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How do you get more gratification out of work/life?

A

acemcmac

Lifer
In each of my three jobs, the attitute is always completly unappreciative and a "you need us more than we need you" mentality. Everyone in my life treats me like sh!t except for my buddies. I go through girls like tissues. Academics completley fail to motivate me... I'm in college just to get a lousy piece of paper that will declare me qualified to do things I could have done out of high-school. My life has no direction at all. The only serious goal I currently have in my life is to get a second, signifigantly faster car (you guys remember my trans am threads im sure), but being a college kid and thus having no credit, unless my dad cosigns, the financing will be completley impractical, thus making a dumb idea (temporary gratification from material gain) even more of a dumb idea.

Oh, and it's not anxiety over the career future either. I'm pretty much on an idiot proof track of connections leading to connections which will virtually gaurentee me a very secure and well paying upper level IT management job, if for any reason I decide not to persue an even more lucrative career on the legal side of IT compliance.

Thus my original question.

How do you get more gratification out of work/life? It's not material, and it's not getting back to nature (I catch at least two sunsets a week and frequently stargaze), and im fairly sure that it's not something I'm going to find in a relationship. I've done well in the past simply trying to make other people happy, but it always seems to blow up in my face somehow. I also have stalkers for this reason.

sorry for the long post, but I think that this is the first time I have ever been able to get all of my thoughts down in one place and organized... this has been on my back ever since my last steady girl dumped me (she cheated on me) just prior to thanksgiving.
 
Join the marines, get on embassy guard detail, go live in some third world crap hole for a couple of years, come back to the US and appreciate having a job even if the people you work for are a$$holes.
 
question, how long have you felt this way? you mention that it's been on your back since your steady gf cheated on you. (sorry about that, btw) could you still be feeling the effects of that?
 
You need to start giving to other people, especially at this time of year. Help out at a soup kithcen, volunteer someplace, etc. Trust me, it'll meake things much more clear.
 
Originally posted by: iamme
question, how long have you felt this way? you mention that it's been on your back since your steady gf cheated on you. (sorry about that, btw) could you still be feeling the effects of that?
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All semester. It didn't start to really effect me until she dumped me. The rollercoasters with the other girls have only been magnifying it.

It's not that I don't appreciate what's going on in my life, its that I know the path I've traveled has come to me and not had anything to do with how hard I tried or the quality of my work... if I work harder, theres no difference, if I slack off, there's no difference.... I get heaps of crap either way and life goes on.

Charity work would only reinforce this. I already know I have it better than everyone, but at least they have something to live for and a direction in their lives. I'm perpetually lost.
 
For me it was becoming self-employed.

daveymark's suggestion is a great one as well. I used to be involved in a lot of different organizations, but lately I haven't participated as much as I'd like. It really does give you a better appreciation of what you do have though. Sometimes we tend to get all mixed up in the minutiae of our lives...
 
Originally posted by: Descartes
For me it was becoming self-employed.

daveymark's suggestion is a great one as well. I used to be involved in a lot of different organizations, but lately I haven't participated as much as I'd like. It really does give you a better appreciation of what you do have though. Sometimes we tend to get all mixed up in the minutiae of our lives...
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what do you do?
 
Originally posted by: CorporateRecreation
Haha welcome to life, it doesn't get better.
Click to expand...

I remember dennis leary and his "im just not happy- STFU" routine, happiness coming in the cigarette or the blown load.... but that can't be all there is to it..... it just can't be...

why would we bother living? 😕
 
Originally posted by: acemcmac
Originally posted by: Descartes
For me it was becoming self-employed.

daveymark's suggestion is a great one as well. I used to be involved in a lot of different organizations, but lately I haven't participated as much as I'd like. It really does give you a better appreciation of what you do have though. Sometimes we tend to get all mixed up in the minutiae of our lives...
Click to expand...

what do you do?
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Primarily business consulting these days. I grew tired of the banalities of a corporate existence, so I really didn't have a choice; of course, I had wanted to be self-employed before I was gainfully employed.

