"I see America drinking the fabulous cocktails I make.
America's getting stinking on something I stir or shake.
The Sex on the Beach, the schnapps made from peach,
The Velvet Hammer, the Alabama Slammer.
I make things with juice and froth,
The Pink Squirrel, the Three-Toed Sloth.
I make drinks so sweet and snazzy,
The Iced Tea, the Kamikaze.
The Orgasm, the Death Spasm,
The Singapore Sling, the Ding-a-Ling.
America, you're just devoted,
to every flavor I've got.
But if you want to get loaded,
Why don't you just order a shot!"