How long do you think children should expect parents to support them?

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: evident

Originally posted by: zerogear

Originally posted by: AreaCode707

Originally posted by: FelixDeKat
In many parts of the world, sometimes children NEVER leave home. And with homes costing $250,000 on up and peoples desire to remain single, 20 somethings at 'home' will become more and more common.

I actually get the 20-somethings at home just fine, but you can still be at home and living on your own dime (paying rent, buying your own car/gas, doing your own housework). By itself living at home doesn't mean expecting your parents to support you.

I think being 20s something and at home is fine. For some people living at home is a method of saving money for that big move in the future.

I am at this point in my life. i'm 24 and live about 35 miles away from work, but i live at home so i've been saving $$$. any nice place to live by my work has houses that are 400K++. sure i could move to another suburb close to my job, but why the hell would i want to buy a place in the burbs as my first home in my 20's? i'm also not even sure if i want to stay in the area, so if i moved, that would be easier too if i didn't have my own house.

I STRONGLY doubt there is nothing below $400k within a reasonable commute....

The point of being on your own at 20 is to grow up.

Saying it's easier to just live at home is what a kid does.

 

[coloumb]

Once the child is of legal adult age they should be able to support themselves unless there is a medical or financial reason from preventing it. If it means living at home -then by all means he/she should be helping to pay for rent/utilities/food as if they were living in an apt with room-mates.

No other options, can't get a job, but you're still young? Go into the military (Air Force - Nuke weapons specialist if you want to avoid combat) - 4 years of free food, free rent, you can build up a nice little college fund and resume if you decide the military life isn't for you.

 

[hanoverphist]

Originally posted by: alkemyst

Originally posted by: zerogear

Originally posted by: Homerboy

Originally posted by: zerogear

Originally posted by: AreaCode707

Originally posted by: FelixDeKat
In many parts of the world, sometimes children NEVER leave home. And with homes costing $250,000 on up and peoples desire to remain single, 20 somethings at 'home' will become more and more common.

I actually get the 20-somethings at home just fine, but you can still be at home and living on your own dime (paying rent, buying your own car/gas, doing your own housework). By itself living at home doesn't mean expecting your parents to support you.

I think being 20s something and at home is fine. For some people living at home is a method of saving money for that big move in the future.

Saving money at your parents expense. No matter how much you think you are "pulling your own weight" at home, you simply are not. I dont care if you pay rent or whatever, you're still an expense to your parents.

I'm venturing to guess that EVERYONE saying "20+ is ok to live it home is 20ish themselves and without kids?

If your parents are fine with it, I don't see any reason not to. If they wanted you out, then you should move out.

parents being fine with it are just parents being irresponsible.

everything is black and white with you isnt it? its not irresponsible to help your kids out when they need it, especially when they are getting an education. if its not a huge imposition to have them in your house as opposed to campus housing, then not that big a deal. if parents want to help out with college costs, also not a big deal. if your kid goes out and tries life on their own and fails to epic proportions, why not help them out, as long as its not a regular thing?

my mom owns a multimillion dollar corp, summer vacations in a custom built home 150ft from lake huron on a 40 acre lot, was retired at age 55 and i left the house at 17. paid my own bills, paid for my own college education. i know its possible, but my bro didnt have that same experience. he was needy, had help the whole way. when he was getting monthly care packages with food, money and clothing, i wasnt getting anything. took a while for them to stop feeding him, but he was a better person from it. now hes a manager of a conference center's AV dept and living large. some people take longer to get to adulthood than others, theres no reason for a parent to pick an arbitrary age where more people arent prepared to be all alone in the world and stick with it across the board.

 

[oznerol]

I don't get the whole paying rent to the parents mentality. Realistically, how much does it cost to provide food and shelter for 1 extra person? I guess utilities would go up a bit due to extra electricity/water/gas used, but even that is what, $20 a month? Parents are going to be cooking food, paying for cable, etc whether or not their child is there.

I also don't know why people seem to think someone in their 20s living at home is a burden to the parents. How does having one of their kids in the house hold them back? I suppose it varies by family - and the age of the parents factors into that as well - my parents were fairly old when they had me.

Don't get me wrong, I'm anti-entitlement mentality, but the "be an adult already" argument is strange.

Families come in different shapes and sizes. Different things work for different people, and there's no one right way to do things for everyone. I think kids shouldn't demand anything more than love and encouragement from their parents once they have proper footing in the world. But I also think parents should be able to openly welcome their kids to live at home well into their 20s without being criticized. There is a point where they could be doing more harm than good, however - particularly if their kid is not actively growing or working toward a goal financially. But to give a kid a better head-start financially isn't the worst thing a parent can do.

