One account, learn to communiate & budget. What we do is keep one checking account, one person (me) writes the monthly checks, and we give ourselves an allowance every payday $100 cash or so of "runnin money". We consider the money ours.
Both of you need to be flexible enough so the other can step in & take over the bill paying role, we've swapped a couple of times.
That's what's worked for us, sort of depends on your salaries & personalities. I've done the 3 account thing with an ex & it worked too, just a little more complicated to keep track of everything.
You mentioned her spending money on "crap", and while this may be the case, companies gouge women unmercifully, look @ the prices of makeup, clothes, etc compared to men's crap, and budget for it, & multiply by 50% 😀