Anyway, it sounds like you might also need a career change, or at least more focus on other interests in your life. Would that be an accurate statement?
 
Originally posted by: acemcmac
Originally posted by: CorporateRecreation
Haha welcome to life, it doesn't get better.
Click to expand...

I remember dennis leary and his "im just not happy- STFU" routine, happiness coming in the cigarette or the blown load.... but that can't be all there is to it..... it just can't be...

why would we bother living? 😕
Click to expand...

Approve or improve.

If you don't like the way your life is going, the power is entirely in you to change it. I think it's shameful that so many people forfeit their happiness by binding themselves to serfdom under corporate monoliths. Some people are quite happy with this state, and to them I give my most sincere regard; however, for all the people that seem so genuinely unhappy with their life I see no reason to approve.
 
Set a difficult goal and push yourself to achieve it without expecting any congratulations from your family or friends.

That's why I have antisource.com, I will work on this until it is the leading site for antivirus/antispam information. I want to be #1. I've been working on it for years, but neither my family nor my wife cares about it - and with the exception of my ex-manager, my colleagues don't care either. But I do it anyway, because it makes me proud of myself, not other people proud of me.

Get your degree because you need it. People can't read what you know on your forehead, you need some kind of merit. Look at it as an exercise, to prove that you get get through all the political bs.

Don't waste your time on cars if you can't afford it. That car will not get you through life, it's not going to be worth anything 10 years from now. Instead spend that money to join a fitness club, or karate, or instrument lessons. Just make yourself productive. 🙂
 
If you read my thread regarding bonuses, which turned partly into a discussion on work satisfaction, you'll see that I'm goign through the same thing. The bottom line, at least as I'f figured it out to be, is that none of these things can really fill the void inside - therefore, its not even worth the time to try and seek that fullfillment through these activities.

The question then becomes: where do I find it? And to that, I can't say that I have a definite answer. But I've started to give some more time to myself. Alone time has really helped me a bit, as I feel that I'm paying attention to myself more now, something I never used to do. As cliched as it sounds, I fimly believe that we are peope that we need to get to know.

Raised as a Buddhist, I guess my philosophy above is obviously influenced by Buddhist principles, but I don't see anything wrong with that. I never saw the appeal of Western religion's way of taking responsibility off of man and placing it upon something to which man can fear, worship, love, and hate. I believe that we are where the "fix" needs to be made, and i don't think its arrogant or egotistical to think that, as part of this existence, we can seek salvation through better aligning ourselves with that around us.

The result of such viewpoint, as you can see, is the natural tendency to look inward to seek or even create fulfillment. And I think that's where we need to look.
 
Originally posted by: CorporateRecreation
Haha welcome to life, it doesn't get better.
Click to expand...

Pretty much sums it up. All work did to me is motivate me to accelerate my retirment. Current planning says I might be able to retire in as early as 6 years at the age of 34. All because I hate my job. Wasn't always this way, but I am simply fed up with my employer and the lack of "real" work to be done.

To be happy? Not really a practicle way. Find a hobby, that's important.

Also, find a way to be your own boss.... start your own business. Control your destiny. Don't let others determine where you are going in life, you should determine that.
 
sounds to me like you might want to take some time to just think about things that actually make you happy, it doesn't sound to me like you're happy with your career path even though (because?) it is set for you and you're just generally unhappy with the state of things. if that be the case, then you need to change what you're doing, and don't be afraid to make the changes big even if they seem unstable. maybe this really stable, well-paying future of yours is just not what you're interested in, what are you interested in? and you say not to tell you to get back to nature because you stargaze and watch sunsets, but you say it as if it is almost routinized, in which case that's sort of defeating the point. get yourself out of whatever routine you're in that makes you unhappy - aka your daily life - and change it completely. go on a different career path, move somewhere else you've always wanted to live/explore, take up hobbies you've always thought were interesting but never did, try getting involved in the lives of people who need help (there are lots of them) which ties into my next statement: find something meaningful to you to do with your life, whether in your career or in your personal life. I personally was headed on a very unhappy track in college until I just decided it wasn't for me and now the things I work on not only fascinate me but make me feel like I'm really contributing something and I'm always appreciated because I'm working for/with people who really need me.
 
