How long do you think children should expect parents to support them?

[AreaCode707]

I "expected" my parents to support me until I was 18 because I knew it was their legal obligation, but I also knew I could expect support during my 18th and 19th year due to my parents' caring and generosity. In reality, although I knew when I was 19/20 that they would do their utmost to support me in any way I needed, I considered myself fully responsible for my own expenses.

I keep hearing stories, from my friends (who are the kids) and from my coworkers (who are the parents) that seem to expect a car, roof/rent, spending money, etc WELL into their twenties. Is that the new expectation, that you get supported until you're somewhere between 23 and 27?

[edit] To clarify, and calm some arguments, I'm not just referring to kids still at home. I'm also referring to "out on their own" kids who are living of mom and dad's chequebook.

 

[LilPima]

I started working the day after I turned 15, and have supported myself since then (with living under my parents roof during a portion of that time, but always paying my own phone/school/bills/spending $$). My brother didn't. I'm still the far more responsible in life child of the brood.

As long as a child/teen is mentally competant, there is no reason for them to not get a part time job or do chores for an allowance to learn the value of money and work. Hard times happen to everyone though, and it's good when your parents are able to support you (or you them) as the decades go by.

 

[FelixDeCat]

In many parts of the world, sometimes children NEVER leave home. And with homes costing $250,000 on up and peoples desire to remain single, 20 somethings at 'home' will become more and more common.

 

[AreaCode707]

Originally posted by: FelixDeKat
In many parts of the world, sometimes children NEVER leave home. And with homes costing $250,000 on up and peoples desire to remain single, 20 somethings at 'home' will become more and more common.

I actually get the 20-somethings at home just fine, but you can still be at home and living on your own dime (paying rent, buying your own car/gas, doing your own housework). By itself living at home doesn't mean expecting your parents to support you.

 

[Excelsior]

peoples desire to remain single

I dunno...being single would make me want to live outside of my parents home.

 

[BrownTown]

Graduating college (assuming the kid goes to college) seems like a good idea to me. It is silly to waste time working at a 8$/hr job in high school and college for example when you will be making more like 25$/hr after graduation. Every hour of studying in college is likely worth FAR more to your future earnings than you could make in any sort of unskilled labor sort of job.

Originally posted by: AreaCode707
I actually get the 20-somethings at home just fine, but you can still be at home and living on your own dime (paying rent, buying your own car/gas, doing your own housework). By itself living at home doesn't mean expecting your parents to support you.

maybe not, but do you REALLY want your parents to know everything you are doing? And they would still try to control you even if you were paying your own way. Shit, my parents live far away and they still try to tell me how to live my life .

 

[MoPHo]

I'm 23, graduated last year. I've had to pay for half of all my expenses and had a job since I was 16. They've agreed to let me stay at their house until I find a job with steady income.

If they asked me to leave, I would. I vote for the parents to decide when enough has been enough but put in a strong vote for 18 at the earliest.

 

[AreaCode707]

Originally posted by: BrownTown
Graduating college (assuming the kid goes to college) seems like a good idea to me. It is silly to waste time working at a 8$/hr job in high school and college for example when you will be making more like 25$/hr after graduation. Every hour of studying in college is likely worth FAR more to your future earnings than you could make in any sort of unskilled labor sort of job.

It doesn't strike me as silly to be earning $8 an hour during school. If you're working 20 hours a week that's $8,000 a year. Yeah, the time might be worth more studying, but that's to you, not to your parents. While they might be generous enough to provide that $8k for you at the age of 20, I don't think they should feel obligated to do so.

 

[spidey07]

If you still living at home at age 24 you are a complete failure at life honestly. If you can't put a roof over your head and provide for your life and self, well that's failure at life.

Area707 - by providing a roof over the head still classifies as failure of the child. The now mid 20s child can't even meet it's basic needs without assistance. The child is a failure at life and the parents are enabling this failure.

18 is the bar. Above and beyond that will only lead to the child's failure in life.