 

[ForumMaster]

well, here in Israel it's different. because everybody is drafted for a mandatory service of 2/3 years for girls or guys respectively, during that time, it's hard to work and live by yourself. so it's mostly after the army that most people leave or when they enter post-mandatory service.

 

[imported_Imp]

Originally posted by: BlahBlahYouToo

Originally posted by: Lothar

There are thousands of ways one can countribute without paying rent.
Did you read the rest of my earlier posts in this thread or did you only choose to read and pick that one out?
You must be a total idiot.

i like how you conveniently left out the part where you're only staying until she starts charging you.
freeloading loser confirmed.

The parent's might not ask for rent to be paid, but they sure wouldn't mind it. My parents wanted and still want my siblings to pay because they both make well over the average salary. So why don't they? Because they're afraid of this situation happening; i.e. asking, then alienating the kids, pissing them off, and then having them move out.

One sibling flipped out when mommy hinted at the suggestion of covering some rent a few years back. This sibling never paid outright, although she contributed a bit indirectly over the years (still amounted to less than annual rent averages), and now she's finally moved out at the ripe age of 28.

The other one is paying a bit now (well below rent in the area), but less than "promised" (he bitched about the other sibling's cheapness previously) because he wants to save most of it. A bit conflicted on how to look at this one.

Me, I still don't have a stable job after college. However, I feel entitled to help out even if I'm not asked, and plan on doing so once I nail something down.

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: ducci
I don't get the whole paying rent to the parents mentality. Realistically, how much does it cost to provide food and shelter for 1 extra person? I guess utilities would go up a bit due to extra electricity/water/gas used, but even that is what, $20 a month? Parents are going to be cooking food, paying for cable, etc whether or not their child is there.

I also don't know why people seem to think someone in their 20s living at home is a burden to the parents. How does having one of their kids in the house hold them back? I suppose it varies by family - and the age of the parents factors into that as well - my parents were fairly old when they had me.

Don't get me wrong, I'm anti-entitlement mentality, but the "be an adult already" argument is strange.

Families come in different shapes and sizes. Different things work for different people, and there's no one right way to do things for everyone. I think kids shouldn't demand anything more than love and encouragement from their parents once they have proper footing in the world. But I also think parents should be able to openly welcome their kids to live at home well into their 20s without being criticized. There is a point where they could be doing more harm than good, however - particularly if their kid is not actively growing or working toward a goal financially. But to give a kid a better head-start financially isn't the worst thing a parent can do.

A few problems 1) salaries taken by these kids are usually for much less and 2) much like when the wife went to work in the 50's it's causing inflation.

Soon to make ends meet you may have to have 3-4 incomes coming in at the middle class or lower.

 

[hanoverphist]

Originally posted by: alkemyst


A few problems 1) salaries taken by these kids are usually for much less and 2) much like when the wife went to work in the 50's it's causing inflation.

Soon to make ends meet you may have to have 3-4 incomes coming in at the middle class or lower.

that reminded me of that in living color skit with the jamaican family that all had 6 or 10 jobs. that was good comedy

 

[mxyzptlk]

I really dont understand this "you're 18 now, so GTFO, you're dead to me" stuff.. In my family, we take care of each other.

I suppose it'd be different if there were deadbeats involved, but there are no deadbeats in my immediate family. We're also a small family.. My grandmother was a single mother, my mom was an only child and I was an only child so.. only 3 people. But my grandmother never kicked my mom out and my mom would never kick me out.

Basically, my mom moved out when I turned 18. After which, I started working/going to school and slowly paying more and more of my own way as I was able to. For starters, I just paid my own personal phone/internet bill and for the food I ate. Then as granny got older, I started taking on more responsibilities. The electric bill, the gas bill.. property taxes.. Now, granny is too old to take care of herself, so my mom moved back in to do full time care for granny. Then I moved out with my girlfriend, but I still provide financial support for them.

 

[NaOH]

Spidey's lesson is, to be an adult you have to be a dumbass with your money and throw it all in the hole that is apt rent (setting yourself back many years). That's how you become an adult for fuck's sake!

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: NaOH
Spidey's lesson is, to be an adult you have to be a dumbass with your money and throw it all in the hole that is apt rent (setting yourself back many years). That's how you become an adult for fuck's sake!

Rent is hardly a 'hole' if you are budgeting it at the correct level...anyone that has any kind of real job should be able to easily afford a STARTER home esp. in today's market.

The problem is everyone expects to get a McMansion.

