What's a woman?
A life support system for a c--t.
------
What are the bumps on a woman's breasts?
Braille for "suck me".
A life support system for a c--t.
------
What are the bumps on a woman's breasts?
Braille for "suck me".
Whats the difference between a truckload of marbles and a truckload of babies?
Ya cant unload the marbles with a pitchfork.
That made me chuckle.
What goes 'Ring-Ring, Ring-Ring, Ring-Ring, AARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" ?
Stevie Wonder answering the iron.
Ya cant unload the marbles with a pitchfork.
That made me chuckle.
What goes 'Ring-Ring, Ring-Ring, Ring-Ring, AARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" ?
Stevie Wonder answering the iron.
3 pieces of string are outside a bar.
First one goes, in, asks for a beer.
"Are you a piece of string?" asks the barman
"Why, yes, yes I am" says the string
"I'm sorry, we don't serve string, get out."
The string leaves, the second one, saunters in, asks for a whisky.
"You a piece of string?"
"Yeah, so what?"
"We don't serve string, get the hell outta my establishment"
Out he goes, in comes the third piece of string. He asks for a pint aswell.
"Mate, are you a piece of string?"
"No, I'm a frayed knot"
First one goes, in, asks for a beer.
"Are you a piece of string?" asks the barman
"Why, yes, yes I am" says the string
"I'm sorry, we don't serve string, get out."
The string leaves, the second one, saunters in, asks for a whisky.
"You a piece of string?"
"Yeah, so what?"
"We don't serve string, get the hell outta my establishment"
Out he goes, in comes the third piece of string. He asks for a pint aswell.
"Mate, are you a piece of string?"
"No, I'm a frayed knot"
cKGunslinger
Lifer
- Nov 29, 1999
- 16,408
- 57
- 91
Originally posted by: jbourne77
Originally posted by: MrPickins
In that case, this is an actual joke my friend told me in 8th grade:
Two dolphins are in the bathtub. One looks at the other and says "Can you hand me the soap?"
The other replied "What do I look like, a toaster?"
That's right up there with the "I like pie" bullsh*t. People who think they're hilliarious because they can rattle off random garbage need to DIAF.
Aww.. did the big, mean joke scare you? :laugh:
There was this mortician. For 50 years he embalmed people and he had the rather disgusting habit of removing the forekins of every uncircumcised male who came through. He would save them in a bucket of formaldehyde.
Being so old he was forced into retirement and had no idea what to do with all the foreskins he had so carefully preserved. He had an idea. He would take the foreskins to a taxidermist and have somethign wonderful made to comemmorate his dedication to his job.
When he finally found a taxidermist and explained the situation the taxidermist couldnt help but laugh. He accepted the challenge and set to work.
After many weeks of waiting the old man finally recieved a call from the taxidermist had completed the job. The old man excitedly headed to the taxidernists shop.
Upon arriving the taxidermist reached into his back pocket and proudly displayed his creation. A bi-fold wallet. The old man was shocked and dismayed.
" A wallet" the old man exclaimed. " 50 years and all I have is a wallet to show for all my work"
"Take it easy" Said the taxidermist. " Its not "just" a wallet . Rub it hard 3 times and it turns into a suitcase "
worst joke ever???
Being so old he was forced into retirement and had no idea what to do with all the foreskins he had so carefully preserved. He had an idea. He would take the foreskins to a taxidermist and have somethign wonderful made to comemmorate his dedication to his job.
When he finally found a taxidermist and explained the situation the taxidermist couldnt help but laugh. He accepted the challenge and set to work.
After many weeks of waiting the old man finally recieved a call from the taxidermist had completed the job. The old man excitedly headed to the taxidernists shop.
Upon arriving the taxidermist reached into his back pocket and proudly displayed his creation. A bi-fold wallet. The old man was shocked and dismayed.
" A wallet" the old man exclaimed. " 50 years and all I have is a wallet to show for all my work"
"Take it easy" Said the taxidermist. " Its not "just" a wallet . Rub it hard 3 times and it turns into a suitcase "
worst joke ever???
Aquila76
Diamond Member
What is a cow's favorite place to go?
The mooooo-vies.
And if anyone gets the correlation between the first joke and my joke, you've got small kids.
I remember this one from the last "dumbest jokes" thread -
"What's green and has wheels?"
"Grass...... I was just kidding about the wheels part."
"What's green and has wheels?"
"Grass...... I was just kidding about the wheels part."
A gay rabbi, a bisexual minister, and a transgender priest walk into a bar...wait, it's ladies night and they were refused entry.
Golf joke:
"I wouldn't say I'm a bad putter, but every time I have a 10foot put, I get 2 feet of roll..........and 8 feet of backspin.
golf applause.
Indian golf jokes:
"Who's the best Indian golfer?"
Vijay Singh- he's untouchable.
"Who's the worst Indian golfer?"
Ravi Shankar
OK, I'll go away...
"I wouldn't say I'm a bad putter, but every time I have a 10foot put, I get 2 feet of roll..........and 8 feet of backspin.
golf applause.
Indian golf jokes:
"Who's the best Indian golfer?"
Vijay Singh- he's untouchable.
"Who's the worst Indian golfer?"
Ravi Shankar
OK, I'll go away...
Not sure if this was posted before but:
What did Pink Panther say when he saw a dead ant?
:music:dead-ant, dead-ant, dead-ant-dead-ant..:music: (in the pink panther tune)
What did Pink Panther say when he saw a live ant?
He killed it and sang:
:music:dead-ant, dead-ant, dead-ant-dead-ant..:music: (in the pink panther tune)
What did Pink Panther say when he saw a dead ant?
:music:dead-ant, dead-ant, dead-ant-dead-ant..:music: (in the pink panther tune)
What did Pink Panther say when he saw a live ant?
He killed it and sang:
:music:dead-ant, dead-ant, dead-ant-dead-ant..:music: (in the pink panther tune)
uallas5
Golden Member
- Jun 3, 2005
- 1,648
- 1,913
- 136
Originally posted by: MrPickins
In that case, this is an actual joke my friend told me in 8th grade:
Two dolphins are in the bathtub. One looks at the other and says "Can you hand me the soap?"
The other replied "What do I look like, a toaster?"
In my grade school our favorite:
Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
I Like Peanut Butter
Can You Swim?
Originally posted by: MrPickins
In that case, this is an actual joke my friend told me in 8th grade:
Two dolphins are in the bathtub. One looks at the other and says "Can you hand me the soap?"
The other replied "What do I look like, a toaster?"
wow i actually KNOW that joke but it was penquins and a Typewriter..how weird
That one remindes me of an old one:
What's the difference between a man that falls from the tenth floor
and a man that falls from the first floor?
The man in the tenth floor goes: aaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, BOOM.
The man in the first floor goes: BOOM, aaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
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