 

[AreaCode707]

Originally posted by: spidey07
If you still living at home at age 24 you are a complete failure at life honestly. If you can't put a roof over your head and provide for your life and self, well that's failure at life.

Area707 - by providing a roof over the head still classifies as failure of the child. The now mid 20s child can't even meet it's basic needs without assistance. The child is a failure at life and the parents are enabling this failure.

If you're living at home, paying rent, that means that you CAN self-sufficiently meet your basic needs, you're just choosing to do so while living with your parents. My sister is a personality that could do this, for instance. She and my parents just enjoy each others' company that much. She's not doing this, but if she were then it would be the same as if she were providing for herself while living with roommates.

 

[FelixDeCat]

Originally posted by: spidey07
If you still living at home at age 24 you are a complete failure at life honestly.

:roll:

 

[Gunslinger08]

I went away to college and paid my own tuition/rent/utilities until 22. Then lived with my parents until 24, to save money on rent/utilities/dinner. Bought a house at 24.

 

[Mo0o]

Everybody's situation is different. If its not handicapping the children or somehow keeping them unmotivated, it's not unreasonable for parents to help out. I dont think they're obligated to do anything but I wouldnt fault them for letting their kid stay at home either. If it's a mutually agreed upon situation that's ok with all parties, im not sure what the problem is

 

[spidey07]

Originally posted by: AreaCode707


If you're living at home, paying rent, that means that you CAN self-sufficiently meet your basic needs, you're just choosing to do so while living with your parents. My sister is a personality that could do this, for instance. She and my parents just enjoy each others' company that much. She's not doing this, but if she were then it would be the same as if she were providing for herself while living with roommates.

No. Not the same. Not anywhere near the same. While the 20+ something child lives at home it thinks itself an adult, but is still a child. It is defendant on the nest to provide it's basic needs - food, shelter, comfort. Even if it thinks it is contributing it is still a child and a child mentality. Until the child can learn to provide for itself it is still a child no matter what age.

 

[compuwiz1]

I have a cousin who's 36 who still lives with my Aunt. He went to college, got a degree, but it took like 7 years of on again off again studies. The most lucrative job he's ever had was delivering pizzas. He has managed to smoke a lot of weed and I'd say that's his second greatest accomplishment.

Weak parenting / enabling is what I would say is the cause. I'd have booted his ass out the first time he quit college and refused to work.

In answer to the OP, I think a lot depends on what the child is doing. If they are not in school and are working, which they should be, then out by no later than 20. If they are still in college, I think there should be some leeway, but definitely out by the time they get their first full time job, post graduation.

 

[Corporate Thug]

Originally posted by: spidey07
If you still living at home at age 24 you are a complete failure at life honestly. If you can't put a roof over your head and provide for your life and self, well that's failure at life.

Area707 - by providing a roof over the head still classifies as failure of the child. The now mid 20s child can't even meet it's basic needs without assistance. The child is a failure at life and the parents are enabling this failure.

18 is the bar. Above and beyond that will only lead to the child's failure in life.

way to generalize there buddy.

 

[LilPima]

Originally posted by: spidey07
If you still living at home at age 24 you are a complete failure at life honestly. If you can't put a roof over your head and provide for your life and self, well that's failure at life.

Area707 - by providing a roof over the head still classifies as failure of the child. The now mid 20s child can't even meet it's basic needs without assistance. The child is a failure at life and the parents are enabling this failure.

18 is the bar. Above and beyond that will only lead to the child's failure in life.

How much is the average monthly rent in Kentucky? Here, a shithole apt can start at $1000/mo., and you have to pay more for nicer areas/places.

Not being able to put a roof over your own personal head and opting not to, while making more sound financial decisions is the better way to go.

 

[spidey07]

Originally posted by: FelixDeKat

Originally posted by: spidey07
If you still living at home at age 24 you are a complete failure at life honestly.

:roll:

Truth hurts. Please explain why you are living at home at age 24 and are unable to provide for yourself? I expect a child's response from a psychology point of view but would be extremely surprised if it wasn't.