We did this in the 50's with a few women getting the idea to take up jobs to boost their position in life. Prior to that people had it pretty good. Most could look forward to having a decent home, car, put their kids through school and retire.

Once that few turned into many 2 income households...everything rose and went beyond that level putting everyone in a worse situation. Wages/benefits decreased due to two people now available for each 1 job and each undermining the other to get it, prices went up due to 2 people now with that same wad of cash to buy something.

We have now made college an extension of high school, everyone goes. Here in florida you can do half-assed (3.0GPA) and get a full ride to college. This has made the bachelor's degree nearly worthless as an edge. Again wages have decreased because so many out there with the same credentials.

Now you have kids living at home making a wage that should support them on their own, it's pushing up both luxury and essential purchase costs. These kids can take a lot less in salary and care less about benefit as they need no safety net. They can afford to live paycheck to paycheck and employers know this. Sales knows this too and can boost prices knowing there are plenty lined up willing to pay a little extra as they don't have a rent / mortgage bill due each month.

It's fucking our economy up. Most of us esp in the IT/Science fields are seeing this more and more each day. I know of head hunters actively searching out kids living at home because they can sell them to a company at a lower wage and with a piss-poor benefits package and keep more in commission and get more leads in the future. Back in the day, head hunters only picked the cream of the crop and leveraged your skills for the highest salary and took a cut based on that. The game is changing.

 

[BoomerD]

Originally posted by: ducci
I don't get the whole paying rent to the parents mentality. Realistically, how much does it cost to provide food and shelter for 1 extra person? I guess utilities would go up a bit due to extra electricity/water/gas used, but even that is what, $20 a month? Parents are going to be cooking food, paying for cable, etc whether or not their child is there.

You must be one of these sponging kids we've been talking about. Since our daughter and 3 grandkids moved in with us, our electric bill has increases by about 40%, our gas bill by more than 50%, and our grocery bill by about 300%. (electric bill for lights on, more tv on, more use of washer & dryer, etc...gas bill for more cooking being done, more hot water for washing clothes, daily baths, etc...food...kids like to eat.

Originally posted by: ducci
I also don't know why people seem to think someone in their 20s living at home is a burden to the parents. How does having one of their kids in the house hold them back? I suppose it varies by family - and the age of the parents factors into that as well - my parents were fairly old when they had me.

Don't get me wrong, I'm anti-entitlement mentality, but the "be an adult already" argument is strange.

Burden? YES, adult-aged children living with their parents is a burden to those parents in most cases. It interferes with their well-earned right to some quiet time...for papa to chase momma around the house nekkid if they choose, to be able to put extra money away for vacations without the kids, (not gonna go on vacation and leave them home alone...they might have a party or fuck things up while you're gone) or in general, just have some quiet "us" time. You kids just don't seem to get that. Most "grown-ups" would love to have time for just themselves, with no kids, even adult-aged ones hanging around.

Originally posted by: ducci
Families come in different shapes and sizes. Different things work for different people, and there's no one right way to do things for everyone. I think kids shouldn't demand anything more than love and encouragement from their parents once they have proper footing in the world. But I also think parents should be able to openly welcome their kids to live at home well into their 20s without being criticized. There is a point where they could be doing more harm than good, however - particularly if their kid is not actively growing or working toward a goal financially. But to give a kid a better head-start financially isn't the worst thing a parent can do.

I agree with most of your post, but a parent has no OBLIGATION to support the child past 18. IF the child is actively working on getting ahead, then sure...but not until they save enough to buy a house. Fuck that. Pay rent till you can afford one, just like the rest of the people who are your parent's age have had to do.

 

[Modelworks]

Support them til they are 18, then start charging them rent, utilities, food, etc.
Most tend to move out at that point .
Done with a niece , she decided it was better to be out on her own than pay $300 rent, $100 utilities, and still have to follow the house rules

 

[shadow9d9]

Originally posted by: Modelworks
Support them til they are 18, then start charging them rent, utilities, food, etc.
Most tend to move out at that point .
Done with a niece , she decided it was better to be out on her own than pay $300 rent, $100 utilities, and still have to follow the house rules

Umm, why should anyone pay and then have to follow rules? It is one or the other.

Smiley face just means that she'd rather not live with an ass.

 

[TecHNooB]

For the parents whose kids are complete mooches, wtf happened?

 

[BoomerD]

Originally posted by: shadow9d9

Originally posted by: Modelworks
Support them til they are 18, then start charging them rent, utilities, food, etc.
Most tend to move out at that point .
Done with a niece , she decided it was better to be out on her own than pay $300 rent, $100 utilities, and still have to follow the house rules

Umm, why should anyone pay and then have to follow rules? It is one or the other.

