A local drug company had a shipment of Viagra stolen.
Police investigated, and caught the robbers.
When asks how they found the culprits, the police replied, "We were looking for hardened criminals."
Police investigated, and caught the robbers.
When asks how they found the culprits, the police replied, "We were looking for hardened criminals."
Duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he has any grapes. Bartender says no. Duck leaves the bar.
Duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he has any grapes. Bartender says no. Duck leaves the bar.
Duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he has any grapes. Bartender says no. Duck leaves the bar.
Duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he has any grapes. Bartender says no. Duck leaves the bar.
Duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he has any grapes. Bartender says no. Duck leaves the bar.
Duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he has any grapes. Bartender says no. Duck leaves the bar.
Duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he has any grapes. Bartender says no. Duck leaves the bar.
Duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he has any grapes. Bartender says no. Duck leaves the bar.
Duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he has any grapes. Bartender says no. Duck leaves the bar.
Duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he has any grapes. Bartender says no. Duck leaves the bar.
Duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he has any grapes. Bartender says no. Duck leaves the bar.
Duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he has any grapes. Bartender says no. Duck leaves the bar.
Duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he has any grapes. Bartender says no and if you ask again I'll nail your beak shut. Duck leaves the bar.
Duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he has any nails. Bartender says no. Duck leaves the bar.
Duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he has any grapes. Bartender says no. Duck leaves the bar.....
Duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he has any grapes. Bartender says no. Duck leaves the bar.
Duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he has any grapes. Bartender says no. Duck leaves the bar.
Duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he has any grapes. Bartender says no. Duck leaves the bar.
Duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he has any grapes. Bartender says no. Duck leaves the bar.
Duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he has any grapes. Bartender says no. Duck leaves the bar.
Duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he has any grapes. Bartender says no. Duck leaves the bar.
Duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he has any grapes. Bartender says no. Duck leaves the bar.
Duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he has any grapes. Bartender says no. Duck leaves the bar.
Duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he has any grapes. Bartender says no. Duck leaves the bar.
Duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he has any grapes. Bartender says no. Duck leaves the bar.
Duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he has any grapes. Bartender says no. Duck leaves the bar.
Duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he has any grapes. Bartender says no and if you ask again I'll nail your beak shut. Duck leaves the bar.
Duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he has any nails. Bartender says no. Duck leaves the bar.
Duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he has any grapes. Bartender says no. Duck leaves the bar.....
jimbob200521
Diamond Member
- Apr 15, 2005
- 4,108
- 29
- 91
So I was on a phone interview the other day.
And the interviewer asked me "Do you have any phone skills?"
I replied "well, I called you didn't I?"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
My sister was diagnosed as having multiple personalities.
And there is nothing funny about that.
But she phoned me the other day, and my caller ID exploded.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
I had dyslexia as a child and I wrote about it everyday in my dairy.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Have you ever fallen asleep and awaken with a massive erection?
Only to realize you are at Brookstone in a massage chair?
And the interviewer asked me "Do you have any phone skills?"
I replied "well, I called you didn't I?"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
My sister was diagnosed as having multiple personalities.
And there is nothing funny about that.
But she phoned me the other day, and my caller ID exploded.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
I had dyslexia as a child and I wrote about it everyday in my dairy.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Have you ever fallen asleep and awaken with a massive erection?
Only to realize you are at Brookstone in a massage chair?
jimbob200521
Diamond Member
- Apr 15, 2005
- 4,108
- 29
- 91
What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk.
---
Why was the Tomato blushing? Because he saw the salad dressing.
---
A frog is looking for a loan, so he goes into a bank. He sits down at a desk and the name plate says "Patty Whac". He talks to Patty about the loan and she asks him what he has for collateral. The frog replies well I have this vase. He pulls the vase out of a bag to show her. Patty says "well thats just a cheap knick-knack". Then the owner notices the vase and says to himself "gee that's from the 17th century, it's worth tons of money" So he walks over to patty and says "Thats no knick-knake Patty Whac give the frog a loan".
---
3 old men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first old man, "What is three times three"? "274" was his reply. The doctor says to the second man "It's your turn. What is three times three"? "Tuesday" replys the second man. The doctor says to the third man, "OK, Your turn. What's three times three"? "Nine" says the third man. "That's great" says the doctor. "How did you get that"? "Simple" says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday".
---
Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his brother in the woods one day?
---
Why was the Tomato blushing? Because he saw the salad dressing.
---
A frog is looking for a loan, so he goes into a bank. He sits down at a desk and the name plate says "Patty Whac". He talks to Patty about the loan and she asks him what he has for collateral. The frog replies well I have this vase. He pulls the vase out of a bag to show her. Patty says "well thats just a cheap knick-knack". Then the owner notices the vase and says to himself "gee that's from the 17th century, it's worth tons of money" So he walks over to patty and says "Thats no knick-knake Patty Whac give the frog a loan".
---
3 old men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first old man, "What is three times three"? "274" was his reply. The doctor says to the second man "It's your turn. What is three times three"? "Tuesday" replys the second man. The doctor says to the third man, "OK, Your turn. What's three times three"? "Nine" says the third man. "That's great" says the doctor. "How did you get that"? "Simple" says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday".
