Originally posted by: chrisjor
I lied...I'm back. You guys are right...I'm chatting with girls over the internet right now!! They are all 12 and they like boy bands!!!! I told them I sing in one, they think I have a great personality!!! Now I guess I will whine at ATOT when one of them "break up" with me!!!
which boy band? some are better than others
To chime in my experience...
I'm in a serious long-distance relationship (going on 2 years; I'm 22, she's 21). We're at colleges in different states, we live in different states. We try & spend one weekend a month together. It's definitely not enough face-to-face time. I agree with chrisjor that face-to-face time is much more important than net-time together; but it's not always practical, either. During the school year, we spend a decent amount of time chatting & emailing; maybe an average of an hour a day or so. I've made 2 observations about this.
1. We've gotten to know each other so well, personality-wise, in the last three years (we were friends for a year before we started dating), when, if we had actually gone to the same school, we probably never would have met face-to-face and become so serious as we have.
Our communication is very good, partially because we've done so much communicating.
2. The downside is, being in a distant relationship with little physical-time together, when we *are* together - it's like we run out of things to say & talk about. And we don't have a lot of "shared history" yet - not a lot of shared experiences and memories yet, which just has a strange feeling to it. We know so much about each other, but we've done so little together.
So, find your medium, find what works for you for both physical-time & net-time. Balance between just talking & hanging out, and actually doing something with each other. Good luck to you!
I'm in a serious long-distance relationship (going on 2 years; I'm 22, she's 21). We're at colleges in different states, we live in different states. We try & spend one weekend a month together. It's definitely not enough face-to-face time. I agree with chrisjor that face-to-face time is much more important than net-time together; but it's not always practical, either. During the school year, we spend a decent amount of time chatting & emailing; maybe an average of an hour a day or so. I've made 2 observations about this.
1. We've gotten to know each other so well, personality-wise, in the last three years (we were friends for a year before we started dating), when, if we had actually gone to the same school, we probably never would have met face-to-face and become so serious as we have.
Our communication is very good, partially because we've done so much communicating.
2. The downside is, being in a distant relationship with little physical-time together, when we *are* together - it's like we run out of things to say & talk about. And we don't have a lot of "shared history" yet - not a lot of shared experiences and memories yet, which just has a strange feeling to it. We know so much about each other, but we've done so little together.
So, find your medium, find what works for you for both physical-time & net-time. Balance between just talking & hanging out, and actually doing something with each other. Good luck to you!
21 here...and honestly, I have to agree with a lot of what you have said, no offense to anyone here of course.
Nutdotnet,
you did not have to say anything....your R.I.P. to Layne Staley says it all!!!! You, sir...are a class act!!!!!
you did not have to say anything....your R.I.P. to Layne Staley says it all!!!! You, sir...are a class act!!!!!
Originally posted by: Kelvrick
Currently 2-3 hours each night over aim/webcam. Of course, this is summer and we're hundreds of miles away. She's also coming to visit for a few days in a few days.
I'm sure once school starts and us living only like 2 blocks apart, we'll be spending a lot more time together.
Hey man, I know how you feel, I spent my first year of college talking to my girl on some free Net-to-Phone service. It sucks that those aren't still free. Anyway, as for the original question, there is no definitive "sweet spot". Different couples spend different amounts of time together. Married couples don't spend as much time together due to conflicting schedules and other responsibilities. I spend every minute I can with my girlfriend of 4 years. From what I can tell, most new couples spend a lot of time together, then later on they finally realize they have lives to live and will take on new responsibilities forcing them to spend a little more time apart.
My ex and I were also best-friends. She was great, and I loved spending time with her. However, just like any friend, we would need breaks from each other. We had other friends and interests and would do other things.
I don't really know what to tell you. There is no rule-of-thumb here. Just do what feels right, and if you feel you need time apart, go out with your other friends.
Ryan
I don't really know what to tell you. There is no rule-of-thumb here. Just do what feels right, and if you feel you need time apart, go out with your other friends.
Ryan
i agree, how much time you spend with your girl or guy depends on you two. but don't abandon your friends.