Smiley face just means that she'd rather not live with an ass.

You have to pay to cover your costs...you have to follow the rules because...duh, MY house, MY rules...or gtfo.

 

[Modelworks]

Originally posted by: shadow9d9

Originally posted by: Modelworks
Support them til they are 18, then start charging them rent, utilities, food, etc.
Most tend to move out at that point .
Done with a niece , she decided it was better to be out on her own than pay $300 rent, $100 utilities, and still have to follow the house rules

Umm, why should anyone pay and then have to follow rules? It is one or the other.

Smiley face just means that she'd rather not live with an ass.

Nope it isn't one or the other.
Just because you pay rent doesn't mean you stop picking up after yourself, washing dishes, cleaning the house.

 

[NaOH]

Originally posted by: alkemyst

Originally posted by: NaOH
Spidey's lesson is, to be an adult you have to be a dumbass with your money and throw it all in the hole that is apt rent (setting yourself back many years). That's how you become an adult for fuck's sake!

Rent is hardly a 'hole' if you are budgeting it at the correct level...anyone that has any kind of real job should be able to easily afford a STARTER home esp. in today's market.

The problem is everyone expects to get a McMansion.

We did this in the 50's with a few women getting the idea to take up jobs to boost their position in life. Prior to that people had it pretty good. Most could look forward to having a decent home, car, put their kids through school and retire.

Once that few turned into many 2 income households...everything rose and went beyond that level putting everyone in a worse situation. Wages/benefits decreased due to two people now available for each 1 job and each undermining the other to get it, prices went up due to 2 people now with that same wad of cash to buy something.

We have now made college an extension of high school, everyone goes. Here in florida you can do half-assed (3.0GPA) and get a full ride to college. This has made the bachelor's degree nearly worthless as an edge. Again wages have decreased because so many out there with the same credentials.

Now you have kids living at home making a wage that should support them on their own, it's pushing up both luxury and essential purchase costs. These kids can take a lot less in salary and care less about benefit as they need no safety net. They can afford to live paycheck to paycheck and employers know this. Sales knows this too and can boost prices knowing there are plenty lined up willing to pay a little extra as they don't have a rent / mortgage bill due each month.

It's fucking our economy up. Most of us esp in the IT/Science fields are seeing this more and more each day. I know of head hunters actively searching out kids living at home because they can sell them to a company at a lower wage and with a piss-poor benefits package and keep more in commission and get more leads in the future. Back in the day, head hunters only picked the cream of the crop and leveraged your skills for the highest salary and took a cut based on that. The game is changing.

Considering that I am almost pay as much as my coworkers mortgage payments each month, I'd consider it a hole. I'd gladly pay the extra 300 extra bucks a month just to call the place mine down the line. Yeah, in a couple of years I should be able to afford one, but that doesn't mean the money I used on the apt wasn't a waste.

Seriously, from what I see, children are going to be children whether or not they live on their own or under daddy's roof. Just because they work and have their own place and pay their bills doesn't automatically make them responsible adults with no sense of entitlement. It'd be difficult for anyone to say otherwise. Hell, my roommate from college ended up flunking out because his parents did that crap. He didn't have ANYTHING (no car, had to ride bike everywhere) because he couldn't afford anything. Still was a lazy ass when it came to academics + time spent on working not studying. And yeah, we have the spoiled people who flunk out too.

This is what we have, lots of different ways of achieving the same goal. It all boils down to the individual who is trying to achieve those goals. Don't be bitter, resentful or outraged at the people like you who want to be successful and responsible, but are just doing it a bit differently.

And btw, I "moved out" (was living near school) a couple months after I graduated and have about 20K in school loans and 13K on my car. I love it, and make enough to live happily without worrying if my car will break down and not having any money to fix it. Still, who the hell wants to pay for something they can't keep, especially when it accounts for a good chunk of their monthly income (live in Irvine). As soon as I have enough in my account I'm slapping down the down payment and maybe paying 2-300 more than im paying now for rent.... :roll:

 

[oznerol]

Originally posted by: BoomerD
You must be one of these sponging kids we've been talking about. Since our daughter and 3 grandkids moved in with us, our electric bill has increases by about 40%, our gas bill by more than 50%, and our grocery bill by about 300%. (electric bill for lights on, more tv on, more use of washer & dryer, etc...gas bill for more cooking being done, more hot water for washing clothes, daily baths, etc...food...kids like to eat.

