my interests on them. If you can't do that because it's not "keeping it real" then prepare for a miserable time.
 
They sound like retards, but not all are going to be retards. Find the good ones and make small talk with them. Avoid political and religious topics. Have a few beers and focus on relaxing with your surroundings.

You're freaking out, but just relax. It will all be over soon. 🙂
 
KlokWyze said:
They sound like retards, but not all are going to be retards.
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You shouldn't speak about New Yorkers that way.

And yes, to me the New York accent makes you sound far more stupid than a redneck accent. The worst you can say about midwesterners is that they sound like country bumpkins who just fell off the turnip truck singing ""The Surrey With The Fringe On Top".
 
glenn1 said:
You shouldn't speak about New Yorkers that way.

And yes, to me the New York accent makes you sound far more stupid than a redneck accent. The worst you can say about midwesterners is that they sound like country bumpkins who just fell off the turnip truck singing ""The Surrey With The Fringe On Top".
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What's a bumpkin? I have never seen a turnip farm in IL, IA or Nebraska, and I have no idea what that song is.

😵
 
glenn1 said:
You shouldn't speak about New Yorkers that way.

And yes, to me the New York accent makes you sound far more stupid than a redneck accent. The worst you can say about midwesterners is that they sound like country bumpkins who just fell off the turnip truck singing ""The Surrey With The Fringe On Top".
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I dunno if that's the "worst you can say", but you can say it.
 
mean spirited and disrespectful people have no place in the midwest.

stay in your disgusting new england metropolis dungheap and keep our land pure.
 
Well of course OP is stereotyping, but the midwest, the ENTIRETY of it, is less diverse than a 1/4 of Brooklyn. I remember saying that not everyone would be a "retard". I'm being nice. Take what you can get guys.
 
brianmanahan said:
mean spirited and disrespectful people have no place in the midwest.

stay in your disgusting new england metropolis dungheap and keep our land pure.
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I approve of this message.

Chuck-Norris.jpg
 
KlokWyze said:
Well of course OP is stereotyping, but the midwest, the ENTIRETY of it, is less diverse than a 1/4 of Brooklyn. I remember saying that not everyone would be a "retard". I'm being nice. Take what you can get guys.
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I think you kinda hit the nail on the head. Whenever I go to a family function there (Omaha) I'm always the only brown person among a sea of hundreds of white people. I kinda feel like I'm already othered (just being the only person of color), that when commentaries about race are mentioned I get hurt - not because they have the opinion, but because me and my half-brown kids are standing right there, and are pretty vulnerable. I feel that they should know better. For example, politically I think feminists over do it a bit with their PC "triggering" - but you'd never hear me say that in public, especially to a woman - but people there feel free to say things like towelheads when I'm standing right there. I mean, my great grandfather was probably a beloved patriot!

Yes, I do have to learn how to lose arguments or politely just nod my head. I admit I'm bad at it, but when someone comes out and says something like "it's adam and eve, not adam and steve!" when they're own nephew (or even son) is gay, it bugs me. You're all right in that it shouldn't get to me.

I suppose I'm just not a good conversationalists when it comes to topics outside of my realm, and that's my flaw not theirs. What's frustrating is that when I disclose, kindly, that I'm say not really into sports, the sports conversation almost always continues regardless of what I say, as if they're not listening (Which frustrates me).

P.S. my rant is about midwestern overt christians. I'm pretty damn christian myself, my grand dad was a minister and I respect religion - I just don't allow dogma to cloud logic (i.e. the earth wasn't made in 7 days regardless if you believe in a creator or not). Whenever I visit I do know there are chunks of cool kids out there - I had a great time in downtown Omaha and it's our go to place whenever we visit (more liberal, food has flavor, people listen to non-top 40 music). So sorry for pissing of midwesterns, I'm really more annoyed with overt christians - they seem to lack hobbies or have interests that interesect with mine, at all.

What sucks is that I turn into a computer nerd there because it's the only thing they think I'm interested in, even though I love music and film and have a slew of hobbies, the commonality with my interactions there (and the reason for my stereotypes) is that everyone seems to want to just talk about themselves, instead of searching for whatever commonality we may have. It's perhaps simplistic for me to think it's because I'm brown, but I think the climate of subversive racism is what bugs me the most and it makes small talk hard when I'm wondering if they're wondering why I'm there in the first place (how did THIS guy get in? Is he the cleaning staff?). Again, it's usually against african americans and not me, but it effects me nonetheless (Especially since people always think i'm black there)
 
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Damn FB, just relax and have a good time. Don't try to bond with everyone, just keep it superficial, laugh at jokes (even the bad ones), and cut loose.
 
glenn1 said:
Unless you're talking about Chicago it's true and not even close. IIRC Brooklyn is even ahead of LA when it comes to racial and ethnic diversity. Sure you might find places in the midwest or anywhere else which are heavily non-white but still dominated by one race or ethnicity.

http://www.bloomberg.com/news/artic...york-top-los-angeles-as-u-s-diversity-capital
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I grew up in a small town in central IL. My graduating HS class had 48 people.

I've spent a decent amount of time in Chicago. Did a year in Phoenix. Lived in IA. Lived in Omaha. Been all over California, Colorado, Florida, Texas, and now live in central KY.

If there's anything I've picked up on a lot of that of that is that a lot of people regardless of city size don't venture out often in their own towns outside of their comfort zone. I'm used to to driving...A LOT. And it was no big deal for me to drive from one side of Phoenix to the other...that was almost a 50 mile drive to from the far east side of Mesa all the way over to Avondale. Local people would make that seem like you were driving to another country. Same with people in Chicago....go a few suburbs out and they act like it's a different state. Heaven forbid they travel south of I-80 to "Southern IL".

Meh.

Point is, nearly everyone tends to curl up into a comfort zone. Big city or small and not venture outside of it. Being in a big city doesn't necessarily make a person more cultured, educated or experienced.

Just my $$
 
glenn1 said:
Unless you're talking about Chicago it's true and not even close. IIRC Brooklyn is even ahead of LA when it comes to racial and ethnic diversity. Sure you might find places in the midwest or anywhere else which are heavily non-white but still dominated by one race or ethnicity.

http://www.bloomberg.com/news/artic...york-top-los-angeles-as-u-s-diversity-capital
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I <3 chicago, sorry for including them in my midwest rant. I may even say the pizza's better, just don't tell anyone I said that.

Yes, Omaha is a sea of white with a very poor, very marginalized black ghetto (and a spanish one, that's being gentrified I believe). The animosity people in Omaha feel for the poor black people there is so appalling that it feels like segregation at times, and rubs me the wrong way. The mall seems to be the only place the races can live together in harmony there 🙂

FYI my wife agrees with me and left as soon as she could, she's a New Yorker and doesn't apologize for where she was born... I'm also not implying this is a white issue, most of the people I love are of that persuasion 🙂 I think it's the merry marriage of a lack of cultural perspective and dogmatic/preachy Christianity that bugs me
 
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