I'm not going to comment on chrisjor's view cause it'd just be adding more fuel to the fire whichever side I agree with...but I do want to throw up another R.I.P. Layne Staley.
I've never had what might be considered a "serious" relationship, but I do want to mention that one reason for it is becuase anyone woman that I've come close with wanted way to much of my time.
I'm sorry, but no matter who it is, I need time to myself or I go insane. If she can't deal with that, then she's not for me.
I've never had what might be considered a "serious" relationship, but I do want to mention that one reason for it is becuase anyone woman that I've come close with wanted way to much of my time.
I'm sorry, but no matter who it is, I need time to myself or I go insane. If she can't deal with that, then she's not for me.
You should spend more time with your boyfriend!
Anyway, you should spend as much time together as both feel comfortable with.
Anyway, you should spend as much time together as both feel comfortable with.
Completley agree man, I think both sides always needs a little time away from each other, whether it be for a few hours a night or whatever. My "me" time is when I am at the gym, and actually lately my ME time has been too much for me, haha.
Best advice I can give to anyone who may be feeling suffocated in a relationship is to just talk to your bf/gf about it....it will make your relationship MUCH better.
It varies. Some girls require a little more attention that others. You figure out exactly what that is and do the minimum.
iamwiz82
Lifer
- Jan 10, 2001
- 30,772
- 13
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Originally posted by: chrisjor
I lied...I'm back. You guys are right...I'm chatting with girls over the internet right now!! They are all 12 and they like boy bands!!!! I told them I sing in one, they think I have a great personality!!! Now I guess I will whine at ATOT when one of them "break up" with me!!!
You're my hero.
But seriously, I understand what you said beofre and completely agree. I could spend all day talking to someone on AIM and it means squat. The phone is a little better, but barely.
Theres a happy medium....depending on the person. All people like the time to themselves and all people like time spent with others. Its all a matter of when, where and how much. Certain people like a lot of solitude, certain people like a little, some only want to be left alone when they are mad, some when they are busy, etc. Finding this happy medium is all a result of knowing the person you are with, which you were correct in saying, "spending more time with them will hasten how fast you learn things about them". Spending too much time with someone who likes a lot of quiet time, will make them feel uncomfortable and want to break it off though. Just like spending too little with someone who likes a lot of time together, will make them feel like they are being ignored, ditched, or otherwise. But the key is in communication. A simple thing such as "Do you think we spend a lot of time together?" etc, could go a long way further than trying to guess what the other person is thinking. There is also the other side of the spectrum that says, even though you like to have a lot of quiet time, every once in awhile you will need to sacrafice that quiet time for time spent together. Without this type of bending, the relationship will break.
If you ever marry someone, you will be with them for a damn long time, and the length of the marriage will depend on your ability to bend when needed, communicate when needed, and understand the other person when needed.
If you ever marry someone, you will be with them for a damn long time, and the length of the marriage will depend on your ability to bend when needed, communicate when needed, and understand the other person when needed.
Ah hah! A purist
You know what though, I like that attitude more than I like the "lets act like we are 30 and have kids, because nothing is better for a relationship than choking the livin sh!t out of it."
Suffocation kills people, it really does, just back off every now and again. If she/he is too stupid to understand that you really don't want to be with them anyway.
i had the exact same problems and exact same conclusion. this was almost 2 years ago. then in my next serious relationship it was the opposite... she lived a good 30 mins away and went to a different highschool so i only really saw her on weekends... we'd talk on icq everynow and then and on the phone at first sporadically then everyday. i hate it when it becomes everyday. when there's the obligation to call. neways then i stopped the whole phone thing and it drove us apart and we broke up.
bottom line is its hard to find the balance... seeing eachother everyday and talking everyday is not recomendable IMO. It just makes it less meaningful and in the long-run, more boring cuz at first its fun but then after a couple months you'll realise that ya don't necessarily have something to say every single day to her but ya feel as if ya must cuz of the routine...
Listen to him boys... It may seem shallow on the exterior, but chrisjor knows what he is talking about. If you want to consistently pull hottie chicks you need atleast one of those attributes he described, and preferably two. It's just like the rest of life.. if you want to make it big, you have to be able to sell yourself, and having attributes like these make it all the easier.
CH2
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