LOL
As long as the 'Q' dude had nothing to do with it.
"I must posess Luxana!!"
I didn't even know until recently that she was played by Gene Roddenberry's wife.
LOL
As long as the 'Q' dude had nothing to do with it.
"I must posess Luxana!!"
I didn't even know until recently that she was played by Gene Roddenberry's wife.
OK good, so then there is no answer. This should make everybody happy as everyone wins this argument by default. Even the thing about Picard and star trek. I refuse to believe the rabbit junk tho.
Originally posted by: SickBeast
LOL
As long as the 'Q' dude had nothing to do with it.
"I must posess Luxana!!"
I didn't even know until recently that she was played by Gene Roddenberry's wife.
Also the voice of the ship's computer.
Originally posted by: Yossarian
Originally posted by: SickBeast
LOL
As long as the 'Q' dude had nothing to do with it.
"I must posess Luxana!!"
I didn't even know until recently that she was played by Gene Roddenberry's wife.
Also the voice of the ship's computer.
Whoa. I had no idea.
HAHAHA
That WAS a great one!!!!
You should post it!!!
WOAHH I found a Video of it here!
=================================================================================================
Kiss Hank's Ass
By James Huber
This morning there was a knock at my door. When I answered the door I found a well-groomed, nicely dressed couple. The man spoke first.
John: "Hi! I'm John, and this is Mary."
Mary: "Hi! We're here to invite you to come kiss Hank's ass with us."
Me: "Pardon me?! What are you talking about? Who's Hank, and why would I want to kiss his ass?"
John: "If you kiss Hank's ass, he'll give you a million dollars; and if you don't, he'll kick the sh!t out of you."
Me: "What? Is this some sort of bizarre mob shake-down?"
John: "Hank is a billionaire philanthropist. Hank built this town. Hank owns this town. He can do what ever he wants, and what he wants is to give you a million dollars, but he can't until you kiss his ass."
Me: "That doesn't make any sense. Why..."
Mary: "Who are you to question Hank's gift? Don't you want a million dollars? Isn't it worth a little kiss on the ass?"
Me: "Well maybe, if it's legit, but..."
John: "Then come kiss Hank's ass with us."
Me: "Do you kiss Hank's ass often?"
Mary: "Oh, yes, all the time..."
Me: "And has he given you a million dollars?"
John: "Well, no, you don't actually get the money until you leave town."
Me: "So why don't you just leave town now?"
Mary: "You can't leave until Hank tells you to, or you don't get the money, and he kicks the sh!t out of you."
Me: "Do you know anyone who kissed Hank's ass, left town, and got the million dollars?"
John: "My mother kissed Hank's ass for years. She left town last year, and I'm sure she got the money."
Me: "Haven't you talked to her since then?"
John: "Of course not, Hank doesn't allow it."
Me: "So what makes you think he'll actually give you the money if you've never talked to anyone who got the money?"
Mary: "Well, he gives you a little bit before you leave. Maybe you'll get a raise, maybe you'll win a small lotto, maybe you'll just find a twenty dollar bill on the street."
Me: "What's that got to do with Hank?
John: "Hank has certain 'connections.'"
Me: "I'm sorry, but this sounds like some sort of bizarre con game."
John: "But it's a million dollars, can you really take the chance? And remember, if you don't kiss Hank's ass he'll kick the sh!t of you."
Me: "Maybe if I could see Hank, talk to him, get the details straight from him..."
Mary: "No one sees Hank, no one talks to Hank."
Me: "Then how do you kiss his ass?"
John: "Sometimes we just blow him a kiss, and think of his ass. Other times we kiss Karl's ass, and he passes it on."
Me: "Who's Karl?"
Mary: "A friend of ours. He's the one who taught us all about kissing Hank's ass. All we had to do was take him out to dinner a few times."
Me: "And you just took his word for it when he said there was a Hank, that Hank wanted you to kiss his ass, and that Hank would reward you?"
John: "Oh no! Karl's got a letter Hank sent him years ago explaining the whole thing. Here's a copy; see for yourself."
John handed me a photocopy of a handwritten memo on "From the desk of Karl" letterhead. There were eleven items listed:
1.Kiss Hank's ass and he'll give you a million dollars when you leave town.
2.Use alcohol in moderation.
3.Kick the sh!t out of people who aren't like you.
4.Eat right.
5.Hank dictated this list himself.
6.The moon is made of green cheese.
7.Everything Hank says is right.
8.Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.
9.Don't drink.
10.Eat your wieners on buns, no condiments.
11.Kiss Hank's ass or he'll kick the sh!t out of you.
Me: "This would appear to be written on Karl's letterhead."