That is a family of 4 moving in with you. I am talking just 1 person. It varies from person-to-person and family-to-family - particularly the grocery bill. Big Italian family makes big Italian meals, regardless of who is eating. But for the most part, I really think you're making it out to be a much greater burden than it really is. Maybe $100 a month, then? It's also greatly dependent on how many other people are already living there outside of the parents and child moving back in.

Originally posted by: BoomerD

Burden? YES, adult-aged children living with their parents is a burden to those parents in most cases. It interferes with their well-earned right to some quiet time...for papa to chase momma around the house nekkid if they choose, to be able to put extra money away for vacations without the kids, (not gonna go on vacation and leave them home alone...they might have a party or fuck things up while you're gone) or in general, just have some quiet "us" time. You kids just don't seem to get that. Most "grown-ups" would love to have time for just themselves, with no kids, even adult-aged ones hanging around.

Like I said, age has a lot to do with it. So do personalities. Most older couples (late 50s, early 60s+) aren't looking to chase each other around "nekkid". If they are, awesome for them. Parents can also go on vacation without their kids - if they don't trust one of their children in their 20s to stay at home without wrecking the place, they've raised a shitty kid. Generally parents will treat the kids as adults.

And as far as "quiet-time" goes - again, it varies - both from the parents standpoint and from the kids'. Some kids are very self-sufficient and quiet - living in homes where they can isolate themselves from the other without any issues (the infamous insult - living in your parents' basement, etc). And some parents actually don't mind having their kids around - having family dinner daily and whatnot.

You're painting this picture of a party-going, reckless 20-something living with a quiet, farm-dwelling couple in their 40s. I know these situations exist, but it doesn't have to be the case, and oftentimes it's not. And in my experience, those reckless kids are the ones who actively want to move out and will sacrifice paying rent so they can do whatever the hell they want, anyway.

There's also the spoiled, self-entitled little bastards who take and take from their parents with no sense of appreciation - who you and I both are not very big fans of.

Originally posted by: BoomerD
I agree with most of your post, but a parent has no OBLIGATION to support the child past 18. IF the child is actively working on getting ahead, then sure...but not until they save enough to buy a house. Fuck that. Pay rent till you can afford one, just like the rest of the people who are your parent's age have had to do.

I don't think parents are obligated to do so, either - just as a child shouldn't feel entitled to any of these things. But I don't think parents (or the kids who move back home) should be looked down upon for it.

 

[Capt Caveman]

Originally posted by: NaOH
Spidey's lesson is, to be an adult you have to be a dumbass with your money and throw it all in the hole that is apt rent (setting yourself back many years). That's how you become an adult for fuck's sake!

Renting in some areas of this country is less expensive than owning. Also, unless you plan on living in a particular place for a long period of time, why would you want to tie yourself to property that you have to sell which could take 90-120 days, paying a commission, property taxes, excise tax on the sale, etc?

Get a new job in a new city, buy? Or rent to see if you even like the job/city?

 

[Capt Caveman]

Originally posted by: ducci
I don't get the whole paying rent to the parents mentality. Realistically, how much does it cost to provide food and shelter for 1 extra person? I guess utilities would go up a bit due to extra electricity/water/gas used, but even that is what, $20 a month? Parents are going to be cooking food, paying for cable, etc whether or not their child is there.

I'm guessing easily a couple of hundred for food, electricity, etc...

 

[ChanHo78]

Ill support (allow my children to live with me w/o rent) until they are done with college. After that rent will be due on the 1st of each month.

 

[TridenT]

Originally posted by: Capt Caveman

Originally posted by: ducci
I don't get the whole paying rent to the parents mentality. Realistically, how much does it cost to provide food and shelter for 1 extra person? I guess utilities would go up a bit due to extra electricity/water/gas used, but even that is what, $20 a month? Parents are going to be cooking food, paying for cable, etc whether or not their child is there.

I'm guessing easily a couple of hundred for food, electricity, etc...

If you include food and utilities then it is around $300 a month. It really depends on your eating habits. Food can easily cost $300 a month or more... One of my friends spends like $600 a month on food alone and he makes all of his food. (He doesn't go out to eat or anything... I think he is still eating raw)

 

[Fenixgoon]

Originally posted by: Modelworks
Support them til they are 18, then start charging them rent, utilities, food, etc.
Most tend to move out at that point .
Done with a niece , she decided it was better to be out on her own than pay $300 rent, $100 utilities, and still have to follow the house rules

why insist on treating your children like parasites once they magically become "responsible for themselves"? you no longer have a legal obligation, true, but for christ's sake they're your children.

i can't imagine my parents doing that to any of us. it really is unfathomable to me.

 

[sash1]

ITT: Spidey07 shows he's nothing more than a troll