Originally posted by: acemcmac
Originally posted by: CorporateRecreation
Haha welcome to life, it doesn't get better.
Click to expand...

I remember dennis leary and his "im just not happy- STFU" routine, happiness coming in the cigarette or the blown load.... but that can't be all there is to it..... it just can't be...

why would we bother living? 😕
Click to expand...

Human nature => greed => the need to live for without life, we can't be greedy. It's really our purpose on this planet. Atleast in the US anyways.

 
Nice words and positive ideas DigDug.

I've said this before in other threads, but perhaps it's worth regurgitation. I struggled with similar dissatisfaction for quite some time, and at the end of the struggle I felt like part of the passion that characterized me in my work had been lost. For me it was mostly absurd hours and projects that seemed to never end.

In psychology it is sometimes said that there are two fundamental facets of motivation: Intrinsic and extrinsic. The classification should be obvious from the names alone. Some people seek satisfaction from within (intrinsic), and others seek it through external means (extrinsic). This is an oversimplification, but you get the idea. A primary example might be someone who does something out of pure enjoyment, and another who does it for money. Worse are those who previously did it out of enjoyment, but later did it for the money. This seems to be so characteristic of those in IT, because they get so burnt out that they no longer have that individual desire to continue; instead, it's the paycheck that keeps them going.

I believe everyone makes this choice (if indeed it is one). You can acquiesce, fall into a melodic rhythm where each day becomes more like the last, or you can change. Once you allow extrinsic means to motivate you there is no turning back, in my experience. I think DigDug's words are very positive in this regard: Look inward to seek or even creaete fulfillment because once you supplant that desire with supplements it's gone.

 
Originally posted by: SagaLore
Set a difficult goal and push yourself to achieve it without expecting any congratulations from your family or friends.

That's why I have antisource.com, I will work on this until it is the leading site for antivirus/antispam information. I want to be #1. I've been working on it for years, but neither my family nor my wife cares about it - and with the exception of my ex-manager, my colleagues don't care either. But I do it anyway, because it makes me proud of myself, not other people proud of me.

Get your degree because you need it. People can't read what you know on your forehead, you need some kind of merit. Look at it as an exercise, to prove that you get get through all the political bs.

Don't waste your time on cars if you can't afford it. That car will not get you through life, it's not going to be worth anything 10 years from now. Instead spend that money to join a fitness club, or karate, or instrument lessons. Just make yourself productive. 🙂
Click to expand...

VERY IMPORTANT. A vehicle is a hunk of metal that takes you from point A to B. THAT'S ALL IT IS. A fast car serves no purpose. Anything beyond a basic car is a luxury item. That goes for motorcycles to as you can't ride tem all the time.

I personalyl would invest money in the stock market before buying a "fancy" car. Talking from experience to. You already mentioned the "instant temporary gratification" so you know what I speak of. Only 13 more $600 month payments and that truck is mine!
 
Originally posted by: DigDug
If you read my thread regarding bonuses, which turned partly into a discussion on work satisfaction, you'll see that I'm goign through the same thing. The bottom line, at least as I'f figured it out to be, is that none of these things can really fill the void inside - therefore, its not even worth the time to try and seek that fullfillment through these activities.

The question then becomes: where do I find it? And to that, I can't say that I have a definite answer. But I've started to give some more time to myself. Alone time has really helped me a bit, as I feel that I'm paying attention to myself more now, something I never used to do. As cliched as it sounds, I fimly believe that we are peope that we need to get to know.

Raised as a Buddhist, I guess my philosophy above is obviously influenced by Buddhist principles, but I don't see anything wrong with that. I never saw the appeal of Western religion's way of taking responsibility off of man and placing it upon something to which man can fear, worship, love, and hate. I believe that we are where the "fix" needs to be made, and i don't think its arrogant or egotistical to think that, as part of this existence, we can seek salvation through better aligning ourselves with that around us.