Mary: "Hank didn't have any paper."
Me: "I have a hunch that if we checked we'd find this is Karl's handwriting."
John: "Of course, Hank dictated it."
Me: "I thought you said no one gets to see Hank?"
Mary: "Not now, but years ago he would talk to some people."
Me: "I thought you said he was a philanthropist. What sort of philanthropist kicks the sh!t out of people just because they're different?"
Mary: "It's what Hank wants, and Hank's always right."
Me: "How do you figure that?"
Mary: "Item 7 says, 'Everything Hanks says is right.' That's good enough for me!"
Me: "Maybe your friend Karl just made the whole thing up."
John: "No way! Item 5 says, 'Hank dictated this list himself.' Besides, item 2 says, 'Use alcohol in moderation,' item 4 says, 'Eat right,' and item 8 says, 'wash your hands after going to the bathroom.' Everyone knows those things are right, so the rest must be true, too."
Me: "But 9 says, 'Don't Drink,' which doesn't quite go with item 2, and 6 says, 'The moon is made of green cheese,' which is just plain wrong."
John: "There's no contradiction between 9 and 2, 9 just clarifies 2. As far as 6 goes, you've never been to the moon, so you can't say for sure."
Me: "Scientists have pretty firmly established that the moon is made of rock..."
Mary: "But they don't know if the rock came from the Earth, or from outer space, so it could just as easily be green cheese."
Me: "I'm not really an expert, but I think the theory that the moon came from the Earth has been discounted. Besides, not knowing where the rock came from doesn't make it cheese."
John: "Aha! You just admitted that scientists make mistakes, but we know Hank is always right!"
Me: "We do?"
Mary: "Of course we do, Item 5 says so."
Me: "You're saying Hank's always right because the list says so, the list is right because Hank dictated it, and we know that Hank dictated it because the list says so. That's circular logic, no different than saying, 'Hank's right because he says he's right.'"
John: "Now you're getting it! It's so rewarding to see someone come around to Hank's way of thinking."
Me: "But...oh, never mind. What's the deal with wieners?"
Mary blushes.
John says: "Wieners, in buns, no condiments. It's Hank's way. Anything else is wrong."
Me: "What if I don't have a bun?"
John: "No bun, no wiener. A wiener without a bun is wrong."
Me: "No relish? No Mustard?"
Mary looks positively stricken.
John shouts: "There's no need for such language! Condiments of any kind are wrong!"
Me: "So a big pile of sauerkraut with some wieners chopped up in it would be out of the question?"
Mary sticks her fingers in her ears:
Mary: "I am not listening to this. La la la, la la, la la la."
John: "That's disgusting. Only some sort of evil deviant would eat that..."
Me: "It's good! I eat it all the time."
Mary faints. John catches her.
John: "Well, if I'd known you were one of those I wouldn't have wasted my time. When Hank kicks the sh!t out of you I'll be there, counting my money and laughing. I'll kiss Hank's ass for you, you bunless cut-wienered kraut-eater."
With this, John dragged Mary to their waiting car, and sped off.
The end
Originally posted by: larciel
holy crap. that's a long post
Wouldn't have been if not for the unnecessary spacing between EVERY FVCKING LINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
just remember kiddo your "Belief" is kind of the same as our "Theory"
only difference is our option is openminded as we look for proof of it, and we can admit "We don't know yet"
only difference is our option is openminded as we look for proof of it, and we can admit "We don't know yet"
Siddhartha
Lifer
- Oct 17, 1999
- 12,505
- 3
- 81
AFAIC, one explanation is as good as another.
My training says that life is the result of the chemistry of carbon, an enormous energy source, and time.
If you want to use the god explanation. Who created god?
Siddhartha
Lifer
- Oct 17, 1999
- 12,505
- 3
- 81
Because you do not understand how something works does not mean that there is a "god" involved. People used to believe
there were gods of the sun, thunder, moon, and ocean.
there were gods of the sun, thunder, moon, and ocean.
Christian: God just Is.
Atheist/Evolutionist: But if God just is, couldnt the universe just be?
Christian: No, thats silly.
StageLeft
No Lifer
- Sep 29, 2000
- 70,150
- 5
- 0
One idea is that God began everything. Now, how did God began and who began him? Being Godly, and far beyond us in intelligence and consisting of things we simply cannot comprehend with our feeble minds, that's not the right question. God simply was, and will be, and asking who began Him would be the wrong question to ask.
Who knows!
Who knows!
I think the creation of the first cell has been explained already. Something about a bunch of amino-acids mixing up under extremely stormy weathers of early Earth. In 1 out of million chances the amino-acids will combine to form a DNA.
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