 

[SlitheryDee]

Parents owe it to their kids to kick them out at 18. Some support should be provided as needed thereafter, but parents should strongly discourage the children from moving back in after age 20. To learn how to deal with the world they've got to get out on their own and deal with it.

 

[Red Squirrel]

With real estate being expensive, and some people with lot of college debts, it's kinda hard to leave home straight after college. Need to pickup money first for a house/trailler/condo/whatever. You can go straight to an apartment but good luck ever saving up for a house from there and you'll be doing payments for the rest of your life.

Staying at home while older then 18 is not bad on it's own. Now staying at home, with no job, or no interest to move out or get a job, while playing WoW all day, is bad, and destiny of life in the process of epic failure.

 

[AreaCode707]

Originally posted by: spidey07

Originally posted by: AreaCode707


If you're living at home, paying rent, that means that you CAN self-sufficiently meet your basic needs, you're just choosing to do so while living with your parents. My sister is a personality that could do this, for instance. She and my parents just enjoy each others' company that much. She's not doing this, but if she were then it would be the same as if she were providing for herself while living with roommates.

No. Not the same. Not anywhere near the same. While the 20+ something child lives at home it thinks itself an adult, but is still a child. It is defendant on the nest to provide it's basic needs - food, shelter, comfort. Even if it thinks it is contributing it is still a child and a child mentality. Until the child can learn to provide for itself it is still a child no matter what age.

Eh, I will respectfully disagree. I was out of the house at 18, so I'm not arguing in self-defense, but I do know people that are both self-sufficient ($70k+ a year, good social lives) and live at home.

Anyway, my question really pertained more to the kids that expect tuition, rent, car, gas, and spending money and, to end our difference of opinion, let's say live outside of the home.

 

[Gunslinger08]

Originally posted by: spidey07

Originally posted by: FelixDeKat

Originally posted by: spidey07
If you still living at home at age 24 you are a complete failure at life honestly.

:roll:

Truth hurts. Please explain why you are living at home at age 24 and are unable to provide for yourself? I expect a child's response from a psychology point of view but would be extremely surprised if it wasn't.

A lot of parents (and children) are smart enough to realize that building up some savings before buying a house or renting a real place is a good thing. Starting off adult life in debt isn't exactly the best thing.

 

[AreaCode707]

Originally posted by: Mo0o
Everybody's situation is different. If its not handicapping the children or somehow keeping them unmotivated, it's not unreasonable for parents to help out. I dont think they're obligated to do anything but I wouldnt fault them for letting their kid stay at home either. If it's a mutually agreed upon situation that's ok with all parties, im not sure what the problem is

I guess I'm seeing the not-mutually-agreed-upon side. My coworkers' kids are throwing hissy fits when mom and dad try to cut off the funds. My friends are shocked when their parents ask them to kick in a few bucks for groceries. The entitlement stuff just seems far more widespread than I would have guessed.

 

[buck]

A lot of lazy fuckin kids these days.
To answer the OP, 18, maybe a little longer if a daughter needs some time until shes in college.

 

[Mo0o]

Originally posted by: spidey07

Originally posted by: FelixDeKat

Originally posted by: spidey07
If you still living at home at age 24 you are a complete failure at life honestly.

:roll:

Truth hurts. Please explain why you are living at home at age 24 and are unable to provide for yourself? I expect a child's response from a psychology point of view but would be extremely surprised if it wasn't.

I'm moving back home next year for 3rd year of medical school. I'll be bouncing between various locations around 5 states but for the time I'm in Seattle, I"ll be living at home. it's more covenient than finding sublets ever 6 weeks for odd periods at a time, it saves money. I can help my mom out around the house and I get room and board. Taking out more loans just so I can have an apartment 10 minutes away is not goign to teach me anything that I dont already know. This is a temporary situation and I'm moving out after graduation to start residency, so theres no risk of me somehow being stuck here.