The result of such viewpoint, as you can see, is the natural tendency to look inward to seek or even create fulfillment. And I think that's where we need to look.
Click to expand...

Wow, i can't stand religion for the reasons you outlined. They really are pointless. I might look into Budism. This is the best post I ever read on ATOT!
 
Originally posted by: IHateMyJob2004
Originally posted by: SagaLore
Set a difficult goal and push yourself to achieve it without expecting any congratulations from your family or friends.

That's why I have antisource.com, I will work on this until it is the leading site for antivirus/antispam information. I want to be #1. I've been working on it for years, but neither my family nor my wife cares about it - and with the exception of my ex-manager, my colleagues don't care either. But I do it anyway, because it makes me proud of myself, not other people proud of me.

Get your degree because you need it. People can't read what you know on your forehead, you need some kind of merit. Look at it as an exercise, to prove that you get get through all the political bs.

Don't waste your time on cars if you can't afford it. That car will not get you through life, it's not going to be worth anything 10 years from now. Instead spend that money to join a fitness club, or karate, or instrument lessons. Just make yourself productive. 🙂
Click to expand...

VERY IMPORTANT. A vehicle is a hunk of metal that takes you from point A to B. THAT'S ALL IT IS. A fast car serves no purpose. Anything beyond a basic car is a luxury item. That goes for motorcycles to as you can't ride tem all the time.

I personalyl would invest money in the stock market before buying a "fancy" car. Talking from experience to. You already mentioned the "instant temporary gratification" so you know what I speak of. Only 13 more $600 month payments and that truck is mine!
Click to expand...

I don't look at vehiches that way. I own a mustang because I really enjoy driving it. if I didn't enjoy driving it, I'd keep riding my bicycle around. 90% of the transportation required of me can be accomplished by bicycle. A faster car with a more personal driving experience, t-tops and a manual transmission would only be that much more enjoyable. My cars are my toys and I can justify their expense. If financing on used boats were practical, I'd be more seriosuly considering one of them too (much of my childhood was spent on the water and I know what boat ownership entails). They're my getaway machines.
 
Originally posted by: acemcmac
In each of my three jobs, the attitute is always completly unappreciative and a "you need us more than we need you" mentality. Everyone in my life treats me like sh!t except for my buddies. I go through girls like tissues. Academics completley fail to motivate me... I'm in college just to get a lousy piece of paper that will declare me qualified to do things I could have done out of high-school. My life has no direction at all. The only serious goal I currently have in my life is to get a second, signifigantly faster car (you guys remember my trans am threads im sure), but being a college kid and thus having no credit, unless my dad cosigns, the financing will be completley impractical, thus making a dumb idea (temporary gratification from material gain) even more of a dumb idea.

Oh, and it's not anxiety over the career future either. I'm pretty much on an idiot proof track of connections leading to connections which will virtually gaurentee me a very secure and well paying upper level IT management job, if for any reason I decide not to persue an even more lucrative career on the legal side of IT compliance.

Thus my original question.

How do you get more gratification out of work/life? It's not material, and it's not getting back to nature (I catch at least two sunsets a week and frequently stargaze), and im fairly sure that it's not something I'm going to find in a relationship. I've done well in the past simply trying to make other people happy, but it always seems to blow up in my face somehow. I also have stalkers for this reason.

sorry for the long post, but I think that this is the first time I have ever been able to get all of my thoughts down in one place and organized... this has been on my back ever since my last steady girl dumped me (she cheated on me) just prior to thanksgiving.
Click to expand...
What you face is not a common problem, many college kids have to face this question. It's basically, what makes me happy in life? What do I enjoy doing? This will lead you to either what you want to do as a career and/or a hobby. You said you like fast cars, and are "well off". Why not try rebuilding muscle cars? Ever think of being a mechanic as a career? You should probably take a "career compatibility" text. Most colleges offer them. This could help you in your search for happiness... who says IT is the way to go? Maybe designing fast cars would give you more gratitude?

 
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