---
Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his brother in the woods one day?
Haven't read all the jokes, but hopefully no one has posted this one. I use it when I'm tired of other people telling jokes. Normally all jokes stop after I tell it or the jokes get considerably worse.
What did the fish say when it hit the wall?
Damn
What did the fish say when it hit the wall?
Damn
MrPickins
Diamond Member
- May 24, 2003
- 9,125
- 792
- 126
Originally posted by: yosuke188
Originally posted by: MrPickins
Originally posted by: dug777
Google no soap, radio
EDIT: though i doubt the kid who told you it understood the point of it, so mainly you both got pwned
The joke may have been a derivative of that, but it wasn't presented in that way. We were laughing at the absurdity. I remember that clearly.
I'm pretty sure there was no pwning involved.
Would I get a notice in the mail or something if there was?
"Attn: You have been pwned."
I certainly didn't get it.
Maybe they should have sent it certified.
Your friend was obviously laughing like crazy because you fell for the joke. So yes, you did get "pwned"
I think you overestimate the guy who told me the joke. He wasn't the brightest kid in the world, but he was fun to hang out with.
In either case, I still like the joke. It's like I tell my wife about Aqua Teen Hunger Force: "It doesn't have to make sense to be funny." In this case it's funny to me specifically because it does not make sense.
Back on topic:
What do you call 2 nuns and a fat prostitute on a football team?
2 tight ends, and 1 wide receiver
DainBramaged
Lifer
- Jun 19, 2003
- 23,454
- 41
- 91
Originally posted by: MrPickins
In that case, this is an actual joke my friend told me in 8th grade:
Two dolphins are in the bathtub. One looks at the other and says "Can you hand me the soap?"
The other replied "What do I look like, a toaster?"
hahahahhaha....I actually laughed at this one. :laugh:
BoomerD
No Lifer
- Feb 26, 2006
- 66,302
- 14,715
- 146
Bubba wanted to play football at Penn State, but his grades just weren't quite good enough. He was about to lose his scholarship. Ol' Coach Joe had a special program for struggling students, an so he called Bubba into his office to give him one last chance to stay on the team.
"Bubba" he said, "If you can answer these two questions correctly, you can stay on the team."
Question #1..."how many days of the week start with the Letter "T"?"
Question #2..."how many " D's" are there in Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer?"
Coach Paterno tells Bubba to go home and think on it, and come back on Monday with the answers.
Monday Morning, Bubba shows up at the coaches office, and the coach starts to ask the questions.
"Bubba, how many days of the week start with the letter "T"?" he asks.
"two" he says. "Today and tomorrow."
The coach chuckles, and says" Well, that's not QUITE the answer I was expecting, but, I'll give you the point anyway.
"Bubba" he says, "How many letter D's" in Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?"
Bubba looks at him for a minute, and answers
"Coach, this one gave me a lot of trouble. I thought on it almost all weekend. Finally," he says, " I realized the right answer was 43.
"43?" The coach exclaims! How did you get that answer?
Well coach, it had me stumped for a while, then it came to me....
dee-dee-de-dee-dee-dee-dee, -dee-dee-dee-dee-deeee.....
"Bubba" he said, "If you can answer these two questions correctly, you can stay on the team."
Question #1..."how many days of the week start with the Letter "T"?"
Question #2..."how many " D's" are there in Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer?"
Coach Paterno tells Bubba to go home and think on it, and come back on Monday with the answers.
Monday Morning, Bubba shows up at the coaches office, and the coach starts to ask the questions.
"Bubba, how many days of the week start with the letter "T"?" he asks.
"two" he says. "Today and tomorrow."
The coach chuckles, and says" Well, that's not QUITE the answer I was expecting, but, I'll give you the point anyway.
"Bubba" he says, "How many letter D's" in Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?"
Bubba looks at him for a minute, and answers
"Coach, this one gave me a lot of trouble. I thought on it almost all weekend. Finally," he says, " I realized the right answer was 43.
"43?" The coach exclaims! How did you get that answer?
Well coach, it had me stumped for a while, then it came to me....
dee-dee-de-dee-dee-dee-dee, -dee-dee-dee-dee-deeee.....
OKay, really bad ones
Whats the difference between a truckload of marbles and a truckload of babies?
Ya cant unload the marbles with a pitchfork.
What do you get when you cross a rooster with M&M's?
A c*** that melts in your mouth, but not in your hands.
What do ya get when you cross a telephone pole with a rooster?
A 20 foot c*** thats waiting to reach out and touch someone.
Whats the difference between a truckload of marbles and a truckload of babies?
Ya cant unload the marbles with a pitchfork.
What do you get when you cross a rooster with M&M's?
A c*** that melts in your mouth, but not in your hands.
What do ya get when you cross a telephone pole with a rooster?
A 20 foot c*** thats waiting to reach out and touch someone.
Originally posted by: MrPickins
In that case, this is an actual joke my friend told me in 8th grade:
Two dolphins are in the bathtub. One looks at the other and says "Can you hand me the soap?"
The other replied "What do I look like, a toaster?"
That's right up there with the "I like pie" bullsh*t. People who think they're hilliarious because they can rattle off random garbage need to DIAF.
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