Originally posted by: giantpinkbunnyhead
How to meet new friends::
Post the following on your local Craigslist (change names/places to your own; numerous references throughout... )
Taking application for new best friend
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Position Summary
On Saturday January 14th I will be moving to (your location here) from (wherever) and will be dismissing my current best friend from his 12 years of service and am now taking applications for the position. Your duties will be to serve as best friend to me, (your name and age and stuff). Hours may vary depending on how often I get laid but expect to work weekends and some weeknights. The position of best friend requires that you be socially available for late night drinking and general tomfoolery. I am seeking someone relatively irresponsible with a bad work ethic that is eager to have an entry level position in what I hope is a growing team.
Responsibilities
-Be available for going out to the bar when requested to do so. Failure to do so may result in the best friend being referred to as a "p*ssy".
-Remind management to close their tab at end of the night.
-Act in the role as wingman/woman with the understanding that the favor will be returned. This may or may not require jumping on the "grenade".
-Be available as a doubles partner in a game of pool.
-Light clerical/typing.
Requirements
- 5-10 years partying experience.
-High drinking tolerance as management is known to call "shots" quite frequently.
-Have knowledge of local night life.
- Be willing to both take and dispense insults in a friendly manner.
- Hand to hand combat proficiency a plus. I have been known to talk sh!t to people much larger than I while intoxicated.
- Knowledge of pop culture references i.e. Simpsons, Family Guy, Office Space, Fight Club, etc..
Application Procedure
Please submit your resume in response to this ad with the subject title "Best Friend". Applicants who are available to pick me up from the airport on Saturday